John Shearer · 67 min
A man who survived childhood abuse, life on the streets at fourteen, a near-fatal truck accident, and fifteen years inside the mental health system now teaches the world's simplest practice, pause, connect, breathe, and it is changing lives.
Hear this story
John Shearer grew up in Adelaide with mental and physical abuse at home, then on the streets by fourteen. He worked across Australia, married, started a family, and at thirty was driving a truck down the Hume Highway when he collided with another vehicle in fog. He died in that moment and was revived in hospital, but came back changed. For fifteen years after, he chased something he couldn't name, struggling through the mental health system while professionals told him he couldn't be cured. Then on World Mental Health Day, an old friend knocked on his door with a spiritual message that shifted everything.
That shift led John to a simple daily practice: each morning, he puts his hand up and asks the sun what they are doing today, then pauses his thoughts to receive an answer. From there, he developed a method he calls Be Mindful, Pause, Connect. The practice is deceptively simple. When you notice an unhelpful thought or your mind stuck in the past or future, you pause your thoughts and connect three ways: with where you are using your senses, with whoever is with you through genuine presence, and with your source or spirit. John discovered this in a book on mindfulness-based therapy in 2009 and formally trained as an ACT therapist. When he created Mindfulness Day on Facebook in 2014, four thousand seven hundred people signed up. He wrote a month-long blog that transformed hundreds of lives.
For ten years, John worked with young people in juvenile justice, mentoring them one-on-one about respect, love, and giving. He now teaches that when you observe your thoughts as separate from yourself and don't react to them, they lose their power. You start living in the present moment where your life is actually happening. He carries that ripple effect forward, hoping those he touches go on to create ripples of their own, changing the world one person at a time.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses suicide & self-harm prevention, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • Lifeline (24/7 crisis support): 13 11 14 · lifeline.org.au
“I was mentally and physically abused by my mother. Nothing's her fault, though. And I was sexually abused by the age of 12 and living on the streets by 14. But it's all part of my qualifications.”
“Mental health professionals told me I couldn't be cured. What I had was incurable, that I'd have to take medication the rest of my life. And I believed them. That's what kept me stuck.”
“I really believe wisdom comes from lived experience, not from knowledge. You can read a million books but still not be wise.”
The hero, today
Wisdom comes from lived experience, not from knowledge or reading a million books, and sharing your story is sometimes more helpful than psychology. The simple practice of being mindful, pausing your thoughts, and connecting with yourself and your source is what changed everything for John after 15 dark years of chasing something he couldn't catch. When you observe your thoughts as something separate from yourself and don't react to them, they lose their power, and you can live in the present moment where your life is actually happening. Everything starts with a thought, and if you start catching those thoughts in flight and letting them go without buying into them, you stop getting stuck in the rumination that can lead to worse outcomes. Deep respect means accepting someone for who they are without wishing they were different, and that freedom is the only condition for love. Each person is a drop in the ocean creating ripples, and John's hope is that people he touches go on to create ripples of their own so change spreads one person at a time.
Yes. John Shearer is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Wisdom comes from lived experience, not from knowledge or reading a million books, and sharing your story is sometimes more helpful than psychology.
The simple practice of being mindful, pausing your thoughts, and connecting with yourself and your source is what changed everything for John after 15 dark years of chasing something he couldn't catch.
When you observe your thoughts as something separate from yourself and don't react to them, they lose their power, and you can live in the present moment where your life is actually happening.
Everything starts with a thought, and if you start catching those thoughts in flight and letting them go without buying into them, you stop getting stuck in the rumination that can lead to worse outcomes.
John Milham (Host) · 00:06
Welcome back to Kintsugi Heroes, helping people tell the stories they need to share so you can find the stories that you need to hear. In today's episode, John Millum meets with John Shearer. John Shearer grew up in Adelaide and had a tough childhood facing mental and physical abuse at home, then living on the streets at just 14 years old. He traveled across Australia, worked different jobs, started a family, and survived a serious truck accident. That near-death experience changed his life and began years of mental health struggles. John shares how he eventually found peace through a simple practice of mindfulness and connecting with his own spirit. He now helps others find their own way and reminds us that wisdom comes from lived experience. Listen in as John talks honestly about journey and the lessons that helped him heal and support others. We hope you enjoy this story. Ladies and gentlemen, friends of Kintsugi Heroes, our listeners, our regular listeners, and those new to us today, welcome. Today, a very significant chat I have today with a, um, with a man who not only looks amazing, and I've tried to model my beard, uh, on him, but, uh, I've also tried to model my understanding of the world, of my caring for people, and a little bit of the wisdom of the universe that resides in this man's conversation. I just— which I've done because not anything he's done except be himself, right? Your words, book, website, and presence in places that I've turned up have been inspiring. So, John Shearer, welcome to Kintsugi Heroes, mate.
John Shearer (Guest) · 02:02
Thanks, John. I feel really privileged to be part of Kintsugi Heroes. Is that a Japanese word?
John Milham (Host) · 02:08
It is. Now, Kintsugi, just for the— for yourself and the listeners, Kintsugi is the art of putting together broken crockery with gold mortar and having the result look with its scars and its history look even more beautiful and valuable than it was to start with.
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This conversation includes a tough childhood in adelaide, the truck accident on the hume highway, fifteen dark years chasing what he'd lost, an old friend knocks on the door, morning conversations with the sun and from pool halls to counseling young people.
John Shearer (Guest) · 02:29
Wow. We can relate to that. That's—
John Milham (Host) · 02:32
it's so relevant. And what I love is the Japanese have this way of finding an explanation for the deep mysteries of the universe, how they understand it. You know, it's difficult as a human to live up to those kind of, you know, standards, but they describe them so beautiful. They give you an idea of what you could aspire to. And in some ways, John, that's your journey, mate. And, you know, an Adelaide upbringing, right? And then you ended up in the wilds of Wagga, right? And you're with the family and stuff. Tell us, tell me a little bit about how being a country boy was important.
John Shearer (Guest) · 03:14
Yeah, well, I'm still in the country in Hervey Bay these days. But I did spend 37 years in Wagga Wagga. So goodness, twice.
John Milham (Host) · 03:24
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 03:25
And I was, I was born and raised in Adelaide, and I had, you know, a bit of a tough childhood. Yeah, I was mentally and physically abused by my mother. Nothing's her fault though. And, uh, and I was sexually abused by the age of 12 and living on the streets by 14. But it's all part of my qualifications.
John Milham (Host) · 03:46
Yeah, yeah. Is this some— this is the Advanced Diploma in Hard Knocks and the Doctorate in Life Experience.
John Shearer (Guest) · 03:55
That's the one. Yeah. It seems like you're qualified as well, John.
John Milham (Host) · 04:01
Mate, I didn't realize I'd signed up for that course. Right. But I think apparently I had. A question about your upbringing, if, if it's okay. Um, it's, it's a, it's a story you don't hear, um, presented, but it's not an unknown story for those who work with men who are troubled or struggling with bits and pieces later on in life about a rough abusive relationship with mum, right? So obviously that happens. Why do you think that's not something we hear a lot about out there?
