Luke Marshall · 46 min
After losing his father to suicide at age four, Luke Marshall spent decades numbing unhealed childhood trauma, until a psychotic episode, a forensic hospital, and deep inner-child work finally led him to sobriety, self-love, and fatherhood.
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At 20, Luke Marshall moved to Western Australia to study postgraduate law. Within 8 to 12 weeks, mania shifted into psychosis. He lost touch with reality on a road trip with friends, stripped naked, swam into the ocean looking for his dead father, and broke into an elderly person's home. He was arrested and spent three months in a forensic hospital, where he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and psychosis. His university degree, his job, his independence, everything stopped. It took 18 months to find the right medication and relearn basic adult tasks. For years after that, he tried to recapture who he had been before, never realizing the coping behaviours keeping him afloat were slowly drowning him.
Luke's father had died by suicide when Luke was four years old. Luke was there when he was found. That buried trauma shaped every choice he made as an adult: the drinking, the performing, the people-pleasing, the endless work. It wasn't until a therapist asked him not what he remembered, but what it felt like, that something shifted. Sitting in that room, he felt again the liquid terror of little Luke. Owning that feeling, that memory, that four-year-old's experience, finally allowed him to understand why he had spent decades running.
Today, Luke is 2.5 years sober. His mother mortgaged her home to give him her room during those early months of recovery. His sisters cut people off to protect him. His friends, his psychiatrists, his recovery circles, his own fierce commitment to looking after the child he once was, all of it brought him here. He works in marketing and now gives his spare time to nonprofits. He is about to become a father to twin boys. He has learned that any feeling is temporary, but the need to love and give back lives in everyone. And he is here to tell you: it gets so much better.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses addiction & recovery, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • SMART Recovery Australia (addiction): smartrecoveryaustralia.com.au • ReachOut: au.reachout.com
“The drinking was a way to numb what happened — using other substances to help build rapport with other people who maybe had had some trauma.”
“I just tell myself I'm here for you no matter what, and that is an unassailable vow.”
“I've been in that darkness and I'm here to tell you it gets so much better so please stick it out for us.”
The hero, today
Luke's father died by suicide when Luke was 4, and Luke was present when he was found; that buried trauma shaped every coping behaviour and relationship that followed, until he could feel and own what little Luke experienced. It took Luke 18 months to find the right medication and relearn how to function, but the real turning point came years later when a therapist asked him to remember what it felt like, not just what he remembered, and he connected with the 'liquid terror' of his childhood. Luke spent over a decade as the social entertainer and drinker because those roles helped him survive and avoid questions about his mental health, but he eventually realized they no longer served him and he could be kind and social without needing to redline it or numb what was inside. Luke's mother mortgaged her home to give him her room, and his sisters cut people off to protect him; without that family support in those early days after hospitalization, he believes he would not be alive. Luke is now 2.5 years sober and has made a vow to himself, deeper than anything he can explain, to look after the little boy he was, telling himself 'I'm here for you no matter what' whenever he feels that old terror rise up. To someone listening who resonates with his story, Luke says: you're enough, you've done enough, you are loved; any feeling is temporary, but the need to love and give back is in everyone, and it gets so much better.
Yes. Luke Marshall is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Luke's father died by suicide when Luke was 4, and Luke was present when he was found; that buried trauma shaped every coping behaviour and relationship that followed, until he could feel and own what little Luke experienced.
It took Luke 18 months to find the right medication and relearn how to function, but the real turning point came years later when a therapist asked him to remember what it felt like, not just what he remembered, and he connected with the 'liquid terror' of his childhood.
