Scott Carson · 65 min
From sleeping in garden sheds at fourteen to co-founding a not-for-profit dedicated to the power of a smile, Scott Carson's story proves that owning your pain is the first step to transforming it into a gift for others.
Hear this story
Scott Carson spent his childhood in what looked like a normal family until his parents divorced when he was nine. By fourteen, after dealing weed and causing chaos at school, his mum kicked him out. He couch-surfed and lived in garden sheds, drinking heavily from age fifteen onwards. Over decades, anger became his default tool, at work running a steel fixing business, in his marriage, everywhere. When his son Oscar was born, a business deal collapsed two weeks before the birth, and Scott got so sick from stress he was thrown out of hospital and missed his son's first week of life. Years later, on a perfect day riding bikes near St Kilda, his wife Marcela hit the road at full speed. She had to learn to walk and talk again. Scott wondered why no one stopped to help.
What shifted everything was a moment when his six-year-old son brought him a beer with the biggest smile on his face. Scott saw how much his son watched his every move and decided to stop drinking and become the role model his child needed. The harder work came next: healing the anger he had never addressed, and rebuilding his relationship with his father. Scott called his dad and asked to meet at the pub where he'd been drinking since he was fifteen. He told his father clearly what needed to change. Eight months later, they had a recorded conversation where Scott learned who his father actually was, rather than carrying the pain of who he thought his father should be. Two weeks ago, his father spent a whole day alone with Oscar for the first time.
Now Scott walks the streets giving away pens and telling people that the value of your story is determined by what you do with it. If you don't own your story, something or someone else occupies that space in your head. He co-founded the Business of Smiles, a not-for-profit dedicated to connection and the simple act of understanding each other. At forty-five, he played football with twenty-year-olds and tore his bicep completely off, and kept playing because he was filled with love for those men. That scar reminds him what's possible when you lead with your heart instead of your fear.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses addiction & recovery and domestic & family violence, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • SMART Recovery Australia (addiction): smartrecoveryaustralia.com.au • ReachOut: au.reachout.com • 1800RESPECT (family, domestic & sexual violence): 1800 737 732 · 1800respect.org.au
“life doesn't prepare you for what you're going to go through. You have to earn it.”
“the problem is not the problem. The response to that problem either creates the pain, the lesson, or the opportunity.”
“I wasn't there for the first week of my son's life. That burnt a hole in me.”
The hero, today
A problem is not the problem; how you respond to the problem creates the pain, the lesson, or the opportunity. Scott stopped drinking the night his six-year-old son brought him a beer with the biggest smile on his face, because he saw how much his son watches his every move. In order to heal his relationship with his father, Scott had to let go of needing his father to change and instead chose to understand who his father is and where he came from. The value of your story is determined by what you do with it; if you don't own it, something or someone else occupies the space in your head and you either need justification or you project the pain that goes with it. People only see what their own experiences have taught them to see; real understanding happens when you get to know each other's context and can finally see things any differently. Love is not a Hollywood scenario; love is acceptance, understanding, and support, felt by somebody because of those actions.
Yes. Scott Carson is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
A problem is not the problem; how you respond to the problem creates the pain, the lesson, or the opportunity.
Scott stopped drinking the night his six-year-old son brought him a beer with the biggest smile on his face, because he saw how much his son watches his every move.
In order to heal his relationship with his father, Scott had to let go of needing his father to change and instead chose to understand who his father is and where he came from.
The value of your story is determined by what you do with it; if you don't own it, something or someone else occupies the space in your head and you either need justification or you project the pain that goes with it.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 00:03
Welcome to the Kintsugi Heroes podcast, where we share inspirational stories of everyday people going through different challenges and how they overcome them. Please be aware that the story you're about to hear may have moments of deeply felt emotions and personal experiences. If anything you hear has a triggering effect, please reach out to someone who can help keep you safe. If you love this conversation, please like and share it with your friends so we can continue to share more inspiration and hope to as many people as possible. Now listen up for our next hero's story. And in this episode, I met with Scott Carson, a larger-than-life man who's got such a passion for making changes in the world and making life easier for people and helping people tap into their inner sense of joy and just through the art of smiling. It didn't come from nothing. It came from a life of adversity, starting with, you know, a broken early family breakdown which saw him living on the streets. He's built businesses and lost them. He talks about a very traumatic event with his wife suffering a terrible injury and also a lifetime of a dysfunctional relationship with his father and how that led to a lot of anger and what he needed to do to overcome that. And there's a lot more in the story as well. He's gone through a lot, he's processed a lot, and he's become a much better version of himself as a result. This is a wonderful story with a beautiful man, and I encourage you to listen and be open and enjoy this conversation with Scott Carson. Here we are. It is another episode of Kintsugi Heroes Podcast. I'm here with Scott Carson. Scott, how are you today?
