Jas Rawlinson
Jas Rawlinson survived invisible abuse and spent a decade healing before becoming an advocate, showing that speaking out comes after safety, not before.
Hear this story
Jas Rawlinson grew up on the east coast in a house that looked normal from the outside. Her father was charming to her friends, but at home he created an environment of constant fear. There was no physical violence most days, but there was financial abuse, verbal cruelty, coercive control, and the kind of emotional harm that had no name in the late 1990s. At 10 years old, sitting on the lounge in her swimmers eating ice cream, her father's comment about her body lodged itself in her mind and stayed there for years, feeding into disordered eating and deep self-hatred. She never knew which version of her father she would come home to. She walked on eggshells every day.
Drama and theater became the place where Jas found a voice when she had none at home. By her late teens, as the abuse escalated, she began to push back. Her father ended his life when she was 18, which brought both trauma and an overwhelming relief she would struggle with for years. It took her a decade just to acknowledge what she had been through. Another decade of healing passed before she felt safe enough to speak publicly about domestic violence. At 30, with a regulated nervous system, a safe marriage, and a secure home, she began the advocacy work that would define her life.
Jas wrote The Stories We Carry to show survivors that trauma does not have to be a life sentence and that generational cycles can be broken. Since publication, teenagers still trapped in abuse and survivors in their 60s have told her the book gave them hope. Her message is simple and direct: do not wait for physical violence to get help. Abuse starts with disrespect, with words, with control. If you feel unsafe, reach out to someone you trust.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses abuse & exploitation, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • Blue Knot Foundation (complex trauma): 1300 657 380 · blueknot.org.au • 1800RESPECT (family, domestic & sexual violence): 1800 737 732 · 1800respect.org.au
“Every day really felt like I was walking on eggshells. I never knew what kind of dad I was going to come home to.”
“Don't wait until something becomes physically violent to feel like it's bad enough to get help. Because for most people, it doesn't start as physical violence.”
“I took the time to find out who I was, to learn how to set boundaries, to learn what a healthy relationship looks like and feels like.”
The hero, today
Jas did not know how to name what was happening to her as a child, so she internalized the fear, anxiety, and depression instead of speaking to anyone about the abuse. Drama and theater gave Jas a voice when she felt completely voiceless at home, and that small inner strength may have helped her start pushing back against her father as she got older. Jas felt unworthy and unloved because of her father's specific words about her body and character, and those comments fed into years of disordered eating and self-hatred. It took Jas ten years just to acknowledge what she had been through, and another ten years of healing before she felt safe enough in her own life to speak about domestic violence publicly. Jas wrote The Stories We Carry not just to share her own story, but to show survivors that trauma does not have to be a life sentence and that broken cycles are possible.
Yes. Jas Rawlinson is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Jas did not know how to name what was happening to her as a child, so she internalized the fear, anxiety, and depression instead of speaking to anyone about the abuse.
Drama and theater gave Jas a voice when she felt completely voiceless at home, and that small inner strength may have helped her start pushing back against her father as she got older.
Jas felt unworthy and unloved because of her father's specific words about her body and character, and those comments fed into years of disordered eating and self-hatred.
It took Jas ten years just to acknowledge what she had been through, and another ten years of healing before she felt safe enough in her own life to speak about domestic violence publicly.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 00:00
Kintsugi Heroes acknowledges funding and was made possible with support from the Community Broadcasting Foundation. Find out more at cbf.org.au.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 00:18
Welcome to the Kintsugi Heroes podcast, where we share inspirational stories of everyday people going through different challenges and how they overcome them. Please be aware that the story you're about to hear may have moments of deeply felt emotions and personal experiences.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 00:35
If anything you hear has a triggering effect, please reach out to someone who can help keep you safe.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 00:42
If you love this conversation, we'd love you to like and share it with your friends so we can continue to share more inspiration and hope to as many people as possible.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 00:52
Now listen up for our next hero story. This week, Kerry Atherton is having a chat with Jazz Rawlinson. Jazz grew up in a seemingly normal home but faced deep trauma due to her father's emotional abuse. Despite a childhood filled with fear and low self-esteem, Jazz found solace in drama and theater. Her journey of healing took years, especially after her father's tragic death when she was 18. Through mentorship and personal growth, Jazz broke free from generational trauma, and now she's a powerful advocate for domestic violence survivors and changing lives with her heartfelt book, The Stories We Carry. Enjoy this one with Jazz Rawlinson.
