Luis Montero
A young father sleeps rough, then decides to fight back. Luis rebuilt custody of his son and now helps others navigate the systems that nearly broke him.
Hear this story
Luis Montero grew up as a Jehovah's Witness caring for his mother from age eight while managing her severe mental health challenges and physical disability. The household held strict rules alongside domestic violence between his parents. When Luis left home as a teenager, he felt like a bird released from a cage. A year later, his mother died. The grief and guilt that followed pulled him toward alcohol and other drugs, numbing feelings he didn't know how to process.
When Luis became a father at twenty-one, he was still caught in addiction and homelessness. Child protection removed his son from his care. Luis made a choice then: he enrolled in detox, went back to school, saw a psychologist, and gathered letters from teachers, doctors, and social workers to prove he could change. He spoke up for himself when the system tried to silence him. Within months, he went from supervised visits to full-time custody of his son. Along the way, he slept rough, lost his belongings on an escalator at Flinders Street Station, and carried deep shame. But he also discovered he was a good listener and a good talker. He learned to build trust without judgment.
Now Luis is a peer worker supporting young people navigating homelessness and substance use. He is studying community services. Most importantly, he is raising his son with the opposite of what he received: freedom to explore, permission to ask questions, and conversations instead of commands. He has also made peace with his father, moving from resentment to acceptance and distance. Luis's biggest dream is to create support services for young fathers, especially those caught in child protection and addiction. He knows what those men need because he has lived it.
“I think it helps with building trust with individuals. If somebody knows that I've experienced what I've experienced, they could just have a better feeling of like, oh, this person does see what I see.”
“I remember trying to pick up my stuff and I just remember all the different individuals, like no one, like no one really tried to acknowledge me. No one tried to like help and it's not my stuff wasn't dirty or anything, you know. You know, but people were just walking around me, kind of walking over me. And the shame that I felt of all those eyes on me would, and like, I just felt really low at the time for myself.”
“I was hoping it would just, I'd just finish, but I stuck around. I woke up, you know what I mean? But so I'm glad, I'm really happy that I did. I think my son's really happy I did too.”
The hero, today
Luis's mother taught him how to express himself, and that ability to speak up for what he needs has been the foundation of everything he's rebuilt. He learned to stop trying to impress his father and instead accept him from a distance, which freed him from the anger that used to weigh him down. When Luis tells people what he wants, he doesn't want someone dictating exactly what to do, because people know what's best for themselves if they're given the chance to think. Luis was fortunate to have the ability to ask for help when he needed it, which many people, especially men, struggle to do, and that willingness to speak made the difference. He refuses to hide his past from his son because being transparent shows him how hard his dad works and gives him something real to learn from, not shame to repeat.
Yes. Luis Montero is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Luis's mother taught him how to express himself, and that ability to speak up for what he needs has been the foundation of everything he's rebuilt.
He learned to stop trying to impress his father and instead accept him from a distance, which freed him from the anger that used to weigh him down.
When Luis tells people what he wants, he doesn't want someone dictating exactly what to do, because people know what's best for themselves if they're given the chance to think.
Luis was fortunate to have the ability to ask for help when he needed it, which many people, especially men, struggle to do, and that willingness to speak made the difference.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 00:00
Most of the time I don't really want to overshare my situation. If anything, it's just to relate that I've dealt with certain systems and certain things and more for them to come to their own conclusion for whatever, you know, and empower them to make decisions in their life that better themselves. So, you know, making sure someone's informed with all the decisions that they're able to take, you know, and really supporting them in their own journey and their own choice. And really on that, on that word of it, like really empowering someone because, you know, there was a time where I just needed someone to sit there and say, you know what? You can do this. You know, I'm not gonna, I hate it when someone tried to tell me what to do exactly, you know, oh, you gotta just do this and you gotta stop doing that and you gotta, no, no, no. Just because at the end of the day, we know the best for ourselves, whether we choose to admit it or not, you know, uh, and I hope to bring the best out of people and, and, and hope to empower them to, to make the best decisions for themselves. Welcome back to Kintsugi Heroes, helping people tell the stories they need to share. So you can find the stories that you need to hear.
John Milham (Host) · 01:12
Before we begin, these stories touch on grief, trauma, illness, disability, addiction, and loss. Support is on screen and in the show notes and description.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 01:24
Awesome.
John Milham (Host) · 01:25
Good morning, uh, ladies and gentlemen, friends and fans of Katsuki Heroes. Once more, I welcome you to a podcast, uh, where we have a story that matters. And this morning I'm excited. I'm excited to talk to a bloke who is, um, up to his armpits in real world and, um, still able to pull a smile out of his pocket and share it with the rest of us. Which is beautiful. Uh, Lewis Montero, um, thank you and welcome to Kintsugi Heroes.
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This conversation includes a bird in a cage, violence at home and leaving, his mother's death and the drinking starts, a son born into chaos, fighting the system to keep his son and sleeping rough and the escalator moment.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 01:56
Yeah, thank you for having me.
