Sarah De Jonge · 38 min
Born on Valentine's Day and abandoned by grief at four, Sarah De Jonge turned a mother's absence into a global kindness movement, one hand-stitched pocket heart at a time.
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Sarah De Jonge was born on Valentine's Day in northern Tasmania, but when she was almost four, her mother developed anorexia and eventually moved to Athens to seek her own healing, leaving Sarah and her two older siblings behind. What remained across the distance and grief were handmade gifts: dolls and purses sent from Greece that taught Sarah something she wouldn't fully understand until years later, that something made with love creates connection even when bodies are separated.
In 2015, working in psychology and nonprofit, Sarah made a handful of pocket hearts to give to friends. Their reaction changed her life. She launched A Thousand Hearts in 2016 with a single goal: to stitch a thousand hearts and offer them freely, with no cost and no agenda, just kindness from one person to another. Ten years later, those hearts have reached people in the US, UK, Kazakhstan, Japan, Paris, Mexico, and Greece. Sarah built a business model around staying true to that original promise: an online shop selling kits and materials funds volunteer artists and free community hearts, so no one is excluded by cost.
But the real story is what Sarah learned along the way. She discovered that kindness works on our brains like antidepressant medication, increasing serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, and oxytocin. Self-kindness is not self-care; it is a daily practice of treating yourself the way you would treat someone you love. And kindness is not the same as niceness. Kindness means saying what needs to be said, but delivering it gently enough that it can be received. Her father once told her to stop pushing the river. Sarah is still learning to let things flow, to say no when she needs to, and to trust that looking after herself is how she looks after the people she loves.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses grief & loss, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • Lifeline (24/7 crisis support): 13 11 14 · lifeline.org.au • GriefLine: 1300 845 745 · griefline.org.au
“to sort of lose your mom but know she's out there but not with you is a really hard thing to reconcile as a child and as an adult in some ways”
“kindness works on our brains in a similar way to anti-depressant medication”
“I learned the power of a small handmade gift and how that could create connection over time and distance and through grief”
The hero, today
Sarah learned as a child that a handmade gift made with love creates connection across distance and through grief, and this shaped how she built A Thousand Hearts ten years later without fully realizing it until recently. Kindness and connection are crucial to survival; the science shows that when you practice kindness regularly, it increases the same brain chemicals as antidepressant medication, and it is contagious even just by witnessing it. Self-kindness is a daily practice of treating yourself the way you would treat someone you love, which means forgiving your mistakes, encouraging yourself, and sometimes giving yourself what you need, which is rest. Looking after yourself is looking after your loved ones, because when they see you are doing okay and taking care of yourself, it takes the pressure off them to step in and make sure you are alright. Being kind means saying what needs to be said, but delivering it in a gentle way that can be received and processed by the other person, not in a way that is confronting or harsh. Saying no to things that push beyond your capacity and only saying yes when you can honestly answer that it aligns with your own wellbeing has helped Sarah hone her priorities instead of trying to do everything.
Yes. Sarah De Jonge is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Sarah learned as a child that a handmade gift made with love creates connection across distance and through grief, and this shaped how she built A Thousand Hearts ten years later without fully realizing it until recently.
Kindness and connection are crucial to survival; the science shows that when you practice kindness regularly, it increases the same brain chemicals as antidepressant medication, and it is contagious even just by witnessing it.
Self-kindness is a daily practice of treating yourself the way you would treat someone you love, which means forgiving your mistakes, encouraging yourself, and sometimes giving yourself what you need, which is rest.