Scott Carson (Guest) · 02:10
Fantastic. Thank you, Evelyn. Yourself?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 02:14
I'm wonderful. I'm wonderful. I'm really excited about this conversation. Been looking forward to having you on and hearing your story. So let's get started, shall we? Take us back. Like, the stories that Kintsugi are about are about, you know, inspirational stories, and you've got one. Where does yours start? Can you take us back to the beginning?
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This conversation includes a sunny boy at the school canteen, from state baseball to the streets in fourteen months, local at the pub by fifteen, running a business with anger and fear, too afraid to be present for his son's birth and blood on concrete, nobody stops.
Scott Carson (Guest) · 02:36
Yeah, beautiful. And thank you for that, because I just want to start by saying life doesn't prepare you for what you're going to go through. You have to earn it. Life will dish up all sorts of things, and a problem is not the problem. It's how you respond to that problem that creates the pain, the lesson, or the opportunity. If you're brave enough to understand the pain, you look for the lessons, you implement those lessons, it creates the opportunity. The opportunity can be wonderful. I didn't just get to that. My life has gifted me many opportunities. To grow. You're ready to hear some of them. Let's go right back to when I was a little kid. I had what was seemed the most beautiful family life. Brother or sister, everything was cruising along. Mum and Dad were married, probably weren't happily married. I had what I considered to be a pretty normal life. My mum was working at the school, working in the canteen. So, you know, I used to go to, go to the canteen every lunchtime in primary school and go, 'Come on, Mum, you're a sunny boy.' So it was a beautiful, beautiful life. But what I didn't know was what was going on behind the scenes. My parents ended up getting divorced when I was 9. That's their journey. I wish not to speak on their behalf on that. There was always a lot of parties and always a lot of alcohol involved. That was an interesting thing that later in my life I understood in a deeper context. I'd gone from being a mummy's boy through to not being as cautious with my actions. And then at the age of 13, I was playing baseball and I ended up becoming quite good at it and played for Victoria. And 6 months later I was on the streets. I was a ratbag kid without a real male role model in his life.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 04:36
So you were living with your mum?
Scott Carson (Guest) · 04:38
Yeah, I was.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 04:40
Yep.
Scott Carson (Guest) · 04:41
And my mum kicked me out, rightly so, because I was dealing weed, I was causing chaos at school, you know.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 04:48
And how old were you at this point? 14.
Scott Carson (Guest) · 04:52
So I'd gone from, you know, living in the house, playing state baseball State-level baseball. I would have been on the streets in 14 months, couch surfing, living in garden sheds. And eventually I was taken in by a family. That family was amazing. They gifted me the opportunity of space. They gifted me the opportunity to just not put pressure on my life, understanding that I had a lot going on, and they just let me be me. You can imagine at that point I was pretty angry. Things weren't quite going right. I started drinking, became a heavy drinker, which basically was the story of my life for a long time.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 05:31
How old were you when you started drinking?
Scott Carson (Guest) · 05:34
15. I was a local at the pub at 15. Not just drinking, I've been drinking before that. I was a local at the pub at 15. On my 18th birthday, we, uh, I had it at the pub. I was actually dating the barmaid at that time. And everyone was surprised when she finally poured me a beer. That's so— ah, I won't mention her name, but I can't believe you're serving Scott a beer. It's his birthday. Oh, fantastic. How old? 18. What? So that was an interesting, interesting opportunity, you know. And knowing what I know now, it's all part of life. We all have these opportunities. So let's move along a little bit. I was a pretty angry man, boy really, at 18. And as much as I worked hard, I partied just as hard. And then at 23, I decided to travel because my girlfriend at the time moved over to Scotland. And I decided to follow her. Got over there, and back here in Australia, I was a big fish in a little pond. I got over there, I was a little fish in a big pond. I had the opportunity where, uh, one of my best mates actually met me over there, and we went to a bar. And we're standing at the bar and having ice thrown at us. We realized we're in a local's bar. We turn around, and back in the old days, you know, there's whatever is be will be. It's the first time I turned around, we both looked at each other and said, we're not in Kansas anymore. So we've, uh, that's the first time I realized that I really was a small fish in a big pond. So traveling overseas for 4 years was a phenomenal gift because I, for lack of better terminology, you would have considered me an absolute bogan when I moved over to Edinburgh. Over the next 4 years, I learned a lot about life, but I also carried a lot of pain still, and I partied like I carried that pain. Came back to Australia and actually moved back to my mum's for a little bit. And it was interesting because we moved back with my now wife, who I met over in England. And when we first came back here, it was a real struggle because we lived out in the burbs and My wife was struggling to get a job because she was told her English wasn't good enough, which was quite profound to me considering the jobs that she was involved in. And that created a lot of tension and pain between us and a lot of self-doubt. So I started up a business and it was a steel fixing business and I had quite a few guys working for me and I ran that. With an iron fist. I run it with anger, and fear is my tool. Most, most men that haven't had the opportunity of education, haven't had the opportunity of good mentors in their life, that's how we deal with things, because we allow our anger to control us, which is something only recently that I really looked at. Being the way that I've grown up, My father and I have had a pretty interesting relationship, and after running the business for 8 years, I got the opportunity to become a father. That scared me. I didn't actually want to be a father. I didn't want to muck it up. Never held babies. If I've got one regret in my life, that is a true regret, is that I didn't love my wife enough during her pregnancy. Because of my own fears.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 09:27
What were you afraid of, Scott?
