Margaret-Anne Hayes
A woman shaped by childhood fear chose a lifetime of caring for strangers, then channelled her son's death into saving other mothers' sons.
Hear this story
Margaret-Anne Hayes woke at dawn in 1994 with an overwhelming sense that she needed to start a drought appeal scheme. She had no credentials, no experience in fundraising, and no social media to work with. She typed two pages of practical questions on an electric typewriter, printed them, and walked door to door on Kokoda Avenue. What started as one woman's response to a whisper became something larger: over 18 months, she coordinated the delivery of $100,000 worth of goods across New South Wales to people who had lost access to clean water and basic necessities.
But Margaret-Anne's life of reaching out for others did not begin in 1994. It began in childhood, in a home marked by her father's unprocessed trauma and her own fear. She learned early to imagine what hardship must feel like for people she did not know, and to act on that imagining. She has spent decades making phone calls, dropping off cakes, sending texts, and showing up. When her son Aaron died of cancer at 42, she could not save him. But she channelled that loss into raising $250,000 in seed funding for cancer research through CanTwo. That money triggered $33 million in total funding. She measures her life's worth by the mothers who still have their sons because of her work.
Now at 84, caring for her husband Wayne as his dementia progresses, Margaret-Anne still reaches out. She still believes that kindness does not require grand gestures: a phone call, a text, telling someone their hair looks nice. She still wakes each morning asking how she can bring a bit of joy into the world. That question, born from childhood fear and shaped by a lifetime of paying attention to others, is the closest thing she has found to an answer.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses grief & loss, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • Lifeline (24/7 crisis support): 13 11 14 · lifeline.org.au • GriefLine: 1300 845 745 · griefline.org.au
“I couldn't save Aaron, but I know what I see this woman, she's my age now. And she's got a 62-year-old son. And she's got grandchildren and he's married and she's so happy. And I did that for her. I saved her son.”
“If I pass anybody anywhere, and they look pretty or their hair's nice or their nails are nice or they've got lovely shoes on or whatever, I say to them, gosh, you look gorgeous today. And people just, they just love it.”
“I'm most proud of saving another mother from losing her son from a physical cancer. Whereas I lost my son to a cancer of the soul, a cancer of the heart. Grief.”
The hero, today
Margaret-Anne woke one morning with an overwhelming sense that she needed to start a drought appeal scheme, and she acted on that instinct without waiting for certainty or credentials. She has spent her life noticing when people are struggling and reaching out with a phone call, a text, a cake, or a hand because she cannot bear to imagine what hardship must feel like. Losing her son Aaron to cancer led her to raise $250,000 in seed funding that eventually triggered $33 million in cancer research through CanTwo, and she measures her life's worth by the mothers who still have their sons because of that work. She carries guilt about not being able to save her own son, but she has learned from reading and from lived experience that the task each day is to ask yourself how you can bring a bit of joy into the world and be kind. Kindness does not require grand gestures: it can be a touch of a hand, a phone call, a text, or even just telling someone their hair looks nice, and people remember these small things when they are struggling.
Yes. Margaret-Anne Hayes is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Margaret-Anne woke one morning with an overwhelming sense that she needed to start a drought appeal scheme, and she acted on that instinct without waiting for certainty or credentials.
She has spent her life noticing when people are struggling and reaching out with a phone call, a text, a cake, or a hand because she cannot bear to imagine what hardship must feel like.
Losing her son Aaron to cancer led her to raise $250,000 in seed funding that eventually triggered $33 million in cancer research through CanTwo, and she measures her life's worth by the mothers who still have their sons because of that work.
