Kintsugi Heroes
Shannon Miller
Shannon Miller shows why engaging men as human beings, not demons, is the only approach that changes violent behavior.
You don't have to be in crisis to call.
Shannon Miller spent five years as a butcher before joining the military looking for a challenge. What he found instead was male behavior toward women far worse than anything he'd witnessed before. The real breaking point came when four soldiers from his unit died in drink-driving crashes within two weeks, all dealing with untreated trauma from deployment. That loss shifted something in him. He left the army and moved into work supporting young people struggling with substance use, then spent ten years in child protection with adolescents in state care. Working case after case, a pattern emerged: family violence sat behind nearly everything, whether current or historical.
Shannon's work led him to a difficult realization. He read about a death row inmate whose childhood taught him violence was a normal problem-solving tool, and it made him think about his own son, who would barely pick up a toy gun because it had never been presented to him as an option. That insight changed how he thinks about perpetrators of violence. Most men who use violence are themselves victims of violence, but once they become the perpetrator, their trauma gets erased. Shannon argues the only thing that changes behavior is engaging with men as human beings, not shaming them or locking them away without support.
He pushes back on the idea that masculinity itself is toxic, pointing instead to social media personalities exploiting gender tensions. When he visits schools and sporting clubs, he sees young men with far better values toward women than existed in the 1990s. His own son is growing up in a household where gender equality is the norm, and Shannon expects him to be driven by moral values in whatever he does. The work ahead is not about harsher sentences or more custody. It is about understanding the men behind the violence, and building community support that actually changes behavior.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses domestic & family violence, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • 1800RESPECT (family, domestic & sexual violence): 1800 737 732 · 1800respect.org.au
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