Sarah Rowan
The castle with 1000 rooms
Sarah Rowan left her marriage with $24 and rebuilt her life through art, discovering that creativity and self-acceptance heal what hiding destroys.
Hear this story
Kintsugi Studio
Sarah Rowan
Sarah Rowan left her marriage with $24 and rebuilt her life through art, discovering that creativity and self-acceptance heal what hiding destroys.
Hear this story
Follow the show
Sarah Rowan left her 12-year marriage at 38 with $24 in her pocket, two suitcases, and no superannuation. She had spent her adult life trying to be someone she wasn't: the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect Christian in the Bible Belt of South Carolina. But the beliefs that had shaped her childhood, the ones that told her she could do anything except be gay, had become a cage. By the time she reached middle age, the doors she'd kept shut in that metaphorical castle of 1,000 rooms started to rattle. She couldn't live authentically any longer. So she walked away.
What followed wasn't a rescue story. It was a rebuild. Two months into her new life, a stranger helped her change a flat tire and turned out to be a TV producer. That one moment led to a live appearance on Studio 10, then a charity painting that sold for fifty thousand dollars. But the real shift wasn't about money or luck. It was about recognising that people weren't buying her art for technical perfection. They were buying connection. They were buying her story.
Now Sarah works as a speed painter and speaker, creating live artwork at events and helping people unlock their own creativity. She's learned to hold her beliefs gently, like potato chips, ready to let them go and change. She's discovered that unconditional love without hidden lists or conditions actually exists. And she's realised that the breaks in her life, when held with care and filled in with gold, made her stronger and more authentically herself than she ever was before.
“I wasn't living authentically because that steering wheel wasn't a part of, I was in the backseat. I wasn't a part of my life.”
“I have the freaking pen and I'm writing the story of my life and I'm sick of somebody else writing the story of my life.”
“I kintsugi you, because we could see that the gold in each other was healing the gold in the other person.”
The hero, today
When you hold your beliefs gently and stay willing to change, you stop exhausting yourself defending ideas you've outgrown, and you make space to grow. Art communicates across every barrier that separates us, and the real work is not making technically perfect pieces but finding what moves people and connecting them to your story. The beliefs and systems that made you feel safe as a child can suffocate who you actually are as an adult, and coming out of that cocoon feels like being born for the first time. Your self-worth is directly linked to the prices you set and the opportunities you attract, and both shift when you start believing you deserve them. Unconditional love means your partner asks if there's anything about you that frustrates them, and the answer is no, and you don't get to keep a secret list of improvements they should make.
Yes. Sarah Rowan is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
When you hold your beliefs gently and stay willing to change, you stop exhausting yourself defending ideas you've outgrown, and you make space to grow.
Art communicates across every barrier that separates us, and the real work is not making technically perfect pieces but finding what moves people and connecting them to your story.
The beliefs and systems that made you feel safe as a child can suffocate who you actually are as an adult, and coming out of that cocoon feels like being born for the first time.
Your self-worth is directly linked to the prices you set and the opportunities you attract, and both shift when you start believing you deserve them.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 00:00
I hold all the things I come across now after believing something so strongly and holding onto it, like squeezing the life out of it. I tell my kids, any ideas that I have, any beliefs that I have, I hold them gently like I'm holding potato chips. I don't wanna be the person that's just gonna bash them over the head with my thoughts, 'cause I feel like we're just all evolving and learning and growing. And if I hold onto a concept I've come up with and then I realize and change and grow in 3, 5 years, as we should, How hard is it to like let go and evolve and grow and go, oh, I don't really think that way anymore.
John Milham (Host) · 00:34
Welcome back to Kintsugi Heroes, helping people tell the stories they need to share so you can find the stories that you need to hear. Ladies and gentlemen, friends of the podcast, my Kintsugi Heroes followers, if I have any, that's a broad claim, but I'm gonna sit on it comfortably, right? You know, good things come to those who manifest that thought. So Kintsugi Heroes listeners, welcome to another podcast of Stories That Matter. And I tend to mention to my listeners, Sarah, that this one is a particularly exciting conversation. And I can do that without shadow of a spin that this is exactly, this is another exciting conversation. Why can I do that? Because I have seen you in action, right? Dear listeners, welcome Please join me in welcoming Sarah Rowan to Kintsugi Heroes. Thank you, Sarah.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 01:53
Thank you, John. Pumped to be here.
John Milham (Host) · 01:56
Ah, awesome. I'm pumped to see that you're just declaring something very bold, um, with, you know, there's always a little bit of psychology involved in the naming of, um, of our Zoom, of our sessions, right? So, um, And of course we make political and psychological statements, right? So, uh, here are my pronouns, here are my associations, my employment. I identify as a role, not a person, you know. Um, your label, artist Sarah Rowan, uh, particularly, uh, relevant, Bri, because like you are surrounded by your art. You are obviously an artist because we can see your backdrop. Right. So I want to start today's chat by saying, have you always been an artist?
More stories
This site is part of Kintsugi Heroes. Visit the main site for the full podcast. If any of these stories hit close to home, support is out there, you don't have to sit with it alone.
