Dominic Lynch · 45 min
When Dominic Lynch was told he had stage 4 lung cancer with no treatment options just before Christmas 2022, he found a way to smile in his oncologist's office, and that moment of defiance became the foundation for a life more purposeful than the one before.
Hear this story
A week before Christmas 2022, Dominic Lynch walked into his oncologist's office and heard words that rewired his entire life: stage 4 cancer, no treatment options. He was 51, fit, working in a growing business, with two kids heading into their HSC and everything ticking along as planned. But after that diagnosis came a second shock. A PET scan shortly after Christmas revealed a small primary tumour on his lung, which meant chemotherapy was back on the table. In that moment, Dominic smiled in his oncologist's office. He had something to fight for.
What got him through those first brutal weeks was not denial. It was the people around him. Years earlier, a close mate had snapped him out of a corporate trap by reminding him that asking for help is not weakness. That lesson saved him. He reached out to his wife, his kids, his closest friends, and the medical team he chose to trust completely. He approached his cancer the way he approaches everything: like an engineer with a plan. He identified what he could control, how he showed up to treatment, his nutrition, his rest, his gratitude, and he accepted what he couldn't. He built structure around the chaos.
Over 14 months, Dominic discovered something unexpected. The diagnosis cracked open his values and showed him what actually mattered. Not the 12-hour corporate days or the status he'd been chasing. His wife. His kids. The sun and the birds and the people who cried with him because they trusted him. He saw wealth in giving, not receiving. And he realised his story could reach other people facing their own breaking points, especially men who avoid their doctors and swallow their fear in silence. What started as a personal crisis became a purpose.
“I could see that little glimmer and I thought right, that's it, I'm chasing that.”
“I didn't want to dwell on cancer. I didn't want to be defined by being a cancer patient or a cancer battler. For me it was about what have I learned and how can I use that experience.”
“There's no sign of weakness to open up and share.”
The hero, today
Knowing your own body and trusting what feels wrong is the first step; ignoring it or waiting longer only leaves you with less information to work with. Opening up to a trusted group of people is not weakness; it gives you access to practical support and shifts the conversation from isolation to shared meaning. You can acknowledge that the odds are stacked against you and still choose not to let anxiety about what might happen steal your life right now. The diagnosis gave Dominic a reason to reflect inward on what was actually important, his wife, his kids, genuine connection, rather than chasing corporate status and long days away from home. Sharing his story has become self-care, not just a burden; the warmth and feedback from people who heard something useful in his experience gives him a boost to his own healing. Love has many shapes: intimacy with your partner, blood-strong love for your kids, trust and laughter and crying with mates, and gratefulness for sun and birds, and all of it together is what keeps you standing.
Yes. Dominic Lynch is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Knowing your own body and trusting what feels wrong is the first step; ignoring it or waiting longer only leaves you with less information to work with.
Opening up to a trusted group of people is not weakness; it gives you access to practical support and shifts the conversation from isolation to shared meaning.
You can acknowledge that the odds are stacked against you and still choose not to let anxiety about what might happen steal your life right now.
The diagnosis gave Dominic a reason to reflect inward on what was actually important, his wife, his kids, genuine connection, rather than chasing corporate status and long days away from home.
John Milham (Host) · 00:00
Kintsugi Heroes acknowledges funding and was made possible with support from the Community Broadcasting Foundation. Find out more at cbf.org.au.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 00:18
Welcome to the Kintsugi Heroes podcast, where we share inspirational stories of everyday people going through different challenges and how they overcome them. Please be aware that the story you're about to hear may have moments of deeply felt emotions and personal experiences. If anything you hear has a triggering effect, please reach out to someone who can help keep you safe. If you love this conversation, we'd love you to like and share it with your friends so we can continue to share more inspiration and hope to as many people as possible. Now listen up for our next hero story.