Welcome to the Grit Diaries with Modern Maz. A place where we shore real stories meets real transformation. Each episode we share the journeys of everyday people who's faced life's hardest moments and found their way to hope, healing, and purpose. May their courage inspire you and in the world around you. Let's get inspired. Wow, man. What did you take out of our incredible interview with Sarah Dejong from A Thousand Hearts? I think that the interview was really powerful for me. Stop and thought about the difference between kindness and being nice and sometimes kindness is self-care, self-sport, and kindness is sometimes being a bit tough at times with what you need to say or do. But also I was inspired by her upbringing and she had a really tough upbringing and how she then taken her pain into purpose. What did you find for it all Naz? I am just enamored by Sarah's humble beginnings just to make a difference in the world by just these tiny tiny little hearts that were just a gift from her to you know the world essentially and how that just a very simple gesture has grown into a global company you know 10 years down the track we really get an opportunity to unpack to your point you know what kindness is what self-compassion is what it really is rather than just a nice little buzzy word that we're all, you know, self-care and it's a lot deeper than that. So, I would really urge people to listen in. She's got so much wisdom. We talk about the science of kindness and just, you know, that law of reciprocity and it was a great interview and I like her words that daily inhabiting of kindness is a practice we should all do and the impact that it can have. So, I really really like this interview and I hope our listeners do too. Welcome to Grit Diaries. Grit to Grace. Welcome, Mad. So lovely to see you once again. Hey, man. Always great to be back here in the hot seat again. And we've got a very special guest that we've been talking to for more than 12 months. Sarah De Jong. Welcome. Thank you so much. Now Sarah, you've got an extraordinary story and a backstory that the audience need to hear as to how you founded such a beautiful organization, A Thousand Hearts. You were born on Valentine's Day, so that makes me smile that you've ultimately taken your pain to purpose by creating a thousand hearts. And I know personally that it's touched many lives because with the resilient circle shop that I volunteer on weekends, I see we go up and give little people a heart and say, "Just hold this in your pocket to know that someone's there for you. People care and love you. Can't wait to hear the story." But what I'd like you to do is share with the audience a little bit about your upbringing and maybe a few significant moments in that which has helped you to evolve and build a beautiful organization a thousand hearts. Yeah. So I was born and lived the early part of my life in northern Tasmania. So my parents Joanna and John had bought an old house that they wanted to refurbish and live the beautiful country lifestyle with their children which was a beautiful dream. But when I was about 18 months old, my mom developed anorexia to the point where she couldn't look after her children anymore and had to go into psych hospital and eventually left our family and moved overseas to try and seek her own healing. And so dad remarried, we grew up with a stepmom. They had a very unhappy marriage. So that wasn't a great time for us children either in that way. But there was a lot of good stuff in there as well. But throughout that time, my mom who lived in Athens in Greece throughout my childhood and adolescent years, she used to send us little handmade gifts in the mail cuz she was a real maker. And my dad's an artist and jeweler as well. So, I learned, you know, growing up to appreciate beauty in small things. And I definitely learned the power of a small handmade gift and how that could create connection over time and distance and through grief. Wow. How many brothers and sisters? What number were you in the family? I'm the youngest of three. So I have my brother is the oldest, Ben, and my sister Emma is a couple of years older than me. And so when your mom left, you were what, two or four? I was almost four when she moved overseas. I was younger when she left our family. Yeah. Must have been heartbreaking at the time. Yeah. Heartbreaking, I think, is the right word. to sort of lose your mom but know she's out there but not with you is a really hard thing to reconcile as a child and as an adult in some ways but I have come to understand and we have a really strong relationship now. Oh that's gorgeous. You mentioned in your summary that she you know she not only sent you little hearts and things but she sent you clothes and t-shirts and she was a real clever arty crafty lady. Yeah. She didn't actually make hearts, but she made dolls and um little purses and things like that. So, I think the hearts were my interpretation of that lesson that something handmade with love is really so powerful in creating a connection. But that wasn't a conscious thing when I started a thousand hearts. I didn't realize that connection until only a couple of years ago. So, it was, I think, a a part of me that I had learned growing up that handmade gifts are so powerful, but it sort of expressed itself in the hearts before I had consciously thought that through. Could you walk us through, if we're not jumping too far forward, but just in 2016 was the humble beginnings of your Thousand Hearts project. Could you share with us why this came into being for you and why you were so passionate to create this and what it's all about? Yeah, so I went into psychology and counseling as my work. Uh so that was my education and work background and I worked in nonprofit organizations throughout my whole career to support people who were going through tough times and that came from that desire to you know help people who had experienced hardship and heartbreak as I