Sonya Lovell · 42 min
A breast cancer diagnosis at 47 plunged Sonya Lovell into a medically induced menopause with no support, so she turned that silence into a national advocacy movement.
Hear this story
At 47, Sonya Lovell found a lump during her regular breast check. Within weeks, she had her diagnosis: cancer. Nine months of surgery, chemotherapy, and radiotherapy followed, plunging her into medically induced menopause with no warning and no support. She grieved the physical changes her body underwent without her consent, angry at the betrayal. But three years into her recovery, something shifted. As a personal trainer reconnecting with clients, she heard them describing the same menopause symptoms she had struggled through alone. She started researching and realised Australia was years behind countries like the UK and US in how menopause was being discussed and treated.
Sonya decided to act. She launched a podcast to interview leading experts and share lived experience stories. She became an ambassador for the Menopause and Cancer Charity, gave evidence to a Senate inquiry, and used her voice in Parliament. She stopped drinking entirely when she discovered alcohol triggered her hot flushes badly and clouded her thinking. She also discovered something unexpected: life after cancer, though she wishes it had never happened, has given her purpose and freedom she did not see coming.
Today, Sonya lives by one core piece of advice: trust your gut, and never settle for healthcare that does not feel right. If a doctor dismisses you, get a second opinion. You know your body better than anyone else. The tone of how a diagnosis is delivered matters; it shapes your recovery. And menopause, for all its difficulty, opens a door to a different kind of strength.
“It has given me a purpose in my 50s that I never saw coming.”
“I'm a huge believer that the only way that we can create change is through sharing the lived experience stories and that those at the levels that are making the decisions actually hear those stories because that's what drives change.”
“Anytime you feel that you've been dismissed or you're told something that just doesn't feel right, seek a second opinion. You do not have to accept or settle for information that is provided that does not sit right with you.”
The hero, today
When something in your healthcare feels wrong or dismissive, you have the right to seek a second opinion and expect better care. Sonya stopped drinking completely about three years ago because alcohol triggered hot flushes badly and worsened brain fog and sleep in ways she could not afford. The physical and emotional trauma of cancer treatment requires psychological support earlier rather than later, not just in the moment of crisis but as an ongoing part of your care plan. Sonya now defines her life as before cancer and after cancer, and while she wishes it had never happened, the experience gave her purpose in her 50s and showed her how to use her confidence as a vehicle for change. Medical practitioners deliver bad news in ways that stick with patients for years, and how information is communicated, including tone and whether the person feels seen, shapes their recovery.
Yes. Sonya Lovell is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
When something in your healthcare feels wrong or dismissive, you have the right to seek a second opinion and expect better care.
Sonya stopped drinking completely about three years ago because alcohol triggered hot flushes badly and worsened brain fog and sleep in ways she could not afford.
The physical and emotional trauma of cancer treatment requires psychological support earlier rather than later, not just in the moment of crisis but as an ongoing part of your care plan.
Sonya now defines her life as before cancer and after cancer, and while she wishes it had never happened, the experience gave her purpose in her 50s and showed her how to use her confidence as a vehicle for change.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 00:03
Welcome to the Grit Diaries with Mon and Maz, a place where we share real stories meets real transformation. Each episode, we share the journeys of everyday people who's faced life's hardest moments and found their way to hope, healing, and purpose. May their courage inspire you and in the world around you. Let's get inspired. So on today's episode, we're hearing from Sonia Lovell. Sonia Lovell runs her own podcast on Dear Menopause. Here's why you're going to want to listen in. For any of you that have been experiencing or know anyone that is experiencing perimenopause, menopausal symptoms that are really playing havoc in your life, you want to listen in to this episode. I myself have been going through the gamut of symptoms, and I found it really helpful and really validating to understand what is actually happening to my body and to start to look at some resources that will— has benefited me but certainly benefit you. She has been through her own experience with this. She is an ambassador for menopause and to get the message out there that you're not alone and that there is good information, education, and treatment. So I urge you to listen in today. You won't regret it. Welcome to the Grit Diaries with Mon and Maz. Hi, Mon. G'day, Maz. How are you? Great. Welcome back to the hot seat. Here we go on podcasting.
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 01:53
Woohoo!
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 01:54
We're so grateful to be here on Kintsugi Heroes, and we're here with the most amazing Sonya Lovell. Sonya, thank you so much. Welcome to the show.