John Milham (Host) · 00:56
In this episode, John Millum chats to Dominic Lynch, whose life changed overnight with a stage 4 cancer diagnosis. Dominic faced his situation by taking an engineer's approach, by carefully making plans and focusing on the things he could change. He leaned on the support of family and friends and learned to value his health and relationships over his job. He approached his cancer like a challenge to be met head-on, finding strength in structure and his own fighting spirit. Dominic's story is one of bravery, of facing the tough stuff by acknowledging it, talking about it, and seeking the support needed to keep moving forward. Join John to hear how Dominic reshaped his view on life. Enjoy this one with Dominic Lynch. So good afternoon, Dom. How are you, mate?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 01:56
Good afternoon, John. I'm very well, thank you. Very well. Good to be here. Yeah.
More stories
This site is part of Kintsugi Heroes. Visit the main site for the full podcast. If any of these stories hit close to home, support is out there, you don't have to sit with it alone.
Read how we handle these stories ↗
Kintsugi Heroes · Registered Australian not-for-profit · kintsugiheroes.com.au ↗
This conversation includes welcome to kintsugi heroes, all the boxes ticked, the word nobody wants to hear, no options, then one appears, the oak tree learns to ask and building a team and holding gratitude.
John Milham (Host) · 02:00
So welcome to Kintsugi Podcast and to the listeners. Today we're talking to Dominic Lynch, who is a bloke you'll recognize as everyman dude, had all the boxes ticked and life was ticking along nicely with a business and lifestyle and family. And then of course, the universe decided to intervene and make things a little challenging, and you had a cancer diagnosis. So, thank you for joining us and much appreciated. Would you like to tell us a little bit about how you got to where you were sitting in a doctor's office? Just your, you know, the bit of background, mate.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 02:42
Yeah, yeah, of course, John. It's an important part of the journey and where I'm getting value out of life moving forward. So I think it's a, um, yeah, it's an important part just to give a bit of context. So as you said, you know, I thought I was ticking along all right and had the boxes ticked. I kept myself, uh, pretty healthy from a fitness perspective and active. I was working in a, in a growing business and things were going well. And it just— I was 51, comfortable, and things were feeling pretty good. Kids were going through school, doing well, coming into their HSC. And, you know, for being in that sort of position in life, it was, yeah, we thought we were doing okay. And then around about September '22, I just started feeling a little bit tight in the chest and, yeah, during exercise and afterwards. And I thought, you know, I'd just done the old bowel screening, I'd done all the blood tests, I'd done all the things you're meant to do when you're 50. And I was pretty confident about my health, but I thought, you know, I know myself, I'll just go and get, get this checked out. And, um, that led to some heart tests. I was told that the heart was fine, you know, I did the ECG, the stress test, angiogram, and that was all okay. And, uh, you know, GP and I, we started talking and going, well, it's— we could put it down to long COVID. That was suggested because I did push a little bit through the COVID when I had it. But we realized that that wasn't the most sensible approach. And so we thought, well, I know when my body's not right. Let's go for a few more scans and let's see where it goes. So between October and December '22, I think I was under a number of different, you know, sandwich presses and scans and all sorts and working things out and machines that go bang and clunk and clang. Yep. And about a week before Christmas, it was confirmed that I had a stage 4 cancer diagnosis.
John Milham (Host) · 04:45
Wow. You sitting there, did you take the words in? Like, you were an athlete, you know, you had a lot of success and a lot of involvement in sport and, you know, running around, you know, community-wise, a lot of energy. You worked in a man's industry in construction. What was it like sitting there listening to somebody say you've got a stage 4 cancer?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 05:10
It's not like anything that I could relate it to, John. Other people get cancer.
