Kerrie Atherton · 46 min
Kerrie Atherton became an instant alcoholic at fifteen, grew up in a home shaped by generations of addiction, and yet built forty-one years of sobriety into a nationwide movement of hope that has reached thousands.
Hear this story
Kerrie Atherton grew up in Lane Cove with two alcoholic parents and carried a weight she couldn't name. Traumatic events at seven and nine, combined with relentless school bullying, sent her to a psychiatrist at ten. She escaped into prescription medication, then at fifteen picked up her first drink and knew instantly it was what she needed. By sixteen, everyone around her was saying she was an alcoholic. She couldn't stop at one.
At her lowest point, after an abusive boyfriend punched her and she woke without hope, planning to end her life, Kerrie heard a voice telling her to wait. She called Alcoholics Anonymous that night and hasn't picked up a drink in 41 years. What saved her wasn't willpower. It was connection. At twelve, Alateen showed her she wasn't alone. In AA, she walked alongside thousands of people rebuilding their lives and learned that the pain won't kill you if you sit with it long enough.
Kerrie broke the generational curse of addiction in her family by staying sober and letting her children see it every day. Both her kids waited until eighteen to drink and neither became alcoholic. She's spent decades counseling others through addiction and founded Stories of Hope Australia, a platform that gathers people who've lived through hard things and emerged changed. She's written three books of those stories.
If you're recognising yourself in this, or watching someone you love struggle, Kerrie's message is simple: there is no shame in admitting you have a problem. The people who love you won't lie to you about it. Bravery means listening when they do.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses addiction & recovery and suicide & self-harm prevention, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • SMART Recovery Australia (addiction): smartrecoveryaustralia.com.au • ReachOut: au.reachout.com • Lifeline (24/7 crisis support): 13 11 14 · lifeline.org.au
“I was an instant alcoholic I couldn't stop at one I love the way that it made me feel rather than how it tasted.”
“I didn't really want to die but I didn't know how to live anymore and you hear that so often with people who are suicidal.”
“I learned all about the power of connection and the power of what hearing a lived experience story can do for somebody who feels totally alone.”
The hero, today
Kerrie was an instant alcoholic at 15 because of the genetic predisposition she inherited from both sides of her family; she could not stop at one drink. The power of connection saved Kerrie at 12 when she attended Alateen and heard other kids describe what she was living behind closed doors, which showed her she was not alone. At her lowest point, planning to end her life, Kerrie heard a voice telling her to hang on, and she chose to call Alcoholics Anonymous that night instead of going through with it. Kerrie broke the generational pattern of alcoholism in her family by getting sober, staying sober for 41 years, and letting her children see her recovery modeled in front of them every day. After her mother died and grief caught up with her all at once, Kerrie had to accept that her life would never return to normal; instead, she chose to make the new normal whatever she wanted it to be. People who love you will not lie to you about whether you have a problem with alcohol or drugs; listening to them takes bravery, not shame.
Yes. Kerrie Atherton is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Kerrie was an instant alcoholic at 15 because of the genetic predisposition she inherited from both sides of her family; she could not stop at one drink.
The power of connection saved Kerrie at 12 when she attended Alateen and heard other kids describe what she was living behind closed doors, which showed her she was not alone.
At her lowest point, planning to end her life, Kerrie heard a voice telling her to hang on, and she chose to call Alcoholics Anonymous that night instead of going through with it.
Kerrie broke the generational pattern of alcoholism in her family by getting sober, staying sober for 41 years, and letting her children see her recovery modeled in front of them every day.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 00:00
Kintsugi Heroes acknowledges funding and was made possible with support from the Community Broadcasting Foundation. Find out more at cbf.org.au. Welcome to the Kintsugi Heroes podcast, where we share inspirational stories of everyday people going through different challenges and how they overcome them. Please be aware that the story you're about to hear may have moments of deeply felt emotions and personal experiences. If anything you hear has a triggering effect, please reach out to someone who can help keep you safe. If you love this conversation, we'd love you to like and share it with your friends so we can continue to share more inspiration and hope to as many people as possible. Now listen up for our next hero story. My guest today is the beautiful Kerrie Atherton. Her story is one of hope. It starts with talking about what happened when she had her first alcoholic drink at the age of 15, because in that moment she was an instant alcoholic. She grew up with alcoholic parents, and she then spent a lot of time in Alcoholics Anonymous and worked and volunteered throughout her adult life to help others. She's founded the Stories of Hope Australia, which is a platform that runs monthly events. They've released the second book in their series, and she is continually talking about and bringing together people who need the hope that she can bring through her stories and her connections. Her story is beautiful. It is empowering. And it shows us how it doesn't matter where we're born and what we're born into, there is hope and there is a pathway through. Thank you, Kerry, for sharing your story. And I know that everyone listening is going to enjoy this one with Kerry Atherton. Hello and welcome. It is another episode. It's Kansuki Heroes, and I'm here today with Kerry Atherton. Kerry, hello. Thank you for joining me. How are you?