John Milham (Host) · 01:58
Um, yeah, I have, um, by way of bio, you're, uh, you're studying community services, you, you, you do some, um, um, you know, helping work in the community and so on. You're a father. A single father raising a young, young child. Uh, you have a lived experience of getting through some tough times, mucking, you know, bouncing around through the whole addiction area and so on. So if I was to ask you what you are hoping for, for 20, for the rest of 2026, what would that be, bro?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 02:41
Well, I guess honestly it would be to finalize my studies. I have one unit remaining left to do. Um, I really just lock in, uh, in, uh, in the community service industry. Like really, I've just started a, um, a job as a peer worker and, uh, I really want to lock that in for the rest of the year and, um, hone in on, um, supporting other people and individuals struggling with homelessness and housing. So. Um, yeah, so just really, really lock in on that sort of stuff. Um, get some, hopefully some fun times for me and little man as well. So yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 03:20
Yeah. So you have a son. Tell us a little bit about your son.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 03:23
Uh, well, my son is 7. Um, uh, real energetic, uh, loves music and dancing and really into soccer at the moment. So we've got to get that sorted soon to get into a club. Um, with a new job, so that would be some prospects there. Um, yeah, he's really, really cool, really outgoing, really charismatic, bit of a chatterbox, uh, just like me. So yeah, he's a great personality.
John Milham (Host) · 03:54
Yeah, mate, he's, um, as a father, you've had, um, you've had, um sole, you know, raising duties, right? Um, but that's been, you know, originally it was a rocky start because you had to, you know, take some journey yourself. Well, how has that impacted how you feel about your relationship with your son?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 04:23
Well, I guess for me personally, it was a very big factor in my ability to recover for the situation I was in. So he was a really big motivator for me to get myself, um, on my feet and, uh, really keep pushing and moving forward. Um, yeah, he was a real big motivating factor, um, and doing a lot of what I've, what I've been able to achieve actually. Like, yeah, I'm not sure what, where I'd be without the little guy, to be honest, because I was a bit blind, um, didn't know where I was going, um, didn't really have much care in the world for myself or anybody else at the time. And, um, really pushed me through some really difficult and challenging times.
John Milham (Host) · 05:13
Yeah. So the, the care you have for your son, your love for your son just is obvious on your face to me, right?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 05:20
Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 05:20
Um, How did, how did you end up, um, going through your own childhood and so on into a place where, um, you were vulnerable yourself? You, in many ways, you had addiction and trauma.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 05:37
Yeah, for sure. So I guess I'll just start from somewhere and then I'll try and pivot to, I don't know if you've ever heard of a Jehovah's Witness. I kind of grew up as a Jehovah's Witness, so Um, and, um, my mom, she was very devoted, uh, Jehovah's Witness, but unfortunately she also had, um, some really bad, um, severe mental health challenges and issues. Um, she also had a physical disability as well. Um, so, uh, she was quite, she was a quite large woman. I think at one point weighing around 350 kilos. So at 8 years old, I already had a ton of responsibility. I was going to the shops and getting groceries. I was, had caretaker responsibilities for her.
John Milham (Host) · 06:26
Yeah.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 06:27
And, um, moving forward into my teen years, um, and why I reference being, you know, a Jehovah's Witness and stuff, there was a lot of strict, uh, rules, a lot of different things on top of the fact that there was quite a bit of, um, domestic violence at home as well. And so in order— I could not focus, I could not do nothing at the house. I constantly worrying if it's about my mom or not feeling able to like express myself. So I left the home and, um, was couch surfing and, um, moving around to different place. Um, uh, a year into doing that, my mom unfortunately passed away. Which caused a significant amount of grief for me. I felt a lot of guilt for not being at the home. Uh, and that's probably when my substance use started to peak. Um, drinking heavily almost every day. Um, doing all sorts of other substances on the weekend or when I could get my hands on them. And about a year after that, I met my son's mother and, um, shortly after that she was pregnant. Um, yeah, he was born and I was still struggling with, um, my addictions. I was still struggling with housing. Um, it was a very difficult time. Ended up, child protection ended up actually getting involved and, uh, took my son away. And that was a really, um, difficult thing for me. Um, it put me into, well, one of the things I was doing at the time was I was smoking cannabis. So, um, I thought that that was okay, but apparently not. Uh, they then told me I had to quit smoking cannabis. I was like, all right, fine, I'll quit smoking cannabis. But that turned into drinking more.
John Milham (Host) · 08:38
Yeah. So this is a, like, a negotiation. You wanted, you wanted access to, to, to your boy, and they're saying he's in care, these are the kind of conditions you can get access to. Were they helpful? Was the system trying to help you, or were they making life difficult for you?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 08:58
Honestly, uh, from my perspective, it was a lot of quick judgments.