John Milham (Host) · 05:16
Had you ever contemplated being sick?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 05:18
No. No. Obviously you, you think it could happen, of course. I mean, I'm not naive to all of that. And, uh, but, um, to actually be told, yes, you have cancer. And then obviously all of the subsequent conversations that come from that. It's a bit of a voodoo word, or it was at that point. For me, it was like, oh, the C word. I know the world's getting better about talking about cancer, but when you hear it and it applies to yourself, then it's tough. It's kind of one of those words you don't want to hear and you put it out of your head. But what made the particular diagnosis extremely tough, and you know, you and I have spoken about this off the pod, is that it wasn't a definitive diagnosis at first. Just due to the existence of a particular protein was identified during the biopsy, the oncologist felt that it was, believed that it was a papillary renal cell carcinoma, so kidney cancer on the exterior or in the plumbing of the kidney as opposed to the kidney itself. And, um, that there was no treatment available for it. It's a rare cancer, and that because it was only because of the existence of a protein as opposed to anything visible, that I was unlikely to get on any clinical trials anywhere in the world. We spoke about that over the course of the days. You know, these clinical trials, like black and white scenarios. You've got it. Can we treat it? If it's gray, it might affect the numbers, and so they're not particularly keen on getting you involved in clinical trials when the results can't be measured truly. And so getting that message just before Christmas, yeah, it was devastating. Absolutely devastating. And we just had to put it all out of our minds for a couple of days just to be able to celebrate or enjoy at least. Get through Christmas before we face reality again. And, uh, you know, those, they were an awful, awful couple of days and so much uncertainty. Yeah, it was horrific. But shortly after Christmas, we, there was one final test done, PET scan, and essentially it's a heat map of your cancer activity. And the scan was done, the oncologists were looking at the results and they were going, and actually saw what they believed to be a very small primary on the lung. So the primary is obviously the source of the cancer. And even though it was a stage 4 diagnosis, which means it had got out of my body— got, sorry, got out of the primary source and it got into the lymph nodes and the skeleton, your treatment is based on the primary. So chemotherapy was back on the table. More traditional, that they know more about. Lung cancer, obviously. You know, it is a, you know, the biggest killer, leading killer of cancer we have in Australia, but it's better understood. Yeah, the, uh, we know that the, uh, the 5-year survival rate isn't, isn't very good at all, but well, it's going to be better if they at least treating it. It was. And, and, and I, over time, I came to realize at that moment when I was given a fighting chance, when I was given you know, I was going to get up off the canvas and I actually had something to fight for was really, really, really powerful. And I think has set me up in a mindset that I can actually look at this a bit more pragmatically and go, come on, let's, let's give this a good crack and make the best of this situation.
John Milham (Host) · 08:52
You're sitting there, you're faced with something you'd never contemplated. You know, you're then given zero options.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 08:58
Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 08:59
What do you think got you through those few days? Because that, you're like, until you actually, you're like, I almost, I almost think it's scripted that then someone gave you that second chance almost, right? At that point, even though, you know, it's just a, it was just a medical process, but mentally you got a second chance. How did you manage to go through that period? What would happen? What was happening for you?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 09:25
Oh, what wasn't going through my head, John? I'm very fortunate to have a family close by, also some really close buddies that I can talk to about, about anything. And I appreciate how fortunate I am to have those people. Immediately they were, they were right there, not just for me, but also for my wife and my kids. And so I didn't even consider not sharing it beyond my wife and I, or the immediate family. We knew we needed the support and we knew we were going to need the support for a long time. So we reached out quite quickly and that was really beneficial for me and all of us actually in that first week or two. And then obviously they've been on the journey all the way through.
John Milham (Host) · 10:12
Do you think it was something about you and how you'd cultivated friendships that allowed them to be with you or was that just a fortunate confluence of points? You know, like it's not everyone feels comfortable reaching out to support in that space. Yeah.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 10:28
I mean, I, there've been a few things that have occurred over, over a few years, you know, in relation to work or relation to, you know, where I'd sort of have previously caught myself in a position where I've always been the one that people rely on. Physically, as you know, I'm 6'3", 106 kilos, rugby player, et cetera. I sort of get referred to proverbially or have been as the oak tree. And because people can typically rely on me, and a few years ago that almost got me into trouble because I was getting myself into a situation where I was trapped in a corporate environment and I didn't see it and I couldn't reach out because that would be a sign of weakness in myself. And fortunately for me at that time, one of my great mates snapped me out of it and made me realize what was happening. And I made choices and made a change. At that time, it was a few years ago, it made me realize that the power of those relationships is huge. And it's not just one way, it's a two-way thing. And and there's no sign of weakness to open up and share. And so fortunately, I got that little bit of an army behind me when the proverbial 4x2 hit me across the head in December.