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 02:24
Hi, Evelyn. Good. How are you?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 02:27
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This conversation includes born into it, the breaking points, the lifeline at 12, the first drink at 15, the overdose in the nightclub toilet and the day she nearly took her own life.
I'm fabulous. It's so nice to finally have you here in the recording room. We met over 6 months ago now, so it's taken a little while, but you're here.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 02:36
I know. Finally.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 02:39
I'm excited. I just want to say thank you so much for being willing to share your story. I know it's not always easy. We often, you know, it can be challenging at times. And of course, I don't know your story, but I just want to honor you for putting your hand up and being willing to share your story for Kansuki Heroes today. Let's, let's, um, get started. I guess I'm going to hand the mic over to you and invite you to take us back to the beginning and share with us your story.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 03:07
Well, the beginning was in Lane Cove in Sydney, and I was the eldest daughter of two alcoholic parents. I had two younger brothers. My mum was 23, um, by the time she had my other brother. And so she had 3 children at 23, under 3, uh, and she was an alcoholic. And she also struggled with what we now know is bipolar. Back then it was called manic depression. And my dad was the child of 2 alcoholic parents also, who unfortunately passed away my grandmother probably in her late 40s and my dad's dad in his early 50s, and they died from alcoholism. So there was very much that genetic predisposition that we— a lot of studies have shown that with alcoholism that there is a pre-genetic disposition. And I felt like I have always been, um, you hear this in the 12-step rooms, but, but born an alcoholic. I always felt like I was different to everyone else. I carried a veil of shame, I think, for the family. My dad was sober before I was born, but we never talked about my mum's drinking. And I hear a lot of alcoholic children, uh, of parents of alcoholics talk about this, and there's that feeling that something's not right, but you just don't know what it is. And then I had a couple of, uh, very traumatic events happen in my early childhood, one when I was 7 and then one when I was 9 years old as well. And I was also being bullied at school at the same time. At 10 years old, I had a breakdown and my parents took me to the psychiatrist, uh, who was caring for them also at the time, and he prescribed anti-anxiety medication and antidepressants for me. And that was the start of my escape into prescription medication addiction. I wanted to do anything I could to black out the fear and anxiety that was running through my mind and my veins every single day. I lived absolutely terrified after the event when I was 9 that the person that had attacked me on holidays was going to track me down and kill me because they had our address. And I had no safe haven at home and no safe haven at school, and I felt very alone in the world, uh, very anxious, very fearful. We had some really great happy times, and my parents really loved us kids, so they created a very loving environment for us. But up until my mum stopped drinking at 12, you could never really predict the atmosphere at home. And that was a bit of a turning point when she did stop drinking at 12, when I was 12 years old. We started going to, um, I started going to Alateen meetings then, which was for children of alcoholics. And so right back then I learned all about the power of connection and the power of what hearing a lived experience story can do for somebody who feels totally alone because I heard from other kids that were going through what I'd been through and what I was going through, and having a support group there and being used to getting up and having an opportunity to share about how I felt was just a real lifesaver, uh, back then at that young age. I was the youngest person in the room at Alitim. Um, most of the people were older than me, but at 12, that was the age that you could start going and It was just very, very healing and cathartic to be able to get up to a group of people who understood and be able to share what was going on behind closed doors where you could never talk about that anywhere else. Fast forward to, uh, the age of 15, I'd had 3 years of an absolute, uh, spiral into the deepest depression. I had a very big weight problem and I was bullied relentlessly through the first couple of years of high school. And one of my most horrific memories and the most horrific thing to wake up to each day was the fact that I had to get on the school bus. And I knew that standing at that bus stop that there was, you know, hundreds of sets of eyes staring at me and laughing and mocking and then having to get up those steps onto that bus, and the feeling of public humiliation just nearly destroyed me. Many of those days before I turned 15, between 12 and 15, uh, I was still abusing the medication, but I used to go to sleep at night and wish that I would never wake up because I wouldn't know how I was going to get through another day of the relentless bullying at school and just the feelings of isolation and loneliness. I had one saving grace, and that was that my dad and mum had got me piano lessons when I was 7. And so I played the