Michael De Haan · 33 min
A financial abuse ambassador reveals how surviving a childhood of coercive control and the tragic loss of his twin sister drove him to dedicate his career to protecting the 1.6 million Australian women affected by financial abuse.
Hear this story
Michael De Haan grew up in a home where fear was the constant. His father, tall and strong, came home each night from his second job full of rage, verbally abusing Michael's mother while the children hid with pillows over their heads. Michael learned early that staying quiet and pleasing kept him safe. His twin sister Jenny took a different path. When she was 13, she told Michael she had been raped by their father. At 18, after years of struggling with drugs, alcohol, and a failed suicide attempt at 17, Jenny took her own life. The family swept her death under the carpet. Michael carried that loss and trauma in silence for over 30 years.
Without a voice to speak his pain, Michael's body began to scream. He developed panic attacks, anxiety, chronic depression, and aggressive prostate cancer. At 49, he was walking a tightrope. He could not take his own life because of the impact on others, but he could not live either. He was caught in complete darkness until a woman he met online saw his light and got him talking for the first time. As he spoke on his Women's Empowerment Series podcast, listening to women's stories of coercive control, he began to understand his purpose.
Today, Michael is Australia's Financial Abuse Ambassador. He discovered that 1.6 million Australian women experience financial abuse, and that it is the precursor to sexual abuse and violence in over 90% of cases. The financial planners, brokers, and accountants who interact with these women often do not know the red flags. Michael's work is focused on educating these gatekeepers and holding government accountable for the 61 unimplemented recommendations designed to stop financial abuse at its source. His book holds his vulnerabilities. Two lessons anchor his work: feeling broken is not the same as being broken, and the past does not define you.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses domestic & family violence and suicide & self-harm prevention, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • 1800RESPECT (family, domestic & sexual violence): 1800 737 732 · 1800respect.org.au • Lifeline (24/7 crisis support): 13 11 14 · lifeline.org.au
“Financial abuse doesn't leave bruises.”
“I held that story in my body for over 30 years.”
“She was punished for her pain. She got silence and shame.”
The hero, today
Michael grew up in a household where his father's anger was constant, and learned early that staying quiet and trying to please was safer than speaking or resisting. His twin sister Jenny was raped by their father at 13, took her own life at 18, and her death was met with family silence and shame that Michael carried in his body for over 30 years. Michael developed panic attacks, anxiety, chronic depression, and aggressive prostate cancer as his body's way of screaming for attention to the trauma he refused to acknowledge, and he only started healing when he began to talk. Financial abuse is the precursor to other forms of abuse and is present in over 90% of cases of violence, making it a critical point for intervention by financial gatekeepers like planners, brokers, and accountants. Meeting his wife, who saw his light and got him talking about his story, combined with listening to women's stories of coercive control through his podcast, helped Michael understand his purpose: to give women a voice around financial safety and to advocate for change at government level.
Yes. Michael De Haan is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Michael grew up in a household where his father's anger was constant, and learned early that staying quiet and trying to please was safer than speaking or resisting.
His twin sister Jenny was raped by their father at 13, took her own life at 18, and her death was met with family silence and shame that Michael carried in his body for over 30 years.
Michael developed panic attacks, anxiety, chronic depression, and aggressive prostate cancer as his body's way of screaming for attention to the trauma he refused to acknowledge, and he only started healing when he began to talk.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 00:03
Welcome to the Grit Diaries with Mon and Maz, a place where we share real stories meets real transformation. Each episode, we share the journeys of everyday people who's faced life's hardest moments and found their way to hope, healing, and purpose. May their courage inspire you and in the world around you. Let's get inspired. Today we're going to have a very special guest for you. His name is Michael DeHaan. What really struck me about our conversation that Monin and myself had with Michael was his authentic passion and drive to really empower women in regards to their financial security. Now, I won't go into why why that is, because you'll have to listen to today's episode. But it really highlighted to me just how important it is to know what's happening with your finances as a woman and to, you know, learn, to be educated around what tools there are, what strategies there are, and to feel, I am empowered through my financial awareness. So with that, Michael has a very personal story. He's a gentle giant. We had a lot of fun in this interview. We had a lot of tech issues to kind of get up and running, but it showed our determination to get this conversation out there. So with that, I really hope that you enjoy, and it is a really informative conversation today. So listen in and I hope you enjoy. Hello everyone and welcome to the Grit Diaries with Mon and Maz. Hey, Mon. G'day, Maz. How are you? Excellent. Excellent. Oh, well, we've just had a little road test on resilience. Us right now. And, uh, lucky the three of us are all very resilient little bunnies managing tech. I don't know if any of our beautiful listeners out there and viewers are ever tech challenged, but you know, this is character building. And so we are absolutely delighted today to have the wonderful Michael DeHaan with us in the studio. Michael, welcome to the show.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 02:26
Thank you so much. So it's the Mon, Maz, and Mick Show.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 02:29
More stories
This site is part of Kintsugi Heroes. Visit the main site for the full podcast. If any of these stories hit close to home, support is out there, you don't have to sit with it alone.