Luke spent over a decade as the social entertainer and drinker because those roles helped him survive and avoid questions about his mental health, but he eventually realized they no longer served him and he could be kind and social without needing to redline it or numb what was inside.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 00:07
Welcome to the Kintsugi Heroes podcast, where we share inspirational stories of everyday people going through different challenges and how they overcome them. Please be aware that the story you're about to hear may have moments of deeply felt emotions and personal experiences. If anything you hear has a triggering effect please reach out to someone who can help keep you safe. If you love this conversation, we'd love you to like and share it with your friends so we can continue to share more inspiration and hope to as many people as possible. Now listen up for our next hero story. Today's episode is with the lovely Luke Marshall. This was a very deep conversation, I guess. It was vulnerable, it was raw, and he shared a lot of things that I'm sure at one point, well, for a long time, would have been quite difficult to share. He talks of the early years of that caused the trauma, and it all stemmed from trauma that saw him go through a lot of issues and challenges through as an adult, you know, perfectionism, drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness. He had a very painful run-in with the law that he, he talks about and openly talks about, and hospitalization. It's been a challenging journey for him, and yet he's just got the most beautiful smile. He radiates the joy and gratitude of a life that he's created. Today he's, he's sober, 2 and a half years of sobriety. He's got a successful career. And, you know, he supports others, is a mental health advocate and a father-to-be. So at the time of this publishing, he most likely would— will be a father. It was a wonderful story. I am really grateful to Luke for sharing so openly as he did, and I hope you enjoy this one as much as I did. It's Luke Marshall. Hello, here we are. Welcome, Luke, to Kintsugi Heroes. It's so lovely to have you here.
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 02:29
Hi, Evelyn. Pleasure to be here. Thanks.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 02:32
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Luke's mother mortgaged her home to give him her room, and his sisters cut people off to protect him; without that family support in those early days after hospitalization, he believes he would not be alive.
This conversation includes a second degree and a new state, eight to twelve weeks of unraveling, the night on the beach, piecing together what happened, three months in the forensic hospital and eighteen months of hard reset.
You're welcome. And this, this is obviously a conversation, but it's really about you and your story. And first of all, I just want to say thank you for coming. Thank you for being willing and open to sharing your story. It takes an amount of bravery and courage to do that. And I just— so I just want to honor you for doing that. First up.
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 02:52
Thanks very much, that's kind of you to say.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 02:54
You're welcome. Well, let's get started. Uh, where— take us back. Where does your story begin? If you take us back to the beginning, tell me about the context, what was going on for you in life at the beginning, and, uh, yeah, then what happened?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 03:09
Yeah, I, I think, um, the best way for me to answer this and start is, um, at age 20, I was, uh, on to my second degree I'd relocated interstate from Victoria to Western Australia to study postgraduate law, and the world was my oyster. I was very excited to sort of begin life as an adult, and I'd say the best laid plans didn't work at all. In fact, it was a horrific, terrifying experience about 8 to 12 weeks later, and my study suffered completely. I ended up lapsing from mania, where I couldn't sleep and was getting progressively more and more excitable to a fault, into something known as psychosis. And, you know, I was on a road trip with friends up the West Australian coast, drinking, partying, not much sleep, and lost touch with reality, unfortunately. And with that experience came complete confusion, disarray, and saw me strip naked and break into a house. And looking for my ex-girlfriend. No surprises there, she wasn't in that home. And unfortunately it was a poor elderly person that met me with shock and surprise. And then, you know, recovering from that experience was intense. I was arrested, you know, sent into a forensic hospital and was there for 3 months as I was very unwell and later diagnosed with bipolar and psychosis. And so that was the adversity that was most obvious at the time. I think there was some buildup to that from early childhood, and then recovering from that wasn't a straightforward recovery either.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 05:26
I want to ask you, was there any signs before that event of breaking into the house? Of the psychosis? Like, did you have any conscious awareness of where you were headed or why?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 05:39