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 02:05
Thank you so much for inviting me. It's an absolute pleasure to be here.
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This conversation includes a lump the size of a grain of sand, the almond under the skin, anxiety rises on the ultrasound table, panic in the gym meeting, your diagnosis is cancer and nine months of aggressive treatment.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 02:09
I'm delighted to have you and really can't wait to hear what you have to say. What a wonderful background and how you've taken your pain into your purpose. And I just want to introduce you, Sonya Lovell, to our listeners. You're a speaker, you're a podcaster of Dear Menopause, you're an advocate for breast cancer survival, and you're an ambassador for Menopause and Cancer Charity. So you wear many hats, but all aligned with your core purpose. We're really keen to hear a little bit about you today, and we'd like you to sort of take us back a step into where it all started. Tell us a little bit about you and where you've ended up with what you're doing today, but just walk us back a little bit.
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 02:51
Yeah, sure. So I'm a Kiwi by birth, but now I've actually lived more years in Australia than I did in New Zealand, although Get me with a group of fellow Kiwis and my accent will still come out.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 03:04
There's a slight twinge. I can hear it, but I imagine it amplifies in your posse group. Yes. Mm-hmm.
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 03:10
And certain words, people, as soon as they tune into it, they know. So for the purposes of our conversation today, I was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 47. So that was in 2017. So it was about 8 years ago now. And I was obviously absolutely floored as most people are. When they receive a cancer diagnosis. I believed at the time that I was living my healthiest, happiest life. I had been a personal trainer since about 2000, so when I turned 40, I actually requalified or retrained and became a personal trainer. And, you know, my 40s were amazing. I was, you know, my boys were growing up. I've got two boys. They were getting to the age where they were more independent.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 03:54
And then, you know, my business was going really well, and, you know, life was really good until the morning that I discovered a lump in my breast in the So could you actually just, if that's okay, because a lot of listeners are going to resonate this, whether it's something's happened to them, someone that they love, and I think it's really important to highlight what actually happened around that, what actually caused you to have a, to feel something, was it dramatic, and what was your actual thoughts in and around that moment, if you might be able to just unpack that, if that's okay.
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 04:25
Yeah, absolutely. So I have always been someone that has checked my breasts. Monthly. And it's funny, on reflection, I often go, why, why did I start doing that? Like, at what point did that become a thing? And I don't know if it's something I'd read in like a health magazine, or, you know, at some point in time that seed had planted into my brain. And for many, many years, for as long as I could remember really, I'd always checked my breasts. And I did it the week after my period, that was like my reminder to do it. And also I'd read that that was a good time, like from your breast consistency perspective, to be doing that. So I'd always checked my breasts, and I I did find at the time a really small lump change. A couple of months before, I re-felt it, and at that point in time, it was kind of one of those, huh, what was that? kind of feelings, but didn't put too much thought into it. It obviously wasn't big enough at that point for me to kind of have any fear around it. So 2 months later— Yep?
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 05:27
Sorry to interrupt you, but again, I'm just sort of really keen into our listeners. Was it a pea size? Was it mild? Was it a hard lump?