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This conversation includes a house that looked normal from the outside, walking on eggshells every single day, the day she hated herself for hating her body, drama gave her a voice when she had none, she knew she wanted to make a difference, even as a child and her father's escalating words shaped her shame.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 01:49
Welcome to another episode of Kintsugi Heroes. Today's guest is Jazz Rawlinson. She's a speaker, an author, and a domestic violence advocate. Welcome, Jazz.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 02:00
Thanks so much, Kerry. It's great to be on the show and to see you again as well after quite a couple of years.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 02:06
I know, the last time was when you spoke at my event Stories of Hope, wasn't it?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 02:11
Yes, pre-COVID, another lifetime ago.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 02:15
And you shared a very powerful story then, and I know that our listeners will be really empowered by your story today. So I probably wanna start by just asking you what led you into the work, the great work that you're doing today.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 02:31
So I, I get asked this question all the time and it, it was a really long journey. I'm always, I always wanna be upfront that I didn't go from where I was to doing domestic violence advocacy and speaking overnight. It certainly wasn't um, that kind of process. It was about a 10-year process even just to acknowledge what I'd been through as a, as a young person. So I grew up on the east coast of Australia, and I had a very, you know, very blessed childhood in many ways. Lots of people— I used to have friends come out to my house, and we would have like little camping sleepovers, and they would come and play with my horse and ride my horse and Everybody probably thought that my life was pretty normal, which is really very common for a lot of people who are growing up in a home like mine where there's a perpetrator of domestic violence, because the perpetrator is very good at appearing charming and, you know, coming across like, you know, just a fun, happy, nice person, which my dad really could come across that way. Most of my girlfriends didn't think anything was up, and they all thought he was a pretty normal person. But it, it was an environment that was filled with a lot of fear. And the best way I can describe it without, you know, sort of having to go into a lot of detail is that every day really felt like I was walking on eggshells. I never knew what kind of dad I was going to come home to. And even though my mum was very good at trying to calm him down or keep him at a better level sometimes, uh, there was only so much she could do. And we might have a couple of good days, we might even have a couple of good weeks, but he would always end up exploding again. Um, the biggest problem though in, in our house and in that period of time as well, which was late 1990s to early 2000s, was that we had no social awareness or education about the different forms of domestic violence. So in my home, it was almost never physically violent, um, very rare for it to be physically violent, but there was financial abuse and there was verbal abuse and there was mental abuse and there was, um, all kinds of coercive control, um, which is something that many people talk about these days. A lot of people are much more aware of coercive control and the way that people will use, you know, perpetrators will rely on threats and intimidation to control a person rather than, than just physical violence. Um, and that was all part of my experience of growing up. But as a young teenage girl, I didn't know how to describe what was going on. And so that led me to internalize all of the, the fear and the anxiety and the depression and really not speak out to anyone about what was going on. Um, to really sum it up, you know, I was 16— I was 10 when I first, I would say, fell into depression and anxiety. Um, I was 16 when I called the police for the first time, but that didn't, didn't really fix anything on, on that instance. I turned 17 in a safe house, and then between age 17 and 18, we went back home. And, um, you know, the, the abuse just escalated and escalated. And, um, it, you know, it culminated in my dad making a decision which was both traumatic but also, uh, kind of a relief, if I'm honest, in that he ended up taking his life when I was 18. There were so many layers of trauma. And as you know, you can probably imagine, or I know you know my story, but anyone listening, you know, there was a lot of shame and guilt there as well because I felt such overwhelming relief once my dad wasn't around anymore. And if I'd been able to have a conversation back then with kind of the insights that I know now and the public conversation that we have now around mental health, I would've said I never wanted him to disappear in that way. I never wanted him to make a decision like that. We all just wanted the abuse to stop. But unfortunately it, it, I don't think it was ever going to stop and it was certainly escalating and ramping up. So I feel very lucky to be here cuz I don't know if I would be here if he was still here. Um, and that's the honest truth of it. But to go from that point in my life of age 18 and having lost my dad in that way after almost a decade of domestic violence, and then going into unhealthy relationships after that, like many survivors do, um, and experiencing more trauma and more trauma, I certainly didn't then go, oh, I'm going to become a domestic violence advocate and start talking about this. Um, I really didn't get into that until I was about age 30, um, after I'd