John Milham (Host) · 11:50
That's a brilliant message, mate. And congratulations for getting there because obviously it made an impact. So he, which got you to that place where you said everything changed at that moment when you realized there was a fighting chance.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 12:05
Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 12:06
So what was that emotion that you said, right, I'm gonna take this on? Was it simply, was it simply that you're a, you know, a bit of a hardhead or was it, you know, something greater than you? What, you know, what was going on for you?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 12:19
Oh, I, I don't think many oncologists experience people smiling and in, in their, in their offices. I remember just going, right. We're on and in amongst all of this tragedy and denial, I could see that little glimmer and I thought, right, that's it. I'm chasing that. And that was it. And so, yeah, right from, right from the outset there, building the team around you, both medically and community-wise and realizing the value and the beauty in what is around us. And, uh, and then using that for my own strength. Don't get me wrong, there are really shitty days, but you've got to be grateful for what you've got in the here and now.
John Milham (Host) · 13:01
Wow. If you, and there's a, you know, there's something in that. If you can be grateful in the middle of a cancer fight, that's pretty cool.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 13:09
Maybe that's the perverse thing about the diagnosis. And I know you've asked me the question before, would I have had the same reaction if I didn't have that misdiagnosis? I don't know the answer to that. I just don't know, but that's the way it played out for me and the competitive juices in me, it appealed to my genetics and I was like, right, okay.
John Milham (Host) · 13:29
And that momentum, you know, you just take it, you know, you take the opportunity, the providence, and you go with it. I love that. And I love the way you talk about this process, right? Because, you know, underneath it, we know there's pain. You're going through pain and there's shame, you know, like that stigma of cancer is challenging. I don't want to tell you something that you already know, but you do talk about it, the process, like it's a project. Does that come from your background, do you think?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 13:59
Probably. I like having a plan. I always have done. You know, an engineer, this is the way it is. You mentioned the box ticking at the very beginning, and I think that's a characteristic you've picked up in me. But for me, there are things I can control and there are things I can't. And building that medical team around me that I've got 100% faith in, and knowing that it works on 12-week cycles and repeat scans, information is king, and I don't even doubt that process now. I understand that process and I can compartmentalize that process. Nothing's going to change the fact that I've got the diagnosis that I have. So get the best people in place to make sure that with the information we've got, we can make the right decisions. Benefit for me then is that I was able to focus on the things I could control, how I turned up to treatment in mind and in body, and, uh, how I essentially put a little bit of structure to the chaos in, in the week or in the day to make sure I kept my brain ticking over, rested when I needed to, ate what I needed to, and cried when I needed to. You know, you you've— all of those things have got to fit in and not one overpowering the other. You've got to allow yourself to have enough structure, but also enough flexibility and acceptance that things do change and things come up that you don't expect. And yeah, so, but at least ticking a few boxes and having that, I was able to remove some of those questions or those doubts or anxieties.
John Milham (Host) · 15:28
Which seems to be a much stronger place for you, like some form of control, accepting what you can't control, but firmly handling what you can.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 15:36
Yeah. And I do want to come back, but I'm reflecting on this now, 14 months after a diagnosis and where I am in a headset now. The rollercoaster of emotions over that period have been, yeah, have been huge and significant for a number of people. And, you know, I can't, there's not part of me to say it was easy or simple or was emotionalist. Far, far, far from it. But from a place of reflection, these are the things that stood out to me that, that helped me and maybe can help other listeners.