John Shearer (Guest) · 04:38
It's, it's very common. And I believe the reason we don't hear much about it is because men generally don't open up. Yeah, because, well, the girls, as you probably know, how are you going today? And say, oh well, I've been feeling a bit, you know, blah blah blah. They talk. But blokes, oh, how you going today? Oh good. They say, oh good. Yeah, it's just how it is. I think it's the way we're raised, you know, to tough things out. And don't, don't seek help, you know, we're too strong for that. But it was totally wrong, of course. Yeah, yeah. From Adelaide, I, uh, at 16 years old, I got a day out on trust from a reform school, was called then, now called Juvenile Justice. And I stole my father's car and left, left Adelaide and then traveled around Australia for about 4 years and then returned Adelaide and apologized and caught up. With my family 4 years later with no contact. But all part of my story as well. And then I set out again and ended up working in Ardleth and tin mines and then settled in Wagga.
John Milham (Host) · 05:48
Wow.
John Shearer (Guest) · 05:49
And I got married there and started raising a family. And then I'll share a bit of my story if you like.
John Milham (Host) · 05:56
Yes please, mate.
John Shearer (Guest) · 05:57
Yeah, yeah. In 1982, at age 30, life was pretty good. Married life and everything was pretty rosy. I was driving a truck down on the Hume Highway to get a load of superphosphate, actually, and in the fog I come across the back of another truck, stopped, and all I had time to do was reef on the steering wheel, but I didn't quite miss, and I died that day. Wow. And obviously I was revived and I regained consciousness sometime later in Kilmore Hospital. It's a terrible name for a town.
John Milham (Host) · 06:32
Especially on the Hume Highway. It had a reputation.
John Shearer (Guest) · 06:35
Yeah, nearly killed me. Yeah, but, uh, yeah, so 9th of June 1982 is, is a special date for that reason. Was also my father's 65th birthday. Wow. And he shared with me that he always had rotten birthdays all his life until his 80th, and he said that was the best one he ever had. But Yeah, 9th of June. Well, the guy I was driving the truck for never had me insured. There was no workers' comp, so I was thrown into what is now Centrelink. And later that year, I was diagnosed as having psychosis because somehow I came back different, but I didn't understand it, that's for sure. And the experience of coming back, I'll never ever forget, and I still don't have words for it because it was beyond peaceful. Yeah, well, way beyond peaceful. There's no words to describe it. And it was almost like I was coming from another galaxy. And perhaps I was, who knows? But, you know, I have no fear of dying because of that experience, that's for sure.
John Milham (Host) · 07:43
With that experience, obviously, you know, tremendously injured, right? So, but what you say, dying, and you know, you've gone someplace for a period of time. Was there any kind of Understanding? Did you come back with like something, you know, said that says, oh, you know, I have other things to do or I have other things to learn?
John Shearer (Guest) · 08:07
Or— No, it was, it was a feeling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothing. No instructions, no words. Just the experience of coming back. But I came back different and I didn't understand it. And then I proceeded really to chase after it and I went completely mad, really.
John Milham (Host) · 08:30
How was it? So you had a physical rehab, right? You're getting better. And then, you know, then you, as you said, you, you went, you went mad. I under— I understand that from a personal perspective, that sense of like everything's off the table. How did your family react to that?
John Shearer (Guest) · 08:49
Well, they didn't understand it, and, and carers sometimes don't. Yeah, because the experience we're having is a spiritual one, I realized later, and other people really can't understand that, you know, what's actually happening. Yeah, it's, uh, it's a tough one, that's for sure, and it wasn't easy either, of course. No, financially as well as I was pretty smashed up. Yeah, but brain injury as well, which I've still got a scar there. And, uh, yeah, it was a very trying time, that's for sure. But you know those 15 dark years, I call them, from 1982 to 1997?
John Milham (Host) · 09:33
So the years you were chasing something?
John Shearer (Guest) · 09:35
Oh yeah, absolutely. And, and, uh, I've learned since, of course, to just let the universe bring it to me. Yeah, you don't have to chase after anything, just set your heart intention on what you desire or what you want to do, and then the universe starts moving the furniture for us. I know all that now.
John Milham (Host) · 09:56
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 09:58
You know, after 15 years stuck in the mental health system, you know, mental health professionals told me I couldn't be cured. Yeah, what I had was incurable. That I'd have to take medication for the rest of my life. Yeah. And, and that I'd probably never work again. And I was pensioned off, and I believed them. That's what kept me stuck, because, well, they're the professionals. What would I know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was, I was a truckie. Yeah, yeah. Growing up—
John Milham (Host) · 10:26
sorry, Jono— you growing up, um, you know, where you were, you know, where at home it was not necessarily a safe place And then you hit the road, right? Well, you're 16 on the road for 4 years, like literally going out into the wild, the wilds of Australia, right? As a young bloke, right? So not necessarily a safe place. And then you got family. You had that moment of respite and then you're in another place again, right? Which was a total adventure. Was it like, do you think like you were prepped for that or is this like, was you you know, while you're being sort of working through the system and, and, you know, you almost had to unlearn everything you, you had?
John Shearer (Guest) · 11:09
Oh well, that's a loaded question. I've got stories around that. Yeah, certainly. It's a matter of perspective, and perspective is a wonderful thing. And looking back now, I'm really thankful for my dark years, that's for sure. And I'm also thankful for my childhood. Yeah, because it has helped shaped me. It's like that, the cracked cup in Japanese culture, repair it with gold. Well, sure, you know, I relate to that big time because that's me, you know. I certainly got smashed up and put back together and then put to good use eventually. Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 11:49
So what was the purpose of that difficult journey, right? Those 15 dark years? What were you finding out?
John Shearer (Guest) · 11:58
Well, I wasn't always unwell, but I really felt— and it's just a feeling or your intuition, probably— I know I'm a lot wiser today, of course, that there was a reason why I was saved. Because if you saw photos of the wreck, it wouldn't even give me a chance of being alive. My dog was killed. I had a half German Shepherd, half dingo dog, very much a one-man dog, and no one could get near my truck, that's for sure. And, uh, yeah, it's, it's one of those things. But I'm really thankful for all of them, definitely, because I really believe wisdom comes from lived experience, not, not from knowledge. You can read a million books but still not be wise. But, and that's why I'm so glad. And being a little part of it as well is hoping— is helping to bring lived experience into being helpful for other people. Because I know sometimes people with lived experience and sharing their story and inspiring others is more helpful than psychology even.
John Milham (Host) · 13:05
Yeah, yeah, totally.
John Shearer (Guest) · 13:06
Certainly can be.
John Milham (Host) · 13:09
Yeah. I love that point, mate. The idea that the system, right, seems to sort of tell us what we should do, and yet it doesn't do, you know, the majority of the heavy lifting, right? That's still You know, in the end it comes down to, uh, one bloke with his challenge by himself having to find a way to get through.
