Richa Joshi · 79 min
A leadership coach who learned to shrink across four countries finally unlearns that silence, and now helps other muted women of colour do the same.
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Richa Joshi grew up moving between India, Germany, the United States, and Australia. Early on, she learned that silence felt like safety. Moving between cultures taught her to shrink, to self-edit, to disappear into whichever place she landed. As an adult, she realised she'd internalised silence not as a choice but as survival. Later, working in corporate spaces and community settings, she noticed the same pattern in other women around her: brilliant, capable people who'd learned to make themselves small.
Becoming a parent broke something open. Richa caught herself repeating the cultural patterns and expectations she'd resisted as a young person, patterns she'd promised herself she would never pass on. That moment shifted everything. She began doing the work to unlearn what had been handed down to her, and now she helps other women of colour do the same. The work is tender, messy, and slow. It means questioning inherited stories, sitting with shame and fear, and learning to show up more authentically in a world that often punishes women for speaking up.
Richa also challenges how migrants are expected to adapt alone. Real belonging, she argues, is mutual. Both cultures evolve; both sides do the work. She examines the model minority myth, the invisible hierarchy that says certain groups are inherently hardworking or docile, and how this polite form of oppression masks racism while dividing communities. Her core message is simple: you are not broken or powerless. You are buried under lived experiences and cultural conditioning. Listen to yourself the way you wish others would listen to you. That listening is where everything changes.
“I learned how to shrink. I learned how to shrink to fit whichever culture or country we were visiting at that time.”
“I was internalizing silence as safety.”
“Behind the scenes, it's tender. It's messy. It's confronting. It's slow.”
The hero, today
Richa learned early that if she was quiet, it was the safest thing to do, and she later realized many women like her were being muted by systems and cultural expectations even when they were brilliant and capable. Becoming a parent shifted everything for Richa when she caught herself repeating the cultural patterns and expectations she had resisted as a young person, and she knew she had to do things differently. Mutual adaptation means belonging is not something a migrant has to earn alone by abandoning parts of themselves, but a conversation where everyone on both sides of the culture is expected to evolve. The model minority myth is the most polite kind of oppression because it convinces someone they are lucky while positioning other communities as lesser, and it stops minorities from asking for more. Fear and shame walk hand in hand for Richa's clients, and the anger that follows often gets directed outward at systems rather than at the patterns people have internalized and accepted themselves. Richa has moved from being about 40 percent authentic in her daily life to around 80 to 85 percent, and that remaining gap is space she is still working on, not pretense she is performing.
Yes. Richa Joshi is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Richa learned early that if she was quiet, it was the safest thing to do, and she later realized many women like her were being muted by systems and cultural expectations even when they were brilliant and capable.
Becoming a parent shifted everything for Richa when she caught herself repeating the cultural patterns and expectations she had resisted as a young person, and she knew she had to do things differently.
Mutual adaptation means belonging is not something a migrant has to earn alone by abandoning parts of themselves, but a conversation where everyone on both sides of the culture is expected to evolve.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 00:16
Hello and welcome to From There to Here, the podcast where we talk about living between cultures and everything that comes with it. I'm your host, Emma Belamy, and today I'm speaking with Richa Joshi. Richa is a leadership coach who helps quiet voices get loud, especially women of color who've been muted by systems, labels, and cultural expectations. In this episode, we talk about what it means to internalize silence as safety and the slow, messy work of unlearning that silence. We explore how adapting to a dominant culture as a migrant can lead to self-editing and shrinking yourself, and how we can rethink adaptation so people can belong on their own terms. We also dig into labels, the model minority myth, and how to separate who we are from what we do when we've outgrown an old version of ourselves. All right, let's get into this episode. Risha Joshi, welcome to the podcast From There to Here.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 01:46
Thank you so very much, Emma. I'm so thrilled to be here. And when I went and heard all the previous podcast episodes, I'm like, ah, this They're talking my language. These are people, these are people I know. So it's so good, so good to be here.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 02:01
Oh, I love this. I love that you say that. Let's focus on the work that you do because it is fascinating. So your mission, as you put it, is to help people reclaim their voice after being muted by systems, labels, and cultural or societal expectations. And if you don't mind, I am going to read the first 3 sentences in which you present yourself on LinkedIn, because I think they beautifully capture what you are about. So I'm going to read it. You say, I help quiet voices get loud, not just in rooms, but in systems that never saw us coming. I don't do bland coaching, DEI jargon, or performative leadership. I help people unlearn, speak up, and show up, especially women of color who have been told to shrink. I think it's just a beautiful way to introduce you. And that made me very curious to hear what led you to such a purpose in life, whether there is a personal story or something that inspired you to help those who have been disempowered reclaim their voices and ultimately their power.
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The model minority myth is the most polite kind of oppression because it convinces someone they are lucky while positioning other communities as lesser, and it stops minorities from asking for more.
This conversation includes learning to shrink across countries, internalizing silence as a survival strategy, becoming a parent broke the cycle, the messy work behind unmuting, consistency is how change happens and fear and shame walk together.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 03:18
Okay, thank you very much. It makes me sound like a rock star, doesn't it?