Read how we handle these stories ↗
Kintsugi Heroes · Registered Australian not-for-profit · kintsugiheroes.com.au ↗
This conversation includes holding beliefs like potato chips, always a dabbler, never quite an artist, stick figures in brazil, you could do anything except be gay, the castle with 1000 rooms and leaving with $24 and two suitcases.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 02:52
Heck no. I, I was a dabbler in just about everything, you know, the Lego, the— I even did Barbie for a while, but I preferred GI Joe's. Surprise, surprise. I always liked just using my hands to do things. And so that usually led to sport and I was far more engaged with sport as a child and like any good lesbian, I think I did about 7 sports in high school. Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 03:23
That's, um, yeah, we can explore that link later sometime, but, um, were they tools like an external way to express yourself or was, um, the desire to create something you were just exploring what was the best medium?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 03:41
I think as humans, we have a capacity and a desire and an innate inborn drive to create. I think we are creative beings and whether that's baking a cake or writing a poem or creating, like, heck, you look at the sky. And how fun is it to just go, "I see an elephant. What do you see?" Just looking at the clouds. Like, we can create with our words, our thoughts, our actions, with our hands, our feet, knees, whatever. I have painted with my elbows. Like, it doesn't really matter, I think, the medium. I think it's this inborn, innate desire within humans to create. And when we don't do that, we get stagnant, we get depressed, we get frustrated, and we don't even know why. And I think it's because we just get so so suffocated by not being human beings. Like, yeah, we're not human doings, we're human beings. And the part of being is just like using our imaginations to create. So I found this path to creativity in the— in a path of sport, actually, because I was in Brazil at the time for a camp where I was teaching children how to play basketball in the summer between high school and university. And I thought, I can't really communicate with these children. I want to tell them they've got a purpose, they've got an awesome future, and it's all, you know, like, create in your head because we can create our future with our thoughts, right? So I drew a picture with stick figures and I communicated it through charades that was really pathetic, I'm sure. My drama skills weren't that great. And stick figures. And you could see the penny dropping with these 12-year-olds. They're just getting so excited and connected. Some were even crying. And I thought, wow, art really can communicate far past any barriers that I feel like I have, whether it's language, age, religion, politics, location, belief systems, whatever it is. I loved how imagery, just like music can do that too. You can hear a song and you don't even have to know the language it's in and you can feel joy or sadness because of the energy and the frequency that's coming out of it. I believe the same as with art. So I just naturally stumbled into this connected, like this energy of connection through art and decided in that that one moment with those stick figures, I was like, this is what I wanna do. This is what I want to excel at.
John Milham (Host) · 06:29
The response, the ability to find people who understood something that you were able to say in a different, uh, language to what you'd, uh, normally express was purpose as a result of being in the right spot, using the right tools and, you know, it was right for you. Does that make sense?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 06:46
I think so. I think we all hear questions differently. We can watch the same movie and both see two different movies. So what I think I heard you saying was that the path I had been on prior influenced that connection moment. And I think so in the sense that I was raised where I was told I could do anything. I could, I could excel at anything. I could become whoever I wanted to be aside from being gay. So that was a bit of a little stumbling block bump. On the road, but my parents instilled in me, they're like, if you want to be an artist, you can be an artist. If you want to be an athlete, you can be an athlete, which was so revolutionary in the 1990s where all my peers were being told, get a real job. Do something that will pay.
John Milham (Host) · 07:37
Yeah. Uh, you, you, you, um, grew up in South Carolina.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 07:43
So yeah, my teen years were in the buckle of the Bible Belt in Greenville, South Carolina.
John Milham (Host) · 07:49
And your family were, um, would you say they were typical of families of that, you know, at that space?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 07:58
Yes, sir. We had our manners, had our kindness, went to church on Sunday, Wednesday. And of course I went on Mondays and Tuesdays as well, cause I was like extra, extra keen on being the perfect human.
John Milham (Host) · 08:11
Nice. How'd that go for you? Right.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 08:15
Oh, there's been some plot twists to my life for sure. But in the past week I've realized, and I hold all the things I come across now after believing something so strongly and holding onto it, like squeezing the life out of it. Any, I tell my kids, any ideas that I have, any beliefs that I have, I hold them gently like I'm holding potato chips. I just, I don't want to be the person that's just going to bash them over the head with my thoughts because I feel like we're just all evolving and learning and growing. And if I hold on to a concept I've come up with and then I realize and change and grow in 3, 5 years, as we should, how hard is it to like let go and evolve and grow and go, oh, I don't really think that way anymore. You know, I've kind of softened in my older graying years. And so I've realized that We can change our past in the sense that in my 20s and 30s, I had such a negative thought about my past in the sense that I had been confined to a certain belief system and it was suffocating the life out of me and blah, blah, blah. And now as I get older, I was like, it is what it is. That's what I went through. I don't see it as a negative. I can see all the gold. In all that brokenness. Kintsugi, hello, little name drop there. Yeah, yeah, no, you can see all of those moments. And I think in our younger years, we just see the brokenness and the shards, and there's unforgiveness and frustration and angst. Whereas the older you get, you go, oh, I went through that for a purpose. I went through that for a reason. I can see all that gold filling in all those cracks and making me a stronger person.