had in my life. And in sort of 2015, I made a handful of pocket hearts and gave them out just to personal friends and things. And the reaction to those really was what made me sit down in 2016 and start the thousand hearts journey, which was my goal to make a thousand pocket hearts to share with people and not have them pay any money or have to purchase anything or just like a free token of kindness that was offered from sort of the goodness of my heart to the goodness of their heart. And so that was where it started just from a desire to offer kindness with no agenda and no kickbacks I suppose. Yeah. Cuz I seen through my work too how many people just need to feel connected and to feel that somebody cares. Yeah. And where did this small humble beginnings stretched out to? So 10 years later, we've just kicked over 10 years. Yay. It's on Saturday. Yay. There you go. Can't believe it. You got some big milestones this year. 10 years for a thousand hearts. 50 years for me. Yay. So, yay. It is really exciting. I still can't get my head around it that it's been 10 years since I started that, but it's now a essentially a global kindness movement. And two years ago, I gave up my full-time work in at Cancer Council Tasmania is where I was working at that point. Uh, but I sort of gave up that career in nonprofit sector and I'm now working in a thousand hearts full-time, which I never imagined would happen and actually at one point didn't want to be the end goal, but I'm very happy now that it's happened. I'm sure I saw them in when I was in the US. Yeah, there's lots in the US and in the UK and I mean they've gone to Kazakhstan and Japan and Paris and Mexico and Greece. Wow. Yeah, that's amazing. Can you talk us through logistics? Like how has this all happened where you've got them and who makes them all and just tell us a little bit more about it. Yeah, so when I started A Thousand Hearts, I didn't have a business model. I really started it as a gesture of kindness from me to the world I guess was the initial thing and as it started to grow so other people came on board who received a heart or kind of seen them in the community and wanted to give them away and a lot of people started wanting to make them. So that was where I started creating little kits and offering supplies for people to make their own. And from there that grew into an online shop selling kits and materials and the profits from that shop then get reinvested into the community. And one of the main ways I do that is providing supplies to a group of volunteer artists who make our community hearts which can be accessed for free through my website. So, I've always been really firm on that that there will always be the option for people to be part of a thousand hearts for free because I know that a lot of people don't have financial security and I don't want it to be something that's only available to people who sort of can afford to buy stuff basically. So, that's been a real commitment for me and so that's where a lot of the profits get reinvested. I also send kits and the community can fund some of those kits and Thousand Hearts funds some of those kits to people who want to get involved who can't afford to buy the materials and I've been supporting a couple of schools who don't have a budget for a thousand hearts but want to be involved and that's really powerful to me to see young people getting involved in sharing kindness but also in learning to stitch by hand cuz that's kind of a lost art now. So it's sort of connecting people with a lot of different things that connect and you know research shows that when we come together to make things by hand that's a very powerful you know community building exercise. Yeah. Yeah. And it's good for our brains and it's good for our health and yeah especially good for mental health. And I have to say I love your name Dejong is that's obviously French right? Is it originally? No it's Dutch actually. Dutch. Okay. There you go. That's a beautiful name. We'd love to know more about your journey of how you see the importance of kindness. I say that success is the amount of joy you allow yourself to feel. That's cuz we this is joy right now, right? I just this connection and alignment. So I can consider my day will be successful because I've had this beautiful time of joy. And you talk about kindness is a is joy. You know, joy is kindness. Talk to us a little bit more about your philosophy behind that. You've got a background in working for lifeline canteen cancer council background in studies in psychology. Tell us a little bit and counseling. Tell us more about around your thinking of all of this and the importance of kindness in a world that so often seems so cruel. Yeah, absolutely. So, I think instinctively we know that kindness and connection are kind of crucial to our survival. But, you know, when I started A Thousand Hearts, I was really seeing that with the stories that I was hearing about what the hearts meant to people, that they were making people feel more courageous and more connected and just that power of knowing that somebody cared enough to make something for the recipient. As it grew a little bit, having a background in psychology, it was really important for me to know that there was a research base behind it and that what I was doing had integrity in that sort of evidence-based way. So I did a lot of research and reading around you know the scientific basis of how kindness impacts the simplest way I can describe it is that kindness works on our brains in a similar way to anti-depressant medication. So it increases our serotonin. It boosts dopamine and endorphins and it increases oxytocin which is the hormone that makes us feel connected to one another. But it's there's sort of no side effects other than when you're kind, you want to be kind more because it feels so good and it's really contagious. So even seeing somebody else be kind or hearing a story about kindness has that same effect on