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 05:37
The very first time that I felt it, I'm going to say it was maybe like a tiny little grain of sand. Like, it really was not enough to trigger me into doing anything about it, but it was something that obviously stayed embedded in my memory because when I felt it again, which I think was about 2 months later, it was more— I always kind of describe it as being like an almond. It was hard. It was probably about the size of an almond. It definitely wasn't like round like a pea. It was, you know, and it is obviously the things we have to be concerned about sometimes are those with an irregular shape. And so I describe it as almond, basically just kind of felt like it was sitting underneath my skin, not visible, just only noticeable on palpitation. So it was that second time that I kind of felt it that made me go hang on though, this is not normal. This is not what was there last month, and I probably should do something about this. I'm not a dramatic person, so I, you know, didn't panic. I was obviously curious enough to call my GP and make an appointment to go and see her. I think I saw her in that week of finding it, like I got in as quickly as I could with her. And I have no family history. There is no genetic mutations in my family, so So it was very kind of, you know, out of left field, I guess, for me. So I saw my GP and she was wonderful at that appointment. I'll preface that for a story that may come later. And she agreed that there was definitely something there that needed to be investigated further. But she did say to me, and we were about to leave, so it was actually in April of 2017. It was about a week before my 47th birthday. And we were about to go away on a family holiday. So she was like, look, there is definitely something there. You know what? This was actually what she said. If I was working in Papua New Guinea in a clinic, and I'd probably just pop a needle in, pull it out, see what color the fluid was that came out, and I'd pretty much put money on it just being a cyst. So she really kind of put me at ease with that. And then we went away on our family holiday, and I really— I didn't really think about it while we were away. It wasn't— I'm not the sort of person that lets things play on my mind. I wasn't overly concerned. I had mentioned it to my husband at that point. I had had that conversation with him of, look, just so you know, I went to the GP today, this is why. And because I didn't panic, he didn't panic as well. Came back from our amazing, really fantastic family holiday that we had and went to have an ultrasound and a mammogram actually was the first port of call that she'd sent me for. So I went in and had the mammogram done and Then from on that, at that same appointment, they were like, look, there is something here that we need to follow up. So we want you to go straight through to have an ultrasound. So I found myself on the table having an ultrasound, and I can very clearly remember that was when my anxiety levels started kind of raising a little bit. It was a little bit of like, okay, we're out of the bounds of this is normal now. This is obviously something that's concerning them. So she did the ultrasound. And actually, the lady that did my ultrasound was amazing because the following day was another public holiday. I think it was— we'd kind of gone off the back of Easter and then there was the Anzac Day public holiday coming up. And she went and got the doctor, brought the doctor in to then discuss what she'd seen on the ultrasound. And the doctor was like, okay, look, we're going to need to do a biopsy. And I'm very pragmatic. I went, okay, cool, go for it. Can we do it right now? And they were like, no, we need to get get further permission from your GP to do that. And they were like, so you'll have to go back and see her for another appointment. And I was like, oh, it's a public holiday and then I've got a weekend, like, can we not do something? I'm here, can we not do something now? And the radiologist, is it, that does the ultrasound really backed me up and she was like, yeah, look, you know what, maybe could you pop out and give the GP a call and see what she says? And I was kind of—
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 09:58
she would have seen what was on there, what was on there.
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 10:00
And yeah, and she probably saw my anxiety levels raise. And I think we were the same age as well. And so she did. The doctor that was on duty there went out, she called my GP, she actually got through to my GP, which, let's be honest, is pretty kind of fluky to get through to a GP the day before a public holiday. And she came back in, she goes, yeah, she's given us approval to do the biopsy, she's gonna fax through— whatever, at that point in time I think it was still faxes— what it is that we need, but we can't do it right now, so you'll need to come back this afternoon. And I was like, 'Cool, no dramas.' And I remember at the time I was doing some consulting work for a friend in his gym, and I had a meeting lined up with them to, um, to go in and talk to them about some plans that they had for moving forward that they wanted some advice from me on. And I went from that appointment straight into that meeting, and I sat there, and my friend Simon kind of looked at me, was like, 'Are you okay?' And I was like, 'Yep, nah, I'm all good. Yep, let's go, let's do this.' And about half an hour into it, I tipped into full-blown anxiety, and I was like, 'Actually, Simon, you know what, I'm not good, and I need to go home, and I'll fill you in later, but you know, if you're cool with that, I can't continue this today.' And he was like, 'Yeah, okay, cool.' So I went home, then went back in that same day to have the biopsy done, and everything just really snowballed very, very quickly from So let's say that was on Thursday of that long weekend. And I was back in my GP's office, I think the following Thursday for the results. And being the non-dramatic person that I am, I was— my husband was like, do you want me to take the time off work? I'll come with you. I was like, no, babe, it's fine. You know, like, honestly, I don't need you there. And the closer that I got to the appointment, the more that I started thinking, Actually, I do want him to be there with me. And that's not like me at all. And I'm so, so grateful that I had that presence of mind to go, actually, can you come with me? And so we went, we sat down, and my GP just delivered straight off the cuff. Like, there