Scott Carson (Guest) · 09:28
Being my father. I don't know how to be a dad. Not being good enough, being supportive enough. Am I responsible enough? You know, I was a party boy and I lived that thing. About a month before Oscar was born, business deal I did on a handshake with a mate I've known for a very long time. Went sideways. Marcela, my wife, has no family here, so I was going to take a month off to support her and our baby. At that point in time, I didn't know what it was. Things just started popping up. I'm just feeling them at the moment because I never want to forget how I felt in that moment, and I'll share later why. Here it is, this new life coming towards us. And I'm running this business with, you know, there's a lot of guys, hard guys, and, you know, doing hard work. And what I thought was just going to be a fantastic time in my life, but because of my lifestyle, I didn't see what came, what was coming. So in that month, there's a few things that just didn't smell right. Then 2 weeks before Oscar was born, the gentleman pulled the trigger on his move. And we had a handshake deal on selling the business— my fault. Because his mate reneged. Not only did that, he put me into a lot of pain, planned it very, very well. Here I was with all these contracts to fulfill and half my staff. So rather than buy the business, he's trying to take it from underneath me at my weakest moment. Not seeing that coming, you can imagine the anger that came with that. I wanted him removed. I did not want him here. I was so sick from stress and trying to work out what I didn't see. I was there the immediate birth of my son, then I was thrown out of the hospital because I was so sick. So for the first week of my son's life, I wasn't there for him. That burnt a hole in me. Wasn't there to support my wife. She had to go through the whole thing herself.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 11:43
Did you not see that as just a byproduct of, you know, a situation like getting stressed, getting sick, or did you take it really personally responsible, like you took personal responsibility for it?
Scott Carson (Guest) · 11:56
It was a, unfortunately there was a, it was a personal attack that happened within the company that put me to, to the wall in places I never saw coming when I actually supported all these guys. And to see the detail of preparation that was put into it. Had a lawyer look at it, turn around and goes, mate, he goes, this is one of the best cases of jealousy I've ever seen. Like, how can it be that? Yes, you can throw money at it, you can spend time on it. This was the best bit of advice I've ever received from a lawyer. Why spend that energy on something when you need to rebuild? Took me a couple of years to finally start getting back on my feet from that. It was just over 2 years later that, um, we had one of the most beautiful, beautiful days ever. It was in, uh, in May, the day before Mother's Day in Melbourne, and it was an unusual 28 degrees. Like, it was stunning. And, uh, so if you know Melbourne at all, there's St. Kevin's along the Yarra River. So we drove up to St. Kevin's, we chucked the bikes in the back of the car, and we, uh, pulled off at St. Kevin's and then rode into the city along the Yarra Trail, which is just a beautiful thing to do, and ended up in Port Melbourne. And Port Melbourne's stunning. Riding around there and we thought, we'll need some lunch, so we better shoot over to South Melbourne. And in South Melbourne, South Melbourne, if you're ever in Melbourne, all right, you've got to make sure you go to South Melbourne Market, get yourself some South Melbourne dimmies, and definitely a burrito. It's just, it's a fantastic place. So we sat and had this beautiful, beautiful lunch. And take off and we head into St Kilda and little man falls asleep on the back of the bike. So pull over and just, there's a footy match on, Aussie Rules game. And, uh, so we sat back and watched that for a little while and just enjoyed that. And little man woke up, so threw him on the back, back on the bike, because I was worried about him because his head was sleeping like that, you know what I mean? So like, for those that are listening, head was sitting on his shoulder. I didn't want him to wake up with a stiff neck. So we took off from there after, after he had his rest and we heading back towards the car and there's a Lindt chocolate bar, right? I don't know if you've ever been to the Lindt chocolate bar and it is beautiful. So we'll quickly sneak in there. I'll have a double hot chocolate. Little man can have a babyccino and Marcello had a cappuccino. Beautiful. Meg, what a great way to finish the day. Anyway, riding back to the, to the car. And we're about a minute from the car, then I heard a noise. I didn't have to turn around to know what it was. Lying there on the concrete, it's my wife, blood pouring out of her head and out of her mouth. Thank God my son was on the back of my bike. Get up to her, I thought she was dead. No movement. I've got her in my right arm, blood pouring out of her head and her mouth. 2-year-old son in my left arm. Nobody stopped. Everybody kept running and riding past. To get her to the hospital, eventually a young couple pulled up an Australian Federal Police guy, and it took well over 20 minutes to get us an ambulance in the middle of the city. Well over. She had to learn to walk and talk again. She's okay now. What's the one thing I can do to change our society so that we support a man with the most precious things in his arms? People don't stop. People keep running and riding past. What kind of society do we live in where that happens? So what's the one thing I can do What's the one thing I can do to bring us closer together?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 15:49
Smile.