John Milham (Host) · 00:00
This limited Kintsugi Heroes podcast series was made possible through grant funding provided by the New South Wales Department of Communities and Justice Connecting Seniors Grant Program. If you'd like to find out more about Kintsugi Heroes, head to kintsugiheroes.com.au. Welcome to our Kintsugi Heroes special series, Connecting Seniors, where we share the experiences of aging Australians to create connections across our communities. In this episode, John Milham had a chat with Margaret Ann Hayes, a beacon of resilience and compassion, and known for her deep empathy, relentless community service, and her remarkable fundraising efforts for cancer research and disaster relief. Now let's get to the conversation. So ladies and gentlemen, uh, welcome to Katoogee Heroes again, uh, Stories that Matter. And this is another episode in the Connecting Seniors series. It's been quite a journey to get here, but it's enormously privileged to today to speak to Margaret Anne Hayes.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 01:13
Thank you.
John Milham (Host) · 01:13
Thank you for joining us on Katsugi Heroes. Margaret Anne, would you mind giving us a bit of background about where you started and how you began this journey?
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 01:24
In 1994, there was a vast drought everywhere. Well, I used to wake up for some reason at 18 minutes past 5 of the morning and I used to walk or sort of jog around the street. So I would've been about 54. And we lived in a street called Kokoda Avenue, which had, and we were sort of at the bottom of like a hill. Yeah. So when you started off, you started off, you know, going up the hill. So obviously when you came back, you were a bit faster. And I don't have any psychic powers whatsoever. But I was coming down the hill back home and in my head I heard the words, you, you need to start a drought appeal scheme. Which I thought was a bit weird. But anyway, this was before, well, before I was in computers. I had an electric typewriter and before mobile phones. And so I thought, right, so I called it, um, Women of the North Shore.
More stories
This site is part of Kintsugi Heroes. Visit the main site for the full podcast. If any of these stories hit close to home, support is out there, you don't have to sit with it alone.
Read how we handle these stories ↗
Kintsugi Heroes · Registered Australian not-for-profit · kintsugiheroes.com.au ↗
She carries guilt about not being able to save her own son, but she has learned from reading and from lived experience that the task each day is to ask yourself how you can bring a bit of joy into the world and be kind.
This conversation includes a voice at dawn, women of the north shore, never frightened to ring anybody, what it must be like, the earliest memory and wayne in the aged care home.
John Milham (Host) · 02:34
Mm-hmm.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 02:35
To Women of the Northwest, but it was just me basically.
John Milham (Host) · 02:39
Yeah.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 02:40
And I typed out, have you had a cup of tea today? Have you had a hot shower? Mm-hmm. Um, and similar things like that. I did 2 pages, then I printed it on our little printer and then I started handing it around the streets in Kokoda Avenue, and it just must have been like a seed dropped in warm soil because it just took off. And over the next 18 months, all these wonderful donations came and people came from to help me pack up. It got onto local radio and in the papers. And, um, I would've been the 50, the fittest 54-year-old in Australia, I think. Because, you know, carrying all these boxes of the most unbelievable stuff. And then I thought to myself, well, I need somebody to, to take it around the areas. And I mean, I was completely amateur. I'd never done anything like this before. And I put the word out and a couple came with a truck. And so we gradually took stuff all over New South Wales. We went to all these far from places. And what was really interesting was I didn't know then what I know now. What I should have done was sent all the stuff to various areas so that it could all be sorted out. Yeah. When, when I did the, um, um, bushfire appeal in, in, um, Cobargo in, uh, just 4 years ago, um, that's what we did. We just packed everything in boxes and sent it to The most wonderful people in Kobargo. But then, so I was, I was literally trying to pack everything that you, you need, like basic things like tea, coffee, sugar, toilet paper, hand creams, and all these things kept coming and all these beautiful clothes. And so I did that for about, yeah, 18 months. Then I brought 33 women. Down to Sydney. I look back now, it was just amazing. Somebody brought these women down, a coach came from nowhere and brought all these women down and, and brought them back again. And then all these people from around Wurundjeri, we took them into the Intercontinental, Miss Macquarie's Chair, Kurnambara. I can't remember where else we went, but we had the most Unbelievable time. Uh, it was just incredible. And then we had this huge church hall. Yeah. It was filled with clothes.
John Milham (Host) · 05:28
So how did you connect with this amazing network of helpers?
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 05:34
Well, I've never been frightened of ringing up anybody.
