Leonie Mulgrew
Leonie kept working full-time while her husband fought stage 4 cancer. Two years later, she finally let herself grieve.
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In 2021, Leonie's husband Shane was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma. What followed was a 15-hour emergency surgery, seven weeks of daily radiation treatment, and months of recovery at home. Leonie kept working full-time as a beauty therapist while Shane's new business shut down. She managed his medications, bandages, and wound care at night on two to three hours of sleep, then showed up to work the next day. During COVID lockdowns, she sat alone in cars while he had treatment, unable to be beside him. A rude customer one shift, unaware Leonie had just come from the hospital, snapped at her to hurry up. That weight of the invisible carer role, going unrecognised, defined those years.
Leonie had walked through cancer herself years earlier. Shane had been her protector then. Now the roles reversed, and she had to learn to protect him while keeping their household afloat. She developed superstitious rituals born from fear, about how she pegged the washing, and later found counselling to work through her own trauma. Nearly two years after his diagnosis, a caravan trip down to Lake Macquarie broke something open. Sitting by the ocean with Shane, they both let go and grieved together. For the first time, she stopped feeling like his carer and felt like his wife again.
Soon after, Leonie left the beauty salon to manage a Lifeline store on the Sunshine Coast. She found purpose in making people feel welcome and good, in work that felt meaningful. Connection to something outside the caring situation, and people who asked if she was okay without judgment, had kept her cup from running completely empty. She urges other carers to reach out to support groups, to find people and places that don't judge them or their families, and to know that the weight can lift.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses grief & loss, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • Lifeline (24/7 crisis support): 13 11 14 · lifeline.org.au • GriefLine: 1300 845 745 · griefline.org.au
“You're actually running on empty the whole time. You're empty. You don't know how to feel.”
“I didn't need to be the carer anymore.”
“I didn't get to see Shane for about 3 or 4 nights, and it was, it was really hard.”
The hero, today
Leonie didn't have time for self-care while caring for Shane; she was managing his medications, bandages, and nighttime needs on two to three hours of sleep before going to work. Having been through cancer herself, Leonie could tell Shane 'it's okay' in a way no one else could, and Shane said she understood more than a counsellor because she had lived it. Leonie developed superstitious rituals out of fear, about how she pegged the washing, and later got counselling to work through trauma, recognising that her own cancer journey had been triggered by his illness. Connection to something outside the caring situation, and a sense of purpose, is what kept Leonie's cup from running completely empty; she found both at Stories of Hope and later in her work at Lifeline. Leonie didn't identify herself as a carer until the conversation named it explicitly, suggesting that unpaid carers often fall into the role without that language, and without the recognition that comes with it. It took nearly two years, a caravan trip to Lake Macquarie where she and Shane could cry and grieve together, before Leonie felt the weight of the carer role lift from her shoulders.
Yes. Leonie Mulgrew is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Leonie didn't have time for self-care while caring for Shane; she was managing his medications, bandages, and nighttime needs on two to three hours of sleep before going to work.
Having been through cancer herself, Leonie could tell Shane 'it's okay' in a way no one else could, and Shane said she understood more than a counsellor because she had lived it.