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 03:22
Yeah.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 03:24
So the thing is this, Emma, I am a migrant woman. I am a migrant woman of color, and I learned very early on from my younger years when we used to travel with my parents outside of India— I'm of Indian origin— um, I learned how to shrink. I learned how to shrink to fit whichever culture or country we were visiting at that time. And as an adult now, I have realized that through living, working, experiencing, and now parenting across these many cultures, I realized how I was internalizing silence as safety. So I won't be pointed out, I won't be the target of something, I won't be asked to do something, etc., etc., or also ostracized, bullied, you know, facing racism or something like that.. And because I grew up moving between different countries— India, Germany, United States, and now in Australia— I found that I was teaching myself new languages. And by languages, I don't mean the language of English, right? I mean different languages. But I was also learning new ways to silence myself. As an adult now, I realized that I learned early that If I was quiet, it was the safest thing to do for me. But later, as I started obviously growing up and, and different workspaces, corporate spaces, even my businesses and community spaces, I realized that many women, especially women like me, were also doing the same. And these women are brilliant, they're capable, they're powerful. But they were muted by these systems and also by cultural expectations. So then when I started doing the work that I'm doing now, I found that it became a space not just for myself, but people like me to unlearn that silence, that self-erasure, and reclaim their voices, reclaim belonging and self-trust as well. And so my work entails not just coaching but cultural reflection, some rebellion as well, you know, but a gentle angle to it without pointing fingers and saying, this is why that happened, this is why that happened, but understanding it. And by loud, when you read that bio, I don't mean just loud in the volume of the voice. I don't mean in the brashness or the harshness of, say, the tone of your voice. I mean, I like to think that I'm helping myself and them speak truer, first to themselves and then outside, right? Because of that whole angle of self-erasure. So that's really the heart of whatever you read on my bio and how I introduce myself, where I hope that through my own learning, my experience, my trainings, my licenses, this, that, and the other, I can help people recognize the patterns that keep keep them quiet and do that even while they look confident on the outside. So that's what you read in my bio. Hmm.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 06:48
I wonder whether there was a moment in time where you realized, oh, I was actually silent, and perhaps there has been an event or a process that has triggered in you this desire to rebel, as you were saying?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 07:09
There are so many triggers, but one of the things that was happening was that I changed from being just Richard, you know, someone who was in the corporate world and high C-suite and this, that, and the other, in the public eye, this, that, all kinds of things, right? And then what happened was I became a parent. And that shifted something in me because I was seeing instances of certain things that I was saying and doing, which as a young person, I was like, I will never do this, not to my children. I will never do this. I will never be my mom or my grandmom or Auntie this one or Auntie that one. And I was finding that I was repeating those patterns and some of those patterns were not good. They were repetitious cycles of certain expectations and cultural norms, or even my culture upbringing that was being repeated just because I was used to it, right? And that's what I grew up around. So I was finding doing that, and I wasn't comfortable anymore because I was like, that just doesn't break a cycle. That is just repeating the things I wasn't comfortable with as a child, as a teenager, as an adult. And I'm doing that to my children. So that was one of the biggest things that shifted that whole idea for me to be rebellious, be different, do things differently, parent differently. So that was my biggest kind of a moment for me.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 08:44
I don't know if you have daughters. Do you have daughters?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 08:47
Well, yes, two children. The older one is of the diverse gender community and the younger one is cisgender female.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 08:55
Okay, I asked the question because I wondered whether you caught yourself saying, oh, stay in your lane, or perhaps don't, don't be too loud, or things like that that you heard and had internalized. Is it that kind of dynamic that you caught yourself catching?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 09:11
Kind of, sort of, because while my parents are very progressive and very liberal and very well educated, and they didn't put those kind of expectations around myself or my brother growing up, saying you're a female and you should do this and you're male, for my brother, you should be doing this, or this is what's expected of you. The society we were surrounded by, that would always be like, oh, you can't do this, Richa, you're a girl. Whether it was verbalized in words, whether it was actions, or even if you look at media, you know, movies, magazines, newspaper articles, whatever things were even in like, you know, India is very popular for Bollywood movies, you know, all those kinds of things and the advertising. Which was saying that if you are female, this is what is acceptable and this is how you can be female. So I was finding that that was not who I was and I felt uncomfortable. I would lash out in certain ways, which were obviously now when I look at it, not healthy ways, right? And because I was obviously that young and didn't have the language or, you know, the way to process it. So I was finding that happening quite a bit. And then unfortunately, I was repeating that to my own children because I didn't know how to process it better, or I hadn't learned how to. I wasn't taught how to, whatever it may be, right? So that's when that internalization became very apparent, that I was— I had learned to be small and shrink to fit because I wanted to be part of the in-crowd and do the things, you know, and everything else, or even the rebellious bits, be this way. Only then will you be accepted as being different. So that was one internalization. And the other internalization was the societal— I don't know if it's phenomenon or perception— that around the time I was growing up, it said different is not good, different is dangerous, different is not acceptable. And I was internalizing that as well. Because I was different. I'd grown up across so many different cultures, experienced so many different languages and cultures and norms and traditions, but I was internalizing that. And when the children happened, there were instances where they would do or say or want something different from what I thought was okay, and I'd be like bristling, "No, you can't do that. No, you can't, you know, you shouldn't be doing that," and limiting them. And then I was obviously repeating whatever was done to me or what a lot of people were experiencing at that time. And yeah, so that shift was a bit confronting, to be honest. But yeah, that— it's for the best.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 11:56
Tell me more about the work of unmuting your clients, people you work with, how it shows up behind the scenes.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 12:07
Behind the scenes. Okay, so behind the scenes, it's tender. Messy, it's confronting, it's slow, right? I'm 47. I had children when I was in my early 30s and everything else. So it's taken me that much time for unconditioning and unlearning. So for my clients, I say that it is not about perfectionism. It's not about saying this is good or this is bad. But by understanding and unlearning what success means to them per se, for them, for their dynamics, for their families, for their relationship with work, and also understanding that it is okay to give permission to do those things without feeling guilty. And then I bring that to the clients by questioning them. In as gentle ways as I can, where I ask them, do you know where this is coming from? Is this because you have inherited some stories, some societal expectations or cultural norms that being too much or not enough is how you should be? And also understanding where did that silence begin? Because when we understand that Then we're able to unpack that, be aware of it, and then make the changes. Then one of the other things, because I work with a lot of women and I work with women who are parents themselves, I ask them the question, whose comfort are you protecting? Are you protecting your own comfort because it's familiar, because it's something that you've experienced, and so on and so forth? Or is it Well, what are you protecting, right? Because when we are comfortable in whatever we've done and experienced before, we keep repeating those things again and again without trying a different way of doing things. So yeah, for my clients, it shows up as challenging those internalized narratives and the harmful parts of the conditioning and healing those things and then showing up in ways that feels comfortable for them. For how it works for them and their family and so on and so forth. So that's why I say it's tender, it's messy, it's confronting, and it's slow because you have to realize it, you know, sit with it, accept it, and then move forward. So it can be a slow process.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 14:45