John Milham (Host) · 10:02
Absolute gold for us, right? Because that is the Kintsugi sort of position, the process of filling those cracks and breaks in with that gold mortar, right? Which creates something more valuable. I love that idea. It sounds like forgiveness to me, right? It sounds like maturing into a place where forgiveness lives. And of course, our trauma guru Bessel van der Kolk talks about, um, it's, uh, trauma is not the event we experienced, it's how we relate to it personally. And it really sounds like you've changed how you relate to those, you know, the struggles and sort of barriers that you encountered as a kid.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 10:51
Yeah, 100%. Full stop. Done.
John Milham (Host) · 10:56
I love that. I love you talking about, you know, how, um, You know, in many ways your childhood gave you lots, uh, the, you know, Christmas morning unveiling and there's this wonderful toy, but no batteries, right? So, so was your life, uh, you know, a beautiful toy without really the sort of internal power that would turn you into, you know, turn into purpose? Is that, is that how, because you did so well at so many things.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 11:26
Internal power is a great way to phrase it. I think religious upbringings, they can be very beneficial in some ways. In the other sense, I don't know if this is across all belief systems, but in conservative Christian— Christianity, there is a sense of— how could I phrase this best? I'd say, because I'm very sensitive, I don't want to be bashing anyone because I feel like everyone's on their own journey and I respect where I went through and what I was. I think there's this sense of lack of internal compass because you give over your— the steering wheel to your life to a higher power. And I feel like that suffocated who I was. I wasn't living authentically because that steering wheel wasn't a part of— I was in the backseat. I wasn't a part of my life. I was just letting my parents and mentors and an ancient text rule everything.
John Milham (Host) · 12:38
Um, I think that makes, that makes sense. Um, particularly in that idea of— I love the, the metaphor of, of, you know, you're You're in the backseat of, of your per family culture, right? Which is dependent on a belief system. Um, but it's not God driving the car. It's the church driving the car.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 13:02
Yeah. I definitely see God and all that very differently than I did back then. But yeah, by the 20s and 30s, I was in the backseat screaming down the highway going, I I don't like what I'm seeing. This is not the path I want to be on. And it led to years and years of depression and mental health issues.
John Milham (Host) · 13:23
Of course, equally, you're not allowed to be gay in that kind of fundamentalist upbringing, but you're not a— you're also not allowed to be ill, right? You can't have a mental health or a mental distress, right? Um, how did you handle that as well? Like was that covered by achievement or by piety or, you know, just the good mask?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 13:46
I definitely got to the point where I would just try to be better, be kinder, be more loving, and it was all so exhausting, like just trying to be the best at everything, you know, the best mother, the best traditional wife that I had caged myself into that experience as well. And it was— yeah, I can't fathom living like that ever again, where you just feel tired from the moment you wake up just trying to be perfect. But by 18, I had so bought into the whole culture of my faith that I didn't even see anything wrong with it. I didn't feel like I was being suppressed. So I, by that point, I was probably even more Bible bashing than even my parents. I was just so gung-ho at it.
John Milham (Host) · 14:43
How, how does that happen, right? You know, you're like such a creative and intelligent person. How do you then decide that all you need to know is what somebody will tell you in a nice package?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 15:00
I've been so conditioned, and I don't think you, you see it until you step away from it or you go through a trial for so long. On the bright side, it did teach me lots of discipline and lots of love of others, and I take the gold from it. I just, I try to just move on with life, and it feels like a whole nother lifetime ago. So I, the Every podcast, it almost becomes harder to even discuss because I'm like, hey, let's talk about the now. Let's talk about the future. Let's be present in the bliss of who we are and growing and being curious.
John Milham (Host) · 15:39
I did want to ask, um, like I really enjoyed your, uh, when I saw you in action, um, you then showed us, uh, you illustrated your life with tattoos, right? Which was really fascinating.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 15:53
I'd never done that before. That was so much fun.
John Milham (Host) · 15:56
That is, that is like, I have never seen that before, right?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 16:01
Ladies and gentlemen, it was a bit risqué because tattoos aren't just on my arms. They got more than their money's worth.
John Milham (Host) · 16:08
Can you explain how you got out and ended up in Australia as a place where you've expressed it as freedom?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 16:16
Right. So, well, that's interesting because I actually moved to Australia to go to Bible school when I was 25 with my husband of 6 weeks at the time. So I was in the thick of it still in Australia. But because so many people are free in this country, it helped be one of the massive dominoes that kind of helped get me to where I was by the time. So I moved here at 25. By the time I was 38, I could no longer be someone I wasn't. And I use this metaphor when I do keynote speeches on creativity, and I think it applies to this question you've asked me. And I think that when we're born, And I heard this metaphor, so I just stole it as my own. So it's not originally my idea, but I find so many people can connect with this metaphor is that when we're born, we're born a castle. Yeah. And that castle has over 1,000 rooms. And in each and every one of those rooms is a gift waiting just for us. And we're fearless. We're curious. There's no shame. And we're just running through the castle that is our life. And then all of a sudden our parents or caregivers come up to us and they're like, oh, we don't really use that room in this family. And boom, that door gets shut. And then you go to the playground and your friends are like, you look silly in that room. And boom, that door gets shut. You go to school and your teachers, well-meaning as they are, they're like, you're not really good in that room. How about you try this room? And by the time we reach adulthood, we believe we're nothing more than a mere two-bedroom apartment that needs work.