John Shearer (Guest) · 13:33
Well, the very thing that saved me on what was to become World Mental Health Day, 10/10, 10th of October, which is coming up again, one of my favorite dates, an old friend of mine who I hadn't seen for about 20 years, well before my accident He was passing through Wagga Wagga one day and, and came and knocked on my door. And I opened the door and got a great surprise. We used to play a lot of snooker together. I was Wagga snooker champion, right? And the first thing he said to me was, I had a spiritual prompt to come and knock on your door. Wow. And catch up. I'm so glad I was still living in the same house. Yeah, yeah. And he shared his story with me. And that story led to my spiritual awakening, and everything changed. Yeah, I was able to get off meds. I've had no depression since. And, and with my new spiritual perspective, quite simply, on dark and light. Yeah, you know, and I certainly believed in the dark before I even knew about the light.
John Milham (Host) · 14:33
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 14:34
At that time, I stepped from the dark into the light, right? And then with my newfound perspective on, on dark and light, you know, I was still having thoughts from the past, of course, from past trauma and everything that, that would show up. But I was saying to myself, ah, that's from the dark side. I'm a bit of a Star Wars fan too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's from the dark side. I'm not going there. I'm going to continue to walk in the light. And I more or less formed a partnership, if you like, with the universe, with my source. Yeah. And that changed everything. And then every morning, and still to this day, every morning, you know, and I usually do put my hand up even if I'm still in bed, I'll put my hand up and I say, what are we doing today, Sol? S-O-L. It's an ancient Roman word for the sun. I said the sun is my source. That's just me. Yeah. Although there has been religions made out of it and Egyptian times, for example, Ra, the sun god. But when you put your hand up and say, what are we doing today? And then pause your thoughts and see what drops in. And honestly, John, it's like I've been on a— whatever years it is since 1997— on a journey, you know, 28-year journey with daily instruction.
John Milham (Host) · 16:00
Yeah. Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 16:01
Been amazing. Yeah. And when we do start pausing our thoughts, it, you know, I'm not picking on Christians or anything, but they pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, but they don't necessarily pause their thoughts to receive. Yeah. Yeah. And that's what we need. It needs to be a two-way conversation, you know, with our source. It's, it's, it's unbelievable. And that's, that's what I teach people to do.
John Milham (Host) · 16:27
That's such an incredible idea and like how the simplicity of it just opens up, you know, makes difficult things easier, right? So somehow, you know, the noise we create inside our own heads, right, is, you know, the loudest thing in the world for us, right? So it gets in the way of connection and understanding. You mentioned that your spiritual framework Do you think, like, does that relate? Like, spirit is becoming a more important thing for, you know, men and the community at large, but not religion. Do you feel there's a— like, what's that difference for you?
John Shearer (Guest) · 17:13
Well, the difference is religion and government is all about control. That's the difference. But spirituality is all about freedom, and there's a big difference in that. Yeah, for sure. And when we do connect with ourselves, because that's where spirit is, it's in our heart, it's not up there or out there or anything else, although it is probably everywhere.
John Milham (Host) · 17:39
Yeah, yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 17:41
But it's in our heart. And when we connect fully with that and realize that we're one with the universe, one with everything. We're all one, you know. I often say we are all one. Yeah, one with spirit, one with life. And it's true, we are. Yeah, but the, the actual— it is a simple practice. And you remind me of a quote by Pablo Picasso. He said, simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.
John Milham (Host) · 18:12
Yeah, nice.
John Shearer (Guest) · 18:12
Isn't that a good quote?
John Milham (Host) · 18:13
Yeah, it's a ripper.
John Shearer (Guest) · 18:15
And it's true. Yeah, it's so true. And you'll see in my background there, Be Mindful, Pause, Connect. If you Google that, you find me. Yeah. And that's how I've simplified 10,000 hours of study into mindfulness and, and cultures. And I found it in all cultures, even Aboriginal culture. Mm. And it's just such a, you know, predates all religions by about 600 years, as near as I can work out. Probably in the time of Buddha. We don't really have records beyond that, but it probably goes way back beyond that even. And it's such a simple thing, is to be mindful, pause, connect. And I'll give a little lesson on that shortly if you like.
John Milham (Host) · 18:59
Yeah, that sounds great. It's interesting because, you know, when you talk about the 15 dark years, right, you would have— was that— you would have had a lot of human things to resolve. Right, like family and so on. So, you know, how was that fitting in? Because you, as you sort of put your hand up each morning and got that, that spiritual lesson, right, or the lesson download, was that changing how you were resolving your human, you know, your all the family and everyday kind of detail?
John Shearer (Guest) · 19:33
No. Well, I added to my woes because I turned to smoking joints. And, and bongs like I did when I was younger, and like most of us probably did, have experimented in it. But I turned it as a, as a way of escaping. Yeah, yeah, with my woes.
John Milham (Host) · 19:51
So you were medicating, actually?
John Shearer (Guest) · 19:53
Yeah, you know, and then it just made things worse looking back, but I didn't sort of realize that at the time. And then, you know, that, that wasn't good for the family situation either. That's for sure. Yeah, but, uh, people do still do that. They have addictions. I don't even have coffee or alcohol or anything for many, many years because, well, I help people with addiction, so I didn't really want to have any.
John Milham (Host) · 20:22
Yeah, I've still got a thing for dark chocolate, but that's not an addiction, that's a requirement, right? Yeah, like, uh, I'm not, I'm not as good as you. I still got coffee. Yeah. So all of that, you know, I often talk about, you know, the addictions being a, you know, an attempt for us to manage what we haven't learned to manage yet. Right. So how, how do you grow to take care of all of those things that seem to, you know, plague most blokes, you know, for most of their life, right? How, you know, how do you turn those lessons into something useful?
John Shearer (Guest) · 21:10
Yeah, well, for me, the answer is always mindfulness, right? Because the simple practice of mindfulness— and I'll give that a little lesson now. Yeah, mindful, pause, connect. I'll just explain that. Be mindful is an instruction that I teach people to use. Anytime they notice an unhelpful or negative thought, anytime they notice their mind in the past or ruminating on old stories. Yeah. Which is what I used to do too. And most people do actually.
John Milham (Host) · 21:41
They do.
John Shearer (Guest) · 21:42
Or, or overthinking even.
John Milham (Host) · 21:44
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 21:44
Or if we notice our mind in the future, which can cause anxiety.
John Milham (Host) · 21:48
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 21:49
So the past can cause depression and, and the future can cause anxiety.