Unlearning takes so much time, and I guess for women it would be particularly challenging to shift from being more of a quiet personality to reclaim your voice in a way that is more loud, but as you said, not in terms of volume, but perhaps more in terms of impact and conveying your authentic truth, and how society would perhaps send you a message to be like, uh, yeah, no, we don't like it. How do you deal with that?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 15:18
By being consistent about it. That's the simple truth. By being consistent about it, only because for millennia the genders have been boxed in certain ways. This is how you should be if you're a male. If you're a female, this is how you should be. This is how you should look, talk, dress, be around people. And that limits us. And it goes equally for men as well. They're told to be the providers. They're supposed to be the strong men and not talk about their emotions. Big boys don't cry, you know, those kind of things. So that kind of conditioning also is sometimes upheld by us as women because we've been conditioned to think of the male counterpart in our family dynamics to be the provider, to be the strong one, to have all the answers, you know. Be the technically smart one, mathematically smart, you know, those kind of things. So we uphold that as much as they do. And when that happens, we're limiting ourselves. And we do get the messages, just like you said, Emma. If a woman supposed to be quiet, right, uh, is supposed to be— well, that's what they expect. Then you're loud and you're aggressive and you're overconfident, you're too much. When it is just an expression of how— just an expression, just, just an expression, simple as that, without the negative connotations attached to it. Similarly, when men will share their emotions or, or even admit to the fact that they like doing housework, they enjoy it, 'Oh, you're feminine, you are under your wife's thumb, diapers should be changed only by women, that's women's—' you know, so That's where the whole shift happens. And yes, you're right, Emma, we get the messages a lot by our own very loved ones, you know, who say those things to us expecting us to be a certain way, when those are constructs, human constructs that we put in, right? This is how you should be, this is how you should be, this is how you should behave, and so on and so forth.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 17:32
And I asked that because I wondered whether it was one of the biggest barriers to have people evolve and break their own boundaries. Because if the world around you doesn't want this evolution, it is a battle against the world, so to speak. So do you think that this is one of the most common barriers that people find their way when they try to reclaim their voices, or are there more significant barriers that they encounter along the way?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 17:59
Well, it happens on both ways because it starts with the systemic stuff, in my opinion, right? And the systemic stuff can be in workplaces, it can community spaces, in different cultures, family spaces, right? This is how it should be. This is what your role is. This is what my expectation is. And then you conform to it, right? And then of course, outside the personal stuff where you walk out of your door and you go meet people at the shops, or you go meet friends for coffee, whatever else it may be— community spaces, workplaces those very same humans are the people who are in those spaces, and they're carrying with them those biases, if you may, right? Those limiting beliefs, those cultural expectations, because they've also grown up in expectations and boxes like that. And it just becomes that cycle that gets repeated again and again and again. And to add to what you said, We notice, and history teaches us and shows us, that when change happens at a societal level, at a cultural or a country level, it's usually people who've broken out of those norms and said something. And I feel that those people bring that change which is long-lasting because they also find resonance in people who are also thinking the same but have never never found the courage maybe to unmute and say those things themselves because of, again, those cultural norms. So it's a big cycle that keeps going on and on and on. And the people who do change the things are people who speak up, who've somehow worked with themselves or with a coach, you know, saying something, you know, and they've understood and been aware that this is what's limiting them and that they too can have a voice. And they're usually the people who change the world. That's what I think.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 19:59
No, it's very, very true what you say. I wonder what kind of emotions you find most common in your practice, whether it's shame or fear. I would say it's probably fear, you know, the fear to change.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 20:15
Yes, it's both. So one follows the other depending on the context of the conversation or that realization. Most of it is fear. Of judgment, the fear of judgment of one towards ourselves. How could I think this way? I must be a bad person, you know, etc., etc. And then shame follows there. Then of course there's fear of judgment from other people. What will my husband think, or my wife think, or my dad, or my mom, or my uncle, auntie, whoever, you know, think when I say this? Because we're so worried about what other people perceive of that we just let that fear take over and then we don't speak up or be, as you said before, authentic to ourselves. And then, of course, shame follows. Or it's shame because you realize that you are limiting yourself on your own, right? At many times and limiting yourself in who you could have been. And there's a shame that, oh my God, there was such a lot of wasted time. I wasted so much time in not doing this and everything else. And then that limits them. So fear and shame walk hand in hand when those emotions come in. I also find with my clients sometimes it morphs into anger, a lot of anger, and a lot of anger that is directed towards someone else or a system. They did this, this is why I feel this way, you know, stuff like that, without sometimes taking accountability and saying Well, we accept it and internalize it also, right? So I find anger also comes in, which is then again followed by fear and shame and so on and so forth. So it's, it's, it's, it's a couple of emotions that emerge a lot with the clients that I work with.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 22:02
Yeah, I love what you say about the anger and how when we are not allowing ourselves to take up space and be this bigger version of ourselves, we can often Yeah, blame. I think it's blame others for staying small.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 22:20
It's easier to blame someone else because then a lot of times, I will agree, it is systemic as well, but it is also easier to blame outside of yourself because once we start blaming ourselves, then we have to say, oh, I made a mistake, and that is hard as well, right? Accepting that we ourselves did not allow ourselves to speak up, to be authentic, to accept that it was okay, and so on and so forth. So yeah, it goes hand in hand. Yeah, it's very emotional. Therefore I say it's messy, the work that I do, whether it's for myself or with my clients. It's confronting, it's tender, and therefore it's slow. Yeah.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 23:01
And so if we try to have this kind of work with migrants, empowering migrants One way in which the disempowering happens is when you move to another country and you have to do a lot of work to blend in, and that comes with sometimes abandoning some parts of yourself in order to be accepted. And you like to think of belonging as a mutual responsibility and not as a one-sided task that migrants have to perform alone. And I think this is a very interesting way to reframe that power dynamic. Tell us why it's important.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 23:44
So two terms that are used a lot for migrants and towards migrants, and again, expectations of migrants and what they should do or should be or how they should speak and everything. In other words, integration and assimilation. I prefer, as you'd mentioned, you know, the whole idea of mutual adaptation and belonging on our own terms. So in order to understand that, we need to first understand what assimilation is. We need to understand what integration is. So assimilation is the process where a minority group, any minority group, migrant group, adopts the dominant culture. Right? And it often leads to the loss of their own original identity, call it cultural identity or whatever. Integration, on the other hand, is when a group becomes socially and economically part of a new society, and they all retain their own cultural identity. The thing is that integration usually is a two-way process. The exchange of information, exchange of ideas. But assimilation is usually a one-way process with the minority group adopting the majority's ways. But the thing is that both these processes, integration and assimilation, they carry some sort of an invisible hierarchy, okay, where the assumption is that someone, usually the dominant culture, has the power to allow someone in, into that dominant culture, right? But when we talk about mutual adaptation and belonging, it's mutual. It asks everyone to evolve, whether you're a minority or the dominant group, right? For me, belonging isn't about finding home. It's about all those authentic parts of us whichever side of the spectrum we are when it comes to culture. It's, it's about honoring those. It's not about erasing them, but honoring it. And for me, then therefore, that mutual adaptation means it's a conversation, not conversion, right? And therefore not integration and assimilation. It just says that we can adjust without abandoning all the parts of So therefore, I feel that when we talk about migrants, when they come to a different country, some amount of it happens anyways without us knowing. You know, I've been told many, many times by my not-living-in-Australia friends that I say 'wata' instead of 'water.' You know what I'm saying? So some of it happens anyways, right? And I found myself saying, girl, I used to say girl, I say gal, gal. I don't know. You know, some of that happens naturally, right? But when we talk about mutual adaptation and we practice that as a whole, we move from tolerance to transformation, respectful curiosity, right? And then therefore the minority groups, which are the migrant groups, stop carrying the full emotional labor of wanting to belong, of having to continuously prove that they belong as well, right? And of that whole thing, you should be grateful that you're here. Yes, some of us make that choice open-eyed, right? You know, kind of a thing. So then everyone grows. The dominant culture gets enriched by our cultures, the minority and the migrant cultures, and they become more empathetic, more knowledgeable. And minorities or the migrant cultures, on the other hand, they get to lead from authenticity instead of forced assimilation or integration.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 27:47