Leonie developed superstitious rituals out of fear, about how she pegged the washing, and later got counselling to work through trauma, recognising that her own cancer journey had been triggered by his illness.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 00:00
This limited Kintsugi Heroes podcast series was made possible with grant funding from the Boopa Foundation Australia through their Community Grants Program. If you'd like to find out more about Kintsugi Heroes, head to kintsugiheroes.com.au. Welcome to our Kintsugi Heroes special series, Australian Carers, where we shine a light on the stories of the important Australians who provide voluntary care for someone in need. In this, our final episode of the season, Kerry Atherton had a chat with Leonie Mulgrew, whose husband Shane was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma in 2021. Leonie shares her journey as an unpaid carer, managing the emotional and physical challenges of caring for her husband while navigating work and COVID-19 pandemic restrictions. Now let's get to the conversation.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 01:03
Welcome to another episode of Kintsugi Heroes. I'm Kerry Atherton, and today's guest is Leonie Mulgrew. In 2021, Leonie's husband Shane was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma. Today we're talking about Leonie's journey of caring for her husband. Welcome, Leonie.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 01:22
Thanks, Kerry.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 01:23
So 2021, your husband Shane was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 01:30
He was. He, it, it should have been picked up before this stage. You know, he got like, he knew that there was something wrong. He knew he was sick and he had, uh, a lump behind his ear and he went to the doctors and they sent him for an ultrasound but didn't do a biopsy. 6 months previously, and they should have done a biopsy. But anyway, you can't say should have, did, did whatever. Yeah, things happen. But they didn't do a biopsy, and they came back and said, no, it's just a cyst. As it continued to grow, Shane started feeling much sicker, and he went to the doctors and said, look, I want this out. And they said, no, it's grown too big now, we're gonna I'll have to put you on the waiting list to go to school. Um, it could be 6 months for you to get in to see someone to have it removed. 'Cause they were thinking it's still a cyst. Yeah. So he knew something was wrong, so he made his own appointment with a, a private doctor. And then this doctor said, no, this is not a cyst. And he referred him to a, a lovely man who's at the ENT, um, specialist. At the specialist center across from school, and that's David Hogan. And that's when David Hogan said, we have to do a PET scan. And when they found it, it was very quick and they had a very small window to do it in. Actually, the day after Shane was operated on, I had to give our daughter away, Kirsten, who got married. Oh. So Shane couldn't be there to give his daughter away cuz he was intensive care. Oh, but they said he had a very, very small window and the operation was actually 15 hours with a team of amazing people. They had, uh, I think the doctor said they had 3 sets of scrubs. They had David Hogan, who is the doctor that is the ENT guy that, um, found the cancer. So Shane had a massive, massive operation where they skin graft. He had skin skin graft doctors there where they took part of his leg and put it up onto his neck. They took his ear off. He was, um, he still has— Shane suffers with keloid scarring, so he's got a scar from like here to here where they took 16 lymph nodes out, which all, all had cancer in them.
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Connection to something outside the caring situation, and a sense of purpose, is what kept Leonie's cup from running completely empty; she found both at Stories of Hope and later in her work at Lifeline.
This conversation includes shane's diagnosis arrives, the 15-hour operation, leonie keeps working while shane shuts his business down, the customer who didn't know what she was carrying, seven weeks of radiation, alone in the car and two to three hours of sleep, then work.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 03:57
Wow, 16?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 03:59
Yes.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 04:00
What a terrifying journey. And I remember when he was first diagnosed and sitting with you and you were sharing what, what was going on and the unknown of the journey ahead?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 04:15
I think we had a lot of mixed emotions. I think we were really cranky at first. Yeah, we were cranky that nobody bothered doing a biopsy 6 months earlier because, you know, even David said that, like Dr. Hogan said, it wouldn't have traveled that far that it did if Shane would've had a biopsy earlier and they probably would've been able to get it, but it had, it had really traveled. It had really traveled.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 04:43
So at the time, Leonie, how long had you been married at that stage?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 04:47
We had been married nearly 36 years. Wow.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 04:51
And I know Shane is the love of your life.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 04:55
Oh, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 04:59
And so at the time, I know that you were working as a beauty therapist at Maya.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 05:06
Yes.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 05:07
And what changed then as a result of Shane's journey for you?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 05:11
I still had to work because we still needed an income. Shane had to just literally shut his, his business down, not knowing whether he could go back to it or not. He'd only just started his business probably 2 years previous, so As we all know, a business can take, you know, 5 or 6 years even just to get off the ground, you know, and he was only just starting to build his clientele, so he had to shut that down. So for us to keep going, I had, I had to work. I still had to work as a therapist, as a, as a beauty, beauty therapist and everything. I did work for a company that was really good on, on backing me. As in, they were very supportive of my journey with Shane, and I had enough sick days up and care days up to actually, uh, go to quite a few appointments with Shane, which was great. But it was really hard managing, keeping my face at work, keeping my, you know, I had the faith, but it was keeping my face at work. We were wearing masks. Um, and some days I was really glad we were because some days I would just stand there and I'd find I'd break into, to tears, especially with people that were like, you know, COVID was a thing that, um, none of us knew about. We