Scott Carson (Guest) · 15:49
Yeah, smile. It's only been recently that I've been reflecting on this a little bit more. As the more I talk about my story, the more I share my story, and that's only a small part of what has been. I wonder how much my anger pushed people away.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 16:09
I'm glad you brought that up, Scott. Yeah, so I just want to ask, yeah, yeah, did you, leading up to this event with your wife and everything you've been through, did you do any healing on that anger that started as a teenager?
Scott Carson (Guest) · 16:26
I've never done any healing. I, I recently I had, but prior, none. And, and Throughout my life, I look at— there's a significant incident that happened with my mum and her partner that I'm choosing not to tell at this point because it's something that she's never dealt with. And every— this is one of the things I've learned in life, that when you share your story, the real inner story, that it can hurt other people because they're not prepared to deal with it, which has been the case in my family with a lot of things. My anger has ruled a lot of decisions, my, my, my not wanting to deal with things. And I wonder how many times people were pushed away from me because of that. Now that I understand just how heavy that energy was. I had a lot of resentment towards my father, you know, and even over the years try to do, try to work that out a bit. Every time it's just got hard and I felt myself, felt myself over the years getting angrier. And it's been some significant moments in my life that have gifted me change. But the consistent numbing of myself has always been an issue. So I painted a bit of a picture of some of the stuff that's happened in my life. It has all been a gift. So I now utilize my pain, things that most people may not necessarily want to step into. I'm going to share with everyone my My biggest victory is actually the reconnection with my father. So much so that 2 weeks ago he spent a day with his grandson, who's 11, on his own for the first time. It wasn't up to him to change, it was up to me to heal the wound. So I want to dive into this a little bit, give some context to how and why that happened. Because I know a lot of men hold on to the anger and pain of life, especially the relationships with their fathers. As you heard, I didn't want to be a father. So when Oscar was born, everything went sideways, and then a couple other things happened, and it just, you know, like, it's— I was doing my best. I did have— I did have a burning desire to not have him have that lifestyle that I had. So I've worked hard at that. As he gets older, I'm learning more about him. I'm spending time with mentors. One particular mentor down in Tasmania is beautiful, beautiful man. And I ended up becoming, which, believe it or not, I actually work for my very first paid mentor now. That's my employment at the moment. Which is the personal growth that I've achieved. Um, started a personal development journey with Mick Hawes down there in Tasmania. And what a journey, you know, from being a swimming pool builder through to that partnership going sideways due to mental health opportunities, um, which I respect my partner at the business and he had to step away from the business due to a couple of things happening. Um, the best decision was to close the business because that wasn't going to come back. But during the time that we had the business together, I started getting coaching for that business, started getting an understanding of how we can run the business better. Mick Hawes is a phenomenal business coach, but he works on personal development. His true belief is until a business owner is good and strong in themself, it doesn't matter what they do. So really nailed down on personal development. And that was the start of my journey. That was the start of me doing things smarter. There's a gentleman that, uh, was a part of that group who I will say is an amazing human being, is still to date one of the most valuable people in my life, has had issues with his kids, has had issues with connection, pain, and not wanting to be around each other. And listening to him talk about the pain it was for his— for him with his kids, and open up the question for me: how would I handle it if Oscar never spoke to me? Can't do much to me. That's about the only thing that would kill me if he never spoke to me. So I sat with that. I'll never forget, I was driving to a hotel in Sydney, going up there for some personal development work where I was actually learning to talk for the first time, learning to open up and to actually own my story. I'm with a cab driver and we're talking about religion. I'm a big believer in understanding people. I'm a big believer in just don't fear it, understand it, because once you understand it, you no longer fear it. We're talking about, you guys, you know, like heaven and hell. So it's interesting, I said, because I believe heaven and hell are here on earth. Remember that? I said, well, if you have all the conversations you need to have and you do all the right things and you do your very best in life and you support people, then in your latter days, you're in heaven because people want to be around you. Alternatively, if you don't, you don't support people and generally avoid things and you stay away from things, then you're in living hell in your latter days because you're full of regret and pain and people don't want to be around you. That opened up a question that I felt immediately. Do I have the keys to my father's heart? But more importantly, do I have them to mine? Do I need to look at this relationship in order to be in living heaven in my latter years? Hmm. So I sat with that for a number of years.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 22:49
So did that question come to you when you're in the cab?
