Justin Singh · 56 min
After decades of surgeries, bullying, and self-rejection, Justin Singh transformed a lifelong Crohn's disease diagnosis, and a colostomy bag, into his greatest source of confidence, purpose, and joy.
Hear this story
Justin Singh was one year old when he was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. Growing up, he didn't know his symptoms were unusual. Spending nearly every year in hospital from age 8 onwards for emergency surgery, isolated and in pain, he had no reference point for what normal looked like. At school, he was teased for his culture and appearance, struggling to keep up while managing a body that felt like it was betraying him. Home meant relief, fresh chips, cartoons, and his mother's care. But the weight of hiding built quietly over time.
For years, Justin tried to be someone he was not. He straightened his curly hair. He masked his disability. He pushed himself hard at work only to get sick, then push again in a cycle that never stopped. The real breaking point came when he realised he was rejecting himself more harshly than anyone else ever could. When he had a colostomy bag at 20, he made a choice: he stopped running. He walked down Bondi Beach shirtless, bag visible, and discovered that the moment he feared most was just ten seconds of someone's attention. The parts of himself he was most ashamed of, his Indian heritage, his disability, his difference, became the parts that drew people to him.
Justin rebuilt his confidence in small steps, deliberately creating positive interactions in shops, writing down those moments as evidence that his story about himself was changing. He learned that disability is not a loss of ability but a loss of control over some things, which meant focusing hard on the one thing he could truly control: his perspective. Today, he sees his Crohn's and his colostomy bag not as curses but as gifts that freed him from the endless chase for career status and possessions. He built a life where he could be genuinely happy without needing to climb anything to earn the right to feel good.
“She's like, don't worry, sonny boy. You don't have to worry about working. You don't have to worry about anything in the world. Just be happy and smile.”
“The hardest thing was actually rejecting myself — that was really hard. Looking in the mirror and you don't like who you are and you don't like where you're going.”
“Being diagnosed with a chronic illness is like being plunked into a dark tunnel and you can see only one speck of light in the far distance — the whole thing is about taking one step after another towards the white light.”
The hero, today
Justin learned as a child that having Crohn's symptoms was normal to him because he had no concept of what normal was, and by the time other people told him otherwise, he had already built his whole life around managing them. When Justin stopped running from his colostomy bag and his identity as an Indian man, he found that the parts of himself he was most ashamed of became the parts other people found most attractive and interesting. Justin rebuilt his confidence by deliberately creating small positive interactions with people in shops, then writing down those moments as evidence that his story about himself was changing. Justin sees disability as a loss of control rather than a loss of ability, so he focuses on controlling the one thing he can truly control: his perspective and how he chooses to see situations. The price of transforming disability into a blessing is not money or effort, but willingness to let go of parts of the personality and identity he has built, even if those parts once protected him. Justin found that the greatest gift of living through a chronic illness is permission to be happy without needing to climb career ladders or buy things to earn the right to feel good.
Yes. Justin Singh is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Justin learned as a child that having Crohn's symptoms was normal to him because he had no concept of what normal was, and by the time other people told him otherwise, he had already built his whole life around managing them.
When Justin stopped running from his colostomy bag and his identity as an Indian man, he found that the parts of himself he was most ashamed of became the parts other people found most attractive and interesting.
Justin rebuilt his confidence by deliberately creating small positive interactions with people in shops, then writing down those moments as evidence that his story about himself was changing.
John Milham (Host) · 00:00
Kintsugi Heroes acknowledges funding and was made possible with support from the Community Broadcasting Foundation.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 00:06
Find out more at cbf.org.au. Welcome to the Kintsugi Heroes podcast, where we share inspirational stories of everyday people going through different challenges and how they overcome them. Please be aware that the story you're about to hear may have moments of deeply felt emotions and personal experiences. If anything you hear has a triggering effect, please reach out to someone who can help keep you safe. If you love this conversation, we'd love you to like and share it with your friends so we can continue to share more inspiration and hope to as many people as possible. Now listen up for our next hero story.
John Milham (Host) · 01:03
Today we're sharing the inspiring story of Justin Singh.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 01:07
He's been in a tough battle with Crohn's disease and other health challenges since he was a baby.
John Milham (Host) · 01:13
He's faced surgeries, loneliness, and tough times at school, but he never let his spirit break.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 01:20
Instead, he learned to laugh and find joy even on hard days.
John Milham (Host) · 01:24
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Justin sees disability as a loss of control rather than a loss of ability, so he focuses on controlling the one thing he can truly control: his perspective and how he chooses to see situations.
This conversation includes welcome to justin's story, born into it, school without knowing what normal was, in and out of hospital every year, home and spongebob and the cost of hiding at work.
This week, John Millum dives into Justin's life where he turns his struggles into strength and shows us all how to shine through the tough times.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 01:33
Enjoy this one with Justin Singh.
John Milham (Host) · 01:41
So today at Kintsugi Heroes, our podcast, I'm joined by a friend of Kintsugi Heroes and, uh, an amazing bloke with a great story. So Justin Singh, Justin, welcome to Kintsugi Heroes.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 01:58
Thank you for having me on today, John.
John Milham (Host) · 02:00
Very excited to hear your thoughts because, uh, listeners, Justin has had a long-term, many-year battle with Crohn's disease and the consequences of that, both physically, emotionally, uh, including the medical interventions that you've had to deal with and the setbacks around that. And also then the impact on your lifestyle and how you interact with the world, which is probably something some people mightn't consider with long-term or chronic illness like you face. So, and I love, Justin, that your purpose now is defined by learning how to thrive with a disease. I noticed that's, you know, how you state your mission. So I thought I might ask you, you know, that's where you are learning how to thrive and helping people with course and information and example. How did the disease come on, you know? How did you get there?