was no beating around the bush. It was just, okay, Sonia, I'm really sorry, but you have cancer. And my memory of the rest of that appointment is very, very vague. I liken it to entering a tunnel. Everything just started kind of closing in and shutting down. And there are a couple of things I remember saying to her, "Well, I'll just have surgery and I'll have them off because I just don't want to have to deal with this. I don't want treatment. I don't want, you know, just take them off." And she was like, "Whoa, slow down." Like, There's a lot we need to do before we make those decisions. You know, treatment has progressed. It might not be as traumatic as you think it's going to be. Wait until you've seen the surgeons and had some conversations. But the other conversation that I remember her having, and this actually only came back to me in 2023 when I was writing my submission for the Senate inquiry into perimenopause and menopause care in Australia. And I was writing about my experience as a cancer patient, as a cancer survivor who'd experienced menopause as a result of cancer. Cancer and the significant gap that existed in care and support and education for patients in that space. And I was rustling back through a lot of my memories to write that submission because it was very emotional. And I remembered that my GP had actually said in that appointment, she looked at Paul, my husband, and she said, and given how close in age Sonya is to menopause, she's probably going to go into menopause. Sorry about that, Paul. And didn't address me at all in that, you know, it literally, it was like 2 seconds. But it was really, on reflection a few years ago and with the work that I do now, such a dismissive way to be treated and incredibly disappointing. You know, she had been such a great GP and she really let me down in that moment. I loved her as a GP. She'd been my GP for like 15, 16 years at that point. She'd, you know, been the family GP. She's now retired. And I've had people say to me, you know, some awful things when I've talked about her, when I've told that story. And I always say, you know what, it was 8 years ago. The menopause and perimenopause conversation has shifted significantly since then. I didn't realize at the time how dismissive it was. I wasn't necessarily impacted in the moment. It was only on reflection that I realized that I was carrying, I suppose, a little bit of trauma from that. That, you know, with me tacked on top of all the other trauma that I was experiencing.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 14:46
Sonia, just to that point, and thank you, I really appreciate you sharing that story, and I think that's really going to help our listeners and people that are watching, anyone that's been through that, to resonate with your unpacking of your story. What you've just highlighted, and it's certainly no judgment at all on practitioners, general practitioners the medical profession are outstanding. Certainly in my background as a nurse, I have heard many stories, and there is a lot of research that is done about the moments of diagnosis and how that information is delivered to the person sitting opposite them, that it's about them. There was a piece of research that was done about the actual impact on that person's recovery or their disease progression. One of the really critical pieces that people remember about their journey with whatever illness it happens to be, they will remember how the information is delivered, if there was empathy involved, if there was a particular tone that was used, as you said, to Again, we're not sort of, you know, throwing daggers or anything like that, but just for people to be aware, for any medicos that are out there that listening, that it really has a massive impact on people. The tone, if people felt dismissed, if people were felt that this is about them, if they are visible, and if people are given the time and space, if they're given pauses to actually absorb that information. To your point, Sonya, there was parts of that conversation that you just felt like you're in a tunnel. You have literally been pushed into fight, flight, freeze. You've gone into, you know, survival mode. So it's, you know, I can picture you in that moment. I can almost transport myself into your, into your body and what that moment must have been like. So, you know, it's a day in the office for them, and for us as a nurse, it is brand new. And this is your life, and you have just received information that is turned your life on its head. So I think it's really important for us health professionals to be very acutely aware of the impact of what that can make. And you know, on a lighter note, people want to be seen as the nice health practitioner, don't we?
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 17:18
That lovely medico, that lovely nurse. Yeah, look, I'm sure there's no easy way to deliver bad news, but Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 17:27
And you know, it does not take any more time. You know, sometimes it's just the look eye to eye, and that can speak empathy and a slowing down of tone. So thank you for sharing that. So just been talking about what it was like to receive a diagnosis and the shock that that really created for you. Sonia, are you okay just to walk us through what kind of treatment that you had? And, and certainly the listeners and the people that are may have been going through a similar journey, what that was like for you and your family.
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 18:05
Yeah, sure. So I ended up having to only have breast conserving surgery, which is what was previously known as a lumpectomy. So first port of call after I saw my surgeon was for her to get in as quickly as possible, remove the lump and my sentinel node from my lymphs under my armpit, to look at what the margins were, was there any progression and, you know, get that real pathology clear on the actual lump. So I was very, very lucky. There was no sign, my margins were all clear, and it hadn't traveled into my lymph system at all. So it was very localized, which meant for me no further surgery, which was, you know, in the scheme of things, considering I was very quick to want to have them off in my first initial diagnosis, that didn't— it wasn't a surgery that I needed to worry about. However, there was some concerning changes Sorry, I've still got my girls. I do. Even though they tried to kill me, I have kept them.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 19:02
Your little teenagers that tried to take you down.