didn't know, you know, I remember one time I was at work and I was really looking forward to seeing Shane this night. He was up in hospital and he'd just got out of ICU and I was so excited that I was gonna see my husband to give him a hug and lay beside him in bed and everything in the hospital. And, um, I didn't get to. I got the phone call. I rang the hospital to see how things were going and everything, and they said, we're really sorry, um, we've shut the wards down so nobody's allowed to come in. So I didn't get to see Shane for about 3 or 4 nights, and it was, it was really hard. Yes, we talked on the phone. But it's not like getting a hug or letting him know that it's okay and I'm there. And it's not like that, you know? It's, yeah, when you're going through so much, you need your, your partner, your wife, your husband, whoever you need them there with you. And I remember just breaking down at work and I remember this customer, she was quite rude to me. She asked me if I was gonna get over there and serve her. Oh, wow. And she wasn't wearing a mask and she I have nothing against anybody not wearing masks, don't get me wrong, but at the time we, we didn't know enough about this disease. I remember thinking to myself, do you not realize that I have somebody that's in hospital that's really sick and that is going through an awful lot? And I thought to myself, wow, this is really, really hard. Yeah. Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 08:03
We never know, do we, what someone else is going through?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 08:06
No, we don't. We don't. And it, it doesn't matter whether it's the girl or the man behind the counter serving you or the customer on the other side. We've gotta learn not, not to judge because you don't, you don't know what they're going through. You don't know their journey and you don't know if they're a bit upset or they might be a bit short or a bit cranky. Um, where I work now, I just say to my team members, I've got 24 team members and you're at Lifeline, aren't you? I am, I am. I'm the Lifeline Pacific Paradise store manager. Yeah. Yes. And as I say to them, please don't ever, um, you know, like you don't need to cop rudeness, which they don't, but at the same time, just be aware that, you know, if somebody's having a bad day, don't, don't take it personally. Just, you know, get them in, get them out as quickly as you can. Yeah. And you can even ask, are you okay? You know, and that's all people, you know, I had one amazing friend at work that Did you used to ask me, and that was Michelle. Oh, right.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 09:11
Yeah.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 09:11
My buddy. And she'd always come over and she'd say, are you okay?
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 09:15
That makes a massive difference, doesn't it? When you feel alone in the journey.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 09:20
Yeah. Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 09:21
Have someone caring beside you.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 09:23
Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 09:25
Do you think that people sometimes might not identify as carers when they're in your situation and they're having to work and they have a loved one sick, that it's almost like you kind of, you're not recognised as an individual with your own needs and it's like you've fallen into an accidental carer role.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 09:47
Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 09:49
More, more about that and what your thoughts on that.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 09:52
Yeah. So when, um, when, you know, uh, I was really lucky that because Shane, um, is, uh, he, he helped. He— we did get a little bit of help from DVA because Shane was ex-Air Force. So we got a little bit of help for them, from them, from their counselors, for me and for Shane. And from them in organizing the days that I couldn't take Shane, they organized a taxi to pick him up from home to go for treatment. 'Cause Shane went through 7 weeks of radiation treatment at 5 days a week. And it was huge. It was huge. And it was really sad watching him go through this. On the days that were my days off from work, I took him and sat and waited on the days that I could, because also, again, due to COVID, sometimes I had to sit out in the car and wait for him while he was having his treatment. I couldn't be inside with him waiting in the waiting room.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 10:52
That's a whole nother dimension, isn't it? A loved one that was really sick, but then in the middle of COVID as well. And not knowing what was gonna be thrown at you next. And like you said, will I be able to turn up at the hospital and see them? Uh, is treatment gonna be shut down? Like, what got you through, Leonie, the, those difficult times?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 11:14
I think my 3 amazing children, um, who are, as you know, all adults now and they're You know, Kirsten and her wife Zoe, Tiana and her husband Phil, and of course our beautiful son Trent. Every one of them was there that I could just pick up the phone and have a cry. Or if I, you know, I didn't cry in front of Shane a lot because Shane didn't need to see that. He didn't need— I didn't want him— like, there was a few times he said to me, oh, I'm really sorry that you know, that you have to do this, or I'm really sorry you have to do that. And I was like, you know, don't, don't be sorry. Please don't be sorry. Like, you know, husband and wife and, you know, I'm not gonna walk away. And, you know, there were some nights that I probably got 2.5, 3 hours sleep and then had to go to work.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 12:09
Shane had a bad night and then you still had to get up and go to work the next day.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 12:14
Oh, absolutely. Yep, absolutely. You gotta put your cap on and walk into work and pretend that everything's okay. Hardest thing to do. Hardest thing to do. Um, and just the whole time thinking, you know, and big believer in God, big believer in the faith. And if it wasn't for him, I don't think we would've made it through this journey. You know, the hardest thing for me was when Shane's youngest sister was going through melanoma at the same time. And we lost her during this time. We lost her. Shane didn't get to say goodbye to his sister. No, um, he, he couldn't go down and he couldn't risk getting infection or anything. He already had an infection and his, his leg opened up and he had to have a MediVac for 2 months on it, which is a suction thing. We had the hospital girls coming out and dressing it because I couldn't look at an open wound, and it was very open. Um, and they can't just go in and restitch it. And this was where they had cut, taken the skin from his leg and put on up onto his neck. So he had his ear taken off, he had that sewn back on, and he even says today sometimes his, his ear sort of sticks out a bit on that side. And he says, oh, look at my ear and I'm like, I don't care about your ear. I don't care about anything. You're here. So yeah, it's been a massive journey and like, you know, until you, I think until you have to do it as a carer and you are a carer, there's no other word for it. You are a carer as well. You know, there's no way in the world besides family that we could have got outside help besides like, you know, Vet Affairs organising some travel for Shane backwards and forwards to the hospital. Because in those days as well, you couldn't have any more than like 5 or 6 people in your home.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 14:12