Justan Singh (Guest) · 02:58
Yeah, absolutely. So I was born, and then when I was 1 years old, then I got the disease. So that's how I got there. I was just kind of born with it, but, uh, not really. Yeah, I don't think it's genetic. I think there was a lot of factors and, and things like that. Um, I did grow up in a very, like, a very loving household, but unfortunately, uh, my mum was very, um, like a germaphobe. So there was a lot of stigma around pooping, and, and I I, I do remember when I was younger feeling very guilty for going to the toilet. Not 1 years old, but like when I was like, I think about 3, 4, 5, you know, and, and I was in the stages and I used to hold in my poop and things like that because I was very scared of going. And I remember my dad actually telling me a story and he said, um, that my mom never used to change my nappies, but my dad did, you know. So he, she was, yeah, so like, and he was working, right? So I have a feeling maybe something You know, uh, I always like to think, think of things holistically, you know. And so I think, uh, you know, innately when you're a child, you, you're craving your parents' approval and you'll do anything to, uh, to appease them, you know. And I think maybe what I did was I internalized that, was like, okay, I'm gonna hold this in. But, but it's kind of like, you know, you hold anything in, if you hold a fart, you can turn into a shot, you know.
John Milham (Host) · 04:22
Yeah, yeah, no, it's, uh, you know, like, and you can imagine you're not just holding, you know, adjusting yourself physically to please your mum. You're actually— so there's that whole emotional and long-term view of, of how body functions.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 04:36
Yeah, absolutely. And it's not her fault as well. Like, she had her upbringing and she had her own, um, you know, her own, um, limitations. And at the end of the day, she, she brought like a lot of love and a lot of, um, empathy and compassion. I can— and she did the best that she could with the resources she got. So it's, you know, it's very interesting not to get too— like, uh, I went through a phase I was really upset with her, and then not really upset because at the end of the day she did her best, you know. And your best is all you can, you can, you can offer the world, really.
John Milham (Host) · 05:09
Yeah, absolutely. Well, that's beautiful, mate. So, but the whole journey to, you know, accommodating it strikes me as a whole story in and of itself, right? You know, understanding, getting to a place of acceptance. So How has your illness like that informed your journey? It must have been tough as a young person, uh, you know, starting school with a chronic disease and all of that. How did that—
Justan Singh (Guest) · 05:33
Yeah, absolutely. Like, I think as a child I didn't have a concept of what normal is, and so I just kind of thought, oh, okay, it's like kind of normal to, you know, be lethargic all the time. It's kind of normal to have pain going to the toilet. It's kind of normal to have, uh, blood in your, in your stools. And it's kind of normal to go to the toilet, uh, every hour of the day. And so that's where I kind of, um, and even at nighttime, right, like one every hour of the night going to the bathroom, I thought that was normal. And, um, people told me it wasn't normal, but I just, I don't know. It's kind of like saying, you know, it's normal to have $10,000 passive income in your wallet a day and, and spend on whatever you want. And you're like, that's not normal to me. I don't know, I've got this limitation where I've got to go to work and I've got to put food on the table. So basically the whole thing was like, I, I did go through school and it was very difficult because I was brought up in a yogic religion, or religion. So it was very peace, it was a lot of meditation, a lot of smiling and happiness, you know, and We were taught how to be very virtuous. And so there was no smoking, there was no swearing, there was no sex, there was no violence, there was no, you know, basically it was, it was a lot of like care and love for each other. So like, I remember going to school and like, I failed everything and every year I would get an award for smiling, right? And I was like, that's the only thing I did well. I failed everything. I failed like English and math and English is my first language, by the way. Failed at all, but I was just so concerned, like, all preoccupied my, my mind was to be happy in the moment while also not trying to shit my pants, you know, which was quite daunting. But I never really got along with anyone in school because there I always got called the curry muncher, and I always got called scrawny and skinny because I was so tiny. And, um, I noticed kids like, uh, playing very rough with each other. I'm like, this doesn't make sense. Why are you like hurting each other? Why are you like pushing each other over in the playground. That doesn't make any sense to me. Like, why, you know? Um, so I never really got along with, with people at school. I wanted to be their friends. I would hang out with them and chase them, or like, just like beg to be around them. But really, like, uh, they didn't want to spend time with me. And it was this big disparity. And I remember in school also, like, sometimes I smell like poop because I had poop in my underwear, right? Because I was scared of going to the toilet. Had this big fear of using the school toilet and my own poop, and I only felt safe, you know, going to a corner and then like, you know, holding it in. That's what I kind of grew up with. And so basically I was in and out of hospital since the age of 8 because I was put on some type of medication that kind of— it just set off a whole domino effect of other symptoms that kind of, you know, created a lot of unbalance in my life. So my schooling life was very unbalanced, you know. I'm, I'm there in school struggling to wake up, struggling to get into school, struggling to like get by and do all the math and do all the— and even pass. And then come, you know, towards the end of the year, I— the pressures is too much and I end up getting very sick at nighttime where I'm like kind of, you know, I've got a lot of stomach pain. And then I'm being rushed to hospital, um, at 10 PM at night and sitting at Westmead Children's Hospital in the waiting room doubled over in pain, just wanting it to go away, and then being admitted going in for an emergency operation, and then once when the emergency operation, just waking up, and then that being my life of like, okay, now I'm trying to like— the new challenge is how do I swallow this medication when I don't want to? How do I change the bandages when they've done the operations and it hurts like anything? And I spent a lot of time alone when I was in— when I was younger. So this was not once, but this was nearly every single year of my whole entire growing up from, you know, from 8 to like 20. And so, yeah, so then like, you know, high school was even, even worse because like everyone's into the whole like, you know, the cool kids and, and here I was like waddling away.
John Milham (Host) · 09:54
So appearance is massive at that age.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 09:57
Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 09:58
And of course, and, you know, anything, you know, peers, anything that separates you or makes you different, So you've got cultural differences, you've got, you know, emotional approach to the world, values difference, and then of course the physical differences.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 10:12
Yeah, absolutely.
John Milham (Host) · 10:14
So, you know, how did that feel? How did you cope with it?