John Milham (Host) · 05:37
Right. So, so this was like a lot of phone calls from people you knew.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 05:40
Well, I don't know, phone calls. I talked to everybody. Um, Yes, I was in the local paper. And yes, it was, look, it was before, it was totally before social media. And yet I think we would've sent $100,000 worth of goods. You know, once again, everything that you could think, actually not the kitchen sink, but I remember that for both there and for Cobargo, we sent up a a laundry sink for some reason.
John Milham (Host) · 06:14
Wow. Wow.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 06:15
But we sent everything you can think of. We sent so many, um, Christmas presents for children, adults. Um, yeah. When you think back, it was absolutely amazing. All done without any social media.
John Milham (Host) · 06:31
So this was of course at a time when, um, there was terrible drought. That's like, you know, only then you know, just before the fires, right? The end of another terrible drought, basically the sort of continuation of this, of the longest drought in Australian history recorded.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 06:47
Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 06:48
So what, what drove you to do that? Why, why would you say, oh, you know, the country, country needs my help?
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 06:55
I think each night too, when I go to bed, I think, you know, I'm in a snuggly warm bed, or if it's summer, I'm in, you know, nice cool bed. You know, I've had a shower, I've got clean clothes, I've got food in my tummy. And normally my, my thoughts go that what, what must it be like to, you know, to have to buy water? What, what must it be like not to be able to put the washing machine on and clean your clothes? Because I'm obsessive and I wear cotton and stuff all the time and I change all the time. So, you know, and I thought what it must be like not to, know that you've got enough money, you know, to, to feed the children or, you know, get up in the morning and be able to turn on a tap, uh, and get some water and have a cup of tea.
John Milham (Host) · 07:45
You responded to an urge to connect and support because you were able to see yourself in the shoes of people doing it tough out in the country. And then later on in fires and, and many other causes that you've embraced. At 54, right? That can't have been a new thing for you. Where did that start?
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 08:02
You know, we, my mother worked in, in a factory or in retail or something. My father's a plumber and you know, there were people down the street that were always, you know, in trouble in a big families and mum always helped. I always find myself trying to help people and, you know, give people a call or drop around with a cake or I, I don't know. I've just, I, I, I've always done it. I, I, I don't know where. Basically where it comes from. But, and even now at the moment, I've got, you know, a few friends going through some tough times and I, I just like to give them a call or send them a text, or I just think that there's a need for kindness. Yeah. There's just a need for love and there's a need for lack of nastiness. You know, I'm on the ABC, um, book review. Now you think the ABC book review, you could write reviews, but even there, you know, the people write nasty comments. Yeah. And I think what, um, what I now am doing each day is on Facebook all through, all through, I digress, all through COVID for the 4 months, I put a joke every day on the Taromara Amurunga Facebook page. Absolutely terrible jokes, most of them. Um, but do you know, even now somebody says to me, she said, I used to look, I, she said, you and a friend got me through COVID. And I, you know, looked at her and I said, she said, I used to think if Margaret Ann's joke there today, I can survive another day. Wow. And like, and people keep saying this thing to me. So now I'm putting these things called, I dunno what they're called. Are they called memes? Memes.
John Milham (Host) · 09:47
Yeah. Yeah.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 09:48
With funny things that I get. I don't know where I get them from on Facebook cuz I'm, you know, technically incompetent. My son says, I've showed you this before. I've showed you this before.
John Milham (Host) · 10:00
Yeah.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 10:00
You know, so now I'm putting these funny little things every day because when I put, I, I just put, I said, look, I just think we need to have something each day that gives us a lift. We've lost a lot of love and kindness and patience and understanding, you know, with the bushfires. You know, I just thought what it must be like to sort of lose everything, to lose your photos. You know, for people older than me to, you know, lose their houses. You know, so many of the people down in Cobargo, they were women in their late 60s, 70s, 80s. They'd gone down there 40 or 50 years ago and they'd hand-built their houses. They had no superannuation, no insurance. You know, they lived. And suddenly, you know, at my age, you know, their homes homeless. And so this time we did have social media.