piano, and I was really good at the piano. So that was something that I used to escape in, and I, I played the piano for ages every single day for hours, and I'm so glad that I, I had that because even though the piano can't talk back, it kind of makes you feel like you're not alone. Um, and it was also an outlet for my emotions, which was something that I desperately needed because I didn't feel like I could really talk to anyone about what was going on inside my head. But when I was 15, I picked up my first drink and I was an instant alcoholic. I couldn't stop at one. I loved the way that it made me feel. Rather than how it tasted. My first drink was from a cask of wine that my brothers had hidden in a caravan across the road in the middle of summer. So it was like boiling hot wine. And I drank nearly the whole cask that day. I was violently ill, but I just loved the effect so much. And it just took— it was like an anaesthetic. It took away all the stuff that was going on in my head, all the fear, all the pain, all the loneliness. And I thought, this is what I need to get through the rest of my life. But the damage happened very, very quickly. By the age of 16, everybody that I knew, my, all my parents' friends that were in AA, my parents, my boyfriend, were all telling me I was an alcoholic. And I thought, there's no possible way that I could be an alcoholic at 16. That's just ridiculous. And I went to a couple of Alcoholics Anonymous meetings to appease my parents because I just wanted to get everyone off my back. I'm like, let me drink in peace. Let me enjoy my, you know, teenage years. That's what everybody's doing. But I was different to everyone and I couldn't realize it at the time. I couldn't understand though, when I would wake up on strange people's fences with strangers around me, not knowing how I got there. The night that 4 guys in a back lane tried to drag me into a car and I fought them off. The night that I tried to fight a girl in the toilets, uh, the night that I tried to smash my boyfriend's windscreen up. I, I wasn't a violent person and I became so aggressive when I drank. And then the feeling the next day of remorse, regret, shame. And I remember saying to my parents over and over again, oh, I'll never drink again. And my mum used to say famous last words, and my dad had a saying too, hair of the dog. And that means you just go back and have another drink. It's the hair of the dog that bit you, and alcohol bit me over and over again, but I just kept going back for more because that's the cycle of addiction. You drink to escape what you're feeling, but then after drinking or taking substances, the feelings are magnified so greatly that you need to drink or use again to numb those feelings, and then you're back on the merry-go-round again. I ended up drinking every day by the age of 18. I was hiding bottles under my bed. I still lived at home, and I thought that my parents really weren't aware what was going on. Just prior to that, I had had an accidental overdose which saw me out of, in an out-of-body experience, watching myself on the floor of a nightclub toilet. That night I was absolutely terrified and I believe that I was so close to death and I, I was praying that God would let me live. And I said, if you let me live, I'll tell my parents exactly what I've, the truth of my addiction and, and how bad it's got. And I did live. I can't remember anything else about that time. But I do know that I did go and talk to my parents and I went to a couple, a couple more meetings. In the rooms of AA, there was a lot of really old people at the time. I was like the youngest and there was a lot of people my age, you know, back then, you know, old people. But they would point at me when they would get up and speak and they'd say, I wished, I wished I had found this when I was your age because if I did, I wouldn't have lost my family. I wouldn't have lost my job. I wouldn't have ended up in hospital. I wouldn't, wouldn't have ended up in a psychiatric ward. I wouldn't have ended up killing that person. I wouldn't have ended up losing everything. And those words just rang in my ears over and over again from that point, every time I drank. And I used to think to myself, how close am I? Obviously I wasn't married. At that stage and didn't have a family, but I used to think, how close am I to losing everything and to losing my life? I'd been on a holiday, um, I'd met yet another boyfriend. For me, having a boyfriend was like breathing air. I needed it to live because it showed me that somebody cared about me. But the boyfriends that I chose were very abusive and they got worse and worse, and I really just settled for whoever would have me in their life because I hated myself so much that I didn't think that I deserved anybody better than them. And this person was, uh, an alcoholic who had been in the army and was quite abusive and aggressive. And we'd been on a holiday and he'd punched me in front of families in a holiday caravan park while we were waiting in the reception area. And that had never happened to me before. And when I got back from that holiday, I remember waking up one particular day and I just lost all hope. And I want to give a trigger warning now that I'm about to talk about suicide. Uh, I didn't really want to die, but I didn't know how to live anymore. And you hear that so often with people who are suicidal. So I planned that day that I would end my life. But in that moment, I heard a loud voice say, don't do it. If you hang on a bit longer, you'll find