Justan Singh (Guest) · 10:17
I guess like the way I coped with it was watching SpongeBob SquarePants, and my mom was always very empathetic, and in terms— she was very encouraging. She's like, don't worry, sonny boy, you don't have to worry about working. You don't have to worry about anything in the world, you know. You just have to be happy and, you know, just smile. And I just got brought up with that. And so it's, it's pretty funny, isn't it? Like, you, on one hand, I'm like, I've got no friends, but on the other hand, it's like the biggest blessing, you know, when I've got this beautiful thing where I'm like, oh, I don't have to chase the norm. I don't have to chase and be better. I can just be myself. You know. And that's, I think, one of the biggest struggles that, that a lot of children have growing up is like, how do you be yourself? So like, I was so far removed, I had so much adversity that I didn't really care about school anymore. I didn't really care about, you know, making friends. It was really about just like surviving.
John Milham (Host) · 11:14
So you were at the bottom of Maslow's Pyramid, right? Just every day was about, how can I survive? How can I, you know, eat?
Justan Singh (Guest) · 11:21
Exactly. And like, one of the most best moments would be when I like got let go from hospital, right? They discharged me and then I would come home and my mom would, you know, clean up the house and I would be able to walk in. I would smell it and it was just so fresh. And then she had made my bed and I would just go straight into my bed because you remember I was in hospital with no nothing of mine. It wasn't— I was butt naked in a, in a, in a gown I didn't even have my— I think I had my own shoes, but that's pretty much it. And so I finally had my— it's kind of like a prisoner, right? But I had my own bed. I could like lay down, sleep. I'm not being disturbed by all these beeping alarms of, you know, hospital things. And, um, you know, being connected up and every 4, like 3 hours at nighttime, someone coming in and waking you up and checking your blood pressure. And, you know, and, uh, not really having your own sleep schedule and No privacy too. You got people screaming and vomiting all through the night. So that was one of the best moments, is coming home, and then she would make me fresh hot chips, and then, uh, homemade chips, and then I'd watch some SpongeBob SquarePants or Everybody Loves Raymond or something silly.
John Milham (Host) · 12:35
And so those moments were enough for you to get through?
Justan Singh (Guest) · 12:38
Yeah, yeah, I think so. I think like my motto is like always find a way to laugh, you know. If you can always find a way to laugh and that's all that matters, right? It's very hard in these days because you're balanced between two. You're like, do I thrive in my career and push and go try and keep up with everyone, or do I be joyful and happy? And often there's this trade-off, you know, like how I'm now trading. Do I be happy, enjoying myself, or perform? And then so there's a thing that I'm working on at the moment is figuring out how to have fun working and enjoying yourself and be super productive and laugh while making a lot of money, you know. And, you know, money is just a translation of value. So knowing that I can bring a lot of value to an organization is— or a person, you know, through my joy and laughter and the things I naturally create— is, is, is the best thing. Because the other side is like the overthinking, you know. The overthinking is what debilitates us, especially when you've got a chronic illness, right? And you're at work and you're thinking like, I've just got this job on the limb, you know, or like, I've, I've had to like figure out how do I explain my absence, absences in my resume. I've got this job, I don't want to make it look like I'm incapable, right? I'm scared of like breaking the news to my new bosses or my current bosses because I don't want to be judged. And also I don't want to fall behind. So then people start trading, they're like, okay, high-pressure situation because, you know, since 2000, everything's— production has doubled, right? The, the need for consumption has doubled, but, you know, the, uh, the work, like, um, the roles in companies have halved, you know. So where you used to have like a big, you know, website team, for example, and there would be 3 or 4 people doing website work, now there's one, you know. And I've seen the transition too, and it It's very hard because the new person comes in who has a disability is now walking into this political situation where before there may be 2 people working in that one position, now it's just them. And then so they're like, okay, how do I balance my health? I've been in this position a lot myself, but like, it's like, um, it's this trade-off. And what I see happen a lot is that people have no choice but to push themselves to perform, and then they get sick, you know, and then they push themselves again and get sick. It's this cycle that keeps going on. It doesn't have to be that way. So I'm— what I'm doing at the moment is formulating, putting that into a book on like how to thrive in the workplace, because realistically, like, you know, there's, there's multiple ways of working, but the main way is to not not focus on, like, do your best. Your best is your best. And flow and come from love instead of, like, overthinking, you know.
John Milham (Host) · 15:34
That's fascinating, right? You're like, you're kind of talking about boundaries, but boundaries that are reinforced by an internal source rather than an external one. So, you know, feeling confident and, and feeling supported enough.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 15:48
Absolutely. And the reason why, like, I know I've been thinking about this for a long time, you know, this word boundaries has come in and come into existence in the last 5, to 10 years. It wasn't there before, right? And so I noticed why boundaries were really like— weren't so important back in the days, because people had their own autonomy. So people had their own space. You could, you know, um, you could be a child and you could finish school and then spend all day in the park reading, playing, you know, like playing with sticks and stuff like that, or riding a bike, and then come home and you have no responsibility. So you've got that breathing room But our breathing room has reduced so much, where it's like in the last 10 years, 5 years, like we are literally on top of each other. So that what happens, we don't have that breathing room. When we don't have that breathing room, what happens is it causes us to not thrive. And so then people create these things called boundaries, and the boundaries are seen as like they come with this very like harshness behind it. It's like This is my boundary. Do not push my boundary. So I, I had this realization is boundaries are there because their main, um, objective is to create harmony so you can thrive and be happy. You know, that's the only reason why I have boundaries, because you're like, hey, look, you know, so if you're hanging out with a friend, right, and you go like, okay, my— are you hanging with a friend and they always say like, you know, moaning and complaining about something and they're not changing the situation and then they're being like, say, late all the time when you are like, you know, you're always on time because you've put down what you've done. Then what happens is you end up hanging out with them, and then after that you feel so drained because you're like, man, like, why wasn't this person early? You know, this, you know, and, and they've been moaning about these situations. Now I feel really icky. And now you have to spend like 5 to 10 hours trying to get rid of that icky feeling, right? And then, so then what you realize is like, okay, what happened was there were things that I didn't like that were happening that made me feel upset. Now the— so those are like boundaries for, say, like, oh man, that was a boundary that was crossed. I didn't know. So it's like, what are the, what are the boundaries that make me feel really good? Or what's my criteria manual for thriving? People don't really talk about that. Like, I've got a manual, a Word document I can hand to my friends, and I say, if you want to get the best out of me, these are the opposite of the boundaries, but these are the things that make me thrive. And when you do these things, and, uh, these things help me become a 10 out of 10, you know. So on one hand, people these days are walking around like they're like red flags— don't do this, don't do that— it, you know, it's, it's, it's, uh, and so there's all this focus on don't on the don't list. But how many people are looking at the green light, you know, the green flags? Or so the red light, green light— who— no one's really talking about the green lights. And all you have to do is flip— yeah, just flip those red flags into green flags. Okay, I don't like people who are, you know, who aren't empathetic. Well, what do you like then? I like people empathetic. So whatever you focus on is what kind of reality you start to, to create around you, you know, or the filter you start to see things Yeah, that's great.