John Milham (Host) · 10:58
Yeah.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 11:01
Um, how on earth did I start? Oh, I know. So I rang Bee and I said, um, can you put me onto somebody in Cobargo? Um, I'd like to send some stuff down for the bushfires. So they gave me the name of this unbelievably wonderful woman, Chris Walters. Yeah. And I said, oh, hi Chris, my name's Margaret Anne. I'd like to send you some stuff down for the bushfires. What do you need? And she said basically what somebody else said to me later, well, people have lost everything.
John Milham (Host) · 11:36
Yeah.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 11:36
So what had happened was she and another wonderful lassie, and when they'd all been evacuated to the showground, they both decided that they would take over. So they started the Cobargo Bushfire Relief Centre literally days after the fire.
John Milham (Host) · 11:56
Well, just on that point, right? So, you know, it's interesting, you talked briefly about the need for kindness. The world seems to be, you know, have less of it now. When you, you know, you started out in another century and in another Australia, do you think it was kinder then? What's different about, were you growing up, what you knew about Australia?
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 12:21
We were poorer. Everybody was poorer. There was only a certain, there was all, there were always the rich, but there weren't the mega rich. And of course everybody went to church. Yeah. Well, my mother or father didn't, but I went to Sunday school and everybody went to church and there was Billy Graham and all this sort of stuff. And, uh, um, you know, people was There was, you know, there were, there were always the, the crooks, but you know, and the, you know, the madams, but you know, they were in King's Cross. They were, they, they didn't, they weren't ordinary people. Mo, you know, I was born in 1940, so, you know, when I was 10, people were still recovering from the war.
John Milham (Host) · 13:06
Yeah.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 13:06
Yeah. You know, people coming back from the war. You know, the men were having nightmares. There was a lot of domestic violence because, you know, they didn't know what was happening. Yeah. There was very little help for them. There was no building materials. We lived, we lived in a, um, a rented house. And I, I think, I think through the churches and just through perhaps the mateships still, I think my childhood was one of total and utter fear. Wow. My earliest memory was my father kicking to pieces a doll set of mine when I was very young. Wow. So I spent the first 20 years of my life with my stomach curling in fear if I went home and my father was home before me and I could smell his smoke or kids next door, the Web kids. Kenny and Jim Webb, they'd run down the street to their father. They'd see the father coming. The father would open their arms and swing them round. And I'd see my father coming and I'd run in and I'd be wetting my knickers and I'd say to my mother, "Daddy's coming, Daddy's coming, Daddy's coming." So, and in the midst of all this, Mum still helped everybody until she left. She left. But so I, I do think, I don't know that anybody helped us, to be honest.
John Milham (Host) · 14:32
Yeah, it's interesting you talk about kindness and yet you describe, you know, a violent home and a home that was no sanctuary and no safety.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 14:42
Wasn't, it wasn't physically violent. It was just my father through his own grief. He was obviously very clever and he got a scholarship to Christ's Hospital, a church, a school built in 1400s in England. But then the family couldn't afford, you know, the uniforms, but literally a couple of years after, the old boys paid for the scholarship boys. So he went as a cabin boy on a ship when he was about 13 or 14 and suffered, I think, physical, practical and psychological and sexual abuse. So I think he, I think he's, he used his, his own grief.
John Milham (Host) · 15:23
Yeah.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 15:24
You know, he mitigated by, you know, drinking a bottle of sweet sherry and he was absolutely brilliant and trained all these people that went on to be be, you know, plumbing engineers or businesses.
John Milham (Host) · 15:33
And, and your mother left.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 15:36
That was very hard when, when I was older because, you know, she just, she just couldn't cope anymore. Yeah. I, I don't know. I, I, I have no idea. It's interesting. I just finished reading a book last night, which has really affected me and, and made me think that the way you have to start looking at life now is just when you wake up in the morning, say today's The first day of the rest of my life, you know, how am I, how am I going to, you know, bring a bit of joy into the world? How am I going to be kind? Yeah. You know, how am I going to, um, you know, fill myself with, you know, a bit of joy and love? And how am I not gonna whinge all bloody day? And you know, how, how am I going to find some inner patience and love and Yeah. And I think joy, which is incredibly hard at the moment. I mean, I've known Wayne for 54 years.