It's a good question. And I think, um, 20 years ago, awareness of mental health was a lot less. It certainly was for me. Um, I grew up in a regional town, and so being away from sort of certain cues made it really hard to reality check and sense check what was going on. In some ways it was the perfect storm. I'd relocated from my friends and family to another state. I was living on campus in a residence with new people. And things I'm very aware of looking at or looking out for now, like sleeplessness and sort of hyperactivity, I just didn't know back then. And so with the benefit of hindsight, the cues and tells were there. But in sort of measuring the aftermath, it was actually pretty sudden because awareness of sort of what to look for in the lead-up to such an event was really low. And it was a pretty sudden departure from reality, if I'm honest, which we could only sort of re-piece and sort of re-look at after a bit more trauma work and sort of understanding of what happened. That trauma work, you know, led me to even a few years ago, we were still putting the pieces together to sort of figure out what happened and how I can live better.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 07:11
Yeah, it's certainly a journey, isn't it? It's not like a click of the fingers or take a pill or, you know, do this one step and you'll be fine. With the event you had, you were out with your friends drinking and then you ended up at this elderly person's house. Can you take me through that? Were you on your own? Was it just you going to the house? How did that person, the elderly person, respond to you?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 07:36
What was the—
Aveline Clark (Host) · 07:37
what was the process, but the steps around that?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 07:40
The detail? Yeah, it's, it's quite bemusing, I would say, in that the, uh, my recollection of events at the time, uh, was fairly sound despite that detachment from what was going on. And so we were playing drinking games with some friends at a campsite late into the evening. And unsurprisingly, because of the things I mentioned earlier, I was the last one to bed. And I remember sort of people drifting off and going to sleep and me grabbing a pillow and wandering down to the beachside to sort of just have a look at the stars and figure things out. I think the figuring things out was probably the beginning of the unraveling. I had a lot of racing thoughts. I could feel this really euphoric pressure in my chest and almost elation at sort of what was happening to me. I started thinking that I had spiritual powers. I thought I had the power of God. It was really becoming evident that things were very unreal. And I thought I'd test these powers. So I remember stripping down and swimming off the shore and not getting very far because at the time I wasn't a very good swimmer. And something twigged and I came back to the shore. But, you know, flights of fancy, my father died when I was 4 years old. And I thought I could see him on the beach at that time and went looking for him. And then it occurred to me that I should get back together with my ex-girlfriend. And so went looking for her while naked and walked off the beach and onto the streets. The house that presented itself looked like some sort of test. I thought I could pass this test by, you know, performing athletic gestures. And I think at the time, I, you know, I managed to get the door open by ringing the bell and smashing a window. And unfortunately, the door was opened by this poor elderly person who was terrified. And I thought was my ex-girlfriend in disguise. It was really, really hard, and this poor person said, you know, "Get away," and had a hammer in their hand and swung at me and connected, but I wasn't really feeling anything at that point. And I think the blessing in disguise here was that it caused so much noise and it was so evident that something was extremely wrong that the neighbors heard and were able to tie me up to a Jeep and wait for the police to come. And reflecting on that incident isn't easy, but I think there are many stages sort of in this really troublesome night where I'm extremely lucky it wasn't worse. Like, I could have drowned. I could have seriously hurt someone else. I'm very fortunate to be where I am today.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 11:02
How did you— so what point did you have sort of awareness, or is it still kind of pieces of the night, you know, like, are there parts of it that you still can't recollect?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 11:15