John Milham (Host) · 21:53
Yeah, yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 21:54
When we, when we teach ourselves to live in the present moment, now that, that makes one hell of a difference. So I teach them to use the instruction anytime they notice anything like that, or they notice, because with anxiety, for example, it has physical symptoms. People get knotted up in the stomach and sweaty gates, sweaty palms, and all different things happen. But when we notice that coming on, then we use the instruction, be mindful, and it comes from our heart. So we gradually put our heart in charge of our mind because honestly, our mind can't be trusted. It can be our best friend or our worst enemy. Yeah. Yeah. So from the heart we say, be mindful, right? And then we allow that to trigger a pause, and it only takes a few seconds. We pause. And in that pause, and what we're pausing is our thoughts, of course. And in that pause, we connect, and we connect 3 different ways. We connect with where we are, and it doesn't matter where we are. No, we use our 5 senses for that. Yeah. So as we pause and connect and become highly aware of where we are, also we connect with who we're with. With full presence. That's not thinking about what to say next or something clever to say or having any agenda. That's just being present. And we sense that in other people and they sense it in us. Yeah. If we're not present, you know, sometimes we talk to someone and they're saying the lights are on but no one's home because their mind is miles away. It is not there. And the important part of that practice is connecting with our source, our God, our Jesus, or Buddha, or whatever it is that you believe in. Connect with it, be part of it. Yeah, and it's a very deceptively simple practice. Yeah, yeah, but it's a practice, and I've seen results, you know, over the years, amazing transformations in people using that simple practice. And we really only need that instruction, be mindful, from our heart until it becomes habit.
John Milham (Host) · 24:09
Mm-hmm.
John Shearer (Guest) · 24:11
So I always encourage people, start the day with it. Yeah. Just pause your thoughts and see what drops in. And I'm a trained hypnotherapist these days as well to help with those addictions. But it's not so much the hypnotherapy, which is probably an important part of it. Mm-hmm. Embedding things in the mind. Mm-hmm. But it's the mindful practice.
John Milham (Host) · 24:32
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 24:33
And I'll just give a little example here to help the smokers that might be watching. Each time you light a cigarette, just before you light it, just focus on it and practice mindfulness. Pause your thoughts and pause, and as you focus on the cigarette before you light it and see what drops into your mind. And I say to them, well, we don't listen to anyone else, do we? Because we don't. Yeah, let's face it. I mean, you know all the reasons why we should stop smoking, but it doesn't even come into it. Yeah, but if you start pausing your thoughts before you light it and see what drops into your mind, then one day you'll start listening to yourself, right? Then you'll— you won't want to light it. You'll go, 'No, I don't want it.' That's when you make your mind up, and that's when you got it beat. It's quite a simple thing. Yeah. Doesn't mean it's easy though.
John Milham (Host) · 25:26
No, no, no. The practice is simple. Can I, can I, uh, you're like, um, uh, dig down a little bit just for, you know, like, because they're— I'm always fascinated, right? That practice seems so simple and yet it is like, you know, every man has his own Everest, right? And that, you know, you're managing some of those very simple moments of addiction or, or desire can be, uh, you know, a man's Everest sometimes. Right? So I wonder, you know, like, we hear mindfulness thrown around these days, like, you know, so much, the term. What does it— what does it look like? What does it look, touch, taste, and feel like, mindfulness?
John Shearer (Guest) · 26:09
In 2009, because from the time of my spiritual awakening, I started hauling pool tables back from Melbourne because people were offering, asking my advice about pool tables in the home. So I started selling them, right? Then my wife and I opened a pool hall in the main street of Wagga. We had 16 pool tables and a jukebox, and a wonderful year. So all 7 high schools come in for sport, right? And, you know, it was a great time. But in 2009, we made up our mind to move north to Grafton, actually, because of my wife's asthma. Big part of it. So we did that, and then I started— I thought, what would I do? And through my dark years, right, because I felt there was, there was a reason, a calling on my life, if you like. I didn't understand it, but I started volunteering because I wasn't working, I was pensioned off. Yeah. And first I volunteered with the Smith family, and, and they trained me to be a counselor. Because people would come in for handouts and you went through the interview process and, you know, you were counseling. And also I volunteered at a local youth refuge and they trained me to be a youth counselor. So, and also I did another counseling course called Front Wheel Counseling, you know. All right, yeah, well, yeah, where you take the steering wheel of your life, if you like. That's what that's revolved around. But so that was to come in very handy, especially with all the students and young people who were attracted to our QSport Centre, our pool hall. So I did a lot of counseling, but, but they didn't know they were being counseled. And, and that in itself was powerful, because the moment you take a kid to a counselor or whatever, that's— that creates a whole a lot of problems in their mind because then they start to think that they're not right, you know, they're broken, right?
John Milham (Host) · 28:09
The idea of getting fixed means to start from the idea that you're broken in the first place.
John Shearer (Guest) · 28:15
Exactly. Yeah, and it's totally unhelpful. Yeah, yeah. So in 2009, when we moved north to Grafton and I had time because people were coming and hire a table, I had time to surf the internet And when we surf the internet, one way or another, we're led to what we're meant to find. Yeah. And what I did find was a book called The Happiness Trap.
John Milham (Host) · 28:40
Oh yeah, yeah, with Russ Harris.
John Shearer (Guest) · 28:42
Yeah, yeah, Australian doctor. He brought ACT therapy to Australia. Yeah. Which is a mindfulness-based therapy. So I bought the book because on my heart I wanted to be a counselor. Or, you know, a coach, whatever. So I bought the book, went to Canberra, and got him to train me as an ACT therapist, and, and started my mindful practice in 2009. And then I made up my mind, and I registered my business Mindfulness Coach. I was going to be a mindfulness coach.
John Milham (Host) · 29:13
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 29:14
And, and I started handing out my business card back then, and invariably people would say, what's mindfulness? Because 2009, no one had really heard of it.
John Milham (Host) · 29:25
No, no, it's early on.
John Shearer (Guest) · 29:26
Yeah. Now it's a household word, which is fantastic. Yeah. Back then I used to say mindfulness will change the world one day. Now I say mindfulness is changing the world. Yeah. Because it is. Yeah. So then I started— I went on a quest, if you like, and I— it was to become 10,000 hours of study in— into mindfulness. And all aspects of mindfulness in all cultures. I researched the history of psychiatry, which was really interesting. And did, did you know psychiatry was actually started by the Catholic Church, and they appointed people to treat matters of the mind?
John Milham (Host) · 30:05
Is that, um, were they dealing with heretics, right? Because usually it involved burning someone afterwards or something.
John Shearer (Guest) · 30:12
It's an interesting history as well, that's for sure. Yeah. And the first official sort of meeting of, of these psychiatrists was in New York around a big long board table, and they came up with quite a simple range of diagnosis, the original ones, and with corresponding fixes, which included like heroin and opium and Well, drugs like that. Yeah, yeah, that was the fix back then. Yeah, of course it's developed into what it is today and it's huge, psychiatry. And, and, uh, and there are a lot more drugs that they give you. And now the, the DSM or Diagnostic Manual that they use is like this thick. Yeah, yeah, there's— it's being added to all the time.
John Milham (Host) · 31:03
I, I can't— I really struggle reading it because, uh, you know, after just a couple of chapters I end up walking out with 22 different syndromes, right?
John Shearer (Guest) · 31:13
That's so true. I'd have them all. Yeah, yeah. But honestly, if you went to a psychiatrist, you'd be diagnosed as something because that's their job.