Read how we handle these stories ↗
Kintsugi Heroes · Registered Australian not-for-profit · kintsugiheroes.com.au ↗
Financial abuse is the precursor to other forms of abuse and is present in over 90% of cases of violence, making it a critical point for intervention by financial gatekeepers like planners, brokers, and accountants.
This conversation includes welcome to the triple m's, a father's anger every night, the good son who learned to stay quiet, the day his twin sister told him, silence and shame after jenny's death and his body screaming what his voice could not.
Pretty much is, I think. So you're joining the crew. I love it, I love it. We were the M&M's, now we're the triple— oh, we're Triple M. Well, it's funny you say that.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 02:40
My wife's name is Maz and we've got this, our dog, so we're the Triple M at home.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 02:45
Oh really? Oh, see, synergy, it's all happening. I love it. Well, we're going to carry on with that theme. We're going to be Triple M. We were the M&M's and now we're Triple M, and it sounds like that kind of rolls at your house, house there too. So hope we're making you feel nice and cozy be here today. Oh, well, we're really grateful for Michael being here. Let me just give you a little bit of background on Michael and why he's here with us today. He's got an incredible story, and he's a man with a big heart and soul. So Michael's background is in the financial space. He's been in the financial services for over 20 years. He's a certified money coach, and he is the author of the groundbreaking book Financial Abuse. He is the financial Abuse Ambassador for Australia, and there's good reason why. So stay tuned. He's a keynote speaker, and he is probably one of the most passionate people that I have come across that is really about serving women. And there he has a backstory as to why he's so passionate, but his core message is no woman should be silenced, isolated, felt unsafe, especially when money is the means of control. So, you know, I mean, I'm sure Michael could have done lots of different things with his world in the finance space, but he has chosen to make this something meaningful, impactful, and having a lasting legacy. Thank you, Michael. There's going to be a lot of synergy here with the beautiful Simone, with the work that she does in the space of women's resilience and domestic violence. And Michael has his own podcast series on women's empowerment. So it is so wonderful. There is such an emerging space for men that are really going in to support women. So we're really going to look forward to hearing the Grip to Grace, uh, story on the Grit Diaries with you, Michael.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 04:48
Thank you. Thanks for having me.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 04:51
Absolute pleasure. So Michael, in that introduction, is there anything that you'd just like to add before we we dive into our conversation with you today?
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 05:00
I think the journey ahead for me is a big journey. We look at the stats, they're frightening. And as a middle-aged white male, I'm embarrassed around those stats, to be honest. We really have to do a lot more, and that's advocacy with government, in the legal systems, making sure women don't go through re-traumatize regard to telling their story. What I call the gatekeepers, which I'll talk about later, guys, people that can pick up on financial abuse, they just don't know the red flags, they don't know the signals. So yeah, but I'm up for the challenge.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 05:38
Yeah, well, if we could go back and let's go back to what's made this— what was happening in your life? If we sort of scroll back the screen and we had a bit of a movie going on as your life growing up, what was life? What was happening for you? And why has this become such a passionate thing? What was the setup to all of this, Michael?
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 05:59
I think growing up, our dad, he was quite tall, quite strong, very fit, and he had 4 children, and they were all scared of him.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 06:10
Where, where were you in the family line?