done quite a bit of healing. So those were the, the things that kind of led me to do the work that I do today. But I, I'm always really careful to mention that I didn't go straight into it. I, I took the time to find out who I was, to learn how to set boundaries, to learn what a healthy relationship looks like and feels like. So that I could be in this place later on where when I did decide I wanted to start speaking out, I had a safe environment around me. You know, I had a safe relationship, marriage. We have a safe house. We live in a, you know, fairly safe area. And so the work that I do now, I'm able to do that from a place where I have a somewhat regulated nervous system compared to what I used to have. And I, Yeah, I really think that's an important point to make, especially for anyone that's, whether they're doing mental health advocacy or whatever it might be. Um, it's really important that you feel safe if you're going to start speaking out about really hard things.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 08:49
Very important point there, which I totally agree with. Jazz, you went from being voiceless to the voice really for advocacy for others. Because I read that even though you didn't step into it for a long time, I, I read that you knew from an early age that you wanted to be a voice for those like you, um, who had been through that. Uh, and I can only imagine when you said before that you felt constantly like you were treading on eggshells, you had to shrink and be silent and be quiet and make sure everything was smoothed over. And so I, I guess in a sense, you— did you feel then that you had no voice when you were younger, or that you weren't allowed?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 09:35
Oh, for sure. Yeah, yeah.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 09:38
I—
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 09:38
one of the things that actually helped me a lot when I was a young person was getting into drama and theater, because I didn't have a— I didn't have a voice. Um, and like, the self-hatred was so strong as well, you know. I, I didn't like a single thing about myself. There were days at school where I would try to, to go as many days as possible without speaking, literally voiceless, because I just hated my voice so much. I hated my body, I hated myself. And so when you, when you mentioned that, I thought, yeah, like that's true. I was completely voiceless. And drama was one of the things that really helped me to start having a voice in that situation. Even though I was still, still felt kind of voiceless at home. And I actually wonder if that's why, um, you know, when I said my dad's abuse was escalating at that point in my life around age 18, I, I don't know whether it was the fact that I was getting older or whether it was the little bit of inner strength that I'd found through doing drama, but I was really starting to push back on him. Yeah. So I was starting to, like, I was defending my mom, I was defending my brother, I was like getting back in his face and screaming back. Although sometimes I would do that and then I would literally leg it out the door and like run down the paddock somewhere because I was, yeah, oh no, what have I done? You know? Yeah. What's gonna happen now? But yeah, I didn't have a voice, but I did feel very strongly that I don't know. I think I didn't know how I was going to make a difference, but I just knew that I wanted to, to one day make sure that women and children were safe and that they didn't feel alone. And back then, you know, with my young teenage mind, I, I used to think of all these fantastical things like, I'm going to invent this button that you can press that will like call the police and have them there straight away. And it also records the perpetrator so you have evidence. I used to think more about things like that. I certainly didn't think about becoming a speaker or being a book coach, which is, which is what I have was doing for the past 6 years until previously. But I did have that sense that I wanted to do something that, that was going to make a difference.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 12:01
Wow. And, and you have made a difference, I know, in so many people's lives by speaking out and being brave and sharing your story.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 12:10
Yeah. Thank you.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 12:11
You mentioned that you hated yourself. I mean, I can identify with so much of what you are saying. Um, and I, I didn't grow up in a domestic violent situation, but both my parents were alcoholics. So for different reasons, you know, I had very low self-esteem and also traumatic events that had happened to me. Uh, and I used to hide in the library and I too went into drama and it was a great hiding place. Um, Was it things that your dad said to you or the way he made you feel that, that caused you to hate yourself? Did you, as a child, because you, um, you often hear this, um, oh, you know, I'm a counselor and I often hear this, that kids take on the sense that it's their fault that their parents, uh, yeah, so was there any of that going on for you or all of it?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 13:04