John Milham (Host) · 17:49
Wow.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 17:49
But I believe that by the time we reach our 40s, when you hear all the stereotypical midlife crises happen— and that's when, around when I did my massive, uh, chapter change of life, heck, a whole new book to my life— I feel like that's when all the doors that we've shut start to shake, and all the rugs that we've shoved all the shit under start to, like, we start tripping over it, and we go, I can't I can't keep living like this. And there's this— you come to a head with it and you're like, do I open these doors that I've kept suppressed? Do I dabble in pottery? Do I take the yoga class? Do I start gardening? Do I change relationships? Do I come out of the closet? All around that time, I feel like, at least with my generation, it's like, boom, I've got to deal with this. And so all these dominoes just started falling. And it got to the point where I couldn't live one more month, not as an authentic same-sex attracted woman. Like I just could not do that.
John Milham (Host) · 18:56
I've had epiphanies, right? That must be a particularly challenging moment when you go, okay, I'm, I'm done. Um, uh, now let's just install the new identity. Right. You're like, so, um, obviously, you know, you knew certain things, uh, whether you suppressed them or not.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 19:19
Oh, since I was a teenager. Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 19:22
And, and I, you know, and medals to you for sticking, um, you know, sticking so many things, bits of plaster and glue and so on all over you, your truth. Right. So. you know, getting married and, you know, following the teachings and, you know, doing the good works. Uh, when you made that decision or when that decision became inevitable, um, did you feel like it was you emerging or did you feel like you had stepped into another identity, right? And so you look back and go, who is that person I was?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 20:01
I felt like it was a whole fresh life. I felt like I was a year old. I felt like a, a child just coming out of this weird cocoon sci-fi film of life and suddenly breathing fresh air for the first time. And it was funny because I left a 12-year relationship with $24 to my name, 2 suitcases, and no superannuation. Wow. And as an artist that had never really made much money from my art, because at the time my kids were still young, they 7 and 10 at this point. So I was just starting to get to the point where I could work longer hours. 'Cause I'd been the traditional stay-at-home, you know, make the dinner for the most part and work as an artist on the side in the kitchen with a painting. I felt like I was starting all over again. And around the 2-month mark, I got a flat tire and you couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I was like, you can't— like, I don't care. Like, it can storm all at once. And I started Googling, where is the jack in my car? I started a YouTube video on how to change a tire. And this gentleman walks up to me and he put both of his hands up in surrender. And he said, it's the 21st century and you look highly capable, but if you need my help, I'm here. I was like, wow, where are all the men in the world like you? Thank you for that introduction. Yes, please help me. Please. I don't want to fall off the road. And after about 30 minutes, we're almost done. And I looked at him and I said, so what do you do for a living? Not exactly the type of question I like asking, 'cause I prefer hobbies and interests and hey, what are you reading? But that just question just naturally comes out sometimes. And he goes, oh, I'm the producer of Studio 10. And without missing a beat, I just looked him in the eye and I said, ah, that's why I have a flat tire. You need me on your show. And The next week I was painting 3 live works on a show that's, you know, watched by stay-at-home moms and old people. But it just gave me this, oh, you know, shoulders back a little. They don't need to know that I could barely put petrol in my car to get here, but I'm here. And it was just one good, awesome stepping stone after another. And then the following month I did a charity painting at a live event. And the painting went for $50 grand. And I was like, what, what is happening? What is happening? And then my self-worth went up. And when your self-worth goes up, your prices increase as a live speed painter and keynote speaker. And all of a sudden I was like, oh, I'm going to add another zero to everything. Just come on. I've been doing this now 21 years and I love it.
John Milham (Host) · 22:55
Amazing. I, I would not have, um, considered a niche for speed painting, right? You know, so it's like a, it's an incredible adaptation to, you know, to the problems you had in life, like needing to make a living and sort of express your truth. What, what, uh, was the speed something you naturally did as part of your art expression, or was it an affectation? You said, oh, this might differentiate me in the market.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 23:24
You know, well, when you graduate with an art degree, anyone listening, if you have, did they ever teach you how to make a living as an artist? Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 23:32
Yeah.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 23:32
Yeah. I walked across that stage and I was I was like, whoa, wait, wait, wait. I forgot to ask a question. What do I do with this now?
John Milham (Host) · 23:38
Yeah.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 23:38
And so if you have a very odd skill that isn't normally valued in the marketplace, you have to think, what is your point of difference? And my point of difference was I love speaking in front of people. Most artists could think of nothing worse. And then the other aspect is I really don't mind if I fail in front of people.