John Milham (Host) · 09:04
Yeah.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 09:04
Without actually confirming those suspicions or, um, or things that were said. There was a time when Child Protection were at court. They're supposed to be there for the child, that that's their reason for being there. And they're sitting on the mother with the mother and calling me all sorts of things, calling me an abuser. Calling me a substance, like a drug addict, all these sort of different things, which was far from the truth. And it was just very difficult at the time. They did try to provide some support and stuff, but really was not much there at all. So in that situation, I had to just make do with what I had. I started going back to school, went to go see a psychologist. I had really tried to stay away from substances and really had a hard time. So I put myself into a youth detox, which I stayed for 7 days, which really supported me in getting myself a little bit more clean. Uh, it was, it was really, really quite difficult. But, uh, eventually, um, they saw with all the work, and I mean, I got letters from, from my teachers, I got letters from the doctors, I got letters from the detox, I got letters from social workers, um, saying all the type of work that I was doing so that I could get my son back in my care. But I was lucky that I had the confidence to advocate for myself and, and to, to, to talk to the people that I needed to talk to. So It was, it was very difficult, but yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 10:48
It's an extraordinary, um, determination you've shown to do that, right? Was that, is that the carer in you? Like, like if we go back to your mum, right? At such an early age, taking ownership of your mum, mum's care, right? And you mentioned, um, it was a, uh, you know, there was violence in the household. What was safe for you? You know, where in that space was, was your safety?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 11:20
There were definitely aspects where I, I could probably point out to where I could just have been a kid, but then a lot of the time I, I remember being the conflict manager, you know. So the arguments between my mother and my father, or the arguments between my, my siblings and my mother, and there were always lots of things going on. I was very, very young, I think, and there were times my mom had tried to hurt herself, or I can remember countless times of hospitals, like the ambulance coming to the house or different things like that. So really, when I was younger, I didn't really get to experience what it was like to be a child. And top of that, being a Jehovah's Witness, I didn't celebrate birthdays. I didn't celebrate Christmas. You kind of just feel kind of ostracized from, from the rest of the world. So even at things like, you know, you wouldn't think of it as such a big deal, but you know, the, the national anthem, singing the national anthem at school, you know, I was told that I had to sit down when they were doing the national anthem. And so that, that really puts you on display, you know, so.
John Milham (Host) · 12:25
It's almost designed to invite your, um, you to have a, to deal with adversity from the start, right? It's like, you know, you're creating a being lined up as a child martyr, really. You're going to stand out and be bullied, aren't you?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 12:42
So, um, yeah, it was, uh, uh, yeah, it's also what I think led to my, um, really impulsive behaviors when I was out of the home. Uh, really like a lot of risk-taking, um, putting myself in really dodgy positions, um, just because I wanted to experience things because I felt like I'd been like a, like a bird in a cage for a really long time.
John Milham (Host) · 13:10
Wow. So yeah, yeah, your, your family, uh, you, you know, you, you have brothers and sisters?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 13:21
Yeah, I have a, I have a twin sister and I have a younger sister.
John Milham (Host) · 13:24
Yeah. Oh, wow. Did you, um, how was their, uh, journey through that period?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 13:32
I would say like the primary care of like my mother and then, um, there were different aspects where I was like, had a lot of responsibility for them because I'm the older twin in that, in that, and also being a man and, and in that, in, in that household. So my family's from Uruguay, from South America. Then also you have the, you know, the religious text that makes the man in this situation, in this religion specifically, the man is the head of the household or, you know, which we should have been my father really, but, uh, he, yeah, I had a lot of responsibility, um, you know, for them growing up and stuff like that.
John Milham (Host) · 14:09
Did you maintain a relationship through?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 14:12
Yeah, we've got a, we've got a really good relationship these days. Um, in the past it wasn't always so great. Um, but my sisters are really supportive of me and, um, my son, and my son has a good relationship with them, which is awesome.
John Milham (Host) · 14:23
Um, do you think, uh, like you mentioned conflict between your parents, was your father, uh, how, you know, father's such an important role for a young man in that situation, mediating between them and so on. How did you understand what it was to be a man? Was that your father's job?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 14:41
Was he, did he offer that or is that I guess, like, to be honest, I have a lot of respect for my father for being with my mother, uh, throughout her, um, her mental health and her disability. Um, the, he, he was just quite, you know, uh, belittling all the time, you know, he'd belittle me all the time. Like one of his things he'd say was, um, like maricón, which means like gay in Spanish, you know? So, and, um. He, he could never have a serious conversation about anything. If I spoke to him about girls or something like that, it would just be me at the butt end of a joke. Um, and yeah, he had a really tough time regulating himself. So, you know, finish work and just be pissed off for no reason and you start carrying on yelling and screaming and stuff. And Saying names to my, to my mom and stuff. And, and what ended up making that worse is when she did, um, when she did pass away, he just, he was also in a lot of grief and stuff, but he really took that on me too. So, cause I tried to come back home. I tried to, tried to, you know, see if I could fix the relationships or whatever. And he's like, you gotta be the man of the house. Cause he doesn't know how to do, he never knew how to do it. At times it got really physical. Like one time I had to, like, I put him in a headlock because I was scared he was going to come to me. Another time he literally put a knife to my chest. And that was a really terrifying moment. And me and my father, we have a good relationship now. And, you know, it was a very—
John Milham (Host) · 16:26
How did you get there right after? Like obviously incidents, you know, there's a lot of stress. In that whole scenario you've painted. But there's also like a lot of growth to happen before you could get to a good relationship. And that's what you was like, did you put the hard yards in or did, you know, has your dad been on his own journey or what?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 16:46
He's, he's in, he's been on his own sort of thing and he, and he's still very, they're still kind of the same in a sense, but we have our respective distance from each other, you know? And, you know, I, I respect that. You know, maybe he just didn't get educated enough, you know, maybe he didn't, you know, he didn't learn from his own father how to regulate himself, you know, maybe, you know, his— there's traumas and stuff that I don't know about, you know, that he went through that caused him to be in this situation. And that has provided me with a lot more, like, less anger within myself because I've just kind of just learned to accept the way that he is. And just to move forward. I was always trying to impress him and stuff like that, never good enough, um, you know. So it's, yeah, it's, it's just, it's just what it is for me in my personal situation. Like, I, I've, I've learned to just appreciate him for who he is and learn to respect our own distance, you know what I mean?