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 19:04
But there were some concerning— yeah, there were some concerning changes though in my margins, which did lead them to suggesting that I did still have chemotherapy and radiotherapy. So I ended up undergoing 9 months of active treatment all up by the time that I recovered from my surgery, then went in and had my chemotherapy, and then once I think I got really short break of a couple of weeks once my chemo was finished to then go and start my radiotherapy. That was hard. That was really, you know, 9 months is a big chunk of your life to, you know, go from actually not being sick— like, yes, I found a lump, but I was not sick— to, you know, having to undergo, you know, 3 quite aggressive treatments that made me very, very unwell. And I I suffered a lot of physical, mental, and emotional trauma as a result. I disassociated from my body. I had significant body image issues as a result. And, you know, that was one of the few times that my husband found me crying was actually I was having probably one of the biggest cries I think I've ever had in my life. I was sobbing, uncontrollably sobbing. And I— what I was angry about was my body for letting me down. And that I had had all these significant physical changes that had happened that were not my fault, that I did not create, but I was left to repair. And I was really angry about my body for doing that to me. It's really hard to explain, but there was a lot of of body image work that I had to do as a result afterwards to really come back to a place where I can now be very grateful for my body, for everything that it is, you know, it does for me every day, and that it has done for me for the last 55 years. You know, be very respectful of, you know, its nuances and the fact that, you know, it did have to find a way to heal and recover, and all of that takes time, and it was never going to be the same afterwards as it was before. But And that was really hard work to have to do. There was a lot of psychological counseling. There was a lot of energy healing. There's a lot of time and patience went with healing from—
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 21:28
That was what I was just going to ask you. That question is, you know, how did you forgive yourself or forgive your body, as you said, because you were angry with your body. So, you know, were there certain things that you recommend that you did to kind of first name it and tame it, right? You named it. I'm angry. Uh, which is fantastic, and labeling it that you were angry that your body had let you down. I think that's amazing and so important for people to recognize how to name things. That's a big start. What did you do to start to forgive yourself, forgive your body, I suppose? Like, was— you said you went and did spiritual work or healing work?
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 22:10
Yeah, look, I did a lot of of everything really. The psychology and what, you know, you asked what was the one thing that I would, what would I recommend others do. Everybody is going to find their own way through, but I think the only thing that I would ever recommend that somebody does is absolutely 100% you have to have counseling, you have to have psychological support. Because I waited a little while to have mine. I waited until I actually Received my diagnosis at the same time as a very good family friend, and we knew immediately our diagnoses were very different. He wasn't going to make it. I was. We were chemo buddies, and he did unfortunately pass a couple of years after our diagnoses. And he was the father of one of my children's friends. And I remember being at his funeral and watching his son— I'm going to get emotional— watching his son, who was 15 at the time, carry his casket out of the church. And that broke me. That absolutely broke me. And I didn't seek my psychological counseling until I realized how broken I was and how much grief and trauma I needed to really work on. I would recommend anyone else gets into their psychological counseling way earlier than I did.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 23:31
It does take time, though. You kind of got to get to a space of, you know,, you know, going through the shock and, you know, the stages of grief, cuz it's grief and reacting and then finally getting to a place where you can even put it into something and be able to share it with someone. Sometimes it does take a little while. So I think in a way too, rushing is also, you know, not too good either. You gotta, you'll know, won't you? You'll intu— you'll intuitively know.
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 24:00
Yeah. And I think counseling is one of those things that you should dip in and out of. You know, on a regular basis. You know, there's— we've always got something to unpack. But the post-diagnosis and post-treatment, I think it's really important that a big part of your care plan should include some counseling.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 24:18
Yeah. Sonia, I also noticed that you're a menopause mentor. Tell me more about that. I'm a big believer in mentors. Mentors have got my life to where it is. Tell me about yourself being a menopause mentor.