John Milham (Host) · 19:13
I like that idea. And it's interesting because you mentioned earlier on the idea of walking into a place with a disability. How do you relate to that given, you know, your childhood, you had this home situation where you were accepting things that most kids would get into trouble for, you know, like, oh, you're not doing well at school. How did that translate to your attitude about disabled?
Justan Singh (Guest) · 19:37
I now see that everyone has their own kind of limitations, their own, uh, you know, things that will make them like either crack or not perform to the 100% potential, you know. So like if we're talking about my disability, I can see my— I used to see my disability as a bad thing, right? Now I turn it to my— to the best thing that's about— like that, uh, I turn into the positive opposite. The reason why that is, is because like my disability only limits me so much. It, you know, I, I have a hard time functioning on less than 7 hours of sleep. I need to wake up later than earlier. I need, you know, people to be more empathetic and nice instead of being like harsh and critical. Um, I need the ability to go to sleep and have naps at 3 PM. So these are like the, the little functions of my disability, right, that I need to work around. So if there's like, say, 5,000 things that a normal person can do, my, my disability may have, you know, limited me to do 4,300, right? Which means there's like 700 things I can't do. Now, if I keep focusing on like, oh, I can't do these other 700 things, then it's like Yeah, but I'm, I'm losing focus on the 4,300 things that I can do. So by focusing on the things that I can do, that, that allows me to, you know, thrive. And that's a whole— the whole premise of all of this is about thriving with what you got, you know, being grateful what you do have, because at the end of the day, you can't get back what you don't have anymore. Because it's, it's not there anymore. So like, you know, it's okay to mourn the loss but not stay stuck in it. Is that stuckness and that bitterness and resentment? Good. Oh, you know, like everyone else is, you know, has the ability to thrive and all this thing, and I'm here stuck. It's like, so what? Like, yeah, I get it, I've lived with that, but it, it just makes you very bitter and upset. So what's the point? What is the point? We have to ask ourselves, what is the point of focusing on that? And, and there is, there is no reason to stay stuck because it doesn't help us move forward, you know.
John Milham (Host) · 22:01
So it's interesting because you've, you've mentioned, you know, feeling good, being happy, joyful, uh, thriving. How would you describe thrive?
Justan Singh (Guest) · 22:12
Thriving is like, well, you could go through like the definition in the dictionary, right? My definition is like, no matter what happens everything happens for the best. So when you have the ability to look at whatever happens as the best thing that's ever happened and the greatest thing that's ever happened, and look at the positive in that, that builds character, and that's thriving. Like, for example, I had a, uh, I think I had like a $100 bill or $200 bill, like $200 in my wallet, and I looked in my wallet, uh, today, I'm like, oh, it's gone. You know, and I'm like, okay, well, someone else is enjoying that money, you know. Could be so like, ah, why did I— like, why is this bad thing happen? And why did I lose it? And how could it be so clumsy? But then I'm not going to grow from that. Well, it's a bit silly, you know. So, um, that's how I see it, is ability to be like resourceful and see the positive and the resource in the moment, because we always have an option. You know, we don't have to respond in a negative way. We don't have to always look at how things were bad. Like some people say, well, you know, like that, that just means you're suppressing your emotions. Well, actually, we're going to ask, where does an emotion come from? An emotion doesn't— isn't a spontaneous thing that like explodes out of nowhere. An emotion, like I always ask myself this a long time ago, what came first, the thought or the emotion? The thought has to come first because the thought is a perspective. The thought is how we look at it and the perspective or the frame that we look at it. And if we always have a negative frame, of course we're going to feel sad because the frame and the lens that we're, or our criteria we're looking through it, is not met. Then we go, okay, well, you know, now I'm going to be sad because there is a loss there. But if you change your criteria and you're like, how can I always see this as a gain? Then you're, you're not gonna feel that, that emotion of loss and sadness. The, the suppression only comes from when you don't adjust your perspective. The perspective might be like, oh, you know, like, this person beat me and took something away from me, right? And then you go, oh, okay, no, now I need to not feel sad because I'm feeling sad. I need to feel happy. And then you're forcing the happiness, like, ah, this is great, this is great. And it's like, no, that's not— that's not doing the work. That's, that's just trying to sugarcoat the situation. You gotta adjust the whole thing about like, okay, how is this— is this really— you know, one way of looking at it is this person is taking advantage of me. What's the other way? You know, like, more maybe this person is just really hurt and, and they, they don't know the difference between me and someone else. So like, maybe that's Yeah, so it's very important to build this resource and this, um, control of perspective with a disability, because with a disability there are very little things you can control, especially outside in the world, and especially when it comes to people's reactions. So the best thing you can do is control what you can control. And what is that? And that is your perspective. That is your way of seeing things. These are like one of the only things that we can really truly control, you know, and we can adjust and create. And when we start there, that's when we start taking control of our life, because a life with disability is a life where we've lost control, you know. And so it's like, how do you regain control? And that's the most important thing when it comes to disability, because the word disability implies lack of ability, but you know, a lack of ability comes down to lack of control. It means you don't have the ability to control something, right? So if you can have the ability to control your emotions, control your perspectives, then you're not really, you don't live in this realm of disability. You have, you live in the realm of full capability or resourceful capability.