happiness one day. I'd been brought up with a faith, and I believed that that was the voice of God giving me a second chance. And so I rang Alcoholics Anonymous because I'd heard things that I related to in those rooms. I thought I was too young, but I knew that what they had been through would be my future if I didn't stop drinking. I wanted to have a go at sobriety, and I went to a meeting that night, and I haven't picked up a drink since that day. And that has been, oh, 41 years now. Um, I never thought that I could not drink for one day back then. Uh, it was, um, it was so hard in the beginning because I was the youngest person, um, in the room, and there was one other girl that was younger than me, and she sadly lost the battle. She got sober, but then she went out and drank again thinking that she could control it, and she never made it back into the rooms. But I think that was the real grounding for me to have the passion to help people. Seeing so many thousands of people over that time get up and share their stories and me walk alongside the new people that would come in and help them on their journeys, I saw just miracle after miracle in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I just saw so much hope in so many people. And I learned a lot about gratitude there because you'd hear people get up and talk about getting excited about getting their license back, or being able to get out of bed after 4 days and have a shower, being able to, you know, start going to the hairdresser and look after themselves again. And this was all stuff that people took for granted, but In those rooms, you really learn about what people that have hit the absolute bottom of the earth go through. And then to see them today and how functioning they are is— it's the greatest hope that anybody can really have, is to see that person in front of you. So I eventually got married, um, and met the love of my life, uh, a guy that I never thought I deserved. And, and the type of person that I always wanted to end up with. And we've had two amazing children, and I have two beautiful granddaughters. And that's something that sobriety has given me. If I hadn't stopped drinking, that would have never happened. I've got an amazing, um, job today counseling, um, other people that are going through addictions. And I went through quite a few years where I felt like I recovered well, but I also always had something lurking in the background, and it was depression. And it would rise its head every now and then, and when times got tough and things happened. And when I actually had my, my children, I had very bad postnatal depression, but I could always pull myself out with the help of the Alcoholics Anonymous program and my faith. But then I moved up here to the Sunshine Coast and my support network was my family. I had my bro— my, um, mum and dad in Alcoholics Anonymous, and I was very close to my brothers and we were all like codependent. And when I left my family in Sydney to move up to the Sunshine Coast, um, I was really grief-stricken and so were my parents. And I actually held onto the belief for a long time that I'd destroyed my mum's life., as a result of that move. And a year and a half after we moved up here, she got cancer. And she lasted for about 4 years, but 11 months of that at the end was in a palliative care ward. And I had to travel from the Sunshine Coast to Sydney and go and see her. And that was the hardest year of my life. I still have a lot of that locked away. I've relatively dealt with it now, but there's still a lot of things about that year that I've blocked out and I, I really can't think about. Uh, but I had a lot of, uh, trauma happen after that and, um, lost other family members. And then my dad was diagnosed with last stages of emphysema. And I was very, very close to my dad. He was my number one encourager in life. And eventually he passed away about 6 years ago. And at that same time, my husband became very, very ill and suffered a burnout, um, a breakdown, and was also diagnosed with osteoporosis and told that he had the bones of an 85-year-old. I didn't have any time to breathe since my mum had become sick. There was so many events and so many things that just kept happening that I was in maintenance mode and I just had to keep going. And I didn't have any time to process each trauma. As it happened, um, it's Chuck in there, you know, it was a, a, a big car accident. I was actually bullied at work and had to leave my workplace. Um, I had post-traumatic stress from that job. Um, there was so many other things that happened, but I can't even recall everything because there was just so much. And so eventually after my dad died and my husband became ill, I collapsed in an absolute heap and it was like everything from You know, those past 15 years just caught up with me and I felt like I was out at sea in a king tide. I was trying to get to shore. I could see the shore, but every time I moved my arm, you know, to take a stroke forward towards getting there, I would be slammed by another wave and I felt like I was drowning. I locked myself away for a period of time, pulled myself out of my regular events. And hardly anybody noticed that there was anything wrong with me. And I was really in the fight for my life then. I nearly started drinking again and I just felt like the loneliest person in the world. And really became evident to me something that I talk about a lot today is that often it can be the person that you would least expect to be struggling. That can be struggling