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 24:33
Yeah, look, I don't actually use the term menopause mentor anymore. That was something that I played around with when I first started to decide that this was an area that I wanted to be really vocal. I wanted to use my voice in a way that I could create change so that other women didn't have to experience what I experienced. So I do a lot more advocacy now. So I I have used my voice in Parliament. I've used it in government. I've used it in the Senate inquiry. I've used it. I use it on my podcast every week. You know, when I started my podcast 2 and a half years ago, the sole purpose of doing that was to interview leading experts both locally and globally because I'm not the expert. I'm just a conduit for delivering information and education and awareness raising to others. So every episode is an interview with somebody that I Respect that is evidence-based. And, you know, I cover all topics in that. So that's one way that I use my voice. I share lived experience stories as often as I can. I'm a huge believer that the only way that we can create change is through sharing the lived experience stories and that those at the levels that are making the decisions actually hear those stories because that's what drives change.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 25:54
I totally agree, and I think we can take a big leaf out of the booklet of our Indigenous elders. You know, that's what life was about, storytime and learning from our ancestors. And I was director of Lived Experience Australia for 9 years, and that's a fabulous organization that is promoting the importance of lived experience support in mental health, and particularly the power of peer-to-peer support when people are stepping through trauma. Yeah, just really aligned with what you do and what you're saying. Tell us a little bit more. We're just stepping into hearing you move through the journey of recovering out of being a survivor of cancer, stepping through treatment, and now, Sonya, you've got to the other side of that. You've learned to forgive your body, as you said. It, doing different things, particularly talking therapy and other things. Talk a bit about now what made you do the things you're doing now, which is you've taken your deep pain and using it purposeful way, and you've found your dharma in what you do. Talk to me a bit about that.
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 27:05
Yeah, of course. So about 3 or so years post my diagnosis, when I really had, as you said, gone through a lot of recovery and I'd gone back to work as a personal trainer. I've restarted my business and I was reconnecting with clients that I'd had who had all aged with me, which is always beautiful as when you work in one of those, you know, careers where you get to have beautiful relationships with clients and you're all evolving and, you know, aging together. And what I realized when I started working with, you know, these beautiful clients again was that I was running small group classes as a personal trainer, and they were having these conversations because I had them in a really private space. They were working together as small groups, but they were talking about all these physical and emotional changes that they were experiencing. That because I was— so I experienced medically induced menopause as a result of my chemotherapy, was actually what popped me into it. I realized that what they were talking about were a lot of the same symptoms that I had really, really struggled birth through my menopause that I was kind of left to clean up, basically, because you don't get any support around that at all, which is, you know, absolutely appalling and not good enough. So I realized that they were talking about what sounded to me like menopause symptoms. So I started researching because I've always been a researcher. I'm very medically literate. I'm very lucky that I've got that as a skill. And I realized there was this thing called perimenopause, and there was menopause, and then there was postmenopause. And I knew that I had been incredibly undereducated, unsupported, and unaware of what was happening from a medically induced menopause perspective. But this realization that all the other women out there that were experiencing a natural menopause also didn't know— and it hadn't dawned on me because I, as much as I was 47 and I now know that I was in my perimenopausal years, I had no symptoms. I just cruising through life. So it wasn't on my radar. I wasn't noticing anything weird happening with my body. So when I went into this deep dive about what they were experiencing, I realized there was this huge gap that needed to be filled, and there was a lot of change. And I was looking at what was happening in the UK, I was looking at what was happening in the US, and I could— and they're, you know, about 3 or 4 years ahead of us in this conversation and how their, you know, health systems have changed as a result. The doctors that have I've got great voices to use out there like Dr. Louise Newson, Dr. Mary Claire Haver in the US. They didn't exist in Australia at that point. They were just starting to become very vocal in those countries. So I could see this wave, if you like, that was approaching, and I knew it was going to hit Australia, and I knew that there would be a time where menopause would become as much of a hot topic in Australia as it was over there. So that was when I launched my podcast. I decided that I wanted I wanted to find a way to educate women. I wanted to raise awareness. I wanted to get in with the experts, give them a platform for their voices, which I'm really, really proud to have done. So I really feel like not only have I been able to support all the women that have listened to my podcast and continue to listen, but I've also really supported a lot of the specialists and experts here in Australia that didn't have a platform for their voice at that time. So that is what led me into podcasting. I now do a lot of public speaking as a I'm the ambassador for the Menopause and Cancer Charity. Yeah, I've found a whole new way to use my voice, and I love doing it because it makes such a difference.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 30:37
Have you found that, you know, here you are, as you said, you know, you've become an ambassador, you're going around the circuit, you're, you're doing a lot of public speaking, you're supporting a lot of the professionals with the work that they're doing, and really being at the forefront of the perimenopause, menopause conversation. In hindsight, when you look back, Sonia, obviously a very challenging, very difficult journey. No one wishes this kind of thing upon any of us. We all get that we, we go through challenge, but it doesn't negate that these things are really, really hard and we have to dig really, really deep. How do you feel about it now, given where you're at? Do you still wish it never happened? Do you feel grateful for it? Have you learned some lessons? Where do you sit with your whole journey? What does it mean to you?