John Milham (Host) · 16:39
Your husband Wayne, of course.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 16:40
Yeah, my husband Wayne.
John Milham (Host) · 16:41
Who is in hospital.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 16:43
He's in an aged care home. He's got a latter stage dementia, Alzheimer's. I don't know, you know, with cancer stage 1, 2, 3, 4 sort of thing, but I don't know. What stage he's had. Uh, you know, the people upstairs where he is, they just lie in a bed all day. Mm-hmm. You know, um, so, but, um, he's had it for about 10 years and it is overwhelming. And what is interesting too is, is the people that understand and the people that don't, you know, our lovely next door neighbors have been there 5 years in November and we used to see such a lot of them. Mm-hmm. And now we barely see them unless I go in there and, and He keeps saying, oh, I feel awful. I haven't been to see Wayne, but yet he still doesn't go and see Wayne. Wayne's only had one or two people go to visit him. And it's the unexpected friends that have often sort of newer friends that I've met through the local, you know, MIF and, you know, some other friends and It's, it's just, it's just interesting. And, and perhaps one, you know, perhaps I expect too much from society or from friends, but this afternoon somebody's coming around. I got an email, I sent an email out with pictures of Wayne looking as he is now and just saying, you know, how, how tough it is for Alzheimer's and you know, what a journey it is.
John Milham (Host) · 18:19
Yeah.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 18:20
And some Sometimes I feel incredibly angry and I think, you know, I looked after, from my earliest memory, I tried to save Mum from Dad. I tried to look after her the first 20 years of my life. And now, you know, the last, you know, 10 or so, whatever it is, you know, I'm looking after Wayne. And yet he's looked after me all my life. But I think too that, um, interesting in this book last night, this woman had a sense of guilt and You know, my guilt is monumental. I think even if I was Catholic, you know, went to confession, you could do 6 million Hail Marys. But yeah, you know, I think ever since losing my son, you lost your son Aaron at, he was 42 years old.
John Milham (Host) · 19:06
That's a very tough thing to talk about.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 19:10
So 42 and 4 months and 28 days old, actually. And I think your life changes. But I tell you what, I spent 10 years or more and I have raised $250,000, but I've actually raised a lot more of that on what you call like a second level because $150,000 of mine was used on 15 occasions, $10,000 for what's called seed money. Right.
John Milham (Host) · 19:48
For a group and not— This is for CanTwo. So this is—
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 19:50
CanTwo.
John Milham (Host) · 19:50
This is Cancer Research through CanTwo.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 19:53
Yeah. So we've now raised $33 million. That's great. It's all started by one woman, Annie Croft. And, um, I, you know, I started off with one of my dearest friends who subsequently died. She'd had a stroke and I said, darling, if you don't die, I'll lose 20 kilos and we'll We were both going, you know, Annie's 10K. She was Annie Crawford's trainer.
John Milham (Host) · 20:19
That's right.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 20:19
Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 20:19
The walk.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 20:20
Yeah. Well, I lost the 20 kilos and I did the 10K. I've written a story of the first night of the training where it was the coldest July night in 32 years. You couldn't see the end of the, the other side of the oval. And they said, well, just, we'll just run 3 times around the oval to warm up. And I thought, that's me finished, you know. And, uh, yeah, anyway, and then I did a half marathon the next year and won the next year. But wow. We, we used to listen to these wonderful researchers, uh, that they'd come and give us talks of a Wednesday night. We used to train a Wednesday night and a Saturday morning. And, um, I became obsessed with, um, with raising the money because I thought I couldn't save Aaron. Yeah. From dying. And I thought, but I'm bloody sure I'm gonna save another son from dying. And that's, that's basically been my criteria is that I couldn't save son. I couldn't save Aaron, but I know what I see this woman, she's my age now. Wow. And she's got a 64-year-old son. No, sorry, 62-year-old son. And she's got grandchildren and he's married and she's so happy. And I did that for her. I saved her son. The girl who started CanTwo, who's raised $33 million, has just lost her beloved sister, who I've also known since she was 19.