the most. And for nobody to ever judge from an outward appearance, because we see people where they're at now, but we don't see the rest of their journey, and we don't see where they've come from. So that led to me being determined after a light bulb moment to make a difference in other people's lives. I've never— I was very self-centered through my active addiction, but once I got sober, I became very others-centered. And that's been one of the greatest keys to my recovery is service to others. And I really wanted to create a space where other people didn't feel as alone as I had felt in their pain. So I started Stories of Hope Australia and I gathered, uh, 30 people turned up the first night where I shared my vision about how I wanted to make a difference to people who were going through hard times in my community. And that led to a 6-year, every single month, um, except through COVID, where I had a man and a woman gather together and share their stories of how they overcame adversity and how they found hope. And I wrote 3 books as a result of all those stories. I didn't want to just keep those stories to those events because the stories were so powerful and so impactful that I wanted to share a piece of Stories of Hope with the rest of the world. So just launched my third book, Lightbulb Moments Through the Eyes of Men. And that's a bit of my story in, in a nutshell. There's a lot more to it, but that's just the basic outline of where I came from, what happened, and the purpose that I've been able to find through my hard times to help bring thousands and thousands of other people hope.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 23:21
Sorry for the interruption. This is Ian Westmoreland, the founder of Kintsugi Heroes, and thank you for listening to this story from one of our amazing heroes. Our mission is for these stories to provide hope and inspiration to people experiencing life challenges and to also educate the broader community on how best to provide support. If you would like to help us us to continue to produce more hero stories and cover more adversity themes, we would welcome all donations.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 23:49
These can be made via our website, kintsugiheroes.com.au.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 23:54
The donate function is at the bottom of the home page.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 23:57
We'd also welcome any feedback.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 23:59
You can email me direct using ian@kintsugiheroes.com.au. Now let's get back to the story. Wow, Kerry. Wow. Thank you. Thanks for, thanks for being here. Thanks for being you and listening to that voice. I've got, yeah, I do have questions. I, first of all, you, you tell your story so articulately well and with such a perspective. You've obviously spent a lot of time healing and working through all those layers. And you speak really beautifully. So when you were a teenager and you started drinking and you told your parents, did they ever judge you or did they fully accept you regardless?
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 24:54
No, they never judged me. I had become such a horrible person. I grew up like I was—
Aveline Clark (Host) · 25:01
is it—
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 25:02
I was in a Catholic girls' college, never swore, you know. I was just like pure as the driven snow, and I turned into this absolute feral, foul-mouthed, aggressive— even when I was sober, obviously. I was broken when I was sober, and I wouldn't display as much anger when I was sober. But I mean, I remember, you know, having almost a fistfight with my father in the living room because he was trying to talk to me about, you know, you have a problem, you know, and you can't be told, can you? You know, we're experts on this. And, um, so I was very, very, uh, even though I was very close to my parents, I was very, very hard to talk to until I'd fully hit rock bottom and I was fully broken. And there was no judgment because they'd both been there. They'd been on their own journeys. You know, my mum drank till I was 12. She, she probably felt, you know, in one way responsible a lot. Um, I know that they tried desperately to help me, and I asked them when I was older, why did you take me to a psychiatrist at 10 who put me on medication? And their answer was, because if we didn't, we thought you might end your life. At 10. So I must have been in such a bad way from their perspective. They did the best they could do. And I work with a lot of, you know, I've worked with a lot of students and in schools on the Sunshine Coast and with a lot of parents. And something that I say is that we're all, as parents, we're just big kids growing up. And nobody gives us a manual. The only, the only role model we have is the ones that we had.. And if our role models obviously were a bit broken themselves, well, that's all we've got to go on. So I really, um, had to come to that resolution with my parents that they were very broken by the role models that they had experienced and that they really did the best for me.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 27:11
Yeah, absolutely. And looking back at what support was there for you? Obviously AA was such a big part of your journey. Was— is that— if you compared it, the kids, kids, uh, teens of today, if they were to be in your shoes today, how different is the world for them in terms of support and, and getting help compared to what you had?