Yeah, no, I Just got me thinking a little bit because sometimes, like, I forget, and I think it's— maybe it's helpful to be able to forget a bit. But, um, the emotional abuse was really terrible, and there were things that my dad said when I was 10 that stayed with me. And I remember sitting on our, our lounge. I think we had like this old black leather lounge, and I was sitting on it and I was having like a chocolate-coated bullet ice cream. I think I was like 10 or 11 or something. And so I would have been going through puberty, right? I was always a very petite, um, child, but going through puberty, so I would have been like a bit thicker than I ended up becoming. But I remember my dad seeing me there. I think I was sitting in my swimmer's eating this ice cream, and he said something like, oh wow, look at, look at your fat rolls. And I just never forgot that. Um, and you know, within a couple of years I definitely had disordered eating. Whether or not I was ever officially anything. You know, I would try to go like a full day without eating, and I hated my body. Um, and I think a lot of it was because I felt very unloved from my dad, and I felt very unworthy. And, you know, he would just pick on me, make fun of me. I remember when I got my license, I was so like— it had been so nerve-wracking, you know. Like, it's weird to think back when we went for our first.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 14:32
Yeah.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 14:33
And it was such a big deal. Um, and nobody's license photo looks great, you know, they always look terrible. But he laughed at me and, and was like, wow, said something like, wow, it's true what they say about license photos, like, oh my gosh, look at you, you look so bad. So he used to say things like that. He used to say you should be sent away to a girl's home, like, you know, it would get really quite nasty, like you know, you're a bitch, and you know, if your mom and I get separated, it's your fault. Um, and so I would hear it in all different ways. Like, I felt unattractive, I felt unloved, I felt stupid. He certainly told me I was. And so, yeah, it was— I think it was just coming from all angles. And then on top of that, I was a teenager who was going through body dysmorphia. And, you know, most teenagers feel uncomfortable with their bodies, at least at some point. So I think it was just all those things together just led to this really toxic, like, view of myself and hatred towards myself and then feeling like an outsider too, and just feeling like I didn't really fit in anywhere.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 15:43
Wow. And it's every little girl's dream or desire, isn't it, to be adored by their dad? Yeah, I think what is meant to happen. Um, yeah, I'm really sorry that you had to go through that. That's really, really sad, you know, for any young girl.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 16:01
Yeah, thank you. It's like, I'm— it's still— sometimes it does still make me emotional. Um, I think I kind of numbed myself out to it for a long time, and, you know, I was actually quite bitter if I saw any female friends with good relationships with their dads. Like, it would just make me so bitter, so angry. But I didn't really understand, you know, why my situation seemed to be so different. And it's a bit, you know, it's a bit different for me now. I can have a bit more of a balanced view. But my husband and I are actually just talking about something yesterday, and I actually— my son was learning about relationships at school. For some reason, they learning about different kinds of families.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 16:46
Yeah.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 16:46
And I don't know if this is true or not, but I asked him like what he was learning about families, and he said, well, he's only 6, so he said, oh, well, some families are happy and some families are angry. I was like, what? And I don't know if this is really what they learn, but he started saying, and some families are, you know, not very nice or something. And I said, well, You know, that is true. Like, and you might have a friend one day that doesn't have a very happy family and you might be able to be a good friend for them. Um, and he asked me something and I said, well, yeah, that's kind of what my family was a bit like that. You know, my mom was, was very peaceful and very happy. And my dad was, you know, could be very angry and, and not very nice. And he was just thinking about it and then he said, oh, 'Did you ever run away?' It was like such an interesting question for a 6-year-old.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 17:40
Yeah.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 17:41
And I said, 'Oh, I did a few times actually.' And he said, 'Did you, did you hide? Did you hide in your, um, from your dad?' And I was like, 'Yeah, yeah, I did, I did do that sometimes.' And it was those talks at school, like, that's pretty connected, isn't it? Yeah. But I just thought, wow, you know, it does still, um, move me a little bit now. Sometimes I do think, you know, I'm so glad that my son's, like, I've been able to break that cycle and his life will be so different. But it does sometimes make me still a little bit sad to go, ah, I didn't have that, you know, like, and it is hard, I think, especially for little girls not to have that relationship with their dad. It's meant to teach them the first, you know, it's meant to be the first view of what a strong, positive man is, like what a strong positive male role model is.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 18:36
Yeah.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 18:36
And I didn't have that. But, you know, I'm glad that I can have a different— that my son can have a different life than I did. And I'm happy that, you know, he's learning about different kinds of, uh, families so that, you know, maybe he can be that, that friend that I had in school. You know, I found some good friends that helped me through it. And so I, yeah, I look to the future and I You know, I'm glad that a lot of things have changed, even if they're not where we want them to be. Yeah. Um, it's certainly better than, you know, the, the life, the world you grew up in and the world that I grew up in, you know?