Oh. If now, if it wasn't COVID, would have you been able to access more help?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 14:17
Yes. Okay.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 14:19
What, what help would have you been able to access had it not been COVID?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 14:23
I probably would have been able to access a bit more help through Vet Affairs. To, um, come out and keep an eye on Shane during the day and that, cuz Shane thinks he's invincible, of course, like a lot of people. And I'm not gonna say like every male, but, but I'd like to say that he is a very big tough guy, isn't he?
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 14:43
And I, I know that you have been through your own cancer journey.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 14:48
Yes.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 14:49
He was the real protector and had to look after you.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 14:52
Yes.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 14:52
And now the roles are just totally reversed and, and, and that's probably a very difficult shift to get your head around.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 15:01
And yes, it, it was hard. Like it was hard look, looking at him, whether he was gonna be okay.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 15:09
Yeah.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 15:10
Because we didn't get the all clear for quite some time and he's still underneath Scoo with the doctors and he will be for at least another 5 or 6 ears. Okay. Um, and they, you know, I remember when we went into David Hogan the first time after his operation, and, you know, Shane was sitting there and he had tears in his eyes, and he said to David, he said, oh, doctor, I want to thank you for saving my life. And the doctor said, Shane, I don't say this to many people, he said, but I did save your life.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 15:44
Oh, wow.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 15:45
Yeah. And he said, I don't say that to many people.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 15:48
Wow.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 15:49
And when he said to us that Shane had a very small window for this operation, and I remember seeing doctor, I think on the Monday or the Tuesday, and he said, Shane, we've got a very small window. We're booking the operation for Friday. And Shane said, oh, my daughter's getting married on Saturday. Can't we make it the following week? And he said, Shane, you won't be here if we make it the following week.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 16:14
No way. Really?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 16:15
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It had already traveled from up here down to here. And he said that when it gets past here, it's very hard to, to contain.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 16:26
How, how wonderful that you had such a caring doctor.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 16:30
Oh, he was beautiful. I remember him ringing me that night. I was so on edge and I, I remember taking Shane to the hospital and, and I did get to see him. Go in. I think it was about 10 to 9 that night, and I got a phone call. David said to me, "Leonie, I've just come out. The plastic surgeons are in with him now. It was deeper than what we thought it was, and it was more far advanced than what we thought it was." He said, "But I'm hoping, I think that we've got it." He said, "Now it'll be up to the radiation doctor to do his bit after Shane's healed." So we had to wait for Shane to heal because all that area then had to be done with radiation treatment.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 17:13
Leonie, through this time, I know you didn't have a lot of time.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 17:19
No.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 17:19
For yourself. Like, you were working round the clock, basically.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 17:24
Yes.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 17:24
What, what did you do other, other than having this amazing support of your fam— family and your faith? What did you do at those times where you just needed a bit of self-care? Did or didn't you get any time to do—
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 17:37
There was no time for self-care. No, no. Shane needed— when he got to about, I think it was about the 5th week, and I remember myself going through this as well because, as you know, my journey was all around my neck as well, and radiation does burn. And I remember, I think for me it was about my 4th or 5th week as well, that you've got to put this gel on that they give you from the hospital, and then you've gotta do all these wrappings around the neck because the skin is just red raw. It's just burnt and it's burnt from the inside out. So I had to make sure that Shane was having his pain medication. I had to make sure that Shane was eating. I had to make sure that I was putting his gel on and that I was being the nurse at home with the bandages. I had to make sure that if he woke up during the night, if I could help. If he— like, he spent, I think he spent about 4 and a half months sleeping in his recliner chair because you can't lay down because of the airways and everything. And even now, he actually has a bed now that sits up, so he sleeps sitting up. And some nights he still struggles, so he might wake up and have to go to his favourite lounge and sit on that, and he might get an hour or 2 hours sleep in that and then come back to bed again. But he has to have an elevated bed. The airways are not open. They're restricted for him to breathe. Yeah, and it's just all from the treatment, like, they had to go through. He's got a lot of nerve damage. So he's on medication for nerve damage. I think they've got him on— he's on medication, but he's also on that special oil, like the oil that they make, the medicinal oil. CBD oil? Yes. Oh, got it. Yeah. So he's on that morning and night. Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 19:41