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 27:38
I think it's so different. Um, I mean, I worked as a chaplain in a school for 6 years just because I wanted to help troubled kids. And I knew a chaplain that had actually been there, and seeing the way that that chaplain went to work and looked after those two kids, the brother and sister, just made me think, wow, I'd love to be in a school where I'm planted there, not just going from school to school running different programs and being in kids' lives for 8 weeks and then back out of their life. Because broken kids often have— it's very transient for them that they often don't have anything solid there. So I thought if I was a chaplain, I could be a solid influence in children's lives. So kids these days, you know, there's a great student services team in schools. There wasn't when I was a kid. There was nobody in that school that I felt like I could talk to. There was a lot of judgment, punishment. I was in a Catholic girls' college. A lot of, you know, shame. And these days, uh, everything's talked about a lot more openly. I mean, with social media, there's so much support, there's apps available. But I think that nothing's changed in the fact that kids, I think even younger, are becoming addicted these days. I'm hearing just so many reports of the large amounts of Year 7 and 8 children who are addicted to weed. It's really astronomical. Other kids talk about it like, yeah, that's just normal. But, but back in my day, it was not normal at all. So the easy access, um, to drugs these days for young people is so much greater. And I think we do, we do have a crisis on our hands.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 29:28
Yeah, for sure. How pivotal was the relationship you had with your family nucleus, you know, from what you've shared briefly. It sounds like you were very tight. You said your father was your rock and you're close to your mum. And then what about your brothers? You know, how, how was that unit through the hardest parts and then getting out?
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 29:50
That, that was really good. Um, I've always been very close to my brothers. Um, I have one brother that he kind of left home and became a builder and became very like self-sufficient, and he didn't kind of struggle with alcohol like me and my parents. And, and then I have another brother who I had a lot in common with, and to this day, if I, uh, am struggling with anything, he's the person that I ring, and there's nothing that we don't talk about. Um, it's a very unique relationship. He's very, uh, very, very family orientated and my other brother is as well. But this brother didn't have children either, so he's had more time to be able to dedicate to the family. And he, he spent a lot of time really caring for my dad in the last days as well.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 30:43
So how nice that you've had some just such beautiful relationships, you know, from your family, given the, the challenges that you've had. So yeah. It's wonderful. When you had your own children, were you concerned that they might follow in your footsteps or have the gene?