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 19:12
Yeah.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 19:12
Yeah.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 19:13
And it's great that you've been able to choose a partner that's different and break that, like you said, break that generational.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 19:22
Yeah.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 19:22
You know, we, I mean, we often hear that people that are abusers have been abused themselves and um, it's a cycle, you know, isn't it, that just often repeats itself. Unless the abuse is that bad that we see people say, I am never going to be like that person, and they just so determined that they do make a change and make things different, which in your case, um, has proved to be true. Jazz, so many people also with domestic violence, often there's alcohol or drugs involved, um, when the person becomes domestic domestically violent. Um, was that the case with your dad? Because I know it's not always the case. Some people just have anger problems. But what about with your dad?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 20:11
It's really interesting because he, he wasn't that kind of stereotype. And I've had quite a few men in particular ask me that question in past interviews or at events. And it's interesting, he wasn't a drug taker and He just, you know, he only drank his light beers, so he was never— the whole time I knew him, he never had an alcohol problem. So in some ways, I don't, I don't know if that makes things any better or worse. Or I think if you— I, I really do feel for people who grew up with a family member or a parent who does have alcohol addiction, because I know the violence can be so overwhelming and, and so much worse. But sometimes I just wonder for myself, and this is only my own experience, but I wonder whether it feels worse to me that he didn't have any problems, because in some ways it feels like it was more intentional. There was nothing else to blame. Although when I look at it, I also know that he had unhealed trauma, and none of us exactly know what that was. Like, we have an idea, but he refused to address that trauma. And so, yeah, like, like many people, and especially many violent men in Australia, they have, they have PTSD or they have trauma that hasn't been addressed. And, and yeah, so I think that was certainly his— I think that was the driver for him.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 21:42
Totally agree. And back that generation of men too, they didn't talk.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 21:47
Yeah. No, he wouldn't even take vitamins. He was like, oh, if I take vitamins, that means I'm weak, you know, like I'm— there's something wrong with me. So he was never going to take medication. Um, the only thing that had helped him was that for a period of time he had a really good mentor from our church, and he was doing so much better when he had that man in his life. But then something happened in the church and he no longer had access to that person, or it was, I think it's hard for me to remember, but that man who was his mentor was a really good mentor to my dad, but he was human and he made some mistakes that definitely needed to be called out and addressed. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I think because of those mistakes he made, I think from memory he may have been taken out of his position in the church of leadership. Which was fair enough, but it meant that my dad then lost that mentor he had, and that's when things got so much worse again. So, you know, I can feel thankful for the— what that person did for my dad, but he, you know, obviously made some mistakes as well. Um, so yeah, I think that that would have made a big difference, and it's so important for men as well. I know, like, the work that you do has been so helpful for men, um, who feel that they don't have a voice and, and are really looking for that mentorship. Yeah, something in society where, yeah, where we really just need so much more, um, awareness of like good mentorship groups and options for men.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 23:28
Yeah. And, you know, a lot of, um, in a recent study that was done, or a survey of a lot of men, they were surveyed as to whether they'd prefer to see a female female therapist or a male therapist. And the, um, votes for a female was slightly higher. And their reasons were that they often felt humiliated or embarrassed to open up to a man because of the thought that what you said, interesting, weak, you know, what will they think of me? But they felt that women were more easier to open up to. But generally it was a pretty even playing field. Yeah, but, you know, I've had lots of my clients talk to me about how lonely they are and how they have nobody to talk to, and I think that's really sad. And, you know, fortunately in the work that I do, I'm able to link them up with organizations that do have mentors, because I think for a guy that doesn't— that's really hesitant to open up about their problems, having a mentor at times seems much less daunting than thinking, oh, I'm going to a counselor or a therapist or a psychologist. So male mentorship is something that's so important. Jazz, we were talking about the effects again, how you said that you're pretty well these days. It doesn't affect you, but you can still become a little bit emotional thinking about the past. But I know for a fact that You have definitely broken those stories that you told yourself back then because you've got a new book out, haven't you? The Stories That We Carry.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 25:09