You know, a lot of people disagree with that. A lot of people say, oh yeah, but you've come here, so it's your job to do the work of integration. And if we were to come in your country, we would have to adapt to your country's sets of rules values. And it's funny how I had not realized how I've heard that so often, actually, and I never really questioned it. When I arrived, I thought it was my part to kind of adapt to the country, and it took a while to cherry-pick the elements of my culture that I wanted to preserve and the elements of the Australian culture that I wanted to adopt, and those that actually do not really resonate with me. But yeah, it's funny how so many people assume that this is the work of the migrant because of where they are, and if they're not happy, then they just need to leave.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 28:42
Exactly. Go back to where you came from. That's a refrain, especially in the last couple of months, we've heard across Australia quite a bit. And it's very interesting how you said, you know, when we go there, someone comes in from, maybe from Australia, visits, say, India. And I say this about India because I've seen that happen, right, or not happen, is that 'Oh, they will have to adopt to Indian cultures and stuff.' Not really, not really, because culturally in India we still look at the white person as the superior person anyways, uh, you know. But then their expectation should be, I think, to the laws and the rules of the country, not to the cultural adaptations, right? For example's sake, I tread very lightly here, but and bring religion into the context. If someone who's of Christian faith were to go into, say, the Middle East, will they start following? Will they convert? You see what I'm saying, right? And the expectation is, because they're coming from the Middle East to a mostly Christian country, they should adapt to this. So that friction, that difference It's kind of jarring, isn't it, that one side is expected to because maybe they're considered minorities or lesser than, but when we go as the dominant culture, we don't do anything of that sort, right? So yeah, that's where I find the dissonance happening and that, that leveling— not leveling, it's more like we are better and so therefore we will do what we do here and we'll do that again there. 'But because you are a lower culture or a lower religion or lower minority group or economically lower than our country, then you should adapt to us. You know, you should do everything we do because otherwise, if you don't like it, you should go back home.' So it's, yeah, it's a very vast conversation. It's a very nuanced and a very complex conversation to be having because it's been happening for many years and Yeah, it's just—
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 30:49
yeah. I love your example about India where you were saying that people coming to India still expect the Indian population to adapt to their culture because of this sense of superiority. Because I'm just realizing that people I've heard say to me, oh yeah, they've come here so they have to adapt, it's their job to adapt, have probably never been to a country where they have adapted to someone else's culture. And yeah, you made me realize that, that, you know, I think it's very easy to say that when you are never the one who has had to do any adaptation work in your life.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 31:27
And it's only because certain cultures, certain skin colors, certain religions or practices are considered to be superior, or that's how the PR machinery works for them. I don't know, you know, where they're, they're expected to because they are the superior race, they are the better race, they're the more evolved race, right? Another example to add to that is I work fairly often with our First Nations families and Torres Strait Islander families, especially within the school system and remote areas and stuff like that. One of the elders there mentioned that, especially for Western Australia where I'm living at currently, that people from Australia, especially the dominant culture, they love to go to Indonesia and Bali and do all of those things. They love to go to, you know, Japan and try the different things that are there and everything else. They find it very cool to go on a spiritual retreat to India and try yoga and all the different things there and all that stuff. But they find it so hard to even think of the First Nations cultures and languages and try to even understand that. And for this elder, it was all about racism and bigotry and systemic stuff and that whole idea of we are superior than yours, than you are, and your culture is not as finessed or polished or whatever else than ours. And therefore then that difference and systemic stuff comes in. So yeah, I found that very— this was a couple of years ago and I had not thought about it that way as well, that, ooh, okay, so yeah, that's actually true, right? That we think we are superior and therefore we don't learn about their cultures or their languages or their practices and poo-poo it, or, hey, they're heathens, or their culture is so backward, you know, whatever. Whereas it's not, it's just different.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 33:26
How do you help First Nation people reclaim their voice, knowing the racism that they have faced and that they continue to face?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 33:38
Um, well, one of the most vocal things I do is I march with them and I talk about all those instances, just like I have here, and I work with them not to bring them to scratch or to speed with what is happening in so-called modern Australia, but being able to use those same practices that I use with my clients and within myself to actually understand we are here, these things are systemic, these were done outside and it is wrong, and this is how you can— so we talk about, I talk about all the resources that are friendly towards First Nations people and Torres Strait Islander peoples? What are these services that are available? What are the avenues they can look towards and follow or find out more about to do the things that they want to do? At the end of the day, all of us, regardless of wherever we're coming from, whether we think we're superior or we're not, or whatever religions we— or whatever, we all bleed red and we all need certain things in order to live, right?. And to be able to understand and be aware of those things gives all of us a chance to walk the same path, you know, with the same opportunities which are usually not granted or even told are available to our First Nations and Torres Strait Islander people. So yeah, I get to do that work. Yeah, it's rough work to realize that they don't know that these services exist or these options exist sometimes. Yeah.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 35:15
Wow. And I think something that is connected to this idea of mutuality is the fact that no culture is superior to another and that we can all learn from each other. And there is this phrase that you posted on your LinkedIn that I thought was really beautiful. You say, every culture, dominant or otherwise, has parts that need to be questioned, healed, or evolved, including our own. And I don't know, I really got stuck when I read that sentence because I was like, oh, when is it that I got to finally question my own culture? Because I arrived as a migrant here and it took me such a long time to see my cultural viewpoints, because when you have been immersed in one culture your whole life, you don't even know that it is just a cultural perspective and that there is a world out there that does things very differently. I knew that through travels, but not as much as when you resettle for many years. And, and yeah, I think it's the beauty of migrating where you really get to deconstruct where you're coming from with your beliefs and whether the way you behave is truly what you want to be, or it is what your culture has told you to be. And doing the work of taking the elements of the culture that you think either resonate with you or are embodying this version of you that you want to grow into. So anyway, what's your take on why we need to deconstruct our own culture?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 37:04