John Milham (Host) · 31:25
Yeah, yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 31:25
To sit and judge you. Yeah, yeah. But John, honestly, uh, our greatest gift is our uniqueness. That's the truth. We're all unique. You know, every single one of us, yeah, we're different.
John Milham (Host) · 31:40
John, I suspect that, like, that feels true to me when you say it, but then the entire world spends so much time and effort and aggro trying to tell me that's not true, that I'm just a part, you know, I should comply to everything else, right? Or I should, you know, my uniqueness is causing trouble, right? What is that? Why are they trying to stop me from being unique?
John Shearer (Guest) · 32:05
Well, I believe, like I said before, in dark and light. And dark is fear and light is love. Beautiful. It's fear. Yeah, because that's what's driving corporate media, that's what's driving the world in a way. And I believe one of the biggest fears is the fear of what other people are thinking. Because we have our intuition, we have big ideas, and when we start practicing mindfulness as well and creating that pause throughout our day regularly, just pause our thoughts and connect, it's quite amazing. And what that does is it starts creating a bit of space in our mind, or and it boosts our creativity.
John Milham (Host) · 32:59
You have a million followers, right? Like, you've picked up this massive kind of caravan of people seeking some form of connection, would you say? Is that what they're after? Why, John? I understand it from an emotional point of view, but what do you know about the reason people want to connect with you?
John Shearer (Guest) · 33:26
Well, they don't know me, but they see what I share, and it's always to do with mindfulness. That, that's the thing. And as mindfulness evolved, I guess, from the time of Facebook, which was right about that time actually when Facebook started, 2009, might have been the year before, and 2008 it was, I think. Yeah, 2008, I think it was. Yeah. So anyhow, that's all part of it. And in the early days, uh, what you shared appeared in their feed. Of course, it all changed around about 2014 when it became a huge conglomerate. Yeah. And you know, in 2014, I created an event. I called it Mindfulness Day. I thought, well, you know, we have a day for everything else, why not mindfulness? Yeah, first Sunday in May. Second Sunday is Mother's Day. First Sunday in May, and I created a Facebook event and I invited Australians with mental suffering to the event, and 4,700 people clicked on it.
John Milham (Host) · 34:30
Wow.
John Shearer (Guest) · 34:31
And then I went to the universe and said, well, what am I going to do with this? And then pause my thoughts, of course, see what drops in. And what dropped in, because I'd been studying for probably 5,000 hours up to that stage mindfulness. So I put together a list of 30 words, most to do with mindfulness, and then put them in kind of an order. And then at dawn every day of May that year, I wrote a blog on that word.
John Milham (Host) · 34:58
Wow.
John Shearer (Guest) · 34:59
And posted it to the event wall. And what an event! It, you know, went for the full month, and, uh, hundreds of lives were transformed by what I wrote. And then I announced that I was going to turn that event into a book, just a simple little book. Yeah. Which is not on the market now.
John Milham (Host) · 35:18
I took it off, but it's Mindful Action.
John Shearer (Guest) · 35:20
It's called Mindful Action.
John Milham (Host) · 35:21
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 35:21
Yeah. And it's 27 chapters, just simple little book. And I got 800 emails straight away when I announced I was gonna turn it into a book. So, pretty good launch. And then I, I published the book through, um, Hay House, biggest publisher of self-help books on the planet. I thought that was the way to go. I ended up getting 20 cents a copy. You know, go up the profit, they told me. So I took it off them and then I started with that book and expanded it. And I did this in, I don't know, about 7, 7 or 8 years ago. I actually, I actually developed it. I turned it, my first book, into a mentoring service. Yeah. And I wrote 52 emails. I expanded the 27 weeks into 52. And then I'm still offering it. People sign up for $12 a fortnight. I target people with more serious mental disorder.
John Milham (Host) · 36:23
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 36:23
And, and they sign up and they get to talk with me, phone me or whatever on WhatsApp if they're overseas. Yeah. Every couple of weeks, we just connect and keep them on track with their practice. And they get an email every Friday from me. And, and it was so successful, and honestly, the transformations that I witnessed, it was just incredible.
John Milham (Host) · 36:49
Yeah, so I turned it into a book, Mindful Insights for Everyone, which is available on your website, Mindful Insights.
John Shearer (Guest) · 36:57
Yep. And I didn't give it to any publishers, and the only way you can get all of this book is from me.
John Milham (Host) · 37:03
Excellent.
John Shearer (Guest) · 37:04
I get the book printed in Sydney and do it that way. Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 37:09
Which, so when you talk about transformation, what do you think is happening for people?
John Shearer (Guest) · 37:16
Well, as they develop their practice, the simple practice of pausing and connecting, and what happens as a result of that is they start to become authentic. They start to become who they truly are. Mm-hmm. Because Honestly, half the world, or I don't know how much, they've got masks on. Yeah, yeah. And they're trying to be, like you said, what the world expects them to be. They start to, and then, and then, and we all believe things we're told through our childhood, mum and dad and our uncles and aunties, teachers, whatever. Yeah. And I'll just share something that I read, the story of this guy in America. And he went into prisons filled with lifers, because there's actually prisons over there that the only way they get out is by dying. And he went in there and he healed people, cured people. And the method he used, he had them unbelieve everything every night and wake up each morning with a new, new cache, like a computer.
John Milham (Host) · 38:24
Yeah, yeah. When our computer mucks up, install a different program overnight.
John Shearer (Guest) · 38:28
Yeah, that's it. Or we turn it off. Yeah, you know, and reboot it. And they— it all went peaceful because they were killing each other because it didn't matter, they're never getting out anyhow. Yeah, I know. They were fighting, they were disgusting, but he healed them all and they started being kind to each other. They started writing books and all sorts of things. And when I read this story, I thought, wow, so I actually did that. I don't know when, a long time ago. Unbelieve everything. Yeah, because a lot of the things we believe are not even true. Yeah, yeah, it's a wonderful thing, beliefs.
John Milham (Host) · 39:08
I, I love that. I was listening to, uh, just last night in a men's group, I was listening to a man who is so who has constructed an entire universe of suffering in his story, right? He tells you, you know, from the very first occurrence and then— and like, he must have— he's now like, you know, 60. He must be— must have been telling this for 40 years, right? So, so this story cannot be true because, you know, we never remember exactly what happened. But it's, it's more powerful than truth in some ways. Because he's, you know, he just creates, continues to create a universe. It's like Tolkien. Imagine Tolkien, the universe of personal suffering Tolkien could create, right?
John Shearer (Guest) · 39:51
Did you know?
John Milham (Host) · 39:52
So what does he do to transform? How does he just unlearn or, um, you know, or reset all of that?
John Shearer (Guest) · 40:00
Yeah. And he also used gratitude. So gratitude was a big part of it, not only unbelieving everything And as things come to mind from the past especially, then question it, be curious about it. And curiosity is a huge part of mindfulness as well. Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 40:19
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 40:20
So be curious about it. Yeah. Is it, is it really true? Yeah. Yeah. Research it if you have to. And, and then, and, and also waking up with a, with a, a clear mind and starting again with no beliefs.