Scott Carson (Guest) · 22:54
Correct. As soon as I talked about my version of, you know, heaven and hell.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 22:59
Mm-hmm. Mm. Yeah.
Scott Carson (Guest) · 23:02
So I sat on that for a little while, you know, like, and it's, you know, my personal development journey's been a pretty interesting one. And one of the things that just, it was an old ad. I don't know if you remember the ad where the kid walks out, out to his dad at the barbecue and gives him a beer. And says, yeah, here you are, Dad. I had that moment when my son was 6 years old. I get home from work, he's come outside, he's knocked the top off a Corona and brought it out to me, the biggest smile on his face. And I'm like, thank you so much, big man. Oh, no worries, Dad. Sat down and I drank it with him. That's the last beer I ever had. I learned how much our kids watch us. I learned how much in that one moment that he watches my every move. And at that point, I decided that I need to be the best role model I could be so that he could be the best version of him. So moving along a little bit, now that I'm working out fatherhood, you know, like, there's no rule book, just got to work it out. Burning question in me was to connect with my father. So organized, organized a dinner where we thought we'd catch up. And credit to him, he came. We sat in a restaurant and then it was the same thing again. Aggression at the table, everything. And I, I, it was horrible. So I went home and I was angry again for a week. Angry. I thought, this is, this is crap. I can't have this in my life. So I chose not to. So I sat on that for a little while. It was a couple of years later where I was— I'm heavy into the personal development world now, and I'm supporting a lot of men. I created Sunday sessions after the business partnership with my mate was going sideways, the writing was on the wall, and I'm like, I need to keep myself strong here because otherwise I'm not going to be no good for anybody. So I started training. I got two of the, two of the, two of the best men I could Bind, rang him up and said, right, you both pretty fit, let's do Spartan Trifecta. Let's— we're going to go for something, we're going to bear, bear, bear, grizzly, we're going to have a red-hot crack. So we did, we started training and we started every Sunday morning running. As we were running, we just learned that we're talking, we're talking about the things in life and it created a really safe place for us to just be. We saw this is pretty cool, maybe we should invite some other blokes along, see what happens there. So I ended up— that ended up morphing into Sunday Sessions, which was a, just a social health group for men where we had some amazing opportunities and it was wonderful. But then COVID killed that. But in the meantime, while I was supporting all these guys, I had, I still had my coaches in my life and I had one by the name of Jerome Lamarque that I now embrace discomfort because I know on the other side of it is growth. But my goodness, he put me into a world of discomfort by keeping me honest to me. I was coming home from work one day and I, um, rang him up, was having a yarn. He asked me the question, do you not feel like a fraud because you speak to other men about their fathers and what's going on for them, and yet you haven't healed your relationship Oh, that hurt. So I said, I'll call you back in a minute. So I hung up. I knew my father lived in the vicinity of that pub where I was served that 18— that beer when I was 18. I rang him up and said, hey, how are ya? I said, um, I'd really like to catch up. Okay. And we're about to go, so we'll meet at the pub. Okay, they'll see you there in XYZ. So this is a pub I used to drink at, it's a pub I used to cause a bit of carnage at. And so I get there and as a non-drinker now, and I've, um, gone in and ordered myself a steak and I've got myself up the back of the room, seen a few of the locals that have still been drinking there for, you know, 25 years. And, uh, hey, how are you? Yeah, good. I'll just go over there. Anyway, I sat there and my father came in and get what he want. He said, I grabbed the pint, sat down, and I spoke to him about how things are. I thanked him for coming, did the niceties, and I said to him I don't know how this is going to go, but I want to find out. In order for you to be in my life, and especially my son's life, I need to see you through a different set of eyes. I need to not carry the pain that I carry every time I talk to you or mention your name comes up. It carries throughout our entire family. I said, I don't want to see— I don't want to see you drunk. I don't want Oscar to see his grandfather in hospitals, a big yellow pickle balloon, from you drinking yourself to death like I saw your mum, because I cannot get that image out of my head. I don't know you. Yes, yes, you do. So I don't know you. I think the only way in order for me to get a better understanding is to learn who you are. First time in my life, he left half a beer sitting at that table. He stopped drinking. We talked about niceties and we walked outside. So I don't know when, but I would like to catch up again. It was 8 months after that initial catch-up. We reached out and he came over to have a conversation. Came over, I showed him around the house, and nice it is again. I said to him, I said, because of what I do, I said, I'd really like to interview you so I get to learn you, because there's purpose to it. So we sat there, put a microphone between us, and I recorded the conversation where I learned about how he grew up, what were the conditions that he had in his life. The most important thing for me was I was there to understand and not project any part of me into that story. I was only there to learn about him. Because I did, I didn't have to forgive him. Just had to accept he is who he is and that we all make mistakes in life. That's one of the things that I actually said to him at the pub. I said, listen, I said, I don't, I don't hold any anger towards you anymore. So we all make mistakes. I've made some shockers that have cost me a lot. It doesn't make me a bad person. So I want to understand where you're at. So we sat for an hour and we interviewed, and it's probably one of the most powerful conversations I've ever had. It took 18 months for us to catch up again after that.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 30:24
Why was that, do you think?