I think the— in terms of the recollection of the night, you know, I don't think there's blurs. I, I will— I I'm more than sure that my reality of that night is very different to perhaps what an outsider would have seen. And I think it took some time, you know, post, uh, sort of arrest and integration into the hospital to, um, piece together what had happened. Because, um, while I was up here with, you know, uh, psychosis, I was still very manic once the psychosis had subsided and needed some very strong medication and supports to even be able to come back down to not bouncing off the ceiling. And so awareness pieced together— it took a long time to sort of piece it together into the coherent, cogent narrative that I shared with you today. And a lot of healing work, I think. There was a certain amount of shame that I carried with this. You know, on paper, it was a clear identifiable mental health incident. But the reality is, you know, you've got to learn all these new things, what triggers are, how to get comfortable talking about it, how to talk about it in a way that's sensitive to all the people that were affected and involved at the time. And those lessons take decades, if I'm honest. And I consider myself, you know, one of the lucky ones in that post that particular incident, there wasn't any other extreme examples of psychosis that followed. And so being able to talk about it and help perhaps destigmatise these sort of things is probably one of the reasons why I take comfort in sharing the story in the detail I do.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 13:15
I'm glad you said that. And I guess, yeah, what I've seen from other people sharing stories is how cathartic it is and how it helps them, even though it might be a decade or two after their traumatic events. It still helps to piece together some, some part of themselves and help them become more, you know, fill in the blank, whole, settled, at peace. More themselves by sharing the story. And that's why we do this here, you know, that's why Kintsugi Heroes was born. And, and so it's great to hear you actually reflect that as you're part of your own personal integration. And with regards to going to the hospital, what was, what was that like for you, and how did it change, I guess, the, the other normal part of life? Because you're at university And you've obviously got family back, you know, some in another state. What happened there?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 14:12
It was a really bizarre experience, and I think one is just the environment. You know, you're in this hospital, it's not quite like a normal hospital. You know, there's plastic cutlery, you're really strictly scrutinized with your behavior and sort of what you do and don't do. And Environmentally, it was really bizarre. And then I guess colored against that was my own mental health and wellness in those immediate preceding days because I didn't know where I was for that first week. My poor mother flew from Victoria over to Western Australia in that first week to see me. And because I was so unwell, I couldn't register it was her and I was tearing the wallpaper off the walls and talking about all sorts of nonsensical things. And for her to see that would have been extremely confronting and something that, you know, I sought to make amends for further on. But yeah, a really weird experience and in some ways unfortunate that social media hadn't really started then because the fallout from all these things going wrong could have been much worse. And I guess the other interesting thing about those initial few days that the rest of my life, so my law degree, you know, banking, my accommodation at the university college, they're all put on ice and without much explanation because for those first few weeks I just wasn't fit to make any decisions around that or to, you know, take care of myself in that way.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 16:01
So once you finished at the hospital, then what was the next step for you, and how did you reintegrate back into the life that was on hold, into the real world?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 16:11
I guess, um, it was a much more protracted process than those initial few months, but I think one of the things I learned from that time is that something was very wrong and that there was supports and systems available to try and help redress that. And so post-hospital, one of the things I was told sort of straight up was the biggest thing that leads to events like this reoccurring is non-compliance with medication. And so I was always very studious at school. I'm like, Got it. I don't want that ever to happen again. And in terms of taking medication and then finding the right medication combination, I was very compliant and willing to go on the journey with both. Law, I tried returning to a couple of times. I postponed it and then the following year went and tried studying law at a local university in Victoria. And, uh, lasted a semester. I still, um, wasn't fully recovered from the experience. And the way I describe it is, um, say you break your leg, there's a fairly staggered and sequential process for recovery, rehabilitation, um, and a fairly easy to estimate timeline of how long it is until you can walk again. With my mental health, we weren't sure how it happened, why it happened, we didn't know what medication could be used to help mitigate the symptoms of the illness, and we had to figure all that out over a multi-year journey. And so it wasn't until a couple of years later that we found the right medicine combination that I was able to really step it up and start functioning sort of what my idea of a normal human was again. And a lot of trial and error, a lot of false starts. I did a lot of temporary jobs. I lost the job because the information about what happened at that time was released mistakenly. It was a really hard experience, and probably coloring all of that was becoming comfortable with it myself. And more importantly, being comfortable navigating life and explaining my absence, you know, with employers and friends and family.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 18:44