John Milham (Host) · 16:10
Yeah, absolutely. I love that bit, you know, essentially you've scheduled chaos, right? Okay, now it's time to be chaotic and then we'll pick it up again tomorrow. One question though, and having some lived experience of cancer process myself from family, it can be a long and challenging process and it takes a lot out of you as an individual. You know, you, some days you just don't feel like being present to the world. Yet you have really made it a thing to communicate, to keep other people in, in, in the journey, you know, be updated and connected and shared your wisdom and share your position and your vulnerability as well. Some people don't choose that. Why did you choose to be more open about your process?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 16:55
I don't know if it was a conscious choice, John. I think a lot of it is in my personality anyway. I mentioned before that I had a trusted group of people that I could open up to, and I think that started that process. I'd sit down and I'd be talking to the guys, the swimming group, and they'd say, "Oh, I'm really sorry to hear about the cancer that Obviously, we're with you and with Julie and the kids and what we can, can we do? The next question from the guys would be, oh, you know, what's, how did you, well, sorry, it would be like a practical question. Yeah, God, let me know when I can come around and mow the lawns or put the bins out or whatever. And then the third question would always be that quiet, how did you find out? Wow. And after a couple of times of hearing this question from different people and and you're realizing that the question's not about me, it's about them.
John Milham (Host) · 17:53
Yeah.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 17:53
And if it can happen to this rugby playing, surf boat rowing, surf lifesaving, healthy, so-called healthy person, then it could happen to me. Right. And, um, that would, that would start a deeper conversation, you know, talking about GPs and the relationship there and being proactive and knowing your body. And over time that would that would change. Those conversations would get a little bit deeper and, you know, we'd start talking in the impact on mental health and then the strength in community and connection. And I thought, you know what, I've got something valuable here. There's an experience that I'm living that whether it goes on for 6 months, 12 months, hopefully a lot longer, I can positively influence other people. And it And it did tend to gravitate towards those guys in my peer group, you know, and sort of 45 to 65-year-old stubborn old coots that don't necessarily take a proactive approach to things or share things. And there's nothing wrong with not sharing if you're comfortable with that, or you can share to the group of friends that you've got and you're fortunate to have. But quite quickly felt quite aware of the group in between that want to share. But don't have anyone to share to or don't know how to share, or even what questions to ask.
John Milham (Host) · 19:16
Or, you know, it's a difficult place. Men are not good at it.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 19:20
No, no, they're not. And I was probably better than most, but I wouldn't have said I was good at it. You know, I was, I was able to open up and communicate, and I had a, and I had a reason to. I had a, I'd been given a diagnosis. I, I I needed to open up. But when you don't have that, or you don't want to even find out if you've got that, you're not going to push that because it's not a comfortable space to venture into. So you'd rather, okay, I'll, I'll, I'll go to the dentist if my teeth hurt, or I'll go to the doctor if my chest hurts. But only if it gets extreme. That's my experience of guys. Or if it doesn't get fixed after 2 or 3 weeks, well, hang on a minute.
John Milham (Host) · 19:58
Well, months even, you know, like, you know, there's stories out there. It's interesting because men are usually not very attuned to that kind of, that level of self-understanding. I, I would say, you know, you don't hear a lot of stories about someone like yourself, you know, picking it up because it didn't feel right and then the persistence to follow up. Yeah. So how would you share the importance of that to blokes?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 20:22
I think the importance is, it's clear to see if you do not, if you live in denial and you know, and you, each individual, each one of us knows our body better than than anybody else, whether it's in the mind, whether it's in the chest, whether it's wherever it is. And we know how we feel now. It's not feeling as good. Yeah, there's something up and you've got to really treasure that. Yeah, your health is your wealth, isn't it? Yeah, look, casting it aside doesn't do any, doesn't do anyone or anything any good at all. Position I'm in now compared to where I was 14 months ago is I've now got 14 months of data. To assess the next decision or to enable the smart people to make the next decision. If you don't go about trying to find out what's wrong, it's speculation, it's hearsay, it's Dr. Google or whatever, none of that's any good. Actually going, you know what, I'm going to go to the doc, you know, they're there, they're great. We live in a country which has got world-class healthcare and obviously accepting there are challenges financially in some cases, You can do it, you must do it. And, uh, but it comes down to you knowing your own mind and body.