Yeah. Yeah. I think you see it behind me, but let me just get it, get it off the shelf so we can see it. I always have it on my desk when I've got clients, but, um, yeah, The Stories We Carry came out early, officially early last year.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 25:24
That's wonderful. Tell us, tell us more about that book because it's very important, isn't it, to break free from any trauma? Like perception is everything and it's all about what story do we want to tell ourself to move forward.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 25:39
Yeah. Oh, it took me so long to come up with that name. Um, because previous to that I'd written 3 books in a series, which is, which you know about, which is called Reasons to Live One More Day Every Day. And really similar to the story, um, to the book series that you've been doing as well. It was so funny cuz we were both doing this very similar thing, not knowing about each other for so long. Um, but I, yeah, I'd written this Reasons to Live series, which, you know, like your books has, mine had around 10 people per book sharing their stories of overcoming adversity. But it took me a long time, I guess, to get to a point where I felt that I wanted to just put my story out there. Um, and again, it was kind of just about being a champion for other people's voices.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 26:28
Yeah.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 26:29
Until I got to a point where I was like, I really need to tell my story in full. And there's so many stories that people have asked me about, especially my work with human trafficking survivors overseas and the work I've done here in Australia investigating, um, exploitation, which a lot of people People close to me knew about that, but, but no one— like, a lot of other people didn't know about that. So I wanted to write a book that really— not, not just a book about abuse, but a book that shows how abuse really does impact, especially our young people, and the decisions that we make from trauma. But more importantly, how to break that generational trauma and how to break those cycles and do something with your life that you are proud of so that that trauma doesn't have to feel like a life sentence. And that was really important to me to be able to put that message out there because I, I do know that there are survivors who think or feel that they will just always be a victim and nothing, you know, there's no hope for them. There's nothing positive they can do with their life or anything great that they could do with their life. So I wanted to write a book that Yeah, like showed that journey very raw and real about abuse and showed that section of my life where I was making very unhealthy, reckless decisions from my trauma and how, how I came out of that rock bottom. And then the second part of the book is really, you know, the learning to come out of that comfort zone that we often rely on when we have survived trauma and learning how to start stretching myself a little bit further and And then going into the advocacy work and human trafficking awareness work that I've done, and then making sure I had resources in the back as well that support people on the next, you know, the next steps in their personal growth, like how to set boundaries. And the fact that boundaries don't, you know, I say boundaries don't make you a bitch, you know, like, I don't know if I'm allowed to say that. Yeah, a lot of people think, oh, you know, 'People think I'm such a bitch if I say no.' And it's really important to learn that there are important times to say no, and that doesn't make you a terrible person. So I wanted to have the book explore those really raw, real parts of my life, but also give people the tools to continue on with their healing journey. That was, um, yeah, a huge part in my I guess, my journey to put that book out there and, you know, to release my story and share the stories that people didn't know about and be a bit more vulnerable, but also to see over the past year or so the difference that it's made in people's lives. And, you know, to have teenagers say, wow, it's like you're telling my story, you know, and this book's giving me so much hope because I'm still trapped in— like, I'm still in this situation. Yeah. And to have, you know, people who are so much older, like people who are in their 40s, 50s, 60s saying, you know, how much the book has touched them. So it's been a really cathartic and fulfilling part of my journey. And I'm sure there'll be, you know, another book that I'll be working on in the future. But yeah, this was really a special part of my journey releasing this one.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 29:56