Wow. So how long would you say your absence lasted for in terms of from, you know, everyday life?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 18:52
Yeah, I'd say probably 18 months because there was sort of this extreme drop-off And then it would probably took about another, you know, 6 to 12 months to get things on track. And my family at the time were a small unit. We're all incredibly supportive. I've got a younger sister, and for a little while there, I had to share a bedroom with my teenage sister because mum's apartment was too small to handle us, and I wasn't ready to move out by any stretch. And then, you know, learning to sort of do basic adult things again, like maintain a bank account, pay your bills, earn enough money to be able to rent or live on your own. And I felt like I had got those skills in check by the time I'd got to university. And then it was a hard reset because just learning to function and piece together how to manage my mental health after that big event was a work in progress. And if we fast forward to that 18 months later, I think we'd found the right medication combination. By then, I was living on my own, and I think there was a part of me that goes, ah, this is what it was like a bit before. I'm not quite the same, but I think I've got my wits and everything about me, uh, that I can continue, um, to grow from here. And so that's what I did.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 20:35
Wow, 18 months, it's a long time. Yet do you feel that you came through and you were able to then redefine who you were, or were you trying to capture who you were before and bring the same Luke to the world as before?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 20:52
Yeah, it's a really insightful question you've asked there, Evelyn, because I think for a very long time I was trying to recapture, uh, the old Luke, um, pre this incident. And, um, I moved through life in a way, uh, that talked to and pointed to the ideas of navigating life how I did before. And I think it wasn't until, you know, a good 12 or 15 years later where I started relooking at things. The coping behaviors that I was carrying going into Western Australia were there afterwards as well. And those coping behaviours are very understandable, but it took much longer to realise that they didn't serve me. And I think the drinking was a way to numb what happened, you know, using other substances to help build rapport with other people who maybe had had some trauma. And then I really threw myself into work as well, um, riding a bit of that manic energy that I may have had earlier. And all those things, uh, needed a reinvestigation later when I was at the point, um, to be comfortable with my own recovery that I could say, this no longer serves me. And I can look at, you know, the time I spent and the growth I went on, say, 10 years after that event, and look at it with fond memories, but also look at it today and go, I can understand the man who, you know, worked late hours and overperformed and sought to people-please wherever he could, to be the social life of the party. I've now made peace with that journey and taken the lessons, uh, from it, uh, that I've got today and can look at it and go, okay, that was a challenge that I had to navigate. I can understand why that challenge presented itself. I'm grateful it happened, but I don't have to live my life that way anymore. And so the life I live today, I'm 2 and a half years sober. I don't feel the need to pursue or chase or people-please. And I would add that the trauma that was building up and leading up to that detonation in Perth, instead of it being hidden or numbed, has been rigorously investigated. And owned and worked through, you know, with the help of, you know, peer support and therapy and a lot of self-awareness and self-reflection as well as relying on something that's bigger than me. Sorry for the interruption. This is Ian Westmoreland, the founder of Kintsugi Heroes, and thank you for listening to this story from one of our amazing Heroes. Our mission is for these stories to provide hope and inspiration to people experiencing life challenges and to also educate the broader community on how best to provide support. If you would like to help us to continue to produce more hero stories and cover more adversity themes, we would welcome all donations. These can be made via our website kitsukiheroes.com.au. The donate function is at the bottom of the homepage. We'd also welcome any feedback. You can email me direct using ian@kintsugiheroes.com.au. Now let's get back to the story.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 25:02