So at what point did you feel like— because I've been interviewing a few carers now and they talk about Just having to keep going.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 19:51
Yes.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 19:51
Like that when you go through trauma and triggers. And I'm sure that this journey was probably also a massive trigger for you after going through your own cancer journey.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 20:01
It, it's funny, it was, but it wa— it wasn't because it wasn't about me this time. Mm-hmm. It was about him. Yeah. And it was about him making it through. Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 20:11
Right.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 20:12
Yeah. Um, I felt like, and even Shane said he felt it was great not great that I'd been through my cancer journey, but great that, that I had experienced some of the things that Shane was experiencing because I was able to say to him, it's okay. Yeah, I was able to say it's okay. Or, you know, the— it, it plays big mind games with your head when you're going through this journey as well. It's massive mind games. I remember Even not taking away from Shane, but I even remember myself, um, hanging the washing on the line and those days, and I could show you what pegs I have now. I don't have colored pegs anymore. I have stainless steel pegs or aluminum pegs because I used to say to myself, if you don't put two red pegs on that sheet or two red pegs on that towel, it's going to come back. Right.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 21:09
So you developed some rituals through the fear.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 21:12
Oh, absolutely. I had some real phobias and some real, that was just, and you know, that was just stupid to say that, you know, but I ended up getting counseling. But Shane, I did say to Shane that, you know, he needed to have some counseling because he was struggling big time. And then, uh, he did go and talk with someone. But then he came back to me and he said, oh, I'd rather talk to you. Oh. And he said, you seem to understand more. Yeah. And I think that, you know, it was bad that I had my journey, but it was good because I, I really did understand a lot more.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 21:51
That's right. And, um, and you've been part of our Stories of Hope journey too, which is, um, and shared your story. And yes, that's the thing, isn't it? There's nobody greater to give hope to the person that's still on the journey than the person that's come out the other side. You could offer Shane was tangible hope each day to keep going.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 22:11
Yes, absolutely. Like, don't give up on me. And I, I told him, I said, you know, you're not getting outta marriage that easy.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 22:17
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 22:20
You know, so yeah, no, he really is the miracle man, isn't he? He is like not many people. You know, lived through stage 4 and it's still here. Um, and he is, he's amazing. Like, yes, he's got a lot of issues that medical-wise that he has to deal with after this, but he's here and they saved his life. Yeah. We have so much to be thankful for. Both of us are grateful every day and every night before we go to sleep, we thank and we also I always, I also think of what am I grateful for today? What's something I can be grateful for today? You know what I mean? Like, and it can be just, yeah. Yeah. And it can be just one simple thing.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 23:06
Yes. And it releases, when we do a gratitude list, it releases endorphins into our bodies, which make us feel good.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 23:13
Yeah. Yeah. But I, you know, I feel for all the, the carers out there because it really is hard. Especially when it's a loved one, because I think it's even— I found it harder because for me, when I was going through mine, it was just to survive every day, going to myself, "Yep, you're going to make it. You're going to be fine. You can do this. You got this. You got this." Then I remember when I finished, and Shane said the same thing when he finished treatment, he looked back and went, Oh, did that just happen? Did I just go through that? Did that just happen? For us, it prob— with Shane, it probably consumed 6 months of my working life. And then, and, but it still continues. Like, I still, you know, if he, I, I could tell you, Kerry, like every second or third night he'll wake up and I'm still rolling over going, Shane, are you okay? And he says, yeah, I'm fine. You go back to sleep. Or, you know, yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 24:15
Has there been the point yet where you felt like moving? Like, so going on from what I was talking about before about being in that maintenance mode and having to keep going and not being in a secure enough space to actually stop and grieve what's just happened. Have you actually come to that point yet where you feel like you've been able to let the trauma go and go, oh, okay, now I can kind of start to process things?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 24:43
Yes. Yes, I have.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 24:44
When did, when did that happen for you, Leonie?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 24:46
Probably about, probably this time last year when Shane and I got, um, when Shane was sick and going through treatment, we bought a caravan. All right. Like everybody does. And, um, then we, we went away on a few trips with that caravan. It was too big for like, even though I towed it because Shane couldn't turn his neck. So you had to drive? Oh yeah, I towed the van. It was an 18-foot Jayco Starcraft or something. Anyway, we took that away a few times. First time was up to Rainbow, and that was really good for Shane because he got to just sit there and look at the ocean, and he was away from everything. He didn't have to worry. Um, so we did that, and then I decided that was too big and it was too, too big for our yard. We'd argue every time we went to get it in. So then we decided that we would buy a 13-foot hybrid that pops out to a 16-foot and it's off-road and it's, it's much better for us. So we did that. And then this time last year it would be, we were actually on a road trip and we went down to Lake Macquarie and this is probably the first time that either of us just let go of everything. Um, we had a lot of tears, we had a lot of healing, and we sat and watched the ocean. It was freezing, but it was the best time to go down there because nobody's there. They're all up here.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 26:10
We used to live at Lake Macquarie, so—
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 26:12
Oh, did you?