Scott Carson (Guest) · 30:25
Because I needed time to process. This is not— COVID kicked in and, you know, like, it's not— I'm dealing with some pretty deep wounds, and if I, if I approach them consistently, I don't give myself time to heal. I don't give myself time to process things and come at them without the emotion. Yeah, you know, I'm, I'm really proud of him. That interview's inside the Campfire Project for those that want to see that interview. It's a very personal interview, and one of the things that has been amazing is every time somebody watches that and they give me some feedback, give us some feedback, I actually call him and let him know how proud of him I am for sharing his story, you know. And it's interesting because when we talk, it was a real struggle. Like, our first time we met, we spent time with Oscar, was he went to the footy to get the Carlton-Collingwood. And, you know, it was nice. And I knew we had hope. When I asked him if he wanted a beer, he goes, 'No, not today, it's too important.' I've gone, 'Thank you, thank you,' you know. And which has just really helped our relationship. But the biggest thing we need to do in order to move forward is to create a new narrative beyond the pain that has been. So there's a big journey coming up next year, I hope, if I don't keep getting injured, that's going to create a new narrative so our story can, it can come with positivity rather than the pain it always has been.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 32:02
You know, speaking of that journey, Um, Scott, it sounds like you've gone on a fairly long one that's been protracted out in between the, the connections with your dad. What's, what's helped you get through this to the point you're at now where you, you've just shared that your dad's just spent a whole day with your son by themselves for the first time? So that's a pretty monumental event in your life, your dad's life, and your son's life. What's helped you get through this journey? I know you've brought up a lot of things, so many things we all can relate to. I'm so keen to understand what you've found about yourself.
Scott Carson (Guest) · 32:53
So these days I walk the streets thanking people for doing their best. Co-founder of the Business of Smiles, an amazing not-for-profit that makes a difference to so many people. One of the people I came across while walking the streets, beautiful man by the name of David Torelli, um, just understood what I was about and we shared a beautiful conversation. Gifted me these pens, 5,000 of them. And the reason why that is so pivotal to this conversation It's because I had to own my story, because it was owning me. So when I walk the streets, I give people— give people— and I ask people what the value of that pen is. I get anything from 50 cents to $2. The value of the pen is determined by what you do with it. The most important story you'll ever write is your own. Because if you don't own it, something or someone else occupies the space in your head, and you either need justification or you project it. You project the pain that goes with that. I started learning my story. I started understanding my story and just accepting where it's at, accepting me for me. Understanding that I'm an ex-London party boy, understanding that I've, you know, partied hard, drugs, alcohol, doesn't make me a bad person. That was just what I had to fill my life. That was just what I used to not feel how I felt. Whereas now I love the feeling of the emotion and I can sit in the emotion. Because I've learned how important they are to me to understand them, put gaps in between them so then I can respond with clarity. But I have to own that story. If you and I right now have a disagreement and you trigger me, it's my responsibility to understand why I'm triggered before I can convey that to somebody. It's not your job. To understand me. It's my job to be able to communicate who I am to you so that we can find some growth. It's pretty powerful when you understand that. It's interesting because today I'm on the other side of the camera. I'm the one doing the interviewing. But how powerful is it when you sit there and you listen to somebody's story? Yeah, I don't— I talk slowly. I'm not in a hurry to share anything these days because I want you to feel it.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 35:44
Would you say that understanding the need to accept yourself and your story has been the biggest outcome or gift from this journey that you've been on with in regards to the relationship with your dad or the other struggles you've had?
