Judith Richards (R) (Guest) · 02:02
Well, I'm not going to talk a lot about my family of origin. That's rather private, and there are lots of individuals involved because I'm the youngest of 8, 4 boys and 4 girls. My father thought he was terribly clever. Um, so we were Catholic. My father was rather a captain of industry, so we were not poor, uh, and the local and national priests who used to frequent our house took a keen interest in me. So without going into the, the details, there was sexual abuse there. Um, another of my sisters was impacted by that as well. And you know, it's interesting, Natalie, how we work. So in those early years, we take on our programming that will run the rest of our life. So in those early years of, um, sexual abuse and violence What did I take on as an impressionable, phobically shy, ultra-sensitive kid in this huge noisy family? I took on the ideas: I don't matter, and I'm going to curse people. Get over it. The language of trauma is raw. I'm shit and I deserve to be treated like shit. I deserve to suffer and I deserve to be punished. Because when I reported at a young age what one priest— you know, don't make me go with that priest— I was told, um, what did you do to that good man of God to make him do that? And I, you know, as little children, we don't have a critical facility. The information just goes in, particularly from people in authority. And so I— oh, and then going to a Catholic school and being told that it was my sins that nailed Jesus to the cross. So if you're looking for who did that, 'Look no further, it was I.' Gosh. Um, and that ran my life. So I went through primary school and then into secondary school. Um, the nuns in those days were a traumatized lot, I guess, to be generous and kind. And so I tended to be locked in cupboards. For the day and things, um, and, you know, other things, other punishments of humiliation, etc. And, um, by the time I was a young teen, I was groomed and sexually abused by a nun. You don't hear much about the nuns. You hear about their cruelty, but you don't hear a lot about the sexual abuse. So yes, that was me, um, and those— that programming, that software that was downloaded into the young Judith ran everything. So wherever I went, there were people wanting to do me harm. Uh, so as I got older, you know, there were stalkers, abusive relationships, just random mad people who are violent or rapists, um, and the list goes on. And I worked my way up through the hierarchy of violent nutters until I found myself with, um, a homicidal psychopath who was into torture. So I worked my way up, but that programming that we all take on And some of us take on fabulous programming like, I matter, it's safe for me to love and be loved, I'm lovable, it's fine for me to make mistakes, that's how I learn, life's an adventure. I mean, look at Richard Branson, people like that. But some of us take on less than positive, um, I call them unconscious core beliefs that run our life. And all we have to do to understand what did we take on is to do a really simple exercise, to look for the pattern in our life. Just write down the top 10 to 12 most distressing events in your life. Not a big story, don't get distressed, don't go right into it. Just go, oh yeah, just skim along the surface and write the age you were, the name of the event, and who was there. And then write down what's the pattern. Is it abuse, bullying? Is it betrayal, abandonment? Have you got a pattern of people in your life hurting you that are supposed to love you, who aren't there for you? You know, there's that abandonment. Do you keep having accidents? You keep getting sick? And, and that covers most of the patterns that we have, and there's a reason It's that initial programming, and there's good news, we can change that. So we can change the pattern. I say to a client— I don't see clients now, but I can tell— we can tell what the rest of your life is going to be. And they go, oh, are you a psychic? No. See this pattern? How's that working for you? Because unless we change what's locking in that pattern that will continue. So let's do that. Let's, let's do that.