The reason why I think we should work in deconstructing those aspects of our own cultures that are not as pretty or as shiny or as nice is because none of the cultures across the world are any way better than the other or more evolved than the other. Because cultures come over millennia, right? Over a period of time. What culture is, is basically formation of ideas which became practice and so on and so forth, right? But each culture has its own shadows— habits of silence, patriarchy, pride, a lot of pride, perfectionism, and so on and so forth. And all of these cultures have been shaped by whatever was happening at that time for that culture, whether it's geopolitical stuff, whether it's man-made disasters, wars, or natural calamities. So all those things shape culture of that day. But if we can be objective about the good, bad, and the ugly, we can question and evolve from it. And like you said, be very aware of where our own thoughts and actions are coming from. Is it culturally nuanced, or is it because it is my own independent thought kind of a thing? Then we get to cherry-pick what and how we would like our own experience of culture to be. There are loads of beautiful things about India. I recently posted on LinkedIn about one of the practices, in my opinion, is very unfortunate about the caste system in India. And that went a little crazy on LinkedIn. But it is to be able to say that as well, where you're able to say, yes, you love the country that you're from, but there are certain not nice aspects of it and how they affect everyday everything. But you have to be brave enough to do that and be able to, I guess, read and assimilate that much information to see both sides of it. Where did it start? Is it good? It's not a good practice. Okay, let's just move away from it, you know, and be able to call it out in our own thought patterns and our own actions. And it takes, again, that whole thing that you said— deconstructing and awareness and sitting those messy bits, you know, of saying, oh, that's not nice, or saying, hey, that's beautiful about our culture, and let me talk about it more and be proud of it, you know, and accept that and make it work for us. So it's important work. Like I've said before, it's messy, it's slow, it's very confronting to be able to say, shite, this is not good, this is not great about my culture or my thought patterns which have stemmed from cultural practices. His own norms. And to be able to say that, ooh, that's not good about my culture, is the hardest thing. Because then again, you're labeled, oh, you're not proud of the culture you're from or the roots you're from. No, we are. It is looking at all aspects like a 360 view and accepting things. I talk a lot, Emma. These are topics that I truly find very interesting, and seeing the root causes or where things come from, and practices and norms as we know it as individuals from two different cultures, and how it has affected how we do the work we do now. So I find it fascinating.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 40:43
No, but you are completely right, and I think that two things can be true at the same time. We can be proud of our culture or feel a sense of affiliation to our culture, and be critical about it. And I think it should be the case whether you are in your home culture or your host culture. You know, there are aspects of the Australian culture that I'm like, oh wow, I never thought I would like that. And I actually end up preferring that to my own culture. And there are parts that I still cannot do. And, you know, I've tried to adapt and it's just not in me to do things that way. So yeah, I think it is important to be critical of every culture to a certain extent and respect them to a certain extent as well.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 41:30
100%. You gotta respect another person's culture because it's been done so much to us where it has been disrespected. We shouldn't repeat those inequities to other cultures, right? It's that whole saying, what is it in the Christian books? Do unto others as others do unto you, right? You want to be treated like crap, you treat other people like crap, you know, vice versa. You want to be treated well, and have that respectful curiosity, you treat their cultures and them and their practices with, with that respectful curiosity and understanding. So yeah, very, very— I like that.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 42:03
Yeah. And one thing that I want to talk about as well is who we are beyond labels. I know that you have reflected on that, and the way I see it, I see two sorts of labels: the labels that have been forced upon us by by the collective and labels that we have chosen for ourselves. And let's start by the latter because I think it's interesting. I think that one of the most common labels that we identify with is our work. You know, it's so easy to think that what we do is who we are. And I wonder, based on your experience working with people who want to redefine define themselves. I'm sure that you work with a lot of people who used to define themselves in a certain way, and then they changed. Their life circumstances have changed, and they ask themselves, who am I beyond— I don't know— being a lawyer, or being this, or being that? How do you guide them through refining themselves outside of something they have been completely trapped for years?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 43:11
I, I love this question because this is obviously something that happened a couple of months for myself. The idea of letting go of that part of that identity is a hard one. All right, it's a mix of fear that we talked about before, it's a mix of that shame, it's also a lot of ego because we identified like that for such a long time. Again, what will people think when I that label off of me, or I evolve into something maybe completely different from what I was doing before, right? So there's ego, there's fear, there's shame. And also our own self-worth is kind of measured by the output based on that label that we put ourselves, by the contribution we've made towards that label or that work, right? And then therefore, when we decide or we feel that this is no longer something that I identify with, this is not something I am vibing, as my kids say, with anymore. Letting go of being useful in that manner becomes very hard, becomes one of those things where we say, oh my God, but I'm not doing it anymore. What will people think? How can I tell them that I'm still just the same person who's just as committed, just as passionate, blah, blah, blah, but it's a different way I'm doing it, you know? So yeah, it's that whole thing of separating our identity from our work, and that in itself is, is a lot of work. Again, yeah, it's messy. Again, it's messy, it's confronting. Also accepting it for ourselves, saying this is not who we are anymore, this is not how we want to be anymore, this is not the label I want to identify with, or an identity that serves us anymore or is of use anymore, and then proving not just to ourselves but to others that this is who we are now, you know, this is how it's evolving. I think the bottom line is that we need to ourselves understand that our identities are a) intersectional and b) they're evolving because our lived experiences create those labels and those identities. I didn't think of myself obviously as a parent or being responsible for breaking the generational cycles when I was in my 20s, right? Because I wasn't a parent at that time. I was more interested in ruling the world and being that person, blah blah blah. I still want those things, but now my entire identity is colored by my children's needs and what they will experience in the future and so on and so forth. So it's contextual, it's lived experience, it's all of those things. So yeah, it's hard work, but it can be done. If I can do it on my own, other people can too. That's how I look at it.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 46:08
I like what you say. I think some of it has to do with not allowing one part of your identity define your whole self and be caught in just one version of you or one thing that you do, or one aspect of yourself. And yeah, I think it is very important to do that because first, if you change, then that means that there are other elements of identity that you can connect with. And so when one element of yourself is shaking, then you have other foundations. But also, I'm thinking about all of these people who— when I take the example of work, because I think it's particularly common, who do a work they don't like. And the first question that you get when you meet new people is, "What do you do for work?" You know, very often. And how awful it is sometimes you have to describe the work that you feel does not say anything about you, and how hard it is because it's not only what you decide you are, it's also how other people see you based on one little label.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 47:14
Yeah, yeah, that's very true. And it is hard, right? And that's where the disconnect or the dissonance or the friction comes in, in workplaces, because we are doing a job or are in a role that we may have been interested in when we joined that place, but we're no longer interested. Could be because of different reasons like toxic work culture or this thing or that thing. But it then becomes hard. And that's true about ourselves when we try to talk about ourselves and the work we do, because it keeps changing. And that's when sometimes it's hard to say, what do you do for work? Uh, you know, because it's changed, you know, and you're 100% right. There's so many things. And the cool thing is, Emma, 10 years from now, with all the changes that are happening in the world, if you were to ask this question again, it'll be different. Because in 10 years, I would have done different things. You would have experienced different lived experiences. Our socioeconomic conditions, the geopolitics, all those things would have changed or morphed into something else, and we would be talking about it very differently. And therefore, I always say If we keep in mind that our identities are intersectional and therefore evolving, then it becomes easier to feel more at peace with whatever it is that we're doing and the changes that we're going through. And it helps talk about it. But yeah, talk about it, that's the hard part, isn't it?