Oh, that's great. And you're very brave. And it is, I know so many people have said, when are you writing your story, Kerry? You know, and I've, I've write written snippets of it, you know, but it is a big thing to sit down and yeah, your own story. And, um, and I think, you know, you touched on it before, uh, as trauma survivors, um, well, you didn't say this, but I, I kind of picked up when you said it took you so long because often You know, for me, you know, what has often set in is imposter syndrome and also that voice that's been with me my whole life. Oh, you are all alone and you can't do it. And, but I, but I rise up against those stories today. You know, I, I, I do a lot of mind management and as soon as that thought comes in, I chuck it out. You know, whereas before I used to meditate on that story and let that story grow. And then once again, I'd feel like I was cut off at the legs. So, I think, you know, it's very powerful to be able to get that out there and, and share overcoming trauma, cuz it is a journey. And for anyone out there listening, it just doesn't happen overnight. You know, it takes work. And if you have experienced trauma, reach out and seek help and get Jazz's book. It'll really help you. Jazz, as we're just coming to a close now, I just wanted to ask you what your most powerful message would be for anybody out there that's listening today. And one thing I just quickly do wanna acknowledge, because there's been a lot of talk about domestic violence in the media at the moment. Mm-hmm. And I'm sure you'll be with me on this. I just do wanna acknowledge though that domestic violence does happen to women and men.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 31:45
Yep.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 31:46
And that's a point that we really wanna make here today, that for anybody that's gone through that, um, our hearts really go out to you, but there is hope for all of you. Um, yeah, so Jazz, what's your message that you'd love to leave our viewers with?
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 32:01
Yeah, well, firstly, I wanted to say thanks for making that distinction because I have been talking more in schools lately about what abuse looks like, um, against men as well as women. And I think it's really important to, to know what does it look like and what are experiences like in LGBT relationships and with men and with women. But, you know, my message has always been, you know, don't wait until something becomes physically violent to feel like it's bad enough to get help. Because for most people, it doesn't start as physical violence. And yet when we see these horrendous, you know, things in the news every, like, twice a week lately, it's been for months, twice a week we're seeing women being murdered over and over by a, you know, current or former partner. When people speak out about, you know, the stories of their loved ones who've been lost to domestic homicide, they often talk about how, you know, nobody saw it coming. And, you know, there's obviously different stories, but a lot of people say, I didn't see it coming, or that she'd never said that there was physical violence. And it doesn't start like that. You know, it's not a vacuum. Doesn't happen in this vacuum where it's just you meet and then it's explosion of violence. Sometimes it does start very quickly, but it always starts with other forms like emotional abuse, verbal abuse, financial control, spiritual and religious abuse. And so if you are in a relationship where you don't feel respected and you don't feel valued and you don't feel safe, it's really important male or female, to go and get support, to find someone you trust that you can talk to. Whether you call 1800RESPECT, whether you call Lifeline, whether you've got a really good doctor or a really good friend that you can reach out to, it's so important to reach out and tell somebody about what's happening. Because I, you know, I am so sick to death of seeing, you know, and maybe I shouldn't use that word, but like, I'm so sick and tired of opening the news and seeing another, you know, usually women, another woman or another child, you know, murdered. So no matter, you know, your, your gender, please reach out and speak to someone if you feel disrespected and just, you know, not valued, if you feel not safe in your relationship.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 34:34
Great message and timely message, Jazz. It's been Absolutely wonderful to talk to you today, and thank you so much for sharing your story.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 34:44
Yeah, thank you, Kerry. Thank you so much for having me on. We hope you've enjoyed this episode of Kintsugi Heroes.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 34:54
Please like and share the show to your friends so we can get this out to even more people.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 34:59
If you have a story you'd like to share with us, please reach out using the contact details below.
Jas Rawlinson (Guest) · 35:04
And join us next week for our next hero's story. Until then, keep being you, and remember that we are all heroes in our own unique way.
Kerrie Atherton (Host) · 35:18
Only when it's broken, only when it's broken, when it hits you in the middle of the night And the truth burns so bright. Only when it's broken. Only when it's broken. Take pride in those cries. It's only for tonight. And then you rise. Only when you're broken. Only when you're broken. Only when you're broken.
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