John Milham (Host) · 24:02
Wow.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 24:02
Which as an artist, that can be very humbling. But because people are having an experience, they don't know that in my head I'm thinking I could have painted that better. They're like, wow, that, that was freaking amazing. You did that in 3 and a half minutes. You did that in 30 minutes, whatever time constraints I might have. And you just get better the more you do it. So I've done over 600 events, raised almost $450,000 for charity. And you just get better and better the more you do something. And I'm just having a go and having a play and learning more skills as a speaker the whole time and helping unlock creativity within corporate companies. And I've discovered that people, uh, from the research that I've been studying, is that people that dabble with creativity, the traditional word when I say creativity, because to me creativity is just being curious. It doesn't have to be painting or drama. People that dabble in a creative act at least every 90 days, they increased their lifespan by like 31%. Wow. So when you're sitting at a cafe, start doodling on that napkin and just add some months to your life. Like, let's do this, people. Let's, let's get going. It just helps reduce the, um, all the chemicals in the body of stress and like releases all the dopamine and the serotonins and all the, the chemicals we need. And I'm not a doctor, so don't quote me on it, Do your own research, but paint and sip is huge, right?
John Milham (Host) · 25:35
So, you know, people will sit down and get to paint a palm tree while drinking Merlot and having a great time. It's almost like, uh, we know what we need. It's, um, what I love about it is, you know, using it as a connect. You, you talk about loving, uh, uh, you know, sharing conversation, connection through speaking to people. Is that, is that the real creativity? If everything else just about, you know, that moment at the Brazilian school where you found the, a what, a way to express yourself in a way that was understood?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 26:17
Yes. I found that my art, if you were to go on Instagram and look at my art and then also look at the art of about 10 million other artists, you'd find it's kind of average, kind of, kind of, uh, just okay, maybe a little above par. But if you like, if you're in the comparison mode, yeah. And I'm okay with that. I do want to get better, but I know my purpose actually isn't so much the art as the story that's connected to the art. So I found years ago that people weren't purchasing my art so much as the image. They were purchasing the art because of their connection to me as a human and and what they felt when they saw the piece and the story behind why I painted what I painted.
John Milham (Host) · 27:05
Yeah.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 27:06
And as humans, I feel like we have begun to lose and need to regain that connection to story. We need more fireside chats. We need to talk to the person sitting next to us on public transport and get the heck out of our phone. Even though there's times when I do that because I'm just so tired of talking to people because I do it all the time.
John Milham (Host) · 27:28
We're only human.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 27:30
We did, you know, we do need to recharge, but to take this moment and get to connect with people on a deeper level besides what, what their political views are, what the weather is like, let's really get to know people. I think we're kind of like trees, and that my Sicilian and how they all, all the trees around the world could actually communicate to each other. We've got that inside of us. We are more I think, technologically created and advanced than our— than the computer we're speaking on right now. We've got all these beautiful connections, but we're not using them.
John Milham (Host) · 28:07
Yeah.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 28:08
I think that, uh, for those of you who don't have the connection to your children, make the effort. Like, there is so much golden beauty, or in your co-workers that you just kind of don't really connect with. It's so good for your mental health. So good for your soul. It's, yeah, I cannot, cannot emphasize enough the joys of conversation. Even if you're not like great at conversation, you can get better at it.
John Milham (Host) · 28:35
It's a skill. Absolutely. It's a skill, isn't it? It's absolutely. And as you talk about, you know, I'm detecting a theme of working to mastery, right? So, um, but growth is also evident. You don't become good at forgiveness without practice. And, you know, I call it doing the work, right? So you've all—
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 28:58
Yeah. And if you suck at forgiveness, then the universe will throw more situations into your life for you to have to practice it.
John Milham (Host) · 29:06
Um, was that like, uh, and, you know, having a lifetime of being sort of locked into a, uh, you know, a Truman Show. Of a life, right? Forgiveness, it was that part of the recovery or part of the mechanism you use to, to be, to become someone different?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 29:31
It was probably one of the top 5, if not top 2 necessary aspects of getting through what at the time to me was so traumatic. And at the time was drama, trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, you know, like I had so much trauma stored in my body. Had gone into inflammation by the time I was 30 and I couldn't walk. And I was diagnosed with debilitating rheumatoid arthritis and had to pump myself full of drugs just to walk. Like, there's so— and that's literally just inflammation of trauma and unforgiveness and rejection of self. Rejection is linked to arthritis. So I had to forgive myself for rejecting who I was. I had to forgive my parents, even though in a sense they didn't feel like they need to be forgiven because their beliefs are their beliefs and that's okay. I was like, oh, okay. I had to kind of grow, grow the hell up. It's all about perspective, right? So you get, you see two people go through identical childhood trauma and one person comes out soaring and the other person comes out victim mentality and full of blame. And their lives are completely polar opposites.
John Milham (Host) · 30:47
Yeah. I love that thought. Um, I often talk about journey from perception to perspective, right? So, and the idea you just, it was beautifully expressed, the idea that people can have the same trauma, right? I, I, it's the response and the resources you have, right? So when you look at the resources you utilized to get out and now want to pass on through sharing and story and so on. What's, what's the number one resource in that whole, um, acceptance, surrender, and reframe of, wow, this is beautiful.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 31:32
It's like how we speak to ourself, I think. That self-dialogue, that inner dialogue. My inner dialogue used to be so toxic. It was, I'm trapped in this. I can't get out. I said I do at the altar. There's no divorce in, you know, my belief system. I'm stuck here too. I need to— I want to love myself. I can't teach my kids to love themselves if I don't love myself. I have to change something. You've got to just get to the point where you go, I have the freaking pen and I'm writing the story of my life and I'm sick of somebody else writing the story of my life. Yeah. And yeah, the self-belief, that inner dialogue is so crucial. So I surround myself with incredible voices through podcasts and YouTube and everything. Like right now, and it changes. So I'll get kind of like if you find one author that you like and you read all their books. For instance, Elif Shafak wrote There Are Rivers in the Sky, and I read that last year. And the next thing I knew, I read 5 of her books because the The way she wrote was so beautiful. Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 32:46
Do you go through a process in the morning that say, right, this is going to be, you know, beautiful, right? My art is beautiful. My relationships are beautiful. You know, my opportunities are beautiful.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 32:58
I play with my imagination. I picture emails coming in of inquiries that I didn't seek out.