John Milham (Host) · 22:00
Wow.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 22:00
Maria cancer, bile duct cancer. It's got long proper names, but I can only pronounce bile duct cancer. And she's He said to me, I've raised all that money and I couldn't save Georgie. An actuary has said that I've most likely raised well over half a million dollars from my money and the seed money. So I tell you what, whatever you, you give out, you give back a millionfold. Um, uh, you know, the, the people in Kobargo, these wonderful, beautiful people that have become my friends and, um, And just, you know, it just enriches your life. You, you just don't realize just, um, just how much you, you get, you get given back. And I think that's what these wealthy people like, you know, that one of the Atlassian, um, boys has just sold his house for $71 million.
John Milham (Host) · 22:57
Yeah.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 22:58
Both of these young men own something like 5 or 6 houses was literally, I would think, billions. And you think, what are they doing with all that money? And you raise money and it's the poor people. Do you know, people came from everywhere for Tobago and we, we sent down, so I sent down 17 loads of the most wonderful things you've, you've ever seen. Every single solitary thing anybody could, could wish for except a, except a new house. But we sent down, somebody rang and said, I need We need an air conditioner. No, they didn't ring. They, they were in one of the first trucks and I said, I'll get you an air conditioner. And I thought, where am I gonna get an air conditioner from? Anyway, I got an air conditioner and sent it down. And the, the family that got that, they'd lost their farm, their house. They had a, a shed and they managed to get it converted. And she had cancer and because the fires, she couldn't go and have the treatment. And a friend of mine who makes these $500 to $1,000 jumpers sent me down 3 boxes of, you know, $10,000 worth of clothes. And this lady had the air conditioner and she had these jumpers. And one night at 7 o'clock, I got a phone call and the guy's name was John. He said, Margaret Anne, he said, I just wanted to tell you it's -3 outside and we're as warm as toast in here with our air conditioner. And I forget his wife's name, and she's wearing one of Jane's beautiful jumpers and we're warm as toast. And you think it was worth it all just for that. Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 24:42
Yeah.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 24:42
But the kindness of people here, the things they donated and, and just, just this February we did Kapa for Kabarga at the South Taramara Uniting Church and we raised another $5,000. $5,000. And, um, and, um, Chris has become and, you know, one of my dearest friends. And, and then I got an OAM in. Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 25:06
So I've, that was my next measure. You know, when you are recognized by the community, like you, you're being given an Order of Australia medal, of course. What does that mean to you?
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 25:18
People wrote some really, really lovely, lovely things about me, and I got some, some beautiful beautiful, you know, congratulations saying, you know, how much I deserved it and all that. Sad thing is, of course, that after all the help, Wayne couldn't understand. He couldn't come to Government House. And he, you know, I told him that he just, by January, he didn't have the understanding, which was unbelievably poignant. But do you know what they did at Government House? They they knew that he was poorly and they actually made a special announcement for him when they called me up.
John Milham (Host) · 26:02
Wow.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 26:02
Just so lovely. And the other thing is that through all of this, I met David and Linda Hurley, the Governor Generals, as I call them. And you know, I'm a little girl with no background, no education, and there I was sitting next to David Government House dinner and they came to my, couple of my fundraisers and going to Kirribilli, you know, and you know, on first name terms with the Governor General. I mean, and what a joy they were. What unbelievably beautiful, beautiful people. Meeting them in Richmond. The first time I did a skydive, no, the second time I did a skydive, David was the first person to give me a hug. And it was just, just—
John Milham (Host) · 26:50
So you were skydiving for charity?