our brain. So when we're surrounded by kindness and we're sort of living in a space where we're inhabiting kindness and practicing kindness regularly, it really improves our mental health and it connects us to others even if that's not our goal. Because when you're being kind that it's really important to be kind to yourself, but it is also an outwardgoing practice where even in an interaction in a shop or in public or with friends or family, if you're kind of in that space of kindness, that changes your relationships and connects you more strongly to the people around you. I love what you're saying there. And isn't it interesting how, you know, doctors are very quick to prescribe anti-depressants when in fact they could be asking questions like, "Tell me a bit about your life. Who's around you? What support do you have? And what do you do for others? Tell me a bit about taking yourself off yourself, you know, like wouldn't it be great if that was the first question a doctor asks rather than all right, well, which medication should we give you?" Yeah. And look, there's a place for medication of course and but I think that needs to be if it's needed, it also needs to be used in conjunction with, you know, are you connected enough? Are you thinking about self-compassion? And are you being kind to other people? And are you connecting with your community? And understanding how those things are incredibly powerful. And if you can build that kind of scaffolding, then there is space perhaps for less medication to be needed over time. And if the world is a kind of place, we're all going to be happier. That's the bottom line. So that's I guess the I mean I'm I'm not thinking that a thousand hearts can change everyone in the world, but it's my project and my legacy to make a difference to the people that come into contact with it. And and I'm really I've got to the point now where I can say that I feel proud of that. I couldn't say that for a long time. I was too bamboozled by the whole thing. But I have recently kind of gone, yeah, I'm really proud that I started something that that makes the world a bit more compassionate in a small way. Yeah, I love your words inhabiting kindness. And I hear often mental health challenges like addictions and alcoholism is them. I self me. I self me. And I really like what you're saying about interesting. you know, serving and giving and sharing kindness increases your hormones of dopamine and serotonin and oxytocin. So, so important little doses of those that Yeah. And they do say in around that when you don't know what to do, go help someone. And yes, just to kind of almost in many ways whether that's to ground yourself, remind you of your own humanity and remembering that you can make a difference. I'll share a very brief story just in terms of that law of reciprocity of you know when my mom was very very unwell with brain cancer and usually I'm the kind of person in the morning on the morning walk morning and you know that that's just what you do you know as I'm sure you both know and the viewers would know probably about 95% respond back and then some people just think you're cuckoo or just not interested right perfectly fine On this particular day when mom was really she'd really gone downhill. I didn't have it in me to look up. I was totally within myself. And I was about to finish my walk and three people across the road with a dog that I'd not met before. I didn't know them. All of a sudden, literally the three of them just turned around across the road to me. Morning. And I cannot tell you what that meant to me on that day that somebody people noticed me. The dog even notice me for goodness sake. Dogs are great like that. And that dogs pick up on it. Yeah. I mean, you know, who could figure that people across the road that I hadn't necessarily said hello to, but just literally turned around and it was like what you give out comes back. And I to this day that is one of my core memories of that time of just kindness and those people have zero idea of the impact that they made for me that day and just to take a deep breath and back I go to mama bear and yeah so things like that and what you're doing you know it's just it's the tiniest tiniest thing sometimes. Yeah. And I hear so many stories of people people in that time of grief and end of life and caring and illness and all those kind of real times that are full of grief where the hearts are just so impactful to the point now where they're used in a lot of hospitals and palative care settings and a lot of those medical settings where people are struggling with the fallibility of the human body and the loss of loved ones or the impending loss of loved ones and fear and anxiety. And those faces seem to be the places where kindness and compassion are just they can just make such a difference. And such a small thing can as you're saying resonate for years afterwards, in fact, for a lifetime afterwards. That can be the thing that makes a difference. Yeah. People remember the stories of the people that were discompassionate. Yes. passion and equally recall the stories of you know we were just talking earlier about you know somebody might have received some horrific news or is in a hospital setting completely vulnerable completely out of control of what's happening but what they recall is just that gentle hand that held theirs and that was everything to them in that moment so that transfer of energy that sense of I see you I feel that this is really difficult and I'm here with you and yeah that's goosebumps because I can think of patients that that's happened to and people that have shared that so it's so basic it's so simple it is and that when we go back to the inspiration for a thousand hearts remembering that when I started I was working at canteen with young people impacted by cancer and a lot of those young people had lost a parent to cancer so I was working a lot in a space of grief and connected to that deep love