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 06:13
I was the third youngest.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 06:15
Third youngest.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 06:16
I beat my twin sister Jenny by 45 minutes.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 06:20
Ah, love it. Competitive edge.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 06:24
Yeah, it was interesting. He came over from Holland when he was 19. We didn't really know the backstory. He didn't talk about his backstory at all, but he was never happy. And he, as I said, he had a temper. He worked two jobs, so, you know, we're really, I suppose, struggling financially. He'd come home at 8:30 at night from his second job and we'd see the lights come on with the car and we'd turn off the lights and pretend to be asleep so we wouldn't sort of see him, we wouldn't see his anger. But we heard his anger every night with Mum, so he'd just verbally abuse her and we just had the pillows over our head and just wanted it to go away. So it wasn't, I suppose, a great upbringing. I just accepted it, that that's our family. That's our lot in life, so to speak. But I was certainly in a space there, and I think that's started my journey of not speaking up. It's safer not to speak up, safer not to make him angry. And he was very much into sports. I was very good at sports, so, and he coached a lot of the things I did. So I was, you know, a favorite son, so to speak. So again, it was all around pleasing him.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 07:43
Yeah, so you're a twin, Michael, and you had two older siblings, two older brothers. Two older brothers. Okay. And when you mentioned that, you know, it was, you know, easier not to say anything, was there ever a time that you did actually say something?
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 08:05
No, I was never— I think it was just a protection thing.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 08:08
Yeah, yeah, you were the good Good and perfect.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 08:13
Totally, exactly right. And it's the same thing. And my brother once stood up to him, and my sister did as well. They had more of a fighting character, and I don't think it served both of them well. So a lot of my childhood I don't remember, and whether that's a safety mechanism in regard to maybe what I saw, what I felt. So growing up to me was, as I said, just be good at sport, keep your mouth shut, and just try and get over those hurdles when Dad was angry. Dad was in a space there where we didn't feel comfortable, safe at all.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 08:52
You must have felt so powerless.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 08:56
It is powerless. It is. I mean, I'm an alternate 9, 10-year-old boy, and he was 6 foot 4, very strong man, and You just— he took away my voice. We talk about my wife's publishing a book on Unmuted, and it just resonates with me so much that—
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 09:18
and I think that— yeah, and Michael, I think that's going to resonate for a lot of, a lot of people. And obviously in this day and age, we're hearing more and more stories of people that have been, you know, significantly traumatized, as no doubt Simone is acutely aware of, and that that idea of just having your voice taken from you and just sort of having a space in your life where it's feeling like it's, it's come back and you are really making a dent in, in things with what all the work that you're doing. And we really appreciate you being so vulnerable and sharing what you're sharing already. Michael, what was significant about that time for you in what you feel? Was there a significant event that happened that sort of made you shift your experience and, and how you managed to— what happened? Was it that you managed— you, you left the home at some point, or things got better, or what, what actually happened, or something with your family?
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 10:24
Yeah, I want to share a story, really personal. It's been part of my growth, part of my healing, but I remember the day vividly. I still get shivers when I talk about it. I was in my room, it was in the morning. My twin sister came into the room and she was shaking and she had a quivering voice and she said, 'I've got to tell you something.' And I knew whatever words she was going to say was going to change our lives forever. And she said, 'I was raped by our dad. Oh, when she was 13. So it was a story there that still, as I said, I'm shaking now a bit. It still sits within my body, and no one recovered from that. But I'll share Jenny's journey and why I'm so passionate around stamping out coercive control, around women in particular having a voice. Been seen, been heard. So she went down a pathway of drugs and alcohol just to numb the pain. She got to a point where she had tried to take her life when she was 17, and the system back then, she was ignored, she was misunderstood, and she was punished for her pain. She was locked away instead of holding her safely. She's been institutionalised. She got silence and shame. So, mm-hmm, that really— those heavy emotions still sit with me today, and that's over 40 years ago. And when she was 18, when she was released out of an institution, she went to a halfway house, and then she came home. And then she was, uh, successful in taking her life when she was 18.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 12:19
Michael. Oh, I just really like to acknowledge that in this moment.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 12:28
Thank you.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 12:28
Yeah, that's— and you are witness to that journey for her.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 12:35
That is, it was a journey. It's a journey still as young people, we're 16, just trying to work out what's normal, what's not, like, what's life. Nothing really made sense.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 12:49
And Michael, I think what you're, you know, your story and, and the absolute tragedy at losing your beautiful sister, let alone your twin sister, is when it's hard to navigate life without the interference of trauma coming in uninvited. It's hard enough getting through life as it is, so we can see that when someone comes in and causes the trauma they had, just the devastation that occurs. And for you and the rest of your family, the long-term impact of that has ricocheted out into the rest of your life. And look, I think we're really appreciating your vulnerability and your willingness to share something so deeply personal. Yeah, just before I go any further, I just think it's important because this is huge, and if there's any listeners listening right now and it's triggered anything, please know the most incredible service, Lifeline, nationally is available on 13 11 14.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 13:59