John Milham (Host) · 17:43
So that's a big place to get to for a young man right on the journey. So a lot of acceptance there. Does that feel good?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 17:51
For me, yeah, personally.
John Milham (Host) · 17:53
Can't be fun having that history, but—
Luis Montero (Guest) · 17:56
No, no, but for a really long time, even when my son was really young, I remember having all this resentment towards him, all of this anger and frustration, you know, and I never really got much support from him, not even a phone call, you know, when I'd leave, when I left, you know. Now as my son has gotten a little older, He's also realized the time he's missed out with my son, his grandson. So he's tried to put in the work to be a bit better, you know what I mean? But I mean, there was a time when he was trying to make fun of my son. He was trying to say something that it triggered me. I was like, uh-uh, nah, you want to be here, you can't do that. Yeah. And I explained to him, you know, what that did to me. And it was, I think it was the only time I've he ever said sorry and he tried not to do it. So I was really proud of him for doing that. So yeah, and we've tried to move forward and I think it's always better to try and, if it's possible, to try and maintain the relationship with family because, oh, it's a tough world out there already, you know what I mean?
John Milham (Host) · 19:03
Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And I love in particular hearing, we often learn how to be a dad or how to be a man from our, from the, the people closest to us, our fathers and, um, you know, and family. Um, and you, you, you know, it sounds like your example wasn't great, but you've, you've turned that around and you give a chance to, uh, you know, to, to give your son an experience of your father in a way that you didn't have. Yeah, definitely. So what was key to that? So you mentioned your son being a motivation. Um, how did you relate to the substances, you know, alcohol and other drugs that you were doing?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 19:45
I guess I had a lot of pain and frustration and, uh, didn't really see much for myself. And it was, I think the parts of it were explorative, you know, trying as a young teenager, you know, trying to, you know, explore the world. And then other parts became about like, you know, numbing this feeling of whatever the thing I was feeling. Um, I didn't really know how to deal with those really big emotions. It was more like, yeah, we'll just put that back there and we won't worry about it when it comes to the boy.
John Milham (Host) · 20:14
That, let's get back to, you know, having a couple of quiet ones with—
Luis Montero (Guest) · 20:18
yeah. Um, but yeah, well, I, you know, as you were saying, you know, there was, um, you know, as a man you look up to you know, certain role models. And my, my father wasn't particularly someone that I looked up to as what I picture a man to be or whatnot. But I had a friend that I would couch surf on. I'd sleep at his place, and his dad was super awesome. He was a, um, a single father at the time, and he had 3 kids. Um, he looked after them pretty much on his own with, um, And he was the first time I ever had a one-on-one conversation, you know, about things. And yeah, he would, he'd pull me up. He'd put me aside, be like, what's going on? You know what I mean? Like, what's happening? You know, he'd make, he'd cook me a meal. He'd talk, maybe had a bit too much to drink sometimes, but you know, he was a good laugh, you know, and he was a really awesome guy and Yeah, unfortunately he recently passed away, so that was really sad. But, uh, he was a really other, uh, I think a really important factor in my life of, of what I viewed what a man should be. Um, you know, a provider, a caretaker, um, someone who had really great work ethic, you know what I mean?
John Milham (Host) · 21:38
So yeah, that's beautiful. When you decided to do the work, to commit to, you know, cleaning things up, you know, what did, um, what did you hope to achieve? What was, what was the, the plan?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 22:00
Uh, I honestly, I, at the time, uh, it was really difficult. So I, I just, I knew I had this idea that I wanted to be present in my son's life. And at the time it was becoming increasingly very difficult to be present. Uh, first, because I was sleeping around rough. So, I mean, there was a time I was sleeping all the way in Thomastown and to go visit him at— and he lived in, at the time with his grandmother and he lived all the way in, uh, Tarnyt and I, I'd have to travel like 2 hours there to see him for 1 hour and travel 2 hours back. And, um, yeah, so it was just, so the, the goal was just to be able to have my own little place and, and, and be well enough that the DHS can get off my back and let me have my son in my care. And at first it was really just about having a co-parenting arrangement with his mother or with the grandmother, whoever was suitable at the time. Um, but it just, yeah, it really literally went from me having him 3 days a week to, I swear, like a month later I had him, uh, 7 days a week. Wow. You know, so, um, yeah, that was when he was about a year and 6 months old.