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 31:30
That is such a great question, and it's, it's a really interesting one to discuss because I feel both of those things. I absolutely wish it had never happened to me. You know, it was traumatic and it changed me in ways that I never expected to be changed as wife, as a mother, you know, as a woman. But I'm also incredibly grateful that it happened because it taught me so much about myself. It has given me a purpose in my 50s that I never saw coming. I honestly believe that I am living the best years of my life now. I truly believe You know, as hard as perimenopause and menopause can be for some people, and we have to be honest, it really can be very, very challenging. But there is this incredible space that you get the opportunity to step into. You know, when you work out how to manage all your symptoms and you come to terms with the fact that this is who you are now, you know, there is so much freedom. I don't give a flying duck about what other people think about me anymore. I am who I am. Hell-bent on living the best life that I possibly can now, and I'm loving my life. I, you know, I look different to how I looked beforehand. You know, I define my life now as there was life before cancer and there is life after cancer. They're very different. I am very different in these two different lives. But, you know, I love what I'm able to do now. I love being able to have these conversations because not that I like the sound of my own voice, but because I know that sharing my story helps someone else. And I know that sharing my story helps create change in so many different levels and layers. And that's what brings me so much joy now and pride. I'm really incredibly proud of, you know, what I get to do every day.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 33:34
I think that's great. I also have to say that I think the wonder about being on the other side— I feel like like a kid again. It's hard to explain, but for me personally, I try to explain this to people. You know when you're a little girl and you didn't have any of that mess and you're just a little free kid and you were just, yay! And then you had the mess after about 12, and it's all that mess, and then you don't have it anymore and it's freedom again. It's like you're a little kid again and you can just play and you don't really care about all that important serious stuff and mess. You come with all the key wisdom that you've learned through your decades and you bring that now to that little girl, but it comes also packaged up with incredible insight, incredible wisdom, and the journey that you've been on. So it's even more that richer, deeper experience. And I wonder too, ladies, on a sort of a neuroscience level too, that I think for most of us parents, us mums and the dads Moms and dads too, where, you know, we go through a, I guess, a bit of a tsunami of stress that maybe we were expecting, maybe we weren't. You know, what comes with parenting, with managing work, everything, you know, even though we might be bubbling along, we're still dealing with a level of stress. And so when stress starts to dampen down a little bit, that part of us, like what you're alluding to, Mon, you know, that's that creative part of us, that spontaneous part of it, you know, that our personality, that we kind of, you know, daydream remembering what we were like when we were a bit younger. And I guess as we sort of either have an experience like yourself, Sonia, where it's like, you know, caution to the wind, where we go, you know, and you work through those stresses and you have a different outlook on life, but maybe that starts to come a little bit more online as we sort of lower that stress response and just go, you know what, I've got however many years I've got left, what am I going to do with them? And that, it gives it permission to really start to take over. So I think sometimes there's a little bit on that neuroscience level that it just goes, okay, all right, she's game on now. She's coming back to that beautiful little girl with a whole pack of wisdom behind it too. So thank you for sharing that. And if I was, say, your best friend, that knew you before cancer and I knew you now, when you say that, you know, there was life before cancer and life after, what do you think your bestie would say? What a key one or two differences would be that they've noticed?