And thank you for acknowledging that and also offering those services, because I think it's important for people to reach out. So back then we didn't know how to reach out, we didn't know what to do there, but there are services available there. And, and talking, releasing that, that loss and that trauma, part of the healing journey.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 14:21
Do you know, Michael, I heard the best definition of trauma last year, and that is that trauma is the unhealed stories that we keep within our body.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 14:33
Yeah.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 14:34
And I'm just so grateful for you sharing what you've just shared. I, I think every time you're, you feel safe and you're with people who compassionately, you hear what you're saying and know the pain of what you've, you know, don't know. Well, we do know in many ways. We experience, we've got very similar, some very similar stories. And yeah, every time you share it, hopefully one, it can help others, and two, hopefully it helps you a little.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 15:06
Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I think the journey for me that— so we just swept it under the carpet. I remember the night that she passed away, I stayed at someone else's house. We didn't talk about it. It was just even a shame within the family that this has happened. How do you go out and tell friends that your sister took her own life? And then there's always a backstory— why did she do it, whatever. I didn't want to I didn't want to tell that story. It was too painful. And I held that story in my body for over 30 years.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 15:42
And as a result of that, Michael, and again, you know, the, the people that are watching in and listening in, as they might be hearing, that was a similar story to me, or, you know, I know someone that something like that happened, or they're still carrying that trauma themselves, you know, there's a phrase you know, the issues stay in the tissues. And so you've had to go on and keep living with all this sitting, you know, in your heart, your mind, your soul. What did you find start to show up? I know you sort of mentioned something in our notes here that, you know, life went on, but yet you were starting to develop some problems, health problems of your own.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 16:29
Yeah, and being a typical male, I didn't listen to my body. My body was screaming.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 16:34
What was it screaming?
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 16:36
It was screaming, heal me, listen to me, hug me, acknowledge me. So it was pushed so far down that— and I think you would know that bodies will always tell you the story. The score. Yep, the score. That was the word I was looking for. So So I started having panic attacks. I was suffering from anxiety. I had chronic depression. And then I had fairly aggressive prostate cancer. My body was giving up on me because I, I wasn't listening to it.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 17:12
There's a saying that, you know, when the body— as you say, you know, it's the body was screaming, the body keeps the score— even though we're trying our very best to get on in life, but yet the body is absolutely screaming. And they liken it to in a sense, our body is actually working. It's telling us that something's off. And, you know, would you go into a home that doesn't have a smoke alarm? You want the smoke alarm to work because if it doesn't work and there's a fire, you're, you're not going to know. So you need that little alarm to go off. You need that thing working. So, like, even though it's hard and, you know, it's caused a lot of physical problems in a sense, your body is actually working and it's trying to communicate with you and that something's off. And, you know, at different points, either we keep shutting it down or everybody's different. Do we hear it at the whisper? Do we hear it at the— a little bit of a microphone? Do we hear it at the brick? Do we hear it at the tsunami or the Mack truck? And it sounds like you went right— you went straight to the Mack truck.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 18:21
I think I have to, I suppose, share the story that I was at that particular time. So I was walking a tightrope. I didn't exist. I couldn't take my life because I knew the devastating impact it had on loved ones, but I couldn't live either. I was caught in this zone. I, I didn't know where I was. I didn't know how I existed. There was there was no existence, there was no love in my heart, there was no joy. There was just such a darkness. And I think when I got the diagnosis of the prostate cancer and being quite chronic, I got a glimmer of hope then that I could actually leave this world in a way that's acceptable society-wise. I'd feel sorry for me, but I'd be, I'd be at peace. That's a very dark moment when you have that language going on in your mind. And I think that's really what got me through the prostate cancer, because I didn't care. Either way was fine. If I pass, that's fine.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 19:34
You just needed an exit from the pain. Yeah, yeah.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 19:39
Wow, that was kind of really dark. I was 49 years old and it was a very dark, very dark place. And my wife had never heard me say that. And when I shared that with her, she then realized the darkness that I was living in because I didn't share.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 19:59
And Michael, I think that again, you know, in you sharing this, I'm sure there's people out there that are experiencing, you know, what's the point, you know, just throw something at me because, you know, it'd be the acceptable way, way out. But your story, if I may, you know, has ended up, you know, looping back around. Tell me what happened as a— to sort of help you in that space. What were the key things that helped you in those darkest of moments?