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 26:52
Oh God, no, no. I'm terrified of heights. The, the reason I did that was I thought if you are sitting across the road from a, across the desk from a, a oncologist who says to you, you know, you've got cancer, you know, the fear must be insurmountable. And I'm terrified of the snakes and heights. Yeah. And I thought not even for Can-2 could I touch the snakes bit. Uh, so I did 2 skydives. Um, they, they each raised about $15,000, which, uh, but yeah, terrifying. Take my advice, don't do it.
John Milham (Host) · 27:30
Was it you, uh, jumping off or was he pushing?
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 27:34
No, no, no. He just, he doesn't push. The first terrifying bit was when the pilot came over and you got a bit of a look and you, He said, you know, we are 3,000 feet above sea level. And I thought, I won't tell you what I thought, but anyway, I thought 3,000 feet, we've got another 11,000 feet to go. I'm gonna die. And the thing that saved me, there was a young kid of about 25 who went grey. So I'm trying to say to him, are you all right, pet? Are you all right? And so anyway, I was the third person. So the most, then the next terrifying thing is that this plane, it's just like a little shutter door. Yeah. The shutter door opens. The first girl goes, the second girl goes, and suddenly zoom, we're sitting there and he goes off and you jump off. Oh, it is so terrifying. I cannot tell you. Well, I can. It would be like touching a snake. But, but earlier this year, or no, last year, I thought, you know, perhaps I could touch a snake and raise an extra quarter of a million dollars. And then Wayne got sick. So, and I think that's the sad thing is realising that I don't know how long this journey will, Wayne, will take, but it just exhausts me. Just exhausts me every single day. And, and I, I can't take on, you know, in, I can't take on, you know, doing a big fundraiser. They would take me 8 months to organize. You know, I can do things on a small level, but—
John Milham (Host) · 29:02
You mentioned earlier that you feel like you get back what you give out.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 29:08
No, it was lovely at Government House.
John Milham (Host) · 29:10
Mm-hmm.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 29:11
I know. I thought they were never gonna stop talking. So, you know, 'cause they read out, you know, what you've, what you've done and stuff. But, uh, and somebody said to me, it was so lovely to meet you because yours was a really genuine OAM because, you know, some people get them, the chap, lovely chap next to me. Um, he'd been in the wine business for 40 years, but But, you know, mine was like volunteer and somebody said, you know, it's really just so lovely to meet you.
John Milham (Host) · 29:41
And yeah, services to the arts, you know, for actors that, uh, get an AOIM. Yeah.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 29:48
I mean, I think, look, we've, we've just nominated Wayne Zoncolleggia. It's the most wonderful, beautiful, fabulous man. And, and I think he really deserves it.
John Milham (Host) · 29:59
But we're talking about connecting, right? And that whole, you basically, you have turned connecting into an art form, right? But also connecting with intention, right? So you've, you've had all of these requirements, you've noticed something and then you've used network and association and relationships to satisfy the needs of others.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 30:18
I don't know, looking back, I've just always had it. Yeah. I don't know a time. It's like, I don't know a time when I haven't read. Or written. I've always written. Every night when I go to bed, I'm writing letters or I'm writing articles or I'm writing, you know, begging letters. And that's my trick for fundraisers. You always go to the top, go to the chairman or the CEO and say, I'm really lucky because now I can start off, dear so-and-so, I bet this is the first letter you've received from an 84-year-old. Skydiver. Yeah. Hopefully that gets them in.
John Milham (Host) · 30:58
Done so much, right? Like so many things and, you know, I, the long list of accomplishments read out on the forecourt of Parliament House. What, what are you most proud of? What, what, what, what do you think about as a job well done?
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 31:15
I'm most proud of saving another mother from losing her son from a physical cancer. Whereas I lost my son to a cancer of the soul, a cancer of the heart. Grief. I lost my son to grief. And what I'm most proud of is that somewhere in that $250,000, or as the actuary says, $500,000, half a million, that the means whereby this other mother of my age still has her son. That's what I'm most proud of.
John Milham (Host) · 31:53
And I'm sure there are many, many sons and daughters and mothers and fathers out there that owe something to your efforts. What do you, what do you want to pass on, you know, to people? What do you think they should know?