John Milham (Host) · 23:13
So that's a really, that's an unusual arrangement. So you, you, you must have done a great job to, to present well. Yeah. So what, what was the, um, what was the biggest challenge through all of that time for you?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 23:33
I guess it was a sense of like, um, of loneliness a lot of the time. You know, I felt really stuck in like not feeling like I had much of anybody at the time. My family was— me and my family weren't very close. Um, the friends I did have weren't always the greatest influence. Um, you know, so there was a lot of times where I was just sitting on my own trying to you know, figure out what to do next, you know. And, uh, that was, those were really challenging. Also just trying to figure out how to be a parent. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I remember I got him and, um, I had gotten some stuff organized with what I thought was, you know, all the right things. And we're living in a little share house too. So we're like, I'm in my room, like, and we're sharing, me and my son, we're obviously sharing a room. And, um, I've fed him some milk and then he needed to get changed and then I go to go change him, but I must have put him down too quickly, like down too quickly, and he started vomiting everywhere. And then I tried to pick him up and then I got shit on myself and he's got vomit everywhere and I'm just like, uh, I had no idea what to do. And, um, you know, I paused, I took a breath and I figured it out. But there were a lot of moments where I'm like, I have no idea what I'm doing. So, uh, those are really the, the really challenging times. Um, even like the, the confidence I had with myself. And if I go back a little bit before I had my son in my care, um, I remember I had a rubbish bag full of what belongings I had. I was at Flinders Street Station. I'm going down the escalator and all of a sudden my bag just kind of like breaks and all this stuff falls on the ground.
John Milham (Host) · 25:19
No.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 25:20
And I remember trying to pick up my stuff and I just remember all the different individuals, like no one, like no one really tried to acknowledge me. No one tried to like help and it's not my stuff wasn't dirty or anything, you know. Um, you know, but people were just walking around me, kind of walking over me. Um, and the shame that I felt of all those eyes on me would, and like, I just felt really low at the time. For myself, you know, so yeah, so tons of different challenges in, in, in those times, but I kept trying to push, you know, so.
John Milham (Host) · 25:57
I don't know. Do you think people understand that feeling, right? Where you're like, you know, people walk around you and they look at you and, but at the same time, you're a, you're a person with emotions and, and that sense of shame. Do people understand that, do you think?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 26:14
No, I don't think so. I think people are quick to jump to conclusions about an individual based on what they look like or what they're doing. Um, I don't think that's always the case. I'm, I try to be optimistic. I try to be hopeful that some people are caring and maybe they're just really busy with their day kind of stuff, you know.
John Milham (Host) · 26:32
That's a very generous view. Yeah. That idea of shame, um, one time when I was sick and I fell over outside and that idea I couldn't get up and had needed passersby to help me up. And just the sense of wanting to disappear into the soil and not be, you know, visible. And now I think I've benefited from having that experience, but it's not something I wanted, you know, I want to revisit, but I think it's added something like some awareness or some compassion in my life. Do you feel like going through some of those things have added to your world?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 27:18
Yeah, definitely. I, I think if anything, you know, one of the biggest things I can just always look back and be like, well, I was doing that, you know, I was there. I struggled, but I managed to push through. It didn't matter. You know, maybe at the time I was sort of like, uh, honestly, because you say plan, you must have a plan. I remember not being able to visualize any plan or any idea of what my future would look like, or if I had a future. You know, at times I thought I was going to die, you know what I mean? Just based on the stuff that I was doing, you know, getting completely blacked out and waking up somewhere I don't remember, you know. So yeah, I look back at and sort of that built, you know, that resilience that I built over that time, you know. And so the challenges that I face today, you know, I can be like, you know what, I dealt with that, I can deal with this today, you know. And I can, if I don't know what I'm doing, that's fine because that's okay. It doesn't matter. Like if I don't know where I'm going, at least I'm going somewhere, you know.
John Milham (Host) · 28:20
So it's just. Are you proud of yourself?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 28:25
Yeah, I would definitely say I'm proud of myself, but there was a time I wasn't very proud of myself.
John Milham (Host) · 28:31
No, no. You beautifully articulate that moment where, you know, I thought I was going to die. Can I explore that idea that, is that like about your worth? Like you just didn't care anymore? Like, or, you know, was it about how life was so tough that, you know, if you died, it would seem like a good option or something at that time?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 28:54
I just, I just had enough. I was done. I was dealing with all of this shit. I didn't get to be a kid. Now I have to deal with this shit. And I'm so over it. You know, I'm going out and getting pissed or getting on pills or putting powders up my nose and sometimes in the back of my mind, I was hoping it would just, I'd just finish. But I stuck around. I woke up. You know what I mean? But so I'm glad. I'm really happy that I did. I think my son's really happy. I did too.
John Milham (Host) · 29:28
Yeah. Um, you know, it's a beautiful, in some ways dark but beautiful picture, your painting of, uh, of hanging on. What, what, um, what did you learn on the streets to keep you going? What did you find out that you could do?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 29:48
I think my biggest thing I learned was, uh, I'm a really good talker and a really good listener. So I met so many people, you know, um, being— and I was very compassionate, I was very understanding, I was very non-judgmental, which led people to be very kind and compassionate towards me. I learned how to really build strong relationships with good people, and I also learned not to build relationships with certain other individuals, you know. Um, you know, so And I understood the importance of, you know, that relationship building with individuals and people that like, you know, if I did the wrong thing, if I cheated, stole, you know, I'd get, I'd take like, I'd be left again, you know, and I didn't want to do that.
John Milham (Host) · 30:45
You know, so as a, as a father now, you know, like so often we dictate to our kids to, to keep them safe or to make them acceptable or upright, or, you know, to teach them, you know, compliance or, you know, hoping that they, you know, become model citizens. What, um, what do you hope to bring? From all of those tough lessons? What do you hope to bring on to your son?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 31:18
To my son? Well, I guess a freedom of expression, you know what I mean? So if he, if he wants to, see, I don't see nothing wrong really with talking back, you know what I mean? I feel like some, the conversation is a two-way street, you know? So if I say something, you can say something back to me. And I'm happy to have a conversation. Obviously there are times where you have to put the, you know, I'm the dad here, you gotta listen, you know what I mean?