and trying to hold on to that love and that relationship when the physical person has gone. And then I moved into Cancer Council Tasmania where you know you're in that space of medical trauma, anxiety, grief and so that's you know they're the kind of settings in which a thousand hearts was nurtured and grew. And and I want to mention I think Sarah said it's a impact organization isn't it not necessarily a a business because you want anyone to be a part of a thousand heart and doesn't matter what part of a journey in their life they can be a part of the tactile experience of making hearts or distributing hearts. So yeah the beautiful concept and I think it really has moments that would have such I know I've been a part of them. I've handed little hearts to people and see them drop a tear. So I know personally that it's made a difference. So Sarah, tell us a little bit about you know your wisdoms around kindness. What do you want to share with the audience today that takehomes what you know from your experience of starting an impactful organization 10 years down the track? You're about to hit the big milestone of 50. Welcome to the nifty50s. I love it. Been my favorite decade. I'm about to depart from it and head to the 60s. So, I can't wait for those either. But I'm sure the audience is listening and wanting sort of Oh, give me more of Sarah. What are your little golden nuggets about life? And I noticed you speak so compassionately about your beautiful children and your former husband saying, "Oh, he's a good man and your partner." Tell us a bit more, you know, about your thoughts and your philosophies around life. I think you know a thousand hearts that 10 year journey for me has been huge learning. One of the big things I've taken away from that and I'm able to practice now too is self-compassion or self-kindness. So I think we sort of hear about that and sometimes confuse it with self-care you know eating well and exercising and all that stuff. But for me self-kindness is quite different. It is a practice. So it's around that the way that we express love to ourselves essentially and in the way that we encourage ourselves and talk to ourselves and sort of reward ourselves with what we need and sometimes I've another learning for me has been sometimes what we need is rest and I haven't been terribly good at resting in my life. I'm still learning that one. But, you know, breaking my wrist to earlier this year, like a month or so, a couple of weeks ago, has taught me that sometimes you do need to rest your body and allow your rest your mind to rest as well. But yes, the practice of self-compassion, I think it goes so far beyond giving yourself that pat on the back or switching that self-t talk from critical to kind. It really needs to become a practice where you treat yourself like you would treat somebody that you love. So that consistently forgiving the mistakes, trying again to be compassionate and offering love. And I think when we talk about those things in relation to ourselves, that can be quite confronting and quite difficult. And I found in workshops, some people won't even go there in talking about it. They're just like, "Oh, no, no, I can't really do that." And there's a real block. So, I'm getting better at that one. And I'm starting to get a little bit better at resting when I need to. Yeah. The self-compassion. I talk about my crazy flatmate in my head, which is Hippo. I've named it cuz hippo's crush. So, you have to say to Hippo, "Hippo, I'm not going to listen to that. I'm perfectly imperfect. Made a mistake." Yeah. It's not me. I've just made a silly mistake. Dust myself off and keep going. I've loved working with Maz. She's know changed my world because her and I made this agreement. We make a lot of mistakes at times on things we've got to do with our podcast and you know, so we've made this joint rule. Whenever we make a mistake, we don't even talk about. We just move on. There's nothing we can do about it. It's happened. We're both not excited that it happened. But, you know, we both want the best for these podcasts and radio shows. But, that's just what it is. If we're going to start beating each other up about it, where's that going to lead us? Nowhere except to self-love and to not really like the other person. So, why would we bother? It's just wasted energy. Yeah. Absolutely. And now, you know, when you're kind to each other and yourselves about it, you're getting all those good anti-depressant hormones running around your brain and you're getting all this happy endorphins. I love that. Even more motivation. Yeah. And and I was lucky enough to work with a basketball, she went to the Olympics, a basketballer, and she was explaining that whenever they shot a hoop, her coach if they missed, weren't even allowed to spend one quarter of a second on a like cuz then they said the second you do that, the team have got the ball and they've gone, you know. So you cannot stop and look back and get a cross in basketball cuz you blow it. So the same in life, you know, like we've what's the point? It's yes, we can learn from mistakes and we can sit down and say how can we do things better, but it's just beating ourselves up is not going to solve anything, is it? No. And learning from a mistake is different to criticizing yourself or the other person or or getting into conflict or negativity about it. But another thing that I've learned more recently is that actually when you're kind to yourself and looking after yourself, and this is really good if you're one of those people who is prone to giving and looking after others, because actually looking after yourself is looking after your loved ones, because you when they see that you're doing okay and that you're looking after yourself, that takes pressure off them to always be stepping in and trying to make sure you're okay. And so everyone around you can kind of relax a bit when they know that you're actually looking after yourself, being kind