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 32:10
You know, I really think just the words, be kind. And I think the other thing is try to not be like me and, and try not be filled with guilt. You know, you most likely, you, you see, I have grown all through my life. I just, I cannot abuse myself of the knowledge of thinking that I'm the most selfish person I know. You know, I mean, I've, I don't know how you get rid of that, but you know, I think I think really just be kind. Just, you know, if you see somebody that needs a hand, sometimes, you know, all it needs is a, is a touch of a hand. All it needs is a phone call, or if you have to use them, bloody texts, you know. But you know, just if you see a need, you know, you don't have to make casseroles or bowls of soup or anything, you know, my best, you know, which I've done all my life. But there is so much beauty in the world. There's beauty in people's faces, there's beauty in people's souls. And I think perhaps have a bit of patience with yourself. Try to see that whatever you've done, you've most likely done the best you can. You mightn't think so, but you most likely have. And I think see the joy in the world. And you know that funny old meme, dance if nobody's watching.
John Milham (Host) · 33:35
Yeah. Yeah.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 33:35
Get out there and dance. You know, I mean, that's what I've decided I'm gonna do. I'm gonna start and put some rock and roll on every day and I'm just going to dance. Actually, John, you said, where's it all come back to? From my earliest memory at church, it was do unto others as others would have, you know, do unto you. And I mean, always the King James Bible. I can't cope with these modern, you know, newspaper type vibe. Yeah. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. And I think, you know, I think that's it's a pretty reasonable thing if you, you know, put yourself in their place and, or if you think, if I'm in that place now, you know, what would they do for me? You know, what, what could, you know, you know, President Kennedy, not ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country. You know, you don't wanna do it as far as your country. You might wanna just do it you know, by your neighbor or, you know, by a friend you haven't talked to. Or I find I get friends in my mind and I think I've gotta ring them. Shakespeare said there's more in heaven and earth than this world dreams of. Yeah. And I think in a way there is. I don't have any of those skills. I have one or two friends who do. Um, yeah, be kind. Try and be as patient as you can. It's not always possible. You just want, want what is best for those that love you. And I, and I think in, when people were giving things in Cobargo, one guy came and he had his car filled with bottle, bottles of water from Aldi. And he said to Chris, he said, I'm really sorry I couldn't bring this till now, but I didn't get paid till yesterday. Now there's somebody who lives from week to week. So So put something into the grassroots community and help the people that are grassroots that have nothing but give everything.
John Milham (Host) · 35:42
Yeah.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 35:43
But go back to being kind and do unto others as you would have others do unto you, I think. Yeah. Buy somebody some flowers today. And I tell you the other thing I do, and you can do, I've done this for 30 years, but now I'm old, I get away with it. People don't think I'm weird. If I pass anybody anywhere, and they look pretty or their hair's nice or their nails are nice or they've got lovely shoes on or whatever, I say to them, gosh, you look gorgeous today. And, and people just, they just love it. It doesn't take much, does it?
John Milham (Host) · 36:19
Yeah, no, I couldn't agree more. And it's such, such wisdom. And mostly I need to say how grateful I am. It's, I, uh, for the time I've had. To hear a little bit about your life's triumphs and tragedies. And I just wanna thank you so much for sharing that with myself and the Kintsugi Heroes listener. It's been wonderful, Margaret Ann.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 36:42
You're welcome.
John Milham (Host) · 36:43
Thank you so much.
Margaret-Anne Hayes (Guest) · 36:44
Thank you for listening.
John Milham (Host) · 36:48
Thank you for listening to this episode of Connecting Seniors, a Kintsugi Heroes Heroes special series. Thank you to Colin Lilly for permission to use Broken as our theme music for this series. If you enjoyed this conversation, share the podcast with a friend and let us know by leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If you'd like to support Kintsugi Heroes and the stories we share, head to kintsugiheroes.com.au. You and follow the instructions to make a tax-deductible donation. Thank you for listening, and we'll see you next time.
Subscribe
Spotify
Apple