John Milham (Host) · 26:20
Yeah, it's interesting you say, like, you know, it sounds really positive and, and engaging in some ways though. You would've, you know, your journey through childhood and into, um, adulthood, you know, you didn't have, uh, any control over how the world saw you and how they interacted with you. Most people, you know, react to shame or feel like withdrawing. How did you deal with that?
Justan Singh (Guest) · 26:44
Um, I, It was like kind of the analogy of like a fishing line, you know. So you're fishing, uh, in the deep sea and you're, you're struggling to pull in this really big fish, and your fishing line is— there's so much tension because you're trying to pull the fish in and then the fish is trying to pull away, and this tension keeps building and building and building. And then the most beautiful moment is when the, uh, the fishing line snaps because there's no more resistance. And it's pure acceptance. You're not trying to make things any different. And so that was very similar for me because in the world that I lived in, like, I was— I felt like I was constantly not appreciated for who I am, and I felt like I was a curry muncher, I was disabled, I was like— had all these stigmas and all this stuff. And I was— I did my best not to be that. So people would call me a coconut because I would act white, you know. So there would be like 'Oh, you're like a, you know, coconut. You're brown on the outside, white on the inside.' And, um, and then I did my best to like straighten my hair when I had really curly hair, and I did my best to, you know, mask my disability and not talk about it because I saw it as a really bad thing about me. But then I started to flip it on its head, and I was like, 'This is the most sexiest and best thing about me.' And, and through that process, I was like, You know, I can either, I can either keep running away from having Crohn's. I could run away from having a colostomy bag, you know, at the age of 20. I could run away from being an Indian, but why? You know, there's no point trying to run away, you know. And so I said, you know what, I am who I am, you know, and I might as well accept and love me the way I am. And if people don't love me, I'm done trying to fit in. I'm done trying to convince them to like me and, you know, put on an act to be someone I'm not because I'm not that cool person who goes out drinking. I'm the person who likes staying at home and watching movies. I'm not that cool person who likes doing, you know, like motorsports and going out clubbing, you know. I'm that person who likes to just, you know, watch, um, you know, go to, go to the beach and go for a walk and do some sewing and make some perfume. So like, you know, like like these things, you know, we grow in this— grow up in this culture where there's all these expectations of what you should, shouldn't be. And then I just said one day, you know what, stuff it, I'm just gonna be me and I'm gonna love who I am. And I remember, like, for context, uh, for people who are listening or watching outside Australia, there's a place called Bondi Beach. So Bondi is really whitewashed. You've got a lot of like white people there and It's, it's very confronting, especially as an ethnic person, because it's, um, you know, you get looked down upon there quite a bit, or so I thought, you know. And I said, you know what, I've got this colostomy bag, I'm gonna go to Bondi, and I'm just gonna get comfortable being there. And I always felt so uncomfortable going there, and, uh, I felt like I'm ashamed. I'm like this Indian, I've got a colostomy bag, whatever, like Who am I? And I just remember putting my headphones on and walking down the beach, and I just remember people watching me and looking at me. I'm like, oh my God, this is really bad. And then I was like, okay, they looked at me, but they've kind of, you know, nothing's happened. You know, it's like 10 seconds. They looked at me and that was it. Okay. And I looked back and that person was just like, now onto the next thing. I'm like, oh. Okay, so like, I was worried about all of that for him to just like look away. And then I said, okay, so I built up the courage. I still felt a little bit awkward. I felt very awkward going to Bondi. And then I started to go, okay, I'm gonna go there and I'm gonna walk along the beach with my shirt off, my colostomy bag out, and put my headphones in. I focused on the horizon and I was just putting my happy music on and walking. And I was walking, people looked at my colostrum bag and that was it. I'm like, wow, like I've just broken through the biggest barrier and beliefs I've ever had, you know? And so these, these, this moment was like fantastic. Like nowadays I just go to Bondi. I just love it. I didn't even think about being like an Indian because I looked around. I'm like, let me like put this into context, right? I was being teased by all the white people in school. For being like a curry muncher, right? And then I just had to ask myself, no, being sexy is like— being an Indian is the sexiest thing and everyone wants to be like me. That's why they were teasing me. It's like, how is this true? Well, every blonde girl wants to be tanned, you know? And the favorite, the most favorite thing that like these Aussies like eating is like a, like, um, chicken curry and vindaloo. And I was like, hang on a second. And then like all these like people were like doing yoga and they wanted to do like, and you know, all the meditation. And I'm like, they just want to be my culture. Actually, these guys want to be more like me. This doesn't make any sense. Like, what the heck? And then I just was like, you know what, I'm gonna be like hot chocolate here. Everyone's so bored of the vanilla that they like hot chocolate. And so, um, you know, there was other aspects where I wanted to prove a point, and I was like, you know what, the sexiest thing about me is having a colostomy bag. And And I wanted to prove that as a point that it wouldn't affect, you know, women wanting to sleep with me, because I knew people who had ended their life because they were afraid of having a colostomy bag. So what I did was I became the world's first stripper with a colostomy bag, right? So I did that, and, um, and when I jumped on stage, did the show in front of hundreds of girls, I just heard cheering and whistling. I'm like, wow, okay, I've just like, I've broken through a new mental barrier here. Like, I didn't even realize this was a thing. And then I was like, I wonder if I can have a one-night stand with a colostomy bag. And I did. And I remember like, we got back to her house and she looked at my bag and I was like, she's like, what's that? I'm like, oh, I just had an operation like 10 years ago. Not 10 years, uh, Uh, like a couple of years ago, and she's like, oh, okay, does it hurt? I'm like, no, it doesn't hurt, you know, it's okay. And then we just got to it, and I was like, wow, if I— I realized that I had more control of my own reality than I realized. So however I was seeing myself is what I was kind of preempting that people would treat me like. And then when I started to take control of it I, um, that's when I started to rewrite the script of my life. Because like, you understand, John, like, I left school and I didn't know how to talk to anyone. I didn't know how to make any friends. I didn't, I didn't even know how to talk to women. And I remember reading a book called Double Your Dating, and it was like, you know, um, you know, take one step at a time and recreate your story. So I created this new story, like, my gosh, like, girls love talking to me, girls love talking to me. And I kept saying that to myself but I had zero examples of a girl liking to talk to me. And so I wrote this down on a notepad, girls like talking to me, on a Post-it