John Milham (Host) · 33:03
Oh, wow.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 33:04
Yeah. I pour water from my sink into my water filter and as the water is going in, I speak a blessing over my day, my health, and I remember that throughout the whole day while I'm drinking that water. I have little rituals from lighting incense to spending 15 to 20 minutes in the morning besides walking the dog, as in tidying and resetting the room, which I've also done the night before. But, you know, I can be a little bit messy as an artist, so sometimes it takes two 15-minute settings and just reset the space. Because if we have a cluttered space, our subconscious sees clutter in our mind and we need clean spaces for that clarity and that vision. And some people swear that they can work in all the clutter. Uh, if you can, more power to ya. But for me, it, it just tells my subconscious, you're not organized. You have no vision. You have no purpose. You have no— so for me, just that physical act of cleaning their space, it gets the blood flowing and if I have had a rough month, because art and speaking can be a bit like a roller coaster. And the whole— there's a going joke is that speakers work 80 hours a week so they don't have to work 40.
John Milham (Host) · 34:19
Yeah.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 34:21
And so my goal for this year has been to reduce the height of that roller coaster where it's, you know, not just a big month and then a little month, but just steady month, steady process.
John Milham (Host) · 34:35
Yeah, it seems very enticing, uh, to, to have a steady month. Although, wouldn't you miss the, you know, big drop occasionally?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 34:47
The big drop is, is very humbling. And in those times, I've learned not to get stressed or anxious because that just tells the universe, oh, she's not ready to receive, there's lack in her in her vibration, it's just not going to come back. So I've just disciplined my mind and my soul to just stay calm in the drier months and use the time to paint works of art that I can sell instead of being ones that are rushed on a stage, or play music, or I'm working on another book. So all sorts of things.
John Milham (Host) · 35:23
Do you use art as a, um, as an, as a, uh, hideaway, like a place to go when things aren't working, or is it a way to reconnect to the things that are important?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 35:38
When you're driving or taking a shower or doing a task that you've done so many times that allows your frontal lobe to shut down and your imagination to come through, and that's when you get the best ideas. It's scientifically proven because I've done painting for so long. It creates that meditative space. So it does allow ideas to flow and come. Though I've also discovered that I get the best ideas when I'm getting a remedial massage. So it's a really expensive experience.
John Milham (Host) · 36:09
I'm gonna, I'm gonna discover that too. Right. That sounds like a great discovery. Right.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 36:16
Half of my keynotes, all like the best ideas of how to engage with the audience or what sentences to use to land and serve them best come when I'm getting my back back rubbed and I'm just like shut down. I was like, oh, I need a pen to write this down. Don't forget it.
John Milham (Host) · 36:35
I'm interested in the visual impact. Like your paintings are striking, right? Um, and as you say, they might be slightly above average in terms of technique, right? Beautifully humble, but, um, they're very striking and they're, and you know, and we don't know what's, you know, when you're watching it, you don't know what's going to happen. You, uh, are a little bit of a showman in that sometimes. You sort of direct our thoughts in one way.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 37:04
Hey, I'm on stage.
John Milham (Host) · 37:05
Yeah, yeah, it's the whole package of entertainment, of artistic entertainment. But I love how you said, uh, there's a bit of you in that, um, in the painting. That's what we're actually, you know, that's the value rather than the image. Right. Is that, you know, does that happen? Um, you know, how much of you do you leave? Is that a drain or is that some, some way of, of, of seeding paintings and then harvesting something else that you get from that?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 37:40
I definitely feel physically exhausted after events because I give so much energy, so much output that even if I'm on stage for 5 minutes, it's usually taken about 9 hours to get, make that 5 minutes happen, preparing the canvas. And making sure I didn't forget something. Oh my gosh. One time I forgot my paintbrushes, y'all, and I had to paint with my arms. And that led to a whole new stream of work because I was like, oh my gosh, I can cover this canvas so much faster with my arms. This is great. But yeah, there is definitely a drain. So I definitely have to learn how to refill my tank. When I was 18 or so, I had so many mentors growing up in the buckle of the Bible Belt, y'all. And one of them said to me, Sarah, I go by Rowan now, but at the time I was Sarah. And she said, uh, you have deep wells within you and throughout your life people will come to you to be refreshed. But if you do not know how to refill those wells, those deep, deep wells, they will leave thirsty. And I didn't fully understand her words at the time. But they are more profound every time I consider them. And I'm grateful that I still recall them.