Scott Carson (Guest) · 36:04
Probably the biggest one, probably the, the one thing that really knocked me for six was the incident that happened with Oscar's birth. That was the one that was a catalyst that I needed to change. That was a catalyst of pain in my life where it was affecting something that was so important to me. You know, like, I ran a 56K ultramarathon with a broken metatarsal in my left foot that I did 3 days earlier, just to find out how much I could handle. Because I now use my pain as fuel to get me through things that, you know what, can't hurt me as much as that did. It just can't. After 36Ks of me whinging to everybody about my foot, it finally went numb, and then I could start running. And that was extraordinary. But then I got to the end of that and I thought to myself, okay, what can I achieve? What can we achieve?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 37:02
Yeah. Is it— tell me, do you have more healing to do with your father, or do you—
Scott Carson (Guest) · 37:09
no.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 37:09
Is this an ongoing—
Scott Carson (Guest) · 37:12
it's interesting, you know, like, I want to change the narrative. I want to create amazing things. And to be honest, I want to honor his commitment to stepping up, and I want to find a way to do that. Like, this— the stories get stronger and stronger because there's things going on at the moment that are making this phenomenal. Um, but it comes back to— all comes back to the accident with my wife too, you know. Like, and it's, it's, it's really interesting because that's my version of events for that accident. That's how I dealt with it. That's what I saw. She didn't have that. She's missing a part of her life. And the first time that she was, um, lucid enough to have Oscar back into the, the, um, rehab after 3 months, he wouldn't go to her because she was so scared. And that hurt her even more, which is interesting because this different process of— I'm processing it in my eyes, and unfortunately every time I shared the story still hurts her because that's not what she said. And yet it's her story, but it's also mine. But until we both own that story, that's the way that's going to be. Because I look, I look, I look back through time and I'm, I'm, I'm, I love people, right? I love people. If you, if you see much of what I've done over the last few years, I do some phenomenal stuff supporting people, being there. You know, I have socks with bright, bright yellow socks with black dots on them, you know, because the black dots, they represent our dark days. We all have them. No one's getting out of that. But there's more sunshine than dark days. Sometimes we just need a reminder of that. But I look back throughout time and, uh, this is gonna sound crazy, but I'm actually genuinely excited about humanity right now. Because we've been horrible, horrible to one another throughout time. I had the opportunity of having COVID. 2 weeks I couldn't do much, so I've sitting there going through the wars throughout time. We have really been horrible to one another. Conquer, fear, ownership. Wonder what the world would look like if we chose to accept, understand, and support. I don't wonder, I know.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 39:29
You know, it sounds like As you're speaking there, I'm thinking, well, that's what you've done for yourself, towards your father, towards others. And you know the magic that that brings.
Scott Carson (Guest) · 39:42
I learnt the magic when a 9-year-old boy interviewed me. Yeah, that's also in the Campfire Project. The detail that he listens, understands. I'll never forget driving through Frankston and There's a young kid in winter and, you know, he's in a pram, just singlet and nappy. And like, I could have easily have just been judgmental about the situation and how dare you do that to that baby. But poor kid was probably 3 or 4 years old. His father gave him sugar treat. All that kid wanted was the praise of his dad. Our kids, no matter who they are or what our conditions are, We are their idols. We are their role models. They love us, but they pay attention to every single thing we do. You know, imagine a world where we all just try to be the best version of ourselves. And I think like, that's why I'm so excited right now. I'm like, I, I sounds crazy and there's opportunities, you know, we've gone through COVID, we've got all these bits and pieces going on, but the reality is we've all started to learn what's important. We've all started to feel pain in areas where, oh, you know what, this relationship isn't working anymore. It's not. I'm not connected. Oh, I'm back at work now. I actually miss my kids. You know the amount of men that are missing their kids right now because they're back at work? They had this beautiful thing called COVID where they had to stay at home and look after the kids and do their bits and pieces. What if, what if we all focused on what was important? What if we go with our heads— we go with our hearts instead of our heads? And I've got a quick story about a beautiful football club that I had the opportunity of presenting at, where the coach rang me up and said, listen, I just need you to come down and have a bit of a yarn because these guys are getting a bit Punch happy, there's a few things going on, and you know, we're doing things better. Brilliant, love to come down, train with the boys. And I talked about perspectives. And if you know the Stephen Covey Young Lady, Old Lady, um, there's two, two pictures. One's of a young lady, one's of an old lady. So I split the room in half, and one went to half the room, the other half stayed with me, and we studied these pictures. What is it? What is it? We all agreed that that was a young woman, that's an old woman. Brought everybody back in and we started talking about life and I shared with them my story in a little bit more detail. And then I bring out another picture. Now depending on what picture you've seen is what you see. So these guys are sitting there, it's a young lady. No, it's an old