to yourself, and then you can just meet in that place where you share and enjoy time together rather than trying to make sure each other's okay. And that's been a really powerful learning for me because of that tendency, I suppose, to come in and help and that I've built my career around help others. It's also like, well, if I'm looking after myself, that is helping others that love me because they can see that I'm okay. And that's really important, too. The oxygen mask on yourself first before. Yeah, I think that's really worth highlighting because there's so many, you know, the cliche, you know, people pleasers and that somehow it's a bit of a I wouldn't say martyrdom, but just an honorable thing to be and there's many a podcast about, you know, how that you know affects you as a human being. And two points, one is there's nothing wrong with being a people pleaser. It's who you choose to please and for what reason you're choosing to please. It's a lovely No. But secondly, what lesson has really come up for me in the last couple of years is when we're responsible for our own mental, emotional, physical well-being, it takes the burden off other people to somehow feel that they are responsible for you. That they have to buffer around your inability to look after yourself. And I've seen that happen and I've probably been guilty of that in the past, but I've seen it around me quite significantly. And I see it in my nursing space as well, that people in family, friends are feeling very obliged to hold parts of people that really aren't for that person to be holding, but it becomes that sort of codependence, I guess, if you like. But at the end of the day, it's, you know, sometimes it takes someone with kindness to say, I can't hold that side of you up anymore. Yeah. Um, which another person the opportunity to grow. Absolutely. Yeah. And so you've been through quite a few transitions, your good self, and I was reading through your wonderful bio and that your dad shared with you his nuggets of wisdom that really helped you and that was about just share with us with the audience about not trying to block that river. What was that all about about letting life flow? Yeah. when my marriage was in strife and I wasn't sort of in a terribly good place and I was sort of trying to make decisions and you know make things better essentially sort of force things to be better dad said to me stop pushing the river Sarah just let it flow and that was that became a really sort of important mantra for me and I didn't really understand it fully until probably more recently where a big lesson that I've come to in life is sort of to stop pushing all the time. So, I I had got to a point and a couple of years ago when I sort of transitioned out of my work in the nonprofit sector and took on a thousand hearts full-time, which was a big crazy, you know, bold sort of decision to make when I didn't know if that could sustain me financially or if the business had legs or what have you. From that perspective, I had found that I was just pushing really hard all the time and, you know, working weekends, working evenings, trying to do my day job and run a thousand hearts at the same time. And I kind of got into that habit of, and we talk about that people are so busy all the time. And I had definitely got into that busy circus, you know, like I was just always busy, always pushing. And it took a while to really learn that's a choice. To be busy all the time is a choice. And life doesn't have to be so busy and relentless all the time. So that wisdom from my dad that don't push the river, just let it flow was really sort of a like it came back to me quite strongly. And it connects with what we've just been talking about too with sort of looking after yourself and allowing others to you know to look after themselves and not to step in and intervene or help or people please all the time either. It really is around some things you need to let happen and not try and influence or you know build that beaver dam to make the river go around it or what have you. So, you know, I think that's been I'm still learning it. I'm not going to pretend. Yeah, I'm all over that one. But I now this year, actually coming into this year, I sort of felt like I'm only going to say yes to things that I can answer the question honestly that doing this is not going to mean pushing beyond the capacity that I've got at that time. And that's been really good for me. like is saying yes to this in aligned with my own well-being and maintaining a you know a good sense of balance in my life and that's been good. So I've got better at saying no to things. I've got better at deciding which way I want to take a thousand hearts because it's really made me hone in on the priorities rather than trying to do everything. So it's good but it takes time to learn those lessons. Yes. I mean almost 50 years in my case. Yeah. It just takes time. Takes so long. I had a mentor who used to say to me, you don't always have to say yes and you don't always have to make a decision either. And you certainly don't always have to have the solution for everyone. And I think that's a a part of, you know, having to be a little bit of an adapted adult as a little kid and then you forced into that sort of position and that sometimes you feel you have to do that. I often used to get upset with the I'd draw the card go the middle path and I think ah the middle path is so boring, you know, like I like the fun and the end. I had this same river experience in my head, the analogy that where does the river run the fastest and it's always in the middle, you know? So, you're not touching each end. You're not you're not in the super highs and you're not in the super lows. And my mentor says to me often, don't get too excited because what goes up comes down. So, you just have and so that staying in that beautiful flow, learning to say no and sometimes learning to say yes to things that you think yes, okay, I'll