note. And then I went into the shops. I knew that the store attendants had to be nice. And I walked in, I was like, hello. The girl was like, hello, hi, happy like Sunday, or how are you today? How's your day? Can I help you with anything? I'm like, no, I'm okay, I'm just looking. And she's like, oh, that's all good, you know. Well, you let me know if you ever need anything. I'm like, okay, I will. And then I left the shop and I wrote down, girls like me, just like the girl in YD, you know. And then I went to another shop and I just kept building these tiny little experiences of where the positive opposite was true. So I went to another shop and the same thing, and I left the shop feeling, oh my gosh, like girls love talking to me. So I made this delusional confidence, right? But it actually like was me painting and understanding and seeing reality through the lens that I wanted to experience it through to the point where, like, you know, I fast forward, I, I've got a colostomy bag, you know, and I'm, and I'm, and I'm, you know, dating around. I, I'm an ethnic person that most people don't want to be with, you know, and, uh, or, or culturally what I was brought up to be. And then I've transformed this to the point where women like, oh my God, your bag is so sexy. The sexiest thing about you is your bag, like, or your Crohn's, like That's so cool. You're so inspiring. And I'm like, whoa, holy moly. This is like, this is completely different. And that's what I really want to teach people. Like, I really want people to have that ability to, to do that because such a freeing place where you don't have to feel like, you know, you've got to be a different, like you've got to hide or convince people or not share yourself. You, you know, the best. The best thing about you is you as you are. And it's like, how do you glow and have the inner spark and fire so that you're around and people go, wow, I want to spend time with this guy or girl? Um, because what you are is inspiring. Who you are is amazing, you know? Yeah, finding that out.
John Milham (Host) · 36:08
Yeah, I love that idea. Um, of course it's hard work. You've got to work. Like, I love that story where you You started like, it's like, you know, if you wanted to get huge in the gym, you'd start with small, small weights and then slowly build up over time, constantly putting the work in. Like going into a shop, I'd never thought about that, right? Going into a shop and having a conversation with someone who kind of has to talk to you.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 36:33
Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 36:33
But, you know, then finding the positives out of that experience and then putting that in your affirmations. That's really awesome.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 36:40
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 36:42
So, and of course, so Marcus Aurelius, the famous Stoic, talks about choosing not to be harmed because you won't be harmed if you choose not to be harmed. And if you don't feel harmed, you haven't been harmed. So do you think all of that negativity and discrimination and bullying and all of the energy of not conforming. Do you think that harmed you and then you were able to reframe that? Is that an experience you think has happened, or were you able to just transform that experience into something else?
Justan Singh (Guest) · 37:21
I think I sort of like zoomed out a little bit and I looked at like, okay, like this person's upset me, and I just was more about like efficiency. What's the most efficient way that you can see the situation, right? So like, there's a lot of energy and work gone into like combating negative people and, no, I'm not negative, you're negative, you're doing this bad thing and things like that. You know, there's a lot of energy, there's a lot of waste, right? So really it's in your best interest to fast forward and be like, okay, what resources and how are we gonna like, how is this gonna be the best thing that I can take away? Is being upset and Feeling like I'm being discriminated against gonna move me forward? No. Or how? Like, oh, I'm gonna get upset and angry, tell this person off. Most times people aren't even like aware that they're like what they're doing. And then even if they're doing it to you, they're not really doing it to you because you look into the eyes and most of the times they won't look you straight in the eye. They'll be looking away and you're like, well, you're not even angry at me, you're, you're angry at someone else. So it takes a lot to like get someone to the point where they're really angry and backlashing against you. That's where I kind of was like, I kind of saw things like, well, do I want to take on other people's trauma? You know, no, I don't really want it. It's not my trauma, they can have it. So it's just like, okay, um, they're more like statues and they've got their own opinions, but they're not going to change. If I try and push and change a statue to be different, then it's not going to change. So why why, uh, why I spend time trying to battle these statues. And I see a lot of people walking around and arguing with statues and being like, you're so mean, you're so this, and you can't be judgmental, judgmental is bad. And you know, it's like, I'm sorry to say, but sometimes, like, you know, advocacy is amazing, and sometimes it becomes like this, it becomes a war. And I'm like, I've, I've, I've been around through the whole thing, right? And there's no point standing up and getting really upset at people because then we become no better. The best thing is to shine bright with positivity and be like, okay, cool, yep. You know, like, I could, I could parade around and be like, you know, discrimination because I got fired because of my Crohn's and unfairly dismissed and all this stuff. No point, right? Why? Like, am I gonna spend 3 years going through the court system and like, you know, and, uh, and just to prove a point? Or am I going to spend my time with people who appreciate and really uplift me, you know? Or am I going to be so upset and angry, like, hey, you know, you, you need to like not hate on Indian people, and you need to like, you need to be nice to them? Or that just makes people want to be even more less nice, you know? And so I might as well like, man, being Indian is awesome, like freaking, we're really cool, we know how to cook curry, we know how to like, you know, where the people invented Kama Sutra and where the whole people who like invented how to be like, you know, really good in bed and all this stuff, you know. And so like, you just kind of like, the more you shine brighter, then you start becoming a lot more like attractive and alluring. Like, like a lot of people hate— like didn't know what a colostomy bag was and thought it was an old person's thing. And I said, okay, well, this is not really defined properly. It's def— its definition is from an old school mentality. And I said, a colostomy bag is an upgrade. People like, what? What do you mean an upgrade? I'm like, yeah, like, have you ever been out at a club at nighttime and you've been busting to go into the bathroom? You're like, you're like, yeah. And you're like, I don't have to because I can just— I've got a bag. Like, what do you mean? I'm like, man, like, how long do you spend on the toilet? They're like, I don't know, like 10, 15 minutes, maybe sometimes an hour. I'm like, I'm in and out of there in the bathroom in like 30 seconds. I'm in and out, I'm gone. And I'm like, do you fart? They're like, yeah. I'm like, I've never farted. I haven't farted. No, I haven't farted in 10, 15 years. And they're like, what? I'm like, yeah, you fart? Like, that's, that's so— do you know, that's, that's— I feel sorry for you. I feel really sorry.