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 26:13
It is in Newcastle.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 26:15
Yes. Just beautiful.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 26:16
Yeah, it's a lovely place, isn't it?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 26:17
Yeah, just beautiful. We have friends down there, so we went down to see our friends, but on the way we stopped at a few magic places. So we did Crescent Head, which was lovely, and the Waves National Park, which was really quiet. We did Trial Bay National Park where the whales were going through and the kangaroos were on the beach. Um, we really, really enjoyed that and we just really enjoyed being at places that we had never been with our little caravan. And we really enjoyed, I think, getting in touch with each other again. You know, the, just, just being able to hug and being, being able to say, you know, I, I felt that I didn't need to be the carer anymore. Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 26:59
Gee, that must have felt like a load lifted off your shoulders.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 27:03
Absolutely. Yeah. But you know, that took 2 years, I guess. Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 27:09
So you, you've been led into a new work role, haven't you? You've left.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 27:15
I have.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 27:15
I have. After all these years.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 27:18
I know, and I, I left 6 months before I was due to go on long service leave as well.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 27:23
And so what, and so what was it that led you into wanting to work for Lifeline and leaving the other organisation?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 27:30
I had worked for Lifeline when my son Trent, who's 34 now, he was only 2 in Brisbane many years ago when I was having a break from hairdressing and beauty. And I worked for 3 years, um, managing the Chermside Lifeline store. And this is before it was owned by UnitingCare. It was just Lifeline on their own, whereas now they're owned by UnitingCare. And really enjoyed it. Really loved the team I had, the team of volunteers. And, um, I don't know, this, the job came up. I saw it on Seek. Um, I was actively looking. I felt that where I was working, that that just didn't suit me anymore. And I didn't find that— I didn't find I got— I, like, I got support from them, yes, with having time off when Shane— but, you know, I, I had earned all those days as well. I had days clocked up. I took my holidays as well and used them, you know, because you can only have so many carer's days. Um, so I used my— How many carer's days can you have? I'm not 100% sure. I don't think there's that many. And I think they put down carer's days as your sick days now. Oh, I'm pretty sure that's how it goes. I'm pretty sure that's what happened. But I think what did it for me was during COVID where I worked, like, yeah, I don't like to say the company because, you know, they're a great company to work for. Yeah. I enjoyed it, but I felt that they should have employed security guards instead of me having to say to someone, is there a reason you're not wearing a mask? And if you don't have one, I'm happy to give you one of ours. No, I shouldn't have been saying that. I got spat at, I got sworn at, I got told to stick the lipstick where it doesn't fit. Oh, um, it was really, really bad. We copped probably 6, 7 months of this.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 29:29
And then the last thing that you should have been going through when you were going through so much else.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 29:34
Absolutely. And when the, you know, there was one day that, um, there was a customer and she was just so damn rude. I, I remember turning around and I would never treat a customer like this. I've been in customer service all my life and I love looking after and spoiling people. So, um, I'm very respectful of people, so I would never say this, but I did. And I just sort of said to her that I don't get paid enough to cop your, your crap. And I said to her, let me get a manager for you. And I walked off and I left her.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 30:07
Yeah.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 30:08
And then I went in the beauty room and cried. Oh. And, and then I got reprimanded and I got given a written warning for that. Oh, wow. So that's what made me leave.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 30:20
And so now you're caring for people and I love that so much.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 30:27
And I got told—
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 30:28
person.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 30:29