John Milham (Host) · 40:34
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 40:35
And what happens is you become very open-minded because beliefs make us narrow-minded. And all that out there, no, they're unaware of it. Yeah. And there's, there's another word for mindfulness, awareness.
John Milham (Host) · 40:48
Awareness.
John Shearer (Guest) · 40:49
Yeah. Yeah. Because as, as we develop our practice, we definitely become more aware and we start to observe our thoughts, especially because everything starts with a thought. It's a thought that leads to a feeling, and the feeling that leads to the emotion, which can be good. Of course, there's good emotions. There's a lot of rotten ones too. So when we start catching those thoughts in flight, then, and not doing anything with them— so no matter what shows up as a thought, no matter how good or bad, accept it, observe it. And then let it go. And that way our thoughts just flow and we don't get stuck because it's getting stuck or ruminating or going over old stories that it leads people to suicide. Yeah. And suicide, what's the cause? There's all sorts of theories around this, but you know what? It's caused by our thoughts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the whole crux of it. And when we start observing our thoughts as they're not us, they're not real, we can buy into the good ones, sure.
John Milham (Host) · 42:01
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 42:02
But by not reacting to our thoughts, then we don't do anything with them. They start losing their power and our brain gets it because the reason our brain brings up past stories and thoughts is because it thinks it's keeping us safe. Because it doesn't want to happen what happened back then to happen again now. That's why it reminds us of it, you know. So it's just trying to help us out, really.
John Milham (Host) · 42:32
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 42:32
But when we don't respond to that or react to that, instead we just practice mindfulness, bring ourselves back to the present moment. And this is what we do over and over and over, and you end up living in the present moment. And when you think about it, that's all we ever have, isn't it? Right now. The rest has happened or it hasn't happened yet. Okay, so when you— whatever we're thinking actually, and especially overthinking, life is passing us by because we're not home, we're not here now. Yeah, especially when we're out and about, because it's when we're out and about— people with depression, for example, first thing they do is isolate themselves.
John Milham (Host) · 43:12
Yeah, totally.
John Shearer (Guest) · 43:13
And the big thing that's happening right now while I'm on that with young people, 18 to 25, say, because you see them all sitting around on their phones and they, they don't develop relationships with, with their friends, talking. And then when their relationships bust up, which is quite normal, young, young people, they're in and out of relationships, they bust up, then what they're doing is locking themselves in their rooms and and isolating themselves, trapped with their phones. And then they're also trapped with their thoughts. It's the worst thing that we can do, isn't it? But if we start getting out there, then the universe can work with that. Yeah, we'll bump into people, we'll overhear a conversation. The little things— we become more aware and we don't miss those little things because they often lead to big things, that's for sure. Yeah. So when we start living with that awareness, the— honestly, you start to notice the beauty in the world everywhere. Yeah. To notice the birds and the flowers, and, and you start to see the light in people you don't even like. Yeah, yeah, it's amazing. Yeah. And you transform. You do. You wake up, I like to call it.
John Milham (Host) · 44:30
Yeah, like, it's a beautiful way of describing that, you know, answering that question of transformation. Just on that thought about isolating, I think suffering loves a vacuum because when there's a gap between what we're doing constructively or engaging or connection, it dives in to tell us that we're not good enough or remind us of a past problem or a past pain. So that gap is filled with emotions we've already experienced and it says have a bit have a bit more of that, you know. And, uh, I wonder, like, you know, often we talk about avoidance, but we're not trying to avoid, we're just, we're going out. And from what you were saying, it's the idea of having a new positive connection to fill the hole so the suffering doesn't, you know, get, have any room to come in and remind and ruminate with us, right?
John Shearer (Guest) · 45:28
So yeah, because If you don't change anything, nothing changes. You know, it's quite a simple thing. But when you start developing a new perspective, especially on dark and light, because that inner critic, it's dark, you know, it can be also— we've got to turn that around somehow.
John Milham (Host) · 45:49
We have to practice being positive though, don't we?
John Shearer (Guest) · 45:52
Yeah, there was a book written by Louise Hay. Yeah. And mirror work. It was around mirror work. And I'm always encouraging people with this too. If we can start looking in the mirror, into our eyes— they say eyeballs are the windows to the soul, and it's true, but ours are too. Yeah, look ourselves in the eye, say I love you and mean it. Yeah. And think, you know, and look in the mirror and say, you're okay, John, you know, no worries, keep doing what you're doing, you know, sort of thing. Great. But you know what, that's a very difficult thing. It was very difficult for me. It's very difficult for a lot of people because of that inner critic, for one thing, and the things we heard growing up. Usually, you know, like, I— when we moved to Grafton, I, I worked in juvenile justice for 10 years. They wanted me full-time, but I, I said no, part-time. So it's permanent, permanent afternoons. That was the time to spend with the boys, mostly mentoring them. And those, those kids, you know, I raised my kids— I'll just give you the, the positive and the negative with this— to be champions, quite simply. All the time I would say, you're a champion. And it was always based on, on effort, not results. Yeah. Oh, having a go, they're a champion.
John Milham (Host) · 47:17
Simple growth mindset.
John Shearer (Guest) · 47:18
Yeah, and all, all 4 of my kids are champions in their fields, but because that's, that's what they believe, they're champions kind of thing. But in juvenile justice, they hear, 'You'll never amount to anything.' Well, they live up to that, you know. Words have power, that's for sure. Yeah, yeah. So I'd love to get that out there, you know, it's so important.
John Milham (Host) · 47:45
It's interesting when you talk about— so, you know, I'm a big fan of the mirror process. So, and I love the idea of like first thing in the morning, you know, most blokes go into, you know, the sink and splash water and maybe, you know, shave or wash their, you know, clean their teeth or whatever. That's a great time. But when I was sort of introducing this practice into my own world, I realized we see ourselves, but we don't look into ourselves. Like, so men don't stare within their own eyes, let alone other blokes' eyes, right? So that was— and as you, as you said, I love you, or, you know, you got this, or things are— you're, you're doing well. As you said those 10 affirmations, the shame would come up. It would bubble up and you'd feel ashamed of saying that to yourself. And I, like, I'm always, even now, like, even after, you know, doing it for quite some time, I always bump into that shame. And, um, like, I wondered, like, who gave me that? Where does that, like, how on earth did I pick up that level of shame about just, like, looking at myself, right? Who— like, there isn't anyone else in the world at that moment who gives a toss about me, right? You know, like, they're not thinking, you know, oh, he's— I bet he's doing something silly anymore, right? So why do I?
John Shearer (Guest) · 49:19
Yeah, unfortunately, it's our culture, John, in a nutshell. You know, we're raised— and we all heard it when we were kids. You don't hear it quite as much now, I don't think.
John Milham (Host) · 49:29
No, hopefully.