Sounds like you've certainly, you know, had a lot to do and work with over the journey since you I suppose, came out of the hospital and found a way to reinvent, you know, and yourself and, and find out who you want Luke Marshall to be. Um, you mentioned alcohol a few times and being the life of the party. Was that part of the persona of Luke? Was that you in your, in your teens, in your early 20s? Was that you?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 25:33
Yeah, 100%. I think, um In that late high school, I segued from the school I was originally at to a scholarship to a new school and went through a mini reinvention that also involved introducing alcohol and being that life of the party. And post the event and the hospitalisation, I think that behaviour carried through. And I think one of the ways I could prevent, or, or prevent in talking marks, um, uncomfortable questions about what happened or who I was, um, was to be the entertainer and to, um, overperform and be extremely social and, uh, be very likable. And I think I can say some of these things with insight and not necessarily in a derogative way. I think these traits helped me survive and get through some really challenging experiences. But now I can look at some of them that push to excess and realize I'm comfortable with who I am. I can be kind and social. Without the need to redline it and be really comfortable with who I am and maintain balance. And so I do think the way I was sort of indulging, for right or wrong, helped get me through some challenging times. But now, where I am today, it doesn't serve. And for the foreseeable future. I don't see it coming back because, um, there's just no longer a need there. And, uh, I think my comfort and love for who I am, um, transcends any need to sort of please others or, or numb what's, what's already inside here and good.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 27:40
It's really beautiful, Luke. You mentioned, uh, trauma that you were, you were numbing. You are hiding from yourself, was that just part of, you know, childhood? Can I ask, is that sort of a build-up, or is it an unknown thing that you just weren't really aware of?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 28:01
Uh, it definitely stemmed from childhood, and I would say it was unknown, uh, to me, or perhaps the impacts that trauma had, until much later, or that I could be comfortable with myself enough to create the honesty I needed to look at that. I mentioned my father, you know, died when I was 4. He had his challenges, you know, with drugs and alcohol and from a regional town and committed suicide when I was that age. And, you know, through a lot of digging and trauma work and with the right supports, I was able to find my story in that, which did involve being the one on the scene when Dad was found and navigating that. And I think that memory or feeling of the memory was buried for a very long time. And I remember sitting in the room with a therapist that I really, really appreciated and she held the space and I was going through— I can't remember, it just keeps popping up but can't remember. And the therapist at the time asked, can you remember what it felt like at the time? I can still feel it today. It was liquid terror. I just felt absolutely terrified and frightened out of my mind and didn't know what was going on. And Being honest about the feelings that little Luke had, um, was a really strong turning point in my recovery and owning my story and helping piece together what happened later and making peace with it. Because I believe that incident and the knock-on impacts of navigating childhood after that and the decisions that were made post were definitely the building blocks that led to that really scary incident in Perth and the numbing behavior that I indulged in post because that trauma wasn't visited, looked at, and, um, and healed. And when I think about that today and think about, um, what little Luke went through I always come from the perspective of, okay, well, what does he need today to feel supported and loved and to know that he's not alone and that there's other parts and other people out there looking out for him and will continue to do so no matter what. And I think part of my healing journey has been just whenever I feel that feeling that was, you know, very present back then, or something that's internal that I think my inner child needs, I just tell myself, I'm here for you no matter what. And that is an unassailable vow. It goes deeper than anything I can explain. And I guess people that knew social party Luke and met him as an adult, they sort of ask, you know, "Would you ever go back to drinking?" And it's really hard to convey just how strong that vow is to myself and just how much little Luke needs me to look after myself today. You can't answer that in a sentence. So hopefully I did a little better job of explaining it then.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 31:50