John Milham (Host) · 31:45
But, um, times when, uh, yeah, it's a— it's not a, uh, debate.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 31:49
It's a— yeah, yeah, we can have a— sometimes I'm happy to have a discussion because sometimes I'm— maybe I'm not thinking properly. I mean, not— maybe I'm, uh, jumping to a conclusion, maybe I'm rushing to a consequence or something, but I'm not really thinking. So I like that we can have that conversation, even if he's so little. Um, but I just want to inspire him to be whoever he wants to be. So if he wants to go and explore soccer, let's go explore soccer, you know what I mean? If he wants to do more art and he wants to learn about, you know, drawing, uh, planets because he's really into science and space and all that, let's go explore, um, you know, all that sort of stuff. And I really just want to build onto that because I, like, as I said, being a Jehovah's Witness, I felt like a cage in a bird. I didn't really get to feel like I could explore myself, explore the things that I like doing, um, and it really just restricted me. So I hope to, you know, for him to do that, and I hope to, for him to be, you know, kind, compassionate, understanding, empathetic, um, you know, And just, just a good guy. And I think he's a good kid right now. I could be biased, you know, but I think he's all right. He's doing all well.
John Milham (Host) · 33:06
So I think it's appropriate that you're biased. Yeah. Like our kids need us to be on their side. Yeah. Um, yeah. You have so many positive, um, elements you're talking about, like compassion and, um, empathy, understanding, acceptance, right? Just to, you know, understanding that other people are on their own journey. That's a massive skill. I think so many more of us really need to explore. I'm really touched by that image of you losing your gear down the escalator. Um, and those, and the people just not helping, just let you know. Do you think those people, were they bad people? Like what, what's going on that people don't reach and help. You've been there and yet you're not like that. You would have helped if you'd seen yourself on there. So why are you different?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 34:01
I don't know. I, I, I just, I don't view, you know, the COVID of the book, you know what I mean? You know, there's, there's a whole bunch of other pages in there and, uh, I, I just, I feel that if people got to a place where they could be open to understanding that their stereotypes or their things that were ingrained in them from when they were kids or whatever isn't always the reality of the situation. Sometimes it's simple as, you know, you'll hear maybe a parent say something about a homeless person to their child and, oh, we gotta stay away from them, or they're just drug addicts, or, um, they just really made the wrong decisions. You know, it's all their fault. You know, we forget to look at the systems around us that may have led to this individual dealing with this situation. Or that I think sometimes we take for granted privileges. For example, I mean, I still have my privilege of being connected with my family. You know, there are times that individuals are like completely ostracized from their family and that could be by choice or not. It could be, you know, that there's other things going on. And I think we forget to think about that. We're always constantly looking just at the individual, at just at the face value when there's a whole book just ready to be, you know, spoken to and read.
John Milham (Host) · 35:21
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. Um, uh, you know, I love the saying, you know, when somebody criticizes, you don't know me, right? That, that idea, you know, when they. People make a judgment. They don't know you. So, um, how do you think you chose to study community services? So, um, you know, and work and look at working and just, you know, pick up a job in AOD and support. How do you think your lived experience helps you support others?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 35:58
Well, I think it helps with building trust with individuals. I think if somebody knows that I've experienced what I've experienced, and they don't even have to know the whole details about it, they could just have a better feeling of like, oh, I, you know, this person does see what I see. Um, because there's a certain sense of people, and I think there are amazing people in the industry that are doing a bunch of great stuff that don't have that lived experience of homelessness and whatnot. Um, it's just sometimes it's really hard to be putting yourself in that, uh, you know what I mean? So, yeah, yeah, um, so I can, I can relate to that. So I can build with that with people and build relationships and hope, you know, I can relate with them when I can say that sometimes the systems that we have are shit and they don't always work out well, um, but hope for them to continue to try and engage because I think that's the problem. It's when people disengage and this is when, um, things can become more challenging for them, um, further down the track. And so I, I want to use my experience to keep people engaged with services and to try and ongoingly move forward with themselves. And, but I can totally relate and understand that, you know, sometimes systems don't work the way they do. Sometimes workers may overpromise when they shouldn't, and, you know, they don't get the outcomes you want. Um, but yeah, and I just love talking to people, and if I can help another person out you know, based on a little conversation, or get them to come again to a meeting or something like that. I'm like, yeah, cool. All right. Yeah, let's do it.
John Milham (Host) · 37:30
It's, um, uh, you know, you're, um, it's not an easy, um, path to, to support others who are struggling. So, uh, yeah, what, what do you know you're, you're going to have to do to keep your world on track?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 37:46
Well, really looking after myself. Um, learning. Then I'm always learning every, every year something new about me, and I'm trying to continuously learn more about myself, uh, and, and build upon that. A couple years ago, I got into miniature painting and stuff like that. And I used to be— when I was a kid, I used to be really nerdy. Like, I was nerdy, but I, I was so scared of the pressures of everyone else that I wouldn't explore these things, you know. I said to myself, who cares? I'm doing this. Like, I'm I'm the one doing it. If you don't like me playing with my toy soldiers, you know, go, you know, you know, do your own thing. You know, I'm happy doing it. It makes me cool. I'm still trying to get better at, you know, eating better and working out. And, you know, I still fall for the traps of DoorDash and Afterpay and things like that.