John Shearer (Guest) · 49:29
Oh, he loves himself. Yeah, it's a derogatory thing. Yeah, it was a bad thing. You're not allowed to love yourself. No, or anyone else. And I, I know I never heard my parents say I love you. No, ever. It just wasn't said. But that was a generational thing. They, they didn't say it back, way back. And love was sort of invented by Disneyland, I think, as something magical.
John Milham (Host) · 49:52
Yeah, you had to wait till Sunday night to get a dose of love, right?
John Shearer (Guest) · 49:58
Yeah, like that. Yeah, actually, when I retired at 65— I'm 73 now— from juvenile justice, I went and gave notice to the center manager, and, uh, and she says— she said to me, 'Oh, we're losing our golden boy.' I went, 'Golden boy? What's that about?' You know, and what turns out, anytime there's a riot or fights or, well, unrest or whatever, they took a note who was on shift, right? It was never me. So she said, what's your secret? And I said, there's no secret. I said, every boy that ever came into my unit, at the first opportunity, I would have a one-on-one talk with them about respect.
John Milham (Host) · 50:42
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 50:42
And, and I shared with her how that usually went. And, and Nocia was like, I don't know what you've done, I don't want to know. And that went a bit against the grain too, because we were trained to look at their rap sheets.
John Milham (Host) · 50:56
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Was that a risk management thing? Like, you gotta know what to expect?
John Shearer (Guest) · 51:02
I don't know, but yeah, maybe. But I never did it, not once in 10 years. Yeah, didn't make sense to me because it's not about then, it's about now and moving forward. But I'd say that to him. I said, I don't know what you've done, I don't want to know. I said, but right now I respect you It's up to you whether you respect me back. I said, makes no difference to me. I said, but take this home with you as well. I said, everything starts with giving. If you want respect, you give respect. It's the only way. Absolutely. If you want love, you give love. It's the only way. So you take that home with you when you go, right? So, are we clear? You know, that's all. And you know what? I never had any dramas with anyone. Yeah, when you have deep respect for someone, you accept them for who they are without wishing they were different. In that way, they have freedom, and that really is the only condition for love, is freedom. Yeah, wow. And when you get the same back, wow, you've got a partnership for life. Yeah, no dramas. Yeah, and I'm lucky I've got that. But so love is deep respect. There's nothing magical like Disneyland sort of taught us. No, it's actually hard work sometimes.
John Milham (Host) · 52:21
But yeah, well, that talks to us about, you know, like the core of mentoring for me is unconditional positive regard, which is like in modern society, it's almost people treat that as an insane idea, right? Like, why would I, you know, if somebody's done something bad, How can you not treat them like somebody who's done something bad? And because they're not doing bad now, they are a person, right? Let's, let's just respect the fact that they're a person. Is that like, why is that so hard for modern society to, to let go of? You know, they seem to want revenge on everyone and they want retribution and they want punishment.
John Shearer (Guest) · 53:08
That reminds me of another favorite quote. Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other one to die.
John Milham (Host) · 53:17
Yeah, yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 53:18
And we do live in a very unforgiving culture.
John Milham (Host) · 53:21
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 53:23
And it's all based on, on our track record too. Even the judge, he— what does he have in front of him? Is our record. Yeah. You're judged on that, not on how you are now. And I know people, there's family members even today with me I'm still judged on how I was. Yeah, well, not how I am. Yeah, and that's our culture. And our culture unfortunately breeds a lot of narcissists. Not all men either, but mostly, you know, to be in control, because that, that's the narcissist's way, is to be in control, and nothing's their fault. And I've noticed a pattern over the years, that hundreds and hundreds, I don't know, thousands probably, I don't know, mostly women that have come to me. And I've noticed a pattern, the pattern of the empath-narcissist relationship. It's so common. The narcissist falls in love with the empath, and vice versa, the empaths fall in love with the narcissist, and it doesn't work. And eventually it won't work, it'll fail. Yeah. And, but unfortunately the women, but sometimes men, but mostly women do end up believing that it's all their fault.
John Milham (Host) · 54:44
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 54:44
Yeah. You know, and, and boy, and they, they really start to hate themselves. That inner critic comes to the fore and they're really struggling. Mm-hmm. And then of course I teach 'em how to reconnect with themselves spiritually. Mm-hmm. The very thing that's missing in mental health. Because it's not taught in universities. There's nothing spiritual, and it's the missing key. The link is that. So we'll keep going, won't we, John? Yeah, yeah. I often say, and this is interesting because the, uh, the COVID of my first book, it's got the ripple on it.
John Milham (Host) · 55:20
The ripples. Yeah, yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 55:22
And do you know, ah, And sometime after that, after 2014, someone sent me a message and said, what's the mindfulness symbol? I said, I don't know, I'll research it. So I went on Google, as you do. Yeah. And what I found, I'll show you. Yeah. What I found was this tattoo. Oh wow, it's the mindfulness symbol.
John Milham (Host) · 55:44
It's the ripples.
John Shearer (Guest) · 55:45
It's, it's the ripples with a reflection of a drop. Yeah, yeah. And that goes back to Rumi. And he says, you know, we're not the entire ocean. We may only be a drop in the ocean, but we are still part of that ocean.
John Milham (Host) · 56:01
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 56:02
Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 56:03
It's amazing. I always think the ripples came to me early on when I was trying to recover from, you know, I'm, you know, from mind-bending, mind-crushing grief and anxiety and so on from like, you know, with loss of people I loved and so on. And I realized that the drop created ripples that went out to the world, but not every wave crashed badly, right? We so often— one of those ripples was a piece of light that would— that if you were able to be aware of it, change, you know, added something to your world. So the worst thing you could ever endure also contained moments of light that you would never give up. So like, what is the meaning of this? You know, like, you know, you know, there isn't bad or good. There's dark and light, and all of it has a purpose.
John Shearer (Guest) · 57:08
Absolutely it does. And we are made up of dark and light, all of us. You know, and you, you don't— don't know— it's not hard to find proof of that. Look at, um, someone who goes into a high school in America, mostly, but yeah, and start shooting children. Yeah, their minds are consumed by the dark. Yeah, that's for sure. And then it always gets reported as mental illness. Yeah, and there is no mental illness either. Psychiatry has been challenged on that, and they— they're all disorders now. They've changed it, because, which is good, but that's not published knowledge. We'll be calling it mental illness forever, probably. But what about if the media started reporting it as a spiritual disorder? Yeah, well, a spiritual illness. Yeah, yeah, puts a different perspective on it, doesn't it?
John Milham (Host) · 57:58
Does, doesn't it?