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 20:31
Yeah, and I say my marriage broke up, so I was married for 22 years and that was about 6 months after the prostate cancer. So I started to see shifts within myself. Mhm.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 20:44
What kind of shifts?
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 20:45
Relationship. I wasn't giving enough love, and I, I take that on board. But I was now single, gone through this illness, going, there's got to be something out there, there's got to be something. And I, I met this woman that saw the light, saw my essence which I didn't even see. And she started to dig deep in regard to what is my story, share your story, talk. And she got me talking for the first time in my life. And then I've gone on and, you know, done podcasts on many things, but the more I talk, the more I've healed.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 21:29
Amazing.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 21:30
Beautiful.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 21:30
How did you meet her? Just for, for those looking for—
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 21:34
what was that? Sorry, Simone.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 21:38
How did you meet her?
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 21:40
Online.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 21:41
Okay, success stories.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 21:45
Yes, I would never have met her. We had two different lives. She was in corporate, I was, I was down living on the beach, so to speak. I— yeah, we never would have met.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 21:53
So yeah, great.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 21:55
Your backstory there, beautiful.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 21:58
Sounds to me like you're meeting her and then where you have gone with writing this book in on financial abuse. We'd really love to hear that next stage, wouldn't we, Marianne? Absolutely.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 22:14
It even— it started to swell, this coercive control. I had the Women's Empowerment Series talking to leading women globally around their story, how they've used their voice and visibility to create change. And but the majority of them had a backstory. Majority of them had a backstory around domestic violence, coercive control, how they moved through that. And the more I was hearing it, the more it sat in my body, the more I was connected with it. I started to understand what my legacy is. It started to come to me, and just by listening, talking, I started to learn about, you know, what my purpose is.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 23:00
And did it start to help make sense of— and maybe, oh, no wonder that's how I was feeling— with pieces of the puzzle starting to fit at that point? Or was you feeling lighter, or what was happening to you? Within yourself?
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 23:14
Yeah, I was certainly feeling lighter. There was light going on in my body. There was pieces of joy starting to come into my body. And just see the vulnerability that these women shared. They trusted me.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 23:28
Nice.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 23:29
Trusted me to share their story. And I take it that this is for young women to hear storytelling. I think it's amazing.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 23:39
Power of story. I just want to jump in here, Maz, and say I love what you said about finding little bits of joy. I talk about this all the time, and my version of success is success is the amount of joy you allow yourself to feel. Because we all— we don't always allow ourselves to feel it, right? But that's my version of a successful day. I'm having joy right now just hearing what you've done, where you've been, and where you're going. That gives me enormous joy. So I'm having a successful moment right now.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 24:15
Thank you for sharing.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 24:18
Yeah, amazing. And Michael, you're clearly a very heart-centered, stoic, very incredible human being that, as a man, to be supporting women in this, you know, it's almost like as a woman, you know, you can feel your shoulders almost relax a little bit.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 24:35
Yeah.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 24:35
When you know, you have genuine, authentic men that are here that, uh, how can I serve? How can I be, you know, that— I guess that masculine energy, you know, in a world that's so, you know, just infused with trauma and, and what's going on, and, and to sort of have, I guess, the woman's back. So what have you found? You know, unfortunately, timing-wise, we're going to have to be wrapping up soon. We could seriously be sitting here and going through this for for so much longer. Now we've got about another 5 minutes, and so what has been the joy for you in this? I guess, what's— what is your ultimate goal with being a Financial Abuse Ambassador for Australia, and what are you hoping to see as a result?