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 48:55
Well, let's talk about the labels that are forced upon us. And one of those labels that I know you've been doing some work on and that you are interested in is the model minority stereotype. You know, it's a label that is imposed onto minorities. Can you tell us a bit more about that?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 49:14
Oh, this is a very— this is the conversation, dear listeners, that had Emma just listening and going, this is what we're definitely talking about. So I grew up in the United States quite a bit. I did a lot primary school, middle school, and high school there. And then later I went in for my undergrad degree, did a lot of work there. And I'd hear the words, or the phenomenon of the model minority myth quite a bit in the recent past, especially with Barack Obama becoming the president of that country, that this, this started coming back up again. And obviously everyone knows what's happening in the recent political space there. So what exactly is the model minority myth? Just exactly what those words say. It sounds flattering at times, but it is basically the idea that some of us, especially migrant and minority communities, are a certain way, have to be a certain way, should look a certain way. Should smell a certain way, you know, dress a certain way, behave or be enrolled at workplaces a certain way, right? I give a very simple example here, which is like a lot of times people think, and I take India as an example, that an Indian person, male, female, or whatever, would be an engineer or be in tech, you know, kind of a thing. But that's a myth. Because I'm not. I'm Indian. My husband's Indian. He's not. That kind of a thing. So that's two exceptions to the rule right there. But what happens in the model minority myth is that it also sets up a trap where it says you're acceptable to us, the dominant culture, because you behave, behave in the ways we want you to behave. So again, there's that whole concept of putting us in a box putting people in a box because they're of a certain ethnicity or they're of a certain minority. It rewards that whole assimilation. It punishes that authenticity. It tells the minority groups that our worth is conditional. If we behave a certain way, then we will, you know, be accepted. If we don't do this, then it won't be accepted. Then you're told to go back to the country you came from, you know, that kind of a thing. So when we understand this concept, we also are suggesting that only certain types of people are either hardworking or intelligent or worth being elevated to leadership positions, worth being visible, listened to. Political spaces, you know, always this model minority myth also applies to women, right? Because are they worth being in the political spaces? I mean, look at our ASX, even in Australia, how many women are in leadership positions, you know? So we're put into boxes. The issue there is also that it becomes a very stereotypical thing where It erases diversity of thought, of people, of ideas. It adds to the mental health issues of those people who are put under those boxes. The most insidious stuff is that it masks racism. You should be this way, only be this way. You can only be an engineer or you can only be in IT. But I'm not interested. I'm not— I don't want to do those things, right? There's also in the workplaces and corporate spaces, and as I said before, in political spaces as well, it becomes that bamboo ceiling that says only you can be a certain position because you're, you're, you're supposed to be this way, right? So when we do all of those things, we are also enforcing that bias towards that minority group. In the context of modern times, migration is happening all the time. And there are so many mixed-race families across the world, so many cultures that get mixed, right? Even of things that we talked about before. Do we take this from this culture? We take this from that culture, from our parents or whatever. And we are such a beautiful, colorful tapestry of human beings. That when we practice this model minority thing, which is a myth, then we're enforcing certain biases and saying only non-migrants are better, right? Or we're saying that migrants are supposed to live in a certain area, right? If you look at the town planners across any country, there are certain areas where you'll see more people who are migrants living there. Inevitably the infrastructure there is not as good as, say, the gentrified areas, right? So you can see how it affects so many different layers of our everyday living, and it undermines solidarity, undermines equality, undermines— a word I don't like usually to use— but that harmonious idea of people living together with each other with respect. I look at the model minority as a myth also because it's, in my eyes, it's the most polite kind of oppression. The one that convinces someone that they are lucky because they belong to that community, that ethnicity, that religious faction, that skin color, that country, whereas the other ones are not. And because it becomes norm and becomes systemic, then the minorities stop asking for more, and that's a limitation. It's a collective impact which divides communities of color as well, amongst ourselves as well, saying that certain communities get this, certain communities get that because they're this, they're that. I mean, if we think about a couple of weeks back or months back, a certain senator said that a certain party brings a certain ethnicity to Australia because they work for that party. Not true at all, right? But it became that thing because you're putting that, that box, that closed box, which is a myth. And then therefore it affects structural inequities and political spaces and so on and so forth. Now, for all the people who are listening, the model minority myth is a research idea which has been historically documented all across a lot of different sociologists and stuff. And it's an idea that does stem from America, but it happens across the world. And I've found it happening here in Australia as well, which is why I find it to be one of those all-encompassing things which puts minorities or migrant groups in a certain box. And everything Emma and I have talked about, it kind of falls into that as well. I mean, there will be people who will listen to this Indian woman speaking and go, what is she now? She's Indian, she's supposed to be submissive, she's supposed to not know how to speak English without an accent. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Or she— when they see the video and they see me wearing an outfit which is very Western looking versus an Indian outfit, so you're putting me in a box, right? Whereas when you see Emma She presents white, so she should be a certain way. And then you're putting us in boxes that we don't belong in or we don't identify ourselves in. So that's what the model minority myth is, and it's an expansive amount of work.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 57:27
And look, it makes me as well think on the compliments we give to minorities or certain groups that we need to be very conscious about. As example, I've heard a lot in my life Oh, he's Black, that's why he's good at sport. Or he's Asian, of course he's going to be good at math. And we attribute and essentialize groups based on the bigger group to which they belong. But it also denies the individual efforts that they put into things to become good. You know, it's like, oh, you are good at sport because you are Black. Let's take this example. And while it looks like a compliment, it is actually denying all the work that you put into something. Exactly.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 58:08
And it goes for the dominant cultures as well, because it is expected that they will be a certain way. I work with students who are white presenting, who have been in Australia for eons, and they're mostly European descent or Anglo-Saxon. And the natural assumption is, oh, because they grew up here, they will be more confident when they speak about things, right? In school systems, leadership positions, youth council and stuff like that. But it's not true. It's a human condition to feel shy. And, you know, it's a human condition to feel nervous before publicly speaking anywhere. It's not a white person, Black person, brown person thing. Anyone can have it. So we're also doing wrong by that with this whole idea of model minority or model majority, you know, kind of a thing. And you're right. I mean, we've done it ourselves where I have done it. In the past where I'm like, ah, they're Indian, so they will be this way, when they're an individual. Yes, they're Indian, that's part of their identity, but they're also doing XYZ things that make them who they are as individuals. It's very interesting how many layers and nuances are part of this whole idea, this concept, and how it shows up in workplaces, like we said, in political spaces, within households, mixed families. Oh my God, it does show up there as well, you know, in our kids' schools. So much with teachers sometimes saying, oh, but they're Asian, they'll be really good at, you know, math. And I'm like, damn it, I'm Asian. I, ooh, I'm good at math, but that's not because I'm Indian, but because I enjoy math, but I don't know quantum physics, that level of math, right? And so yeah, so you're limiting me by saying that. And you're limiting yourself because then you're going to assume that because I'm Asian, I'm going to be good at math, and therefore you expect me to get A's and B's. But I'm showing more interest in art. And you're like, how is that possible? That's not right. They're not doing well, and everything gets affected. So yeah, so it affects so many different things and, um, so much conditioning, so much of our thought processes and our biases and yeah, so much.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:00:33