John Shearer (Guest) · 57:59
Yeah, yeah, because, you know, the stigma around mental disorder is just unbelievable, and I really do believe that by sharing our stories, I think that's one of the big ways we will overcome the stigma around mental disorder, is sharing our stories. And we do that, and I'm always encouraging everyone else to do that as well. Share your story, we all have one, and make yourself vulnerable. Yeah, that's my superpower. Every one-on-one session, even group session, uh, I I always start by sharing my story, and that you're giving people then the permission, if you like, to open up and share their story. And then you, you have a meaningful connection. Yeah, it becomes really fair dinkum, you know, at that point. It's powerful. Yeah, I'm reminded of when I say vulnerability, I always think of Brené Brown. Yeah, you might have seen that clip, millions have. It's quite funny as well. Yeah, yeah, about vulnerability being a superpower. Well, it's mine too, and it's true, you know. We should make ourselves vulnerable, and it makes other people feel good, you know. Yeah, and they do open up. It's quite amazing. Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 59:20
One of the things I, I, I, I often ask men is, you know, why, uh, you know If I was able to offer you like an ability, a time of just feeling really good about life, why wouldn't you take it? Is this what we're offering? You know, like, is this what you have the ability to hand— to help men find, right?
John Shearer (Guest) · 59:49
Absolutely. Everyone, not just men.
John Milham (Host) · 59:51
Oh yeah, yeah, sorry.
John Shearer (Guest) · 59:53
Yeah, everyone. Yeah, because, well, it's about choices, you know. We can choose to be happy or choose to be cranky. The amount of energy is the same, so why wouldn't you choose happy? Yeah, yeah. But happiness isn't something we chase after, and this is from Russ Harris too. It's not something we chase after, but when we develop a mindful practice and the reward for our practice is both peace of mind and clarity of mind, Yeah, things I never had one time, that's for sure, because my mind was like a drunken monkey, you know, 24/7, non-stop. No, no breaks at all. Yeah, so, and when you do develop that practice, it becomes your habit really of being in that state of peace. Yeah, I can't even remember the last time I got cranky. Well, I hit my thumb with a hammer or something, but it's— that's the reward. And then happiness kind of follows you around. Yeah. And it spreads. It's actually infectious.
John Milham (Host) · 1:01:02
I love that people are often searching for happiness and I always think happiness is a consequence, not, not a, not an objective, right?
John Shearer (Guest) · 1:01:10
Exactly. Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 1:01:12
What do you know about people in the world now? Like you, from your perspective, right? You're a hard man to upset these days. So what, when you look at the world at the moment, what's going through your head?
John Shearer (Guest) · 1:01:25
Well, what often goes in my head is the realization that we're still in the Dark Ages. Yeah. Because people talk about the Dark Ages as if it's a long time ago. No, we are in it. Mm-hmm. And the world is in a state of transformation and it's the same for us as we awaken. That's, that's not an easy thing. No, it's really difficult actually. And there's always a lot of, a lot of upsets and all sorts of things going on, like the world when you look at it globally. We're still having wars. It's ridiculous. Yeah, yeah. But I also believe, and I say, and you'll read in my stuff, it is always my hope that the people who are touched by my ripple then create a ripple of their own. Yeah, that way we can change the world one person at a time, and I believe that is happening, right? Yeah, you don't hear about it on the news. No, but my wife and I, we have a market stall on Saturdays here in Hervey Bay, and I meet beautiful people all the time, and most people are beautiful souls. Morally, if you watch the news all the time, you wouldn't believe that, but it's true. Yeah, they don't know what they're doing. Another quote I like was the last thing Jesus said, and he said, 'Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.' And that is so true, especially for the media.
John Milham (Host) · 1:03:01
Well, you know, they say, they say energy goes where where the mind flows, right? So like, you know, if we're talking about people doing, you know, crazy things like, you know, hurting others, that's gonna be the, that's gonna be the energy, isn't it?
John Shearer (Guest) · 1:03:16
You know, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. You got it, John. Clearly.
John Milham (Host) · 1:03:20
Yeah, mate. Um, the, the connecting part. So how, you know, you, you, you now, uh, qualify as, as at the seat, at the sitting, sitting at the fire as an elder. Right? And I aspire to be at that same fire. As Elders, what's our role, right? How do we connect not just to ourselves and to our peers but to younger generations and help them? What's that connection look like?
John Shearer (Guest) · 1:03:50
Well, we become mentors and it's our responsibility to pass that on. And even here in Hervey Bay, I've connected with young people The most recent was a group at Wagga School. Yeah. And I talked to them about mindfulness. That's always my topic. Yeah. And do you know, eventually my wife and I were going into a mental health unit at Coffs Harbour Base Hospital and conducting mindfulness yarning circles.
John Milham (Host) · 1:04:19
Wow.
John Shearer (Guest) · 1:04:19
Very, very powerful.
John Milham (Host) · 1:04:21
Yeah.
John Shearer (Guest) · 1:04:21
But I think we should sort of bring that back as well. You know, it was a In Aboriginal culture, um, if there was a problem in the tribe or an issue or whatever, they would call a circle. It was men only, like in most cultures going back. Yeah, they form a circle and then the issue would be raised and they go around the circle and everybody gives their thoughts on it. And then if everybody was in agreement with a solution or whatever Boom, it was passed. But if everyone wasn't in agreement, they would go around a circle again and again until— wouldn't it be good if politics was like that?
John Milham (Host) · 1:05:02
Yeah, I'd love that.
John Shearer (Guest) · 1:05:07
Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 1:05:08
Be a matter of everyone getting an understanding of certain voices being completely off the rails.
John Shearer (Guest) · 1:05:14
But that's for sure. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So we can all do our little bit some, some way, you know. I belong in Hervey Bay. There's a, there's a group called Older Men Unlimited.
John Milham (Host) · 1:05:27
Wow.
John Shearer (Guest) · 1:05:27
And, and I'm a young bloke there, actually, but about 50 of us get together every Friday morning and solve the solutions of the world, you know.
John Milham (Host) · 1:05:36
50? That's awesome.
John Shearer (Guest) · 1:05:38
Yeah, it is a very good group. Yeah, we have a bit of a cash raffle and And usually someone gives a little talk, shares a bit of wisdom or whatever. Yeah, but we go out into the community and do things as well, and, and that's what we should be doing because we are the wisdom, you know. Most young people go, oh yeah, he's an old bloke, what would he know? You know, because young people know everything, just like we did too.
John Milham (Host) · 1:06:02
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, that is an amazing, uh, idea, and I'll, I'll have to talk to you about creating a, starting a chapter in my, in my area. So of Old Men Unlimited, right? So I love it. Right. John, it's been personally enlightening and, and I'm incredibly, incredibly grateful for your generosity in part in both the time and of course freely sharing your story.
John Shearer (Guest) · 1:06:32
It's an absolute pleasure and I'll just Just finish up by saying, be mindful, pause, and connect, and keep doing it.
John Milham (Host) · 1:06:42
Yeah, okay, I'm gonna repeat that constantly all day, so thank you, brother. Thank you for listening to this episode of Kintsugi Heroes. Thank you to Colin Lilley for permission to use Broken as our theme music for this series. If you enjoyed this conversation, share the podcast with a friend and let us know by leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If you'd like to support Kintsugi Heroes and the stories we share, head to kintsugiheroes.com.au and follow the instructions to make a tax-deductible donation. Thank you for listening, and we'll see you next time.
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