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 25:22
Yeah, so being the Ambassador is, is really shining a light on financial abuse. 16% of women suffer from financial abuse in Australia. That's 1.6 million women. It does affect men as well, but predominantly women. And financial abuse is a precursor to other forms of abuse—sexual abuse, violence. It's prevalent in over 90% of cases of violence. So I see this as a big opportunity to have an advocacy around picking up those early signs. Yeah. Financial abuse doesn't leave bruises. So then if we can actually look at— educate the gatekeepers, and I'm talking about financial planners, mortgage brokers, accountants, anyone that's dealing with clients, and they understand what financial abuse is, the red flags, then that's going to go a long way towards, I suppose, picking up on something earlier and creating change. So we're doing work around that. We're actually talking to a a lot of big financial planning groups and doing education for their members. I think that's going to be quite powerful. There's an advocacy role with government. So there was a financial abuse paper by the government, a joint committee on financial services, with 61 recommendations in December. None have been implemented as far as I know. So it's really holding them accountable. The changes, the recommendations will shift the goalposts in regard to identifying financial abuse and, I suppose, stopping that or making it harder for people that are abusers to actually keep going in that regard. So I'm going to do work around that. We write in the book, it's going to be something that I'll drive through. Organizations, corporates, to really get an understanding of the women in the workforce. If you're looking at 16% on some of these big corporates, that we're talking thousands and thousands of women that if they just had the understanding that we can create change. So there's a lot of work to do, but it's just like I even talk about it now and I'm filling my cup.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 27:41
Yeah, and I can even see— I'm— Sim, I think you probably say the same thing— we can see the shifting in your energy and your face and And you know, you're lighting up is about, you know, even though there's challenges to face with really making significant change, you can see that it's, you know, it's absolute passion for you and it is something that fills your cup and knowing that you're making a difference. Absolutely. And I totally take your point, Michael, that it's the first start of the abuse trail usually. And if we go one step back, why does financial abuse happen? I truly believe in Rosenthal that says that that violence is an outward expression of an unmet need. And truly believe number one is this fear of not having enough money. You know, you talked back to your father's story of two jobs and fear for finance and for money. It is a very big driver of all domestic abuse. So I totally respect your focus on financial abuse and having written that book on financial abuse. I can't wait to read it, actually.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 28:42
Thank you. Yeah, yeah. I think the big learnings for me, and it was through going to see psychologists, reaching out, my wife in particular, is— and she uses a phrase a lot— you're not broken. You have in your body that you feel broken. And the other is that the past doesn't define me. So I've got a past, but everyone's got a past. So there's a line in the sand there that you can look forward and say, what do I want to create? Everyone can create, you know, whatever they desire. And to actually have that purpose, have the legacy really defined— I can picture it, I can see the changes, I can see women in relationships in a respectful way. I, I can feel it, I can see it, and I— it will happen.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 29:31
It will, with beautiful men like you. Really helping charter it, it will. Wow. So remembering you're not broken, that your past doesn't define you, and reaching out for a vision and all those things, and a beautiful partner that, you know, allowed you just to be you and human and create some safety around sharing what was really going on. And, you know, we didn't get quite enough time to touch on the fact that you also had a rescue dog as well, um, that was also very instrumental. And, you know, seeing that you being in these rooms, by sort of kind of seeing that other people are going through the same thing, validating, you know, your experience, but also equally validating the other people's experience and knowing that you had something to offer to make a difference. So, Michael, you're a powerhouse, you're a gentle giant, and you're doing incredible things out there. And we really look forward to supporting the work that you're doing. And so tell us, if anyone wants to find you, where do they need to reach out, Michael?
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 30:35
Yes, I think go to my email, so that's michael@quantumleap-global.com. I can send the link to my book. It's, it's a powerful book. It's, it's a book I'm so proud of. Lot of vulnerabilities there, but again, I'm, I'm a lot more comfortable with vulnerability.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 30:55
Yeah, it's the thing now that's, you know, we need to everyone to feel connected in this world that's emerging with AI, and human connection is going to be the most valuable resource that Well, you have, I think. And so from Mon and Maz, we really appreciate you sharing your story, coming on today. And I am sure your twin sister Jenny is shining down on you and has made her loss and your family's loss, you're making it mean something and turning the whole ship around. So I'm sure she's very grateful and giving you a bit of a, bit of a wink and a thumbs up, no doubt.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 31:35
I'm sure she's proud of me. Yeah, she's so proud of you.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 31:39
And that beautiful word grace, which comes out of the Grit Diaries, From Grit to Grace— she sees so much grace in how you're living your life. And yeah, thank you, Michael, so much.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 31:52
You're an absolute pleasure to listen to. Yeah, I appreciate that. Thank you. And again, thanks for making me feel safe and allowing me to share my story. Thank you.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 32:02
All right, From Grit to Grace, The Grit Diaries, from Mon and Mez. Thank you, Michael.
Michael De Haan (Guest) · 32:08
Thanks, Mon. Mon, Mez, and Mick.
Mon & Mazz (Host) · 32:11
Yeah, the triple M's. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, the new triple M. Thank you for joining us on The Grit Diaries, From Grit to Grace. If If today's story has moved you, share it with someone who needs a little hope. Remember, from grit we can find grace, and from grace we can find inspiration. Until next time, look for the joy, keep safe, stay grounded, and never forget that there is a strength within your own story. Take care.
Subscribe
Spotify
Apple