Golden Threads
John Milham · 57 min
After losing his childhood sweetheart to cancer and being left alone to raise three young children, John Milham faced the abyss — and chose, moment by moment, to stay.
You don't have to be in crisis to call.
In 2006, John Milham's wife was diagnosed with bowel cancer. Eleven months and fifteen days later, she died on May 1st, 2007, the day before their anniversary. John was left alone with three children aged 13, 10, and 5. For the next several years, he operated on what he calls emergency backup power: a facade of function with nothing working properly underneath. He barely slept, worked nights after the kids went to bed, and pretended everything was fine while being completely incompetent at the basics of parenting and life.
Sitting on his deck overlooking Pittwater late at night with cigars, John contemplated suicide. The pain was unbearable and he had no idea how to survive it. What held him back was partly practical, he didn't like heights, and partly something in himself that refused to give up his own worth. His kids needed to know someone wasn't going anywhere. Over time, small encounters with the right people at crucial moments began to shift something. A conversation with the mothers of his daughter's friends opened a language and way of being that men rarely access. An anxiety attack in a car park became a turning point, pushing him to ask what his real values actually were.
Fifteen years on, John describes his life differently now. He moved from being an evangelical atheist to exploring faith, eventually becoming a Christian. He shifted from a corporate career to work centred on helping others find hope. His worst experience has led to so much that he wouldn't undo it, even if he could. The gift wasn't the tragedy itself. It was how he responded to the life he was given.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses grief & loss and suicide & self-harm prevention, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • Lifeline (24/7 crisis support): 13 11 14 · lifeline.org.au • GriefLine: 1300 845 745 · griefline.org.au
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