Yeah. And the work that it takes, all the courage that it takes to defy expectations when people put such a pressure on you being a certain way, that's, that's definitely a big problem. And I'm thinking as well, another thing that came up for me when I was I was thinking about this topic is how often I hear, oh, you know, she's French, you're gonna get along with her, assuming that because another person is French and I'm French, we are necessarily going to bond and we are a bit the same. When it's, yeah, there is so much diversity in any country.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:01:10
Oh my God, yes.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:01:11
And I know some other people who do that because you come from a similar country, they think that it's going to click. It's not the case.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:01:19
No, it's not. Definitely not. 100%.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:01:22
So do you have a final word of wisdom for our listeners? Perhaps there is something that you've learned that could spark hope or courage for people who maybe feel invisible, powerless, or like their voice doesn't matter?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:01:44
There's loads you can do, but it starts with understanding and being aware of how you can break that pattern for yourself. When you're actually being very honest with yourself about where your thought process comes from, originates from, and you're able to not assign blame but be able to say, this is why I think this way, This is why I think this way or that way, and this is what has colored that thought process and therefore the action. Then it becomes very easy to then decide the next course of action. And I will say, you're not broken. None of us are broken. None of us need fixing. We're just buried under a lot of different things— lived experiences, cultural norms, societal stuff, cultural and so many things, right? So you're just buried. And if you're able to actually sit with yourself and be objective and start listening to yourself the way you wish other people would listen to you, you're going to end up doing more for yourself than anything else. And once that realization lands and you talk about it, you share what you've learned, whether it's in a book, a blog, LinkedIn, whatever, on a podcast, you know, with Emma, you never know. You know, that's when you start deconditioning and deconstructing and then emerging as who you think is authentic at that moment of time. So yeah, sorry, you're not powerless, you're just buried. You're not invisible, you just haven't understood how very you are and what's affecting you, just start by listening to yourself. Curiosity will lead you further than silence.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:03:44
I love what you said, listen to yourself the way you wish people listened to you, because often we have needs that we make very obvious to others, that they need to meet our needs, but we don't meet our own needs within ourselves, and we don't give to ourselves what we wish we were given. And I think that in that there is so much to, to talk about, and it's very beautiful.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:04:14
We'll just have to record ourselves again.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:04:19
So is there a book, a movie, or any other kind of content that particularly inspired you that you would like to recommend?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:04:27
All right. Yeah, I actually recently reread the book The Good Immigrant. And it's got a number of essays in it that articulates, at least when I was reading it again, what it means to exist between worlds. It's raw. It's funny. It's tender, just like migration is. So that's one of my latest books to read again. And it's a good book to read.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:04:52
I'll put the link in the show notes so that everyone can access it and, and see what it's about. Is there a guest, anyone that inspires you? It could be in your network or it could be outside of it. Anyone that you would like to hear on this podcast?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:05:09
There's actually other two people who I would love to hear more about. There's a lady who launched a book a couple of weeks back. And her name is Premila Gina, and she is a woman of color, a coach of color, Indian origin, but raised in Kenya, and how she's traveled from Indian origins to Kenya to London, then to Australia. And she writes a book about all of that and different things on it. And I would love to hear from her viewpoint because again, she talks about a lot of the things I do. But she's also a woman of color talking about these things because we get boxed in, right? So she's one. And the other person I would love to hear more about is a gentleman by the name of Nilesh Makwana. He's also Indian. Oh my God, there seems to be a trend for me. But they have written about a book and their whole work life where they were chasing certain things because of certain reasons.. And now in the last 2 or 3 years, they have found that it wasn't worth it and how they pivoted. And it's got nothing to do with India or Indian, but just their own personal values and intersections and stuff like that. And it's been a very interesting read of their books and getting to know how they've done that and the realizations they've had through different processes. Yeah. So I'll send you those people's things and introduce you.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:06:41
Very interesting. So I have actually two last questions to finish on, and the first one I ask all my guests is, when I say the word migrant, what are the words that instinctively come to mind?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:06:55
Oh, there's a word: resilient, rooted, restless, and redefining. A lot of Rs.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:07:06
My name is Richard. Yeah, Richard. Oh yeah, rooted. Um, restless. Why restless? Because we're constantly evolving.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:07:17
We're trying to find that sense of belonging, and it's evolving where we are, either serial migrants like myself, you know, kind of a thing, but we're trying to find our identity, our place, our way of belonging, and what it means to us. And so we find ourselves being the restless. And when we're doing all of this inner work of trying to understand where our cultures have affected us in positive or negative ways or whatever, or when we're doing all that self-reflective work about our identities and how they've changed and so on and so forth, we do feel that restlessness because we're looking for an answer. That's why restless. I like it.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:08:04
So I have one last question that is about Authenticity. And I'll always tweak it depending on the guest that I have in front of me. And so for you, what I'd like you to do is imagine authenticity is on a spectrum from being 100% yourself everywhere you go to carefully curating who you are in order to blend in. Where do you usually land those days?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:08:31
I used to be, very honestly, I used to be like 40-45%. Because there was those sparks of rebellion, of speaking up and then shrinking because someone's gonna say something or not like me or whatever, or there's going to be a repercussion. And it was very carefully curated, as you said, you know, it wasn't consistent. It was based on what was happening at that time. Nowadays, I find myself kind of on that 80% and upwards spectrum. And as I'm aging, I'm also realizing that that translation of who I am, that authenticity does not need to be on standby. It can be everywhere. It doesn't also need to be like an all or nothing kind of a situation. It's just daily, you know, some days it's 80%, some days it's 90%. My kids will say I'm 100% all the time, kind of a thing, but it's based on situations. I find myself in that 80-85% on that spectrum nowadays. Yeah.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:09:32
That's really interesting, and that's kind of a tricky question as well because we cannot possibly be the same person with everyone. You know, we are different with our parents than we are with our boss or colleagues, and so there is a multiplicity of authentic selves, and they can all feel authentic to a certain extent. You know, it's just a different part of us that we recruit for a situation. And sometimes it's hard, right, when we see our differences and— but it's still us.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:10:02