John Milham (Host) · 41:31
So the gifts of, uh, of the colostomy bag.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 41:35
It's the gifts, you know. So that's the thing that really— I'm, I'm really trying to not tell people to do, but be the real, like, role model. So that's why you don't see me like out there parading and being like, you know, standing up and like, go disability people. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, uh, I'm not doing that. I'm, I'm saying, hey, you know, we can shine. Here are the two— here are my tools, here are like what I used to thrive. You paint your own adventure and you, you evolve into your own superhero.
John Milham (Host) · 42:04
Yeah, I love that. And it's particularly poignant because when you're asking for, for acceptance not offering acceptance of the people who won't accept you seems to be counterproductive.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 42:16
Yes, exactly.
John Milham (Host) · 42:18
I love that idea. Again, my guru Marcus Aurelius, my man from another time, he talks about the best kind of revenge is to not be like your enemy. So I love that idea that you've spent so much energy moving beyond the people who try to, you know, to make your experience unpleasant.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 42:44
Yeah, absolutely. Like, would you rather spend an hour arguing with someone who's like hard-headed, or would you rather spend an hour laughing and having fun with your friends and doing really fun things? And you know, what would you rather do? Yeah, you know, like have, uh, what's it called, keyboard warrior wars with each other? That's stupid. Go like watch some fun things and do fun things, like Like, life's too short. Like, this is the other thing is like a lot of people with disabilities, like, they've cheated death. They've cheated, like, as in like not cheated, but like, you know, there's the biggest gift there. Like, you've, you've, you've come back to life and you're like, whoa, okay, I don't need to be in this matrix of performance. I can be in the, in the world of enjoyment because like, you know, enjoyment is free really. Like, it comes like really think about it, enjoyment comes from within. Like, there, everything gives us permission to enjoy ourselves. Like, there's, you can't buy a Lamborghini or buy a Ferrari and feel happy because of the Lamborghini. It's the permission the Lamborghini gives us to be happy because there's no dopamine inside of a Ferrari, but the dopamine is released within yourself. Oh, it's like this permission is where the power is. Like, we've come into society where like the permission to be happy comes from outside. That means you have to climb and, and become certain things, which is what makes us all so sad, is we can't get to the career goals and the life goals that people are doing. So we don't have the permission to make ourselves happy. We have to go and be a certain person. So when you realize that and you go, hang on a second, the whole thing is about me being happy, is you're telling me like I didn't need to climb all these things and I just need to be grateful and happy and I can unlock my own dopamine? Well, then that makes you a dangerous person because you're not subservient to the whole culture of you need to climb your career, you need to do this, you need to do that in order to be happy. You're giving yourself permission to be happy. And that's what is very inspiring. You know, people go, whoa, like, you've got very little, but you're so happy with very little. I want to be like you because my happiness— they'll say, my happiness is fleeting. I will get to a certain point and then be unhappy. You're a person with a disability, you've got less than me, you've got less abilities, but you're more happy. Like, I want to be like that. That's powerful.
John Milham (Host) · 45:15
Yeah, absolutely. Say, you know, somebody who's disabled, you know, has a particularly tough time dealing with the physical consequences of their circumstance. And of course they're sitting in a community that sometimes doesn't see them or doesn't help them in a way that's useful. How would you help them to find that power in themselves to stop outsourcing their happiness and take control?
Justan Singh (Guest) · 45:42
Yeah, it's a great question. So basically it comes down to like making all this. So I'd ask them. Sit down with them, get them to break down a list of what they— what's their criteria in order to be happy? What do they need, you know? And draw a line in the middle, what's outside and what's inside, and just rule out the things that are outside that they can't control, you know? So you have the role of what you can control and the role of what you can't control and the separation. And there's so much liberation in making that separation, like, well, okay, these are the things I can control, you know. And by realizing that, that gives that person so much more happiness and so much more like, uh, ability, you know. Because it's like kind of looking at a cat and going, why aren't you barking? You know, he can't control it. You can't control what it's going to do, but you can control yourself, you know. So that, that's one thing that I would suggest is go inside and create your own I'm sure you've all may or may not have watched the movie Happy Gilmore, but that moment where—
John Milham (Host) · 46:45
I didn't watch it as a development opportunity, I must admit.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 46:51
Well, it's an amazing development opportunity.
John Milham (Host) · 46:53
I must have missed that.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 46:54
I've got to go back and look for the gold in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why won't you go in your hole? I like that, that scene. But, you know, it's really about like like he finds that happy place in his mind, you know, and that's, that's really where you're, you know, you create that happy place. Um, and the other thing is like, yes, there is a lot of like, that person would feel a lot of, um, like not be supported quite a lot, you know, so, and they would feel alone, you know, if anything, because they didn't have people around them. So it's like, okay, um, maybe I need to shift my place or where I am to people who like even just one person who's empathetic or even one person that's like, you know, understanding, you know, maybe, maybe I need to shift my, my, my, uh, my circle. And then also doing the inner healing. And the inner healing is just a simple process of having that empathy and understanding, you know. And so I did earlier talk about like, you know, their perspective is what creates your emotion, but also it's really important for that person to feel understood and heard and let that emotion out, you know, with non-judgment. So finding empathetic people to do that and then recreating the boundaries, recreating perspectives, and all that stuff's going to make a massive difference.