Yeah, thank you, honey. But I got told that, um, that if the circumstances weren't with Shane the way they were, that I wouldn't have had a job, that I would have been, um, it would have been a, a code of conduct right there on the spot, gone. So instead they gave me a written warning, and I thought, wow. And that was for me why I decided that I probably didn't fit fit that mold anymore for what they were looking for. Yeah. And yeah, and I thought to myself, you know what, what, what's— what do I want? What do I want out of— I've only got a few years left of working. What do I want? And I thought, I want to be happy. I want to be somewhere where I can make people smile. I want to be— I want to have quality of life that I don't have to work weekends anymore and not Thursday nights or public holidays or I did all that. I did all that for years and years and years, and I thought, you know what, it's up to me. And when the, the job came along at Lifeline, it was really funny when I went for the interview. My lovely boss, uh, Roy, who's in charge of the Sunshine Coast, he's really funny. But I met Roy many years ago when he first joined Lifeline in Brisbane, and I remember going into the office and I said to him, oh, you probably remember me when I was a size 8. Or something. And he said, oh yeah, and you'd probably remember me when I had hair, because he's bald. So, so it was, it was, it was meant to be. Yeah. And, um, and I'm, I'm really loving what I do. And, you know, Shane's amazing. Some days if somebody's sick or whatever and I can't get out to do things, Shane will come down and help me. He'll come down and help lock up, or he'll vacuum, or He'll do something to help. Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 32:22
And it sounds like more than a job. It sounds like a purpose also, which is so—
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 32:26
Oh, absolutely. Yeah. We're making people, you know, we're helping people, we're making people feel good, you know, hopefully we're helping them to, um, you know, live within what budget they've got. Um, and we're also not forgetting what we're we're there for. Um, we're there for the crisis center. We, you know, we've got the crisis center at Maroochydore, which is 24/7. We have 150 volunteers.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 32:56
Wow.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 32:57
At the Sunshine Coast. Wow. Um, and they work 4-hour shifts at different times. Uh, and as I said, 24/7. And, um, you know, when I, I actually visited the crisis center last week, and it was really great because I've never been there, and they invited some of the store managers up to have a look at what goes on. And, um, you know, one of the statistics that we asked about and was quite scary was, uh, they take— last year, last financial year, uh, they took 23,000 calls here on the Sunshine Coast. Oh my goodness, 23,000.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 33:35
Wow.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 33:36
Okay, fair enough. Not all of them were suicide. You've got very lonely people out there needed to talk.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 33:43
Um, that's a lot of calls, isn't it?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 33:46
Yeah, but you know, you, we would probably say 65% of those calls were suicide. So knowing that I'm in the shop and I'm making it look good and I'm, you know, um, the shop smells great, it, it, I merchandise it beautifully. Um, you can walk in and know what you're looking for and I can help you and so can my team. You know, they say your vibe, your tribe. When I first went to that store, there was only about 7 volunteers, and as I said, I have 24 or 25 volunteers.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 34:16
Oh, that's so great.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 34:18
So I have some wonderful energy and I've got some wonderful people working with me, and they all come from all different walks of life. I have nurses, I have ex-Woolworths managers. It's amazing. It's just amazing. Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 34:33
Leonie, when you were going through the middle of caring for Shane and, and, and we said before you didn't have a lot of time. But were there any external groups that you reached out to or were part of that helped you as a carer in any way?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 34:50
I'd have to say Stories of Hope.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 34:52
Oh, really?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 34:53
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'd have to say Stories of Hope because makes my heart happy. Oh, cuz you guys, when you knew what I was going through. Yeah. And I didn't come along all the time, but when I did come along, I got lots of hugs and I got, how's Shane? And and at different times I might text you and say, look, I can't make it this month or whatever. Or it was always, how's Shane, you know? And if you need anything, reach out. And you always said reach out. So I didn't always reach out. I was trying to be courageous. But it was good for me on the times where I did go along to a Stories of Hope because I got to hear other people's stories and realize that what I was doing and everything wasn't, wasn't half as what these other people had been going through or just gone through. So, right.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 35:42
So it, it caused you to come away with a sense of gratitude. Is that what you're saying?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 35:46