Yes, of course. And we're human. At the end of the day, we are human. We have these up and down of emotions, the hormones, all the other things affecting us and everything. And we choose what makes us feel safe. We choose who we can feel safe with or who we feel safe with to then be more authentic. I can be 100%, like my kids say all the time with because, hey, they're mine, right? They have no choice. I will, like you said, be very different around, say, my in-laws or my parents because there's a different way of working and talking with them that I truly respect and want to do. So yeah, so it changes according to context and people and persons. But once we are very sure and we feel safe with that person or that event, that's when those numbers keep coming in. And the more comfortable we get, the more it becomes habit for us to show up that way, if nothing else, right? And then we start feeling more comfortable in our skin. But we can't be 100% all the time.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:11:04
Nah. I haven't asked you— you said that your max is kind of like this 85%, and it has kind of increased with age, but 85% seems to be where you kind of land those days. What is this 15%?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:11:18
This 15% is me working on myself still. I'm 100% honest about it. There are lots of people who go out and say, I did this, I did that work, and I'm now, you know, I know all the answers. But I don't. I don't. Every single day I will have different situations and different instances where I will decide very quickly if I want to be be 100% true if I want to say a certain few things, because there might be a larger repercussion, not just against me, but for the people I'm with or whatever. So I have to choose that. But at the same time, there are lots of things that I'm still working on with— on myself, how I look, how I sound, what I'm wearing, and all those deep buried, you know, stuff kind of a thing that I'm still working on. So therefore I say 80-85. Do I put on a show at times? Sure do. We all do, right? We appear more confident than we are actually feeling. And that's when my kids go, oh, you're 100%, Mama. But I'm not. I'm just wondering if they're going to eyeball at me or slam the door at my face as well. So yeah, so that's where I land. I'm very honest, if nothing else, about where I'm at, because not just as a coach, but as a person, we want others to find inspiration from. If I'm 100% all the time, or if I show up as a 100% person, or 100% always positive, always that, that's me being fake. And I don't want my clients to feel that, or my community members to feel that, if she's fake, she can't be all happy and all positive, or all this way all the time. I don't want them to question that about me. I want also them to be able to come to me with wherever they're at, 10%, 15%, 100%, and we meet together at the place they're at so we can work together more, you know, evolving.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:13:17
Oh, this is, this is great because your work is about helping people reclaim their voice, but that doesn't mean that they have to be their 100% authentic or powerful are, you know, their best selves all the time. And yeah, it's liberating to know that a part of being authentic is to say, actually, I'm not completely authentic here. I can't express my full self or my multiple selves in this situation. Yeah, so I think it's about communicating how we feel restricted, in which ways, and that is also authenticity. Yes, it is.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:13:56
That conversation with yourself is the most important conversation you can have to understand where you're putting those boundaries where you want to show up, how you want to show up, and so on and so forth. But it becomes your choice to do that in a certain way. When it's systemic, when it's forced on you, that's when the friction starts, you know. I don't like this, I don't want this, you know, this is not comfortable. And then we obviously start diminishing our authentic selves, you know. So that's not fun.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:14:24
So for people who want to keep in touch with all the things you are doing, where should they find you, contact contact you or follow your work?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:14:32
Oh, look up at the stars, I'm there. No, LinkedIn is where I do a lot of my work and my stories, client stories, my work there. Uh, so find me on LinkedIn, the name is the same as you find here, and I'm sure Emma will have that in the show notes. Or you can head to my website, it's unmutingyou.com. You can explore the work I do, the different options there are there. And, uh, yeah, just know that unmuting isn't about becoming louder. It's about becoming more real for yourself and for others.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:15:05
That's all. That's the beautiful words of the end. I love it. And I really encourage everyone to go to your LinkedIn because every article that you post is interesting and has a bit of witty aspect, a bit provocative, but, you know, deep at at the same time. So I feel that a lot of people would resonate with your content, so please go and have a look.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:15:29
Thank you very much for that, Emma. That is the intention. That is who I am. I like to think I'm witty.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:15:36
Yeah, yeah, you definitely are, and that transpires in your writing. I like it. It feels very real, and you have so many punchlines. I'm like, whoa, that's, that's a really good quote. I really like it. Thank you.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:15:50
Thank you. And that's also been a journey. I used to not write like that. I was very performative in my writing because that's how I thought I should be and that's how I should appear and this, that, and the other. It's evolved over the years.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:16:03
Yeah. How did you free yourself from the way you thought you should appear in your writings?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:16:09
I, uh, I do have a very good mentor who I've been working with since I was 30. Right. So off and on now, obviously it's not as much because they're busy with things. I'm busy with things. And they decided to be like, be yourself, Rita, you don't need me anymore. But we've become good friends now. So I did a lot of work with them with this whole idea of confronting what was working for me, what was structural, what was cultural. And that investment in my mentor is what did a lot of unlearning and relearning and learning how to be me more. And then of course the kids came, and then I learned a whole new set of things.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:16:52
Yeah, yeah, it's interesting that you needed that influence in your life to as well have the courage to unlearn and share it with the world, because there is one thing about unlearning our conditioning, but as well to share it publicly is also quite courageous?
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:17:12
Yes. Half the time. Yeah. Yeah. But it needs to be said because you resonated, Emma, enough to have me on this awesome podcast of yours. It has resonated with one person that has a ripple effect that people don't— I mean, you also may not realize, you know, and your listeners are gonna have that ripple effect. So yeah, I'll feel good about it.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:17:37
Oh, well, Richa, it was such a pleasure to have you on the show. I really encourage everyone to read more about the work that you do and keep in touch. I'm sure that you would love to hear from people and some feedback. And, you know, don't be afraid to get in touch with Richa. She's very cool and fun and warm.
Richa Joshi (Guest) · 1:17:56
Oh, thank you very much for having me. Thank you so very much.
Emma Bellamy-Dodd (Host) · 1:17:59
Thank you so much to you. Thank you for listening to this episode. I really hope you enjoyed my conversation with Richard. If this discussion gave you a language for something you've experienced, share it with a friend. Follow the show, leave us a rating or some nice words in a review. You know, that's how the show gets bigger and how these stories find the people who need to hear them most. In 2 weeks, I will be talking to Keishi Tilak Ramesh, a fabulous DEI strategist, lawyer, and former Multicultural Youth Commissioner who unpacks intersectionality in a way that actually makes sense. From childhood experiences of being othered to how overlapping forms of discrimination show up in workplaces, policy, and everyday life. We'll talk about being anti-racist rather than just not racist, what it means to walk between worlds as a migrant, and how to advocate for diversity and inclusion without burning out. So yeah, stay tuned. I was your host, Emma Bellamy, and I cannot wait to bring you on another journey From there to here.
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