Yeah, I think you did brilliantly well. I, I fully felt exactly what you meant, or at least I felt it deep within me. It made perfect sense. And we all have the, the little child versions of ourselves, whether we have acknowledged that or, or not. And we also— what your story has shown is how powerful a childhood trauma can be in framing, coloring, filtering, and directing our life when it's not healed or being made aware or present, um, at the time, or, you know, back when. So yes, it's, it's a really powerful story. Um, what I was going to ask you, you know, what was the turning point of your healing, and you kind of said that just then, it was when you had the realization of the memory and you got that. How did it make you feel after you had that, that moment with the therapist and you had that recollection?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 33:00
Yeah, piecing together something that happened over multiple decades and saw ups and downs and sort of extreme incidents, uh, The way I think about it and feel about it is lots of pieces of a jigsaw that were getting put back together and then getting blown up again. And it was sort of trial and error to get that complete picture. And after that, I guess, turning point with the therapist and that part clicking into place, I'd never felt more connected to who I am and my true self than I did then. It was a really illuminating moment in that things clicked and that I no longer felt that I needed to, um, pretend to be something I'm not. And that this power or, or sense of self that was inside me was, uh, much, much stronger than I'd ever given credit before.. And to be able to connect with that and let it inform my understanding of my past and history, but also that it can inform my future, it was a really grounding and calming moment for me. And I'd say that feeling's never gone away. And if not, I'd say it's probably gotten stronger over time as I honor it. And, um, treasure it and continue, uh, to look after myself and lead a good life.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 34:40
And I love the way— the joy and the optimism with which you smile as you said that. It's just— it was— it's so powerful. I can feel it. It's awesome. Um, what have been the, the most pivotal elements of the journey out, as in the healing and the recovery? What has helped you the most? What's helped you get to where you are today?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 35:05
The most obvious ones to me that have helped recovery and the journey would be my family first and foremost. The immediate actions of my mother and sisters in particular. Yeah, it's irreplaceable. The journey for them at that pointy end was in many ways much more tumultuous and hard on them because they were aware. And I'm forever grateful for what they did in helping assist in getting me back on my feet. I would say for all its challenges and flaws, and I've experienced those too, the medical system did what it needed to in terms of at least helping prevent something really bad happening again. And I had a good range of psychiatrists and psychologists and peer support workers along the way that helped navigate that recovery. I'd say my friends, the ones that have stood the test of time, and I have a good amount of them, have been extremely supportive and sometimes have been better at saying what happened to me than what I could at the time. "Oh, so you were unwell?" And I was like, "Well, I can just say that?" Like, I thought that I have to share all this other, you know, shame and all this story. "No, you were just unwell, Luke. Let it go." And so that's been really gratifying for me over time. And then later, I'd say recovery circles. You know, I identify with a 12-step that helps address childhood trauma, and being able to share that experience in the safety of a room with people who have come from, you know, other challenging backgrounds has been a step change for me in sort of how I look at my story and get comfortable with who I am. And, uh, will continue for years to come.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 37:19
It sounds like you've had an amazing amount of support. Obviously you needed the support, started off at the hospital and then it continued from there. How pivotal was it to have the love and support of your, your mum and your sisters, and especially in those early days?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 37:36
I, I don't think I'd be alive today if it wasn't for that, and you know, Mum mortgaged her home to give me her room. My other sister was so fiercely protective of looking after me despite being younger that she was shouting people down and cutting them off even when I was in the wrong. Like, I just love them to bits for that. And, you know, we've grown up with our challenges, but you can't take that stuff back. I'm so lucky. You know, I've been around other peers who perhaps don't have that level of support or have more strained relationships with their family. And I feel for them because without that, it's very easy to slip back through the cracks again. And so, yeah, I just— that's like, that love is irreplaceable. And I'm so grateful that I got that at the time. And get that from them today.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 38:36
That's so beautiful. How has this whole journey of what you've shared with me today, how has that shaped who you are today and how you serve the world? As in what you do as a career, vocation, how you live. It'd be great to get some perspective on that and hear about the Yeah. The impact on you. Mm.