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 31:03
Oh yeah, yeah, definitely. But they were, um, there was something really special that happened. I was very worried about, you know, one day I really wanna tell them all about me and about my past and what happened and the fact why I don't drink and all that. And my daughter came home, I think it might have been in year 6 or 7, and she was very, very mature. And my son was 4 years younger, so he found out a lot, lot longer than that. But she came home and I think she'd been in a health and wellbeing class and they'd been talking about drugs and alcohol. I thought, I think this is the right time to tell her, but I was really nervous because I didn't want her to change her opinion of me. And this always makes me tear up when I talk about this, but she was so wonderful. So she was only, what, maybe 13 or something? And then I think it was literally a month later, she came home and she was really excited and she said, guess what, Mum, we have to do a project on someone we admire, and I'm doing mine on you. And I was just like It was like all my fears just fell off that day because I thought, oh, she admires me. She doesn't judge me. She admires me. And I think for a parent, that's the greatest thing, gift that you can have, is for your kids to admire you. So, um, yeah, apologies for the tears, but that one always, it always gets to me. And so as a result of that, she was very respectful and very understanding of the alcoholism gene in our family, and she didn't drink till she was 18. And my son also was exactly the same. And I remember the first night he ever went out and had his first drink. He just turned 18, and I dropped him and his mates off because they were going out to a nightclub to drink for the first time. And I actually was on my way to an AA meeting. And so I dropped them off and then I stood up and I got asked to speak at the AA meeting and I'm sharing and I'm like, well, I'm at the AA meeting tonight and my son's out having his first drink and I do not know what's gonna end up happening because people don't know if they're an alcoholic until they have that first drink.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 33:29
Hmm.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 33:30
And we say in AA, one's too many and a hundred's not enough. And there's that inability to know when to stop. Uh, and often, you know, a personality change is really associated with alcoholism as well. But he loves a drink, but definitely does not have— he's not an alcoholic. So I'm so grateful. I've broken, I've broken, you know, the generational curse or whatever it is for my family, which I'm so thrilled about.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 34:02
Yeah, absolutely.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 34:04
And they've never seen their father drink. Oh, learned behavior— with, with all my studies with counseling and, and my mental health work, learned behavior can actually manipulate the genes. So someone can have an inherited gene but then be in the midst of a particular learned behavior, and that can actually kind of um, manipulate the gene or, or prevent it from being switched on. So they've never seen their father drunk, so, and they've never seen me drink. So, um, I think that really made a difference. For all those parents out there, your kids are watching you. So what you do say and what you do do, they will do and they will say.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 34:49
That's really fascinating, Kerry, and I'm very happy for you. That would have been one very long evening when, when you know, your son went to the nightclub and wondering what was going to happen. And of course, you said now you've got two wonderful children and grandchildren now. Yeah, it's so lovely. Congrats.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 35:08
And I'm teaching the piano and singing.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 35:11
Oh, that's wonderful. I know.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 35:14
So they can carry on the music genes as well. So because my grandfather that I never got to meet, I was born on the same birth, same day as him. And he actually was the violinist and conductor and wrote all the music for the Tivoli in Sydney. Oh, and my dad was a musician. And then I— my dream was to be a professional musician, but life had other plans. So now I'm teaching my one granddaughter the piano and one granddaughter singing.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 35:45
Oh, wonderful. That warms my heart. How beautiful. Yeah, you must tell me, are there moments where you look back to that day where, you know, you woke up on the floor and you thought, today I'm going to end my life? How many times have you looked back on that moment and just been so grateful that you didn't and that you had the voice telling you not to?
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 36:07
Oh, I know, every time, whenever I'm doing a keynote address and I'm speaking about that moment, I'm a big believer of keeping the emotions intact so you're not taking the audience on a massive roller coaster, but moment when I talk about that, when I reflect back to if I'd ended it all that day, what I would have missed out on, really cuts me up. And I've already cried now, so I'm all right now talking about it. But it does, you know, when, when I think about the incredible life that I have had and am still having, to think that I nearly took all that away in an instant of hopelessness Look, I've had many instances of hopelessness since, you know, and I think it's very, very hard doing life on life's terms and not having alcohol or substances to turn to. For any addict or alcoholic, that's just what you do. For any normal person, most people do have a couple of drinks. Most people. There are many that— there are some that don't. But many people will have a drink just to take the edge off stress or whatever. And for me to not be able to have that to-do has been very difficult because what, what I have had to do in my life is to sit in the middle of the most horrible pain and emotions, and there's been no escaping from them. I've had to walk through the dark tunnel of that over and over and over again. But my experience and the proof in my life has been that I come out the other side of that dark tunnel. And, and I had a pivotal moment after my mum died where I was sitting just staring out the window, just in absolute emotional agony. And it was the realization that I'm actually sitting here and I, I'm still here, I'm still alive. And the pain of that the emotional pain won't kill you. And knowing that means that you will come out the other side of emotional pain. So, you know, I've had some terrible, terrible lows, but some incredible highs as well. But something that I do do now is I level myself. I don't allow myself to become too excited about things because I know that if I do and they don't work out for whatever reason, that I don't want to be crashing down and coming down to that really low. So I am really able to regulate my emotions these days, which is a really great gift that I've been able to find within myself.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 38:52