John Milham (Host) · 38:33
But terrible. Fancy that.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 38:37
But, you know, continuously working to continually improve my self-care in that respect and also having time to when I need to. When I need to reach out, when I need to speak, I know when that time comes and then I'll go reach out and speak to whoever I need to, to make sure that I'm stable. Because the reality of the situation is when I, when I'm going into a profession like this, uh, in peer work and stuff, is that yeah, I am building trust with people, um, but people are also going to be sharing, uh, a large amount of things, you know, trauma-related stuff, um, their own personal experiences and all that. That can really come down heavy on me if if I'm not careful. So yeah, I just continuously working on myself to— for that self-care and stuff and build upon that resilience. Or even the fact that, like, I also have a certain— so this is where I think I'm going to be fine as well, because I've experienced it. I know that if I'd— like, there were times I didn't get a house, you know, straight away, or emergency comm or whatever, I was okay. Yeah, I survived, you know what I mean? Um, that was my normal, you know. So I know the people that I'm helping, maybe I, maybe they're still probably going to sleep rough the next night and I know it's going to be cold, you know. But I know that for a fact that this person has dealt with this, they've been doing this. Having one conversation with me is probably not going to change everything, um, you know. And I always hope for the best, but they're, they're build, they have their own resilience and they, they know what they're in, right? So yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 40:11
I really like that. It's a sense of respecting where they are, you know, rather than feeling like, uh, you know, it's a tragedy, you know, in many ways they are the, you know, the triumph. They are demonstrating an incredible power to survive what they've survived. You described so beautifully the you know, as a kid, always being, you know, belittled and criticized. What happens to a child who hears that constantly? Right? That's a huge barrier to them feeling like they can succeed or be worth something and so on. So getting over that, just even, you know, surviving that, finding a way to get through and, and become yourself. It's a pretty impressive effort.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 41:02
Yeah, definitely an ongoing effort. I still struggle with the man in the mirror at times, you know. So I think as we all do, if we're honest, you know. But I keep trying to encourage myself to keep pushing forward, you know, to keep reminding myself, you know, I'm not an idiot. You know, I actually am quite smart when it comes to certain things. Maybe there's some things I could improve on or learn more about. And I don't have to get things perfect. This is a very internal thing, but I'll just call myself an idiot when I make a mistake. You know what I mean? I'm like, whoa, hold up. I just tripped. You know what I mean? It's not the end of the world. You're not a fucking idiot.
John Milham (Host) · 41:43
That self-dialogue is important. What are your hopes? What are you anticipating you'll tell people when you're supporting them closely?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 41:54
Well, most of the time I don't really want to overshare my situation. If anything, it's just to relate that I've dealt with certain systems and certain things and more for them to come to their own conclusion for whatever, you know, and empower them to, to make decisions in their life that better themselves. So, you know, making sure someone's informed with all the decisions that they're able to take, you know, and really supporting them in their own journey and their own choice. You know, there was a time where I just needed someone to sit there and say, you know what? You can do this. Yeah, you know, I'm not gonna— I hate it when someone tried to tell me what to do exactly, you know. Oh, you've got to just do this and you've got to stop doing that and you gotta— no, no, no, just because at the end of the day, we know the best for ourselves whether we choose to admit it or not, you know. And I hope to bring the best out of people and, and, and hope to empower them to, to make the, the best decisions for themselves.
John Milham (Host) · 42:46
Yeah, absolutely. Um, is there a time where you will explain your life in detail to your son?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 42:56
Yeah, for sure. I think, and I'm very, I'm quite transparent, obviously with a bit of a barrier, right? Like I don't go into full details about everything, but my son does know that previously before I had him that I was kind of like, I was homeless and I was moving around. He does know that I do, you know, public speaking and that I go and I try to support people and obviously keeping it at like a, at an appropriate level that's not too much. I think some people try to hide these certain things and aspects, uh, maybe it's because of shame or maybe because they don't want them to repeat the same mistakes or whatever the case may be. I find being transparent is a, is a good way for them to, to— they can learn, you know, from whatever it is. And, um, you can see also how hard I work too. So anyway, but yeah, yeah, but, uh Yeah, it's a joyful story, really. Right.
John Milham (Host) · 43:46
Um, so yeah, why not share that? Um, I'm imagining you've, you're creating a different path that you and your son can travel. What do you hope that looks like? What lessons do you want to conquer? Um, cause I, I can't imagine you want the same experiences, but you still want, you know, you want to share, you know, knowledge and, you know, have your son experience making his own choices and growing in his way. What's different? You've done it one way. What are you hoping?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 44:20
Yeah, obviously we're, there'll be different times for different ages, you know, right now he's still young. So for me, I want him just to experience being young and exploring different things that he likes. As he becomes like a teenager, I hope to, to challenge him in some ways, you know, so that he can build that resilience and build, you know, to push him to do all these different aspects, uh, you know, of life that it can be challenging. But yeah, I, I just want to be right next to him, you know, while we're doing it, in a way, you know, not too close, you know, especially when he gets older. Uh, I guess I don't want to cradle him, but, uh, I want to be alongside him when he's on his journey. So when he needs a, a hand, because we all do, especially when we're young, um, I'll be there. And it's not always like I'm gonna know exactly what to say and when to say it, uh, and I hope that I build this as, as he grows, but this trust that he can come to me and he can tell me how he's feeling and what's going on in order for us to be able to move forward and continue doing what we need to do.