Absolutely. Yeah. You, it was like you go home and you still have this wonderful person at home. He's alive. He's gonna be okay. Yeah. Um, you talk to other people, you, you, you know, I remember being at a story one night where a girl had lost, I think it was her, her sister and her mum. And it was, it was really, really sad. And I thought, oh my God, she's lost so many people that, that were so close to her and so dear to her. And then I remember going another time and I think it, it was quite confronting, one, one of the stories. But at the same time, I walked away feeling, I won't mention the story, but it was quite confronting. Yeah. And I walked away feeling extremely grateful. And, you know, even though I don't know a lot of the newbies at Stories of Hope, I still recognize a lot of the faces that have been there the same time as me. And, uh, it's really nice, you know, you go along and you feel welcomed and get a hug. I see Stuart sometimes and he's, he's a real inspiration. I watch Luke Bourne's story. On his Instagram and Facebook page all the time, and his lovely wife. And like, you know, what an inspiration those people are. So I guess I got my inspiration to keep going and to be thankful. Yeah. From all the people I met from Stories of Hope and from my beautiful friend Michelle, and also my beautiful friend Vivian, who Vivienne and Barry. Vivienne's been, yeah, one of my friends for 45, 46 years. Yeah. It was one of my bridesmaids when I got married and, oh wow. Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 37:30
And it said, so what if, what, what I'm hearing is for somebody that is in a carer role, connection to something outside the current situation that you're in is just really vitally important, as is having a purpose.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 37:45
Yes, because you, you're actually running on, you're running on empty the whole time. Yeah, running on empty. You're empty. You, you, you, you don't know how to feel. You don't know how to, um, comprehend what's happening.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 38:00
So you need something outside to come and fill you up.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 38:03
Yes, you do. Your cup needs to still, still needs to be half full. Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 38:07
Leonie, as we finish up now, I was just wondering What message would you love to give to any carer out there that's going through a similar journey to what you've been through?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 38:20
Okay, I'd, I'd say don't be afraid to reach out to a support group that they feel comfortable with. If they don't know Stories of Hope, they're going to. I hope they will. Yeah. Um, because I think Stories of Hope is a group that is, it's a non, it's non-judgmental. It's non— and this is where we need to feel comfortable. As you know, I have, you know, I have two, two gay children, um, that are, are very happy and very adjusted in life. We, we need to feel that, you know, our families can come along with us to support us at these groups. And that's— Stories of Hope was one of the very few groups that I found that was— has never ever judged never judged me or my family, never. So I think that that is so important. Yeah. That if, if they're gonna reach out, definitely reach out. There's, there's people in Stories of Hope, there's groups, there's ladies that have time to catch up and have a coffee with you, even if it's just a, a chat. I'm sure, you know, I know you've got a few groups going on within your groups now, and I think that you would be able to direct them in the right place to, or, or the right person. 'Cause you are, you're like me, we know who fits with who.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 39:41
Yeah.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 39:42
And we know what personalities to put with what personalities, who would be best to help that person. It's like when I, um, interview volunteers for, for, to come and work with us. I definitely make sure that I've got the right volunteers working on the right days with other volunteers so we don't have overpowering working with gentle, soft, or, you know.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 40:08
Yeah.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 40:09
Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 40:10
And, and this, and this is Kintsugi Heroes here tonight then, and another podcast where people can hear amazing stories and the stories of so many more carers as well.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 40:25
Awesome.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 40:26
Well, thank you, Leonie. It's been just such a delight to talk to you, and it always is.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 40:32
Oh, thanks, Kerry, and you.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 40:34
And you're such a caring person, and I know that Shane just had the most amazing carer and has the most amazing carer, but you're not in the carer's role now, so—
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 40:45
No, just a little bit sometimes. Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 40:48
Yeah.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 40:48
Yeah.
Leonie Mulgrew (Guest) · 40:49
Um, and we Wishing him all the best in the journey ahead, and you too.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 40:53
Thank you so much, Kerry. Thank you, Leonie. Okay, bye, honey. Thank you for listening to this episode of Australian Carers, a Kintsugi Heroes special series. Thank you to Colin Lilly for permission to use Broken as our theme music for this series. If you enjoyed this conversation, conversation, share the podcast with a friend, and let us know by leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If you'd like to support Kintsugi Heroes and the stories we share, head to kintsugiheroes.com.au and follow the instructions to make a tax-deductible donation. Thank you for listening, and we'll see you next time.
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