give it a go. Yeah. But yeah, I really love that philosophy. Sarah, look at Is there anything else you'd like to share uh with the audience and the listeners that you haven't said and you'd like to share with them before we Yeah. sadly have to say goodbye soon? Oh, that's such a hard question. I just think not I mean there's so much that we can all say to each other, I think. But on these topics, I just think yeah, just look at if kindness is a value for you in a personal sense, then really look at how you can practice it in a real and tangible way. And going back to that kind of how can you inhabit kindness in your life and it's very different to being nice. You know, I think sometimes we confuse being kind with being nice and they're very different. So niceness is more transactional and quite necessary to keep life flowing and you know keep workplaces friendly and all that stuff being nice is really important but being nice is kind of for other people and it's more of an external transactional process whereas being kind comes from your heart and from your core values and I think really look at what kindness means to you and how you want to express that in your life and see that the difference that it makes really funny you should mention that Sarah, I've heard some really great discussion in around the difference between being nice and being kind. And you can be nice while being kind. And kind is about saying what needs to be said for the benefit of everybody, but in a way that is is nice. So you're not going in for the jugular, if you like. But kindness is the ability to actually say. Whereas nice, if I'm getting this right, nice is more about just kind of keeping the peace. Yeah. Moving over everything, but it's actually not kind because you're not actually being No. Yes. Yeah. Exactly. And I think it another thing I've learned and this is from my beautiful partner Jace is around gentleness. like he is such a gentle man and a gentle person. And I think that sort of gentleness is underestimated in our society because we're so busy looking at the people who are out there making noise or a bit dazzling or what have you and the gentle folk are often in the background. But I think, you know, when you're talking about saying kindness being about saying things in a I think in a gentle way and in a way that allows digestion by the other person so it's not too confronting. It's not too harsh. It's delivered in a way that it can be accepted and processed rather than in a way that's like a slap around the face. Because I think, you know, sometimes it's like, oh, well, it's kind to tell the truth, which I think is true, but it's how you tell that truth, and it needs to be told in a way that can be received cuz if it's told in a if that truth is delivered in a way that is too confronting, then it's just rejected and gets lost. And I think that's part of kindness, too, is how we speak to one another and how we interact with one another. And it's around that, you know, remember that everybody's vulnerable and dealing with their own stuff. So don't assume someone is robust and able to cope with your slap around the face truth. And speaking of someone who has been, you know, known in my life as being quite direct and sometimes has that's slandered in the wrong way. So I'm learning to be more gentle as well in my approach and delivery. And yeah, it's life's such a big learning process. Life school. Just when you think you're getting there, there's something else. Yeah, I just looked up, you know, the definitions of nice is giving pleasure. And the definition of kindness is behavior marked by generosity, consideration or concern for others without expecting praise or reward in return. But yeah, it's a much bigger word, kindness, isn't it? So, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Well, a thousand hearts, it's lovely to have you on our podcast and show. And Sarah Dejong, listeners, if you're listening, go and have a look at a Thousand Hearts and see the global work that you're doing after 10 years. I just had a few goosebumps then as I said it. And yeah, it fantastic what you do and just getting people to think about that the depth of the word kindness and surrounding as you said immersing yourself if you can as as a daily practice so that it boosts your own dopamine and serotonin and all the stuff oxytocin Sarah thank you so much for your time it's been a delight hasn't it maz just I'm so grateful to have met you and I know when Mon saw your name come up she said she's the thousand enhance lady. Oh, we've got it. Yeah, we're putting her up. Yeah, I was excited. It's only taken 12 months, but thank you. I know. I think we've got our own little grit to grace story and how we handled the technological issues at the start to be honest. Usually our best interviews are the ones when it starts off with a bit of technical challenge doesn't it mans. Tell you the not the first be the last when it comes to us and no we got there we didn't focus on it. Thank you so much Sarah Dejong. Thank you for having me. Thank you for joining us on the Grit Diaries. From grit to grace. If today's story has moved you, share it with someone who needs a little hope. Remember, from grit we can find grace and from grace we can find inspiration. Until next time, look for the joy, keep safe, stay grounded, and never forget that there is a strength within your own story. Take care. Oh, heat.
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Looking after yourself is looking after your loved ones, because when they see you are doing okay and taking care of yourself, it takes the pressure off them to step in and make sure you are alright.
This conversation includes born on valentine's day, her mum left when she was almost four, handmade gifts across distance and grief, a handful of pocket hearts in 2015, from a gesture to a global movement and the business model that keeps it free.
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