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 36:07
Oh, that's a good question. I love this. Okay, I think one would definitely be confidence. I have a You know, I think I was always a confident person. I didn't know how to use my confidence. I didn't know that I could use my confidence as a vehicle to create change. And that is, you know, that is something that I, you know, and I get it reflected back to me by a lot of people is, you know, "Oh, you're so confident." And I'm like, "Yeah, because I know what I want to do and I'm on a mission." And, you know, I throw everything that I've got at my mission. So confidence, I think, would definitely be a huge thing. Hmm, I'm not sure what else they'd say. I think they'd probably say that I am— I'd like to think I'm more fun, probably because you learn to not take life so seriously, because like things can break loose and go to hell in a handbasket at any moment in time without you realizing it. So I'd like to think that I'm a little bit more lighthearted and I take things less seriously now. Although I don't drink alcohol anymore, and I think my girlfriends that I used I used to go out and drink a lot with would maybe not agree as much.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 37:18
But you feel that fun inside. I love it. Oh, well, there you go. I'd love to hear more just in terms of insights actually on alcohol. I gave that up 7 years ago, and I often say I think that's one of the great tricks if you want to go through menopause a little bit easier. What, you know, what's your thoughts on Sonya?
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 37:42
Oh, 100%. I stopped drinking now properly, like as in completely stopped, about 3 years ago. Before that, I kind of dipped in and out. But what I had discovered, a couple of key things that I learned about myself, was that I had very, very significant menopause symptoms after all my treatment and everything was finished. And I was on aromatase inhibitors that, you know, created even more of those those symptoms within my body. Alcohol triggered hot sweats or hot flushes in me really badly. Like, I would literally— if I had a mouthful of alcohol, I would just feel like I was on fire immediately. So I worked out really quickly that was a trigger for me, and as soon as I stopped drinking, I had a lot less of the hot flushes. But the other thing, it was impacting my sleep, it was impacting my cognition. I was already struggling with brain fog, you know. Drinking the next morning, if I had a few glasses of wine one night, the next morning I'd like double the brain fog, and I don't have time for brain fog. So anything that I could do to improve that was huge. But the other thing I found was I didn't really like myself very much when I was drinking anymore. I didn't become a fun person. I actually kind of flipped into more of a snappy, a little bit more aggressive, and I didn't like that about myself.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 38:57
Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I'm just realizing we're about to run out of time, as we're gonna— sadly, we could talk to you all night, all day, all afternoon, all morning. Step into just, just, you know, your little takeaways or advice for anyone heading in a similar journey. What would you say, Sonia, any, any of your key nuggets through what you went through?
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 39:18
Yeah, look, my biggest piece of advice to anybody listening is, and this comes down to my advocacy, you know, one of the biggest takeaways I have for anybody is anytime that, particularly if we're talking about the healthcare system, whether we're talking about nurses, doctors, specialists, regardless, GPs, anytime you feel that you've been dismissed or you're told something that just doesn't feel right, seek a second opinion. You do not have to accept or settle for information that is provided that does not sit right with you. You have to trust your gut and you need to trust your body. You know your body better than anyone else, any doctors. You will know your body better. And if something— if you're told that you know, your symptoms are in your head, or if you're told that menopause is going to be hard for your husband and not for you, you know, don't settle for that. You have every right to get a second opinion. You have every right to expect the best care possible. Empathy, which you talked about, Maz, right at the very beginning. Understanding, space to be heard and to be listened to. That's my biggest thing, is don't settle for anything that doesn't feel right for you.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 40:26
Oh, we're listening to Sonia Lovell, who I could talk to you for hours. And she's a podcaster for Dear Menopause and an advocate, public speaker, and a breast cancer survivor ambassador for Menopause and Cancer, a global charity. So thank you so much for having you here today and really love talking to you. Thank you, Sonia.
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 40:47
Oh, thank you so much for having me and letting me share my story. You know, I've loved chatting to you both and I too could chat to you both all day. Thank you.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 40:55
Ah, thank you. And certainly for myself, for selfish reasons, I have really appreciated this conversation. I've definitely been going through the gamut of the whole perimenopause and, you know, was just blindsided by the whole thing. So as I've been researching and exploring this topic, as you say, you're definitely on that, you know, the beginning of the wave of this conversation that is now taking momentum., and I'm so grateful for you, for all the work that you're doing here in Australia and, you know, definitely globally. And what a great advocate you are, and thank you for all the work that you're doing.
Sonya Lovell (Guest) · 41:31
Thanks, Maz. Thank you.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 41:37
Thank you for joining us on The Grit Diaries: From Grit to Grace. If today's story has moved you, share it with someone to anyone who needs a little hope. Remember, from grit we can find grace, and from grace we can find inspiration. Until next time, look for the joy, keep safe, stay grounded, and never forget that there is a strength within your own story. Take care.
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