John Milham (Host) · 38:56
What a gift.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 38:57
Such a gift. Such a gift. And so I don't see self-care as a product. I see it as a daily habit, a daily practice of refilling my well so that way I'm not narky to my kids when they get home. I'm not just, you know, if we get tired and drained, that's when we become a really shitty human. So we'll cut people off in traffic. It's when we honk at people if they're not going fast enough. If we just learn how to stop and breathe and connect with our breath, connect with nature, do some grounding, eat some healthy food, do the things and the habits of life. In the Japanese culture, considering you're Katsugi here, I watched the, uh, 7-step of Japanese culture of self-care, and they don't cost anything. And just the words and how it was like, oh, this is our practice of noticing the sunlight filtering through the leaves and the shadow and the light, and how that just helps the brain. Like, there's so many tools at our disposal to keep our tanks refilled so we can give to other people and give to ourselves So true.
John Milham (Host) · 40:16
That's really profound. Um, uh, and sounds like, um, you've really nailed ikigai, right? Which is another Japanese process.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 40:25
Which apparently I heard last week has been westernized and completely not how the Japanese see it, but I'm sure you—
John Milham (Host) · 40:32
Yeah, I was reading the paper of what is the real ikigai.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 40:36
The real ikigai.
John Milham (Host) · 40:37
Ikigai, yeah.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 40:38
It is not the monetary, um—
John Milham (Host) · 40:41
There's no monetary— Absolutely opposite, right?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 40:46
I think I'd probably answer this question different every single week if you ask me.
John Milham (Host) · 40:50
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 40:52
It's one of those questions that I think it would be very evolving. I'd love to hear the answer of like a 90-year-old artist versus a 20-year-old artist. Where I currently sit with that concept would be I find so much value in the creation process for myself. I also find so much value in seeing the response people have to the art, especially for instance, I've got a commission to do a piece for someone who lost their dog and you do a pet portrait and to see their, their smiles and their eyes get all wet with tears. There's so much value in feeling like I help them process loss. Yeah, I do portraits of people that have passed and I've done things at funeral, like all sorts of, uh, way for bring value to people afterwards. I feel the whole— it's It's— I think it's probably very cyclical, more so than linear, uh, in the sense that I find value in the whole experience, whether it's the, the practice and the habit of doing something and getting better at it, the response and the experience somebody has in observing the artwork, and then also the financial benefit to be able to pay rent and feed my children through what I've created. I think a beautiful cyclical thing rather than, um, a graph of value. And if that makes sense.
John Milham (Host) · 42:18
Yeah, no, stop commoditizing art, right? Amazing. Um, which brings me to the idea that, um, you know, you're— you— what our journey is about, a journey away from the things that, you know, might was struggled or broken or trauma And you seem to have done that beautifully, right? Not that life isn't full of ups and downs, but enjoying the rollercoaster and trying to flatten it out a little bit is a fine goal. From a Kintsugi point of view, as I think of the gold mortar that has stuck us together, what's your gold mortar? What are the things that are really sparkling in your life?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 43:08
The healing power of love. I was raised in an environment where I was taught about unconditional love, but there was so much rules about receiving it.
John Milham (Host) · 43:19
Yeah.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 43:20
And my partner Liz has taught me what unconditional love looks like, because in previous relationships and experiences, it was Hey, I love all of you, but if you could work on this, that would be awesome. There's always a but. Whereas I sat down with Liz early on in our relationship and we do it every, I guess, every few months, the discussion kind of trails to that. And I'll say, hey, is there anything that is irksome? Is there anything that like really frustrates you that I could improve on, whether it's in communication and habits and Do I scratch my head too much? What? Whatever it could be. And she goes, nope, I love everything about you. You don't have to change a thing. And in my head, I thought, wait, isn't there like a list of, uh, you have way too much ADHD and this type of thing. Can't you just stay on track when you're doing your art and not do the— I'm so glad I asked her the question first because I had a laundry list in my head of going, hey, Hey, you can improve on this and this and this. And then I thought, after she said that, I was like, this list is so lame.
John Milham (Host) · 44:36
Yeah, what about—
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 44:36
my list is so shallow. She's doing the best she can do as a mom with 5 kids, 3 with special needs. Oh my goodness, Rowan shoved that list down the toilet. Just love unconditionally. And then my children, after leaving their father, I thought, oh my goodness, will they still love me? Am I going to cause them trauma? That's what kept me in it for so long is I didn't want to cause them trauma. And they They love me all the more now. And I find that love is such an incredible frequency, an incredible part of life. And we need to do everything we can to just grow in that and just love people like that. My word for the year is systems.