Congratulations. And I'm sure people listening to you speak will understand exactly what you're talking about in terms of, you know, the, the walking through the pit of the fire of the pain. And, and for those that can't drink, because it must be really, really, really hard. And like you say, you, you're living proof that the pain won't kill you. Um, and yeah, you're such a warrior, Kerry, aren't you? And you've got the most beautiful, like, glow about you. For those that are listening to the audio, Kerry has the most beautiful energy around her and her face just lights up when she smiles. It's, it's beautiful. And like you say, you never know what people are going through. You know, we, we make so many judgments just on face value of people. And I think your story certainly is an example to many people of hope as well.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 39:51
Thank you. Can I add one thing? Um, in the questions it talked— you, you had a question about when did things return to normal, and it was a point that I wanted to make which I think will really help a lot of people, because for me, I could never return to normal. And some people can, but after the, the grief of losing my mum and everything, I think one of the hardest things for me was I kept thinking, when am I going to return to normal? I came to the point one day, and this is all about acceptance, of accepting that things are different and they're never going to be the same again. And so I had to come to the realization that this was the new normal. And coming to that, uh, acceptance of this is the new normal and this is the new now, and I can make of that whatever I want, and not allowing myself to go back to the past. Of course, we have to go back and we have to process painful things in able to be, to be able to move forward, but without keeping on going back to them, living in the past and not living in the future, the new, coming to the acceptance of the new normal meant that I, each day was a new slate to start all over again and to recreate my life. And yes, I was a different person as the result of what had happened to me and what, what had gone on in my life. But the power each day, if you live in the day, is that we can create whatever life that we want from this day forward. And the rest of our life can be much greater than the past.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 41:42
Beautiful message. Really, really inspiring. I have one last question for you, Kerry, and that is, if there's someone who's listening to this who maybe has just acknowledged that they are an alcoholic, or maybe they're a family member or very close to someone who is, is there something that you'd like to share with them that might help them on their journey?
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 42:07
I think just to know that, uh, that there is always hope. I mean, the first step really though is, um, admitting and coming to that acknowledgement and acceptance of, yes, I, I, I do have a problem. And I think realizing that there's no shame in that. There's actually bravery in being able to admit that we have a problem. Or that we have a limp in life, that there is a weakness. And that is the first step to getting well. It's really pride that prevents people from admitting that there's a problem, and pride's the greatest blocker of progress. Be brave. If people around you are continually saying you have a problem, you know, you're drinking too much, drugging, your behaviour's changed, We talk about the 4 L's as a sign that somebody could be struggling. So is there a problem with your love life, for instance, your relationships? Liver— is there a problem with your health? Livelihood— are you missing days off work or having work relationship problems? Have you lost money as a result through not being able to work? And then the law— have you been in trouble with the law? If you've ticked one to any of those 4 things, there's a good chance that you have a problem. With alcohol or substances. But if people around you that love you and care about you are continually saying that as well, listen, because people that love you won't lie. They, they want the best for you, and they, they want you to have a great life. And so I think be brave enough to accept if you think you have a problem and reach out for help. Awareness is the first step to getting help, and then when you seek help, you, you get a greater understanding of whether you do or don't have a problem. But at least you've investigated that then. And don't let shame hold you back, because we all go through stuff. We're all human, and we all deserve a second chance.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 44:12
That's so true. We do. That's really powerful and beautiful, loving words, Kerry. Thank you. Thank you so much for your time and sharing your story. I really appreciate you and what you've, what you've given to our listeners today.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 44:27
Thank you, Evelyn. Really appreciate the opportunity.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 44:31
You are welcome. Thanks, Kerry. We hope you've enjoyed this episode of Kintsugi Heroes. Please like and share the show to your friends so we can get this out to even more people. If you have a story you'd like to share with us, please reach out using the contact details below. And join us next week for our next hero's story. Until then, keep being you, and remember that we are all heroes in our own unique way. Only when it's broken. Only when it's broken.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 45:13
When it hits you in the middle of the night and the truth burns so bright.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 45:21
Only when it's broken. Only when it's broken.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 45:30
Take pride in those cries. It's only for tonight.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 45:35
And then you rise.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 45:38
Only when you're broken.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 45:42
Only when you're broken.
Kerrie Atherton (Guest) · 45:47
Only when you're broken.
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