lady. No, it's a young lady. And the tension's rising. Come on guys, work it out. I'm sure it's one or the other, isn't it? And they're adamant, they're adamant, they're adamant. And after a couple of minutes, go, okay, let's understand. So what is it you see? How do you see that? What is it? You see an old woman? How? Why? Show us how. What is it you see? What are the features? Give me some context to what you see. Ah, the other guys go, ah, I can see that. I said, well, isn't there a young woman? The other guy's going, no, no, no, no. I said, well, one of the— please show us the young woman. So we did. Based upon our experiences is what we see. Here we all were looking at one picture. But because we both had different experiences, we all thought that's what we saw. But only when we got to understand each other and we understood the context is it even an opportunity to see things any differently. We then sat down and we had a conversation where one of the guys shared his story. He opened right up about it, what happened in his life, and it was just wonderful. Then another guy did, then another guy did. These guys got so into my heart that I decided to go and play football with them. 45 years old, going to run around with 20-year-old blokes. It was one of the most amazing things ever. Here I am running around, copped a bit of a smack in the mouth, and I'm like, giddy up. Back in the old days, we were playing footy, so I'm running around like a— I was just so passionate that I was actually alive and playing and Anyway, I, I hit, I hit their full forward at full pelt and my bicep completely came off, came sitting up in my shoulder. I kept playing, I couldn't feel it. There's a love, love I had in my heart for these guys. You know, I'm nearly 4 months on from that injury. It's cost me time, it's cost me money, but it's filled my heart. Now I've got a scar on my arm to remind me of just how much these blokes have meant to me, how much I can do for, for them with love in my heart. Why is that so important right now? Human existence has seen pain, it's seen fear, seen ownership and dominance. It's been a great tool. If I can keep playing footy with love in my heart If I can run an ultra marathon, broken metatarsal, with love in my heart, for what can I achieve? What can we as a human existence achieve if we choose love? Love is not a Hollywood scenario. Love is an action— acceptance, understanding, and support. Love is something that is felt by somebody because of those actions. I'm excited about humanity. I'm excited of realizing what's important. We're learning what love in our heart is. You're doing a fantastic job there, Evelyn.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 45:35
Thank you, Scott. I, I am— I'm so, um, moved by your words, and I love what you've been able to express in terms of how you feel, what you're passionate about. And this has obviously all come from this amazing journey that you've been on. And how you've turned lemons into lemonade, so to speak, and flipped things around, created a new narrative, a new perspective, felt into your pain, reconnected the relationship with your dad. And, you know, you're sitting here with a smile on your face talking about some really painful events, yet they are simply, in your words, opportunities for learning, the growth, but finding the joy and, and human connection and spirit. There's probably some other things that I've missed in there, and I just want to honor your journey and what you've been able to share. It's really, really beautiful and very powerful. In closing, Scott, I know you've given me a lot today and given us a lot. If someone's listening to this conversation and they're resonating with any of the things that you've shared, the painful moments, and you've shared quite a few, is what words of wisdom or advice or something would you like to share with them?
Scott Carson (Guest) · 46:56
Let's start with a statement before I give my advice. I have never met anybody who hasn't added value to my life. Can I explain that? Repeat it first. I have never met anybody who hasn't added value to my life. Because even the things we don't like teach us that, so they get us closer to the things we do like. My words of encouragement rather than advice: are you worth understanding you? Take the time to write your story. You're important. It's your story. Makes you beautifully you. Own it. So you'll no longer need justification for it. You'll no longer gift that pain to others. People will come closer to you. Since processing mine, I now am able to create 3. 1 1 3. 1 1 3. It's the magic that happens when you learn somebody and understand their strengths, then they learn yours, and then together you create something new. 1 1 Koos tre. I encourage you to own your story because you're worth it.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 48:34
Beautiful. That's really lovely. Thank you, Scott. What a beautiful way to finish on. Thank you so much for sharing in your heart and your authenticity and vulnerability and bringing you here today in all its magnificence, all your magnificence. I really appreciate it.
Scott Carson (Guest) · 48:55
Thank you. You know, just on that, you know, like it's, you don't have to prepare for life. Life's gonna happen. Just own it. That's what we've done here today. You know, like we didn't prepare. We just came in and we just, and just enjoyed what it was. Thank you for gifting me the space to share.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 49:16
You're very welcome. Have a good one, Scott.
Scott Carson (Guest) · 49:19
Thank you, Evelyn.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 49:21
We hope you've enjoyed this episode of Kintsugi Heroes. Please like and share the show to your friends so we can get this out to even more people. If you have a story you'd like to share with us, please reach out using the contact details below. Join us next week for our next hero story. Until then, keep being you, and remember that we are all heroes in our own unique way.
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