John Milham (Host) · 45:26
Yeah, beautiful. You think anyone can get through the, you know, uh, a life like you've had?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 45:36
Not always. Sometimes I used to think about this actually a lot. Like, I think I was fortunate enough that I was advocating a lot for myself. So when I needed help, I could reach out and I could talk. But I know many individuals that really struggle to say, especially as a man too, to be like, hey, I really need help right now. 'Oh, this is really hurting me right now, and this is really causing a lot of grief and a lot of things.' And I find that, I find that that's a really challenging thing for some people, uh, and men in particularly, you know. So I was very fortunate that I, even though my mom had all the issues that she had, one of the biggest things that I, I learned from her was how to express myself. So, and I was very lucky and fortunate to, to learn that. And that's, I think kind of what's translated in me being able to be like, hey, I need a little bit of help here. Or, you know, I'm, I need, oh, I need to talk and I need to say stuff. Otherwise it's, nothing's gonna happen. So, and that's not a very easy thing for a lot of people. I think that everybody has the, you know, potential to do whatever they're wanting to do, you know what I mean? So, and their journey, so.
John Milham (Host) · 46:50
What scares you?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 46:52
What scares me?
John Milham (Host) · 46:54
Yeah. So, you know, you've been through a lot, right? And, uh, you know, you seem to have accepted that now and you sort of, you know, you've gotta, you know, you've put it in place that it's not sort of picking at you. Obviously there's still work to do to put all the memories away, but, um, what would scare you, you know? Going forward worry about?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 47:19
I guess my big worry would be if I, if something happened to my son, I guess, or if, if that'd probably be the biggest thing of if something happened to him or if, if somehow I lost his care or whatever, whatever the case would be, you know, or having to go back, you know, and, and do, deal with all those struggles again, like to go back into you know, have to go start hostels or emergency accom because something happened with my housing or something like that.
John Milham (Host) · 47:47
Yeah.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 47:47
Um, you know, I, I think that I'm in a good position right now. I think my son's in a good position and, you know, we always hope for the best, but things can always happen, you know, so, but I'm optimistic. I try to be. I think it's, for me, it's like the best thing to do, like, cause you could be like super like negative about everything. You have to look one way or another, you know. So I just try to look at the, at the upside, you know.
John Milham (Host) · 48:15
Um, and going forward, um, you know, you, you, you live in Australia, you have contact with your family, you and your son are, are doing well. Is that, um, what would be a dream?
Luis Montero (Guest) · 48:31
A dream? Yeah, one of my biggest, um, things I like, I'm really passionate about is, is supporting young fathers. And I obviously are the young, um, young homeless and stuff. But if I could do this in like 10 years, it would be to have like some sort of like, uh, organizational support service that's dedicated to supporting young fathers and parents, but a main focus on on fathers because I feel like there's a really lacking in services for fathers. Um, you know, uh, there's always, you know, mums and bubs and, and, and all this sort of stuff. But I mean, there's so many stereotypes that go out there that like, oh, you know, you don't, you don't have to be there. I remember I was at work and because I worked as a chef in my, you know, I was a cook, but you can always come back later, you know, you don't have to be there for him. He can come, you're his dad, he's going to want to come to see you. Or that, you know, that we can't have a maternal instinct at all, you know, that we can't be loving and compassionate and understanding and patient, you know, that we can't build upon these skills and develop like beautiful relationships with our children. So I guess my dream would be to be able to provide support for other young fathers going through these difficult situations, um, navigating like legal systems, child protection, um, substance use, uh, you know, learning about the development of their child, you know. I would love to be able to, to, to create something around that. Um, so yeah, one day maybe, you know. So, but gotta focus on the now right now. So yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 50:17
Well, you know, having a dream's great. Getting lost in it and leaving and, you know, messing up the now is not so good. So it sounds like you've got it right. And speaking of dream, I think it's been a dream conversation. I've enjoyed getting to know you, Lewis, and hearing about your journey. But I'm inspired by the level of acceptance and joy you bring to your, you know, to your your relationship with your son and what you're doing now. It's very, very impressive, my friend. So I wish you all the best in finishing your studies and getting on with supporting people.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 51:00
Thank you. I really appreciate, appreciate being the opportunity to share my story. And I really do hope that it does inspire individuals or hopes people to do what they want to do and move forward, you know. Like I said about that butterfly, you know, sometimes life is terrible, it puts you sideways, but you look outside, the birds are still tweeting, the sun still comes out and says hello, everything's still moving, and you can find something good in it, you know. So gotta try.
John Milham (Host) · 51:34
Outstanding message, man. I couldn't agree more. Thank you, and Kintsugi Heroes thanks you for being Um, with all the best, my friend.
Luis Montero (Guest) · 51:45
All right, thank you.
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