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 39:05
It's definitely informed everything I do and how I live as an adult. And I think there was a long period of getting comfortable with owning my story. 10 years after the hospitalization, I sought to do that and wrote a book. I self-published a book about my experiences. And at the time, it was extremely cathartic. I really, you know, enjoyed writing about that and my experience in sort of navigating such an incident. And then I'd say how it informs, you know, 10 years later again, today is from a perspective of service. So I've had a relatively successful marketing career and now I'm sort of more focused on how can we assist the not-for-profits? How can we use tech for good? How can I give service with the spare time I have and help others who are right in it right now? And I look at it now and go, wow, look how far I've come and how fortunate I am to be where I am today. I get an opportunity to help lift others up, and I see it with the people I sort of connect with and help. And it might be you know, just a kind word incidentally along the way. But I'm always consistently surprised by sort of bits of feedback that get back to me later about, "I heard your story and this," or, "Thanks for that kind—" It just happens. And as I look to the future, you know, I've got a partner now, a new partner in the last year, and we've got, you know, twin boys on the way in April. And I'm just I can't believe it because that chance to give fatherhood to two boys and it's something that I missed out on. I can't even convey the emotion that comes around that, so I couldn't be more pumped. I'm so happy for you, Luke.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 41:16
Congratulations. Wow. And that'll be the start of another exciting chapter of your life. And I can only imagine what, what kind of parent you're going to be, right, given what you've been through. Uh, it couldn't— it's just going to be beautiful. I know, I know it already. I can foresee the future. And, um, yeah, well done, well done on the journey and doing the work. You know, it clearly has not been easy for you. It's it never is, right? The most rewarding journeys are never easy.
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 41:53
Yeah, 100%. I am a big fan of, um, uh, taking what works for you, noticing it, and then moving on and continuing to grow. And I think, uh, in my younger years, I'd be very focused on those external markers, uh, for growth, and I'm not about that anymore these days. I think, um, the only person that I can hold to account is what's going on in the inside. And so if I'm acting from a place that's centered, calm, comes from a perspective of service and humility and love for myself, the rest takes care of itself. And wherever that goes, I'm sure it'll be delightful, challenging, engaging, but ultimately the most rewarding for me.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 42:40
Absolutely it will. And look, as a fellow parent of twin boys, if you ever need a piece of advice, you you're welcome to reach out and ask me, okay? I'm here.
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 42:50
I think, um, it's not the first time I've heard this, Aveline. I think there's like a twin parent code where you have to help incoming parent twins because, uh, yeah, there's definitely been a lot of unsolicited offers to help.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 43:03
Yeah, and, and you, yeah, you'll find in some of the most— those moments after they arrive, you'll be like thinking, okay, which of those offers do I need to take advantage of right now? Because It can be— it's uncharted territory, shall I say.
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 43:20
Fantastic. Look forward to it.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 43:23
Yeah, that's right. As we come to the end, Luke, uh, first of all, thank you. I just want to know, my last question for you is, if there's someone listening to this who can resonate with any part of your story, who might be going through any of these challenges, whether it's the mental health, the trauma, psychosis, any— anything that they can relate to, because there's quite a few things in your story. Is there something you'd like to say to them?
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 43:50
Yeah, if you've gone through some of that or, or it's resonating with you, I just want to say you're enough. You've done enough. You are loved. And that if you follow that thread and can feel that love even in your darkest moments, it's going to help you. And no, just that any feeling is temporary, but the need and desire to love and give back, um, is in everyone. And I think if you can ride it out, the benefit and the tangible— it, it gets so much better. I've been in that darkness, and I'm here to tell you it gets so much better. So please stick it out for us.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 44:40
That's really powerful and very loving. Thank you, Luke. I wanna just again thank you for sharing, being so vulnerable and open and giving of yourself today. I, I know that it's going to touch hearts and, and minds and, you know, provide inspiration and hope for, for those who are listening and watching. So thank you very much.
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 45:02
Thanks for having me today.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 45:08
We hope you've enjoyed this episode of Kintsugi Heroes. Please like and share the show to your friends so we can get this out to even more people. If you have a story you'd like to share with us, please reach out using the contact details below. And join us next week for our next hero's story. Until then, keep being you, and remember that we are all heroes. Grows in our own unique way. Only when it's broken, only when it's broken, when it hits you in the middle of the night and the truth burns so bright, only when it's broken. Only when it's broken. Take pride in those cries, it's only for tonight, and then you rise. Only when you're broken. Only when you're broken.
Luke Marshall (Guest) · 46:18
Only when you're broken.
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