John Milham (Host) · 45:24
Systems. Wow.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 45:25
This is the most bizarre word for a year that I've ever had. And I realized things drive me nuts, but I'm not doing the action to allow it to work. Let me give you a perfect example. Excellent. I have weeds in my garden, in my beautiful garden where I'm growing vegetables that drive me insane. What did I do? You pull them up and they come back. Like, this is not working. This is not working. So I spent 11 hours with my partner the other weekend. And we ripped those suckers out. And then I put down not one, but two weed mats, y'all. And then I put mulch around the area. So now all the area that gets weeds around my garden that drive me nuts and, you know, impact the harvest of my fruit and veggies is done. And I keep looking out there every single week going, huh, there's not a weed. There's two weed mats covering those suckers up. And so that's a system. And then I walked into my kitchen and I looked at what, uh, you know, I just find one thing that irritates the crap out of you and go, I'm going to fix this. I'm not going to let this keep irritating me. I had this one container that kept getting so full of art supplies. I didn't know what was in it. I didn't know what color paints, I didn't know what kind of pens were in there. I dumped it all out, put them, found new homes for them and made the container into something completely different that has made the kitchen feel so much better. And so I think it's like little baby steps like that will help my year flow.
John Milham (Host) · 46:54
I love that you're forgiving the system.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 46:59
Yeah, totally.
John Milham (Host) · 47:01
Yeah. You know, I enjoy shaking my fist and grabbing a pitchfork like anyone else. You know, like I love that. Um, and, and that's a great idea. So in there is peace, is achievement. There's a lot in that, right? So what, what would you, you mentioned that your word for 2026, um, what, what do you hope to see happen as a result of your, you know, newfound engagement with systems or anything?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 47:34
I think, I think it will lead not only to more mental clarity and it will also buy me time and time is our most precious commodity. I'll, instead of pulling weeds on the weekends, I can sit down and read a novel Wow, what a concept! Or practice guitar, play the piano. I can do something else besides pulling weeds. It will also lead to more financial blessing because I've had such a dumb system— let's be honest, no system— when it comes to how to organize inquiries and who, who's asking for what. And I haven't had a good enough chart. I'll write it down on a sheet of paper, and then that sheet of paper gets put in a basket I don't see it again. So I've printed out a graph and a table with the name and the dates and the email, the contact information, and I'm putting them where I can see them. So I think it's, it's so basic and simple. And it seems like things that should have already been put in place, especially since I've been in business 21 years, but I just haven't gotten around to it. And I think every day I'm finding myself with more mental clarity, less cobwebs. And definitely because I'm going through the fun joys of picking perimenopause, I definitely need those cobwebs clear as possible.
John Milham (Host) · 48:53
Well, I just think, uh, you know, good time to think about the reframe of systems, right? You'll have a lot more time after menopause, right? Because, you know, a whole, a whole aspect of human drive is sort of, you know, parked, right? So you don't have to dive into all of that relationship angst. You can just carry on now.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 49:13
And it's the year of the fire horse, and I figure that sucker needs to just charge down the beach, just free as a bird. And I don't want to have my lack of clarity causing any trippage for that horse to have a really great year.
John Milham (Host) · 49:29
Trippage. And thank you. So just as we sort of come to the disappointing for me end of this conversation, I want to thank you for the two words, trippage and irksome. Right. They're just fabulous words that I don't hear enough in conversations. And I want to congratulate you on having such wisdom to share with us today. Right. It's been really, really, there's been a lot of gold. I hope people dive in and maybe go back to certain spots and, and listen to what, what you've offered us. And if they're so inspired, how do they find a way to engage with you or to see you or whatever? What's the, what's the best way?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 50:16
ArtistSarahRowan.com. I'm Artist Sarah Rowan on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube. And I mainly post to Instagram and for every follower on Instagram, I plant a tree. So please feel free to connect that way.
John Milham (Host) · 50:33
Yeah.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 50:33
And yeah, just I'm quite reachable. I try not to be one of those artists that don't respond. So if you have any questions about life or whatever it is, just feel free to reach out. And I think it's really cool that we met when I was sharing about my tattoos, because one of my tattoos is Kintsugi on my right ankle.
John Milham (Host) · 50:52
Is that right?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 50:53
Oh, you remember that? Here, I'll show you for those watching. Oh, okay, so my chairs are foldable. There, that Oh yes.
John Milham (Host) · 51:05
Wow. Wow. That is the, that is the first, um, you know, uh, sort of performance, you know, physical performance art that I've done on, on.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 51:15
I forgot I had a folding chair I'm sitting on.
John Milham (Host) · 51:17
I think there's a place for this, right? I'm going to develop the, the, the Rowan method of podcasting, right?
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 51:25
Oh, we can do some juggling, all that sort of thing. But yeah, I got kintsugi with my partner after a year because we were had both come from broken places in life and we couldn't say the words, I love you, without being full of fear. And so for the first year, we just said, I kintsugi you, because we could see that the gold in each other was healing the gold in the other person. And, uh, I think that kintsugi is such a beautiful concept. I love that you titled your podcast that.
John Milham (Host) · 51:52
Yeah, it was, um, you know, it was inspirational. And of course, putting ourselves together is the ultimate act of hope and faith and commitment to the world, right? Because you can just let go. You don't, like finding your, rebuilding yourself so that you're a functioning human being is an act of faith and hope, I reckon. So I love that. Your new life has been spectacular. Thank you for giving us an insight to that. Um, and I, uh, yeah, I hope, uh, I hope heaps of people get to experience the journey around your body and your art and your mind the way I have now. So thank you very much, artist Sarah Rowan. Thank you.
Sarah Rowan (Guest) · 52:45
Thank you.
You don't have to be in crisis to call.
Subscribe
Spotify
Apple