John Milham (Host) · 48:16
I'll ask you about what you think it is— was the hardest thing you endured on your journey, and then what were the greatest triumphs you've had?
Justan Singh (Guest) · 48:26
The hardest thing was actually like rejecting myself. That was really hard. Well, it's just like there's so many things I didn't like about myself. That was really hard. Like how— like, look in the mirror and you don't like who you are and you don't like where you're going and all that stuff. That's a really hard place to be, and it's not a really nice place to be. So that was a really hard— that was one of the hardest things of the journey. The other hard thing was like taking medications when I didn't want to take medications. And the other hard thing was being diagnosed with a disability that I was, um, that I was destined to have, you know. And so being told like there's no cure for this disability was really hard. And so that's what was really upsetting for myself and very hard to accept. But then once I realized actually I've got more power than I realized— because when you have a disability, you're told, you know, this is incurable, you can't do anything, and whatnot— that's when you start to That's when it becomes very, very hard to, to, to live because you're like, okay, I've got this thing that's out of control. And the biggest blessing is when I started to break down that belief. I'm like, no, actually, I can control these things. And when I started questioning, that's when I started to see things a lot more differently, you know. And then I was like, whoa, actually there are these things that was left out, you know, and I can control them. And so that's when I started to revolutionize and change my health for the good.
John Milham (Host) · 49:54
So those moments of hardness, you managed to hang on and, and navigate till you learned how to change them for the good?
Justan Singh (Guest) · 50:02
Absolutely. Because like, at the end of the day, there's like, uh, you're— it's like I say, you know, being in a— being diagnosed with a chronic illness is like being plonked into a dark tunnel, and you can see only one speck of light in the far distance. And the whole thing is about taking one step after another towards the white light. Now I'm saying like to go, I'm not saying to like, if you see the white light and you pass out to go to light, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about like you're walking one step further to the, to the goal of like freedom. And that's all it is, is just one step at a time and just enjoying the step. Because if you stop and you like kind of dwell on what you don't have, you can get, you can get sucked into that. Um. You can get sucked into the, the abyss of darkness, you know.
John Milham (Host) · 50:53
Yeah, fantastic. What would you like people out there to know?
Justan Singh (Guest) · 50:58
I would like them to know that you can have the best life ever. You can, you can thrive with whatever you have, whichever situation you have, and it's just the price that you're willing to pay. And the price you're willing to pay isn't the price you think it is. It's the price of what you're willing to accept and what you're willing to change about yourself. Because ultimately, you can't change the world, but you can only change yourself and how you interact with the world. So if you change yourself, then you can change reality. And that's the most important thing, is like asking yourself, are you willing to do what it takes to transform this disability into your biggest blessing? If you are, there are things that you've got to remove and you've got to let go of. And a lot of it is, uh, some of the hard truths that is very hard. Like, we've, we've built a lot of our personality upon, but that's what we have to give up in order to have a different result. Because if you want to have a different result, you've got to do a different thing. So, um, in order to transform it into your biggest blessing You have to go through a different journey and let go of things. It's not a hard journey. It just means that we have to let go of one thing and take on another. And, uh, when, even though it's a big sacrifice, like, uh, there's no magic pill of like, hey, just say these two mantras and you're going to be happy. And no, it's like, you've got to like rewire yourself. And, uh, when you rewire yourself, it's the most beautiful thing ever because you remove those buttons that were triggering. You remove those triggers that were like you're doing the operation to remove the things that used to really upset you, you know. And those buttons that were used to upset you were the same buttons that you used to get a lot of secondary emotions like sympathy, empathy, compassion. You can say, hey, how dare you, like, you know, how dare you tell me and treat me like that. Don't you know I have a disability? It's like giving up all of that giving up all that and just parking it to the side and then installing new empowering things so you don't go like, okay, you don't play that, play that game.
John Milham (Host) · 53:11
Some wonderful thoughts there, mate, and so such richness backed by an incredible journey that you've made. And I love the authenticity of your feeling that this is possible. I'm inspired by the fact that you know it. That it's possible to do this. So thank you very much for sharing that confidence. Thank you so much, mate, for being so generous with your journey, so brave to share stuff that's always challenging for some people to consider, to, you know, listening to, you know, physical stuff. And good luck with your, you know, sharing the message. So here's the time, mate. Is there something people can connect with you over or look for?
Justan Singh (Guest) · 53:59
Absolutely. So you can go to my, uh, my Instagram, which is thriving.with.crohn's, and you can follow me there. And I've got a, um, a book and a course coming out very soon which teaches people how to, like, we— you talked about turning their disability into their blessing, and then, and that leads on to a whole bunch of other things about how to find your perfect relationship, how to find the perfect job that you're just flying with. With yourself. Like, there's— yeah, so I'm— my mission is to instill that, give it away at a very low cost that everyone can afford, and, um, and so that everyone can thrive, you know. So I'll have a lot of, uh— I've already got a lot of resources out there, so just, uh, DM me and ping me and I can send you the links.
John Milham (Host) · 54:44
And, um, yeah, so, yeah, so people out there, um, if you're inspired, reach out, uh, find some resources from Justin or make contact.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 54:54
Fantastic.
John Milham (Host) · 54:54
Thank you so much for sharing, and all the best with the new book and course. And I think with, you know, the whole dating and, you know, thriving is another chapter sometime down the track. So I look forward to that too.
Justan Singh (Guest) · 55:08
Thank you so much, Sean. Thank you. We hope you've enjoyed this episode of Kintsugi Heroes. Please like and share the show to your friends so we can get this out to even more people. If you have a story you'd like to share with us, please reach out using the contact details below. And join us next week for our next hero's story. Until then, keep being you, and remember that we are all heroes in our own unique way. Only when it's broken Only when it's broken. When it hits you in the middle of the night and the truth burns so bright. Only when it's broken. Only when it's broken. Take pride in those cries, it's only Only for tonight, and then you rise. Only when you're broken. Only when you're broken. Only when you're broken.
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