John Milham (Host) · 21:32
Yeah. Trusting that. I think that's a great message. Yeah. So interesting. You started, you realized you had, you had learned stuff that there was something there that was something important. Um, and of course you've taken that out further now. So, you know, what, what was the motivation? Did, did that feel easy? Right. It was something that came. You know, that it just rolled into it, or is it still a challenge to, to stand in front of others and share this message? A bit like today, I suppose.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 22:01
I just felt I had a valuable story to tell people. Anyone listened, then, then great. If anyone found it useful, then, then great. But I didn't know how to, how to share that. I didn't know who to speak to or how to get any traction on that. So I think the first step that I, that I did was want to understand myself a little bit. More. And, uh, it started off as a curiosity and has now become something I'm very, very passionate about. And as well as being passionate about it, it fits in really nicely into my treatment program in that by giving, I'm receiving a lot as well. I'm, I'm getting that little booster that gives me that little, yeah, tick that box with self-care.
John Milham (Host) · 22:42
The, yeah, the self-care of social connection, of affirmation, of positive regard, you know.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 22:49
Yeah, so I made it a bit of a, initially was, I made it a bit of a mission to get out and talk to people like yourself, John, and talk to various other contacts within the space. And as soon as you start scratching the surface, you realize that everyone is so generous with their time and their contacts. Oh, you should go and talk to so-and-so, you should go and talk to so-and-so. And then Just suddenly the ability to go, "You know what? I now understand what that message is, and I've got some ideas on how I can now put it out there." Because at the outset, there were a lot of thoughts going through my head. Do I talk about cancer all the time? Well, everyone's got their challenges. The catalyst for my position where I am mentally now has been the strength I've got from adversity of a cancer diagnosis. But speaking to various groups, you realize that everyone's story is different. But when it boils down to it, you know, you've got those commonalities of needing, you know, you need those people around you and you need the support and the engagement. And yeah, so I didn't want to dwell on cancer. I didn't want to be defined by being a cancer patient or a cancer battler. You know, for me, it was about what have I learned and how can we— how can I use that experience? How did I respond to adversity or a message like that to help others and to help people understand that they wouldn't— they're not going through it alone, or they do go and have the balls to go and do their health check, but they find something adverse, that they're not alone.
John Milham (Host) · 24:36
I'm hearing purpose. Is that where we are at now? Is that what we're talking about?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 24:41
Yeah, hugely. I feel as though I've got a very different but a much clearer sense of purpose than I did when I was ticking all of my corporate and all those boxes.
John Milham (Host) · 24:53
Yeah, just being the object of admiration wasn't enough. You've now found purpose as well.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 24:59
Yeah. You're a flatterer, John, but it wasn't all perfect, trust me. But Um, one thing the adversity did for me, it, it, but I've always been an extremely giving and supporting person, but it gave me a reason to reflect inward and go, okay, you've given a lot. Now what's, what's important right here for me right now? And suddenly you're, yeah, the most, the most important thing as I'd suspected it would be for anyone in my situation, was my children and my wife. And kids were, I mentioned, just about to go into HSC, just about to, they're turning 18, wife and I about to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. I didn't know I was ever gonna, I didn't even know if I was gonna see any of those things happen. We've ticked them all off now, right? And moving on to our next step. And then I was very protective of that very insular group there. Then you've got the group, the broader little group around that, which was the friends that support me and that we support. And we're all, you know, these are, um, the extended family and the active groups we're in and around the great community in Northern Beaches. But then I realized that on the outside of that, again, you've got that ability to influence and support others, and importantly, get supported by others. So the feedback from— whilst I'm getting a lot out of doing these pods and doing talks and things like that, I get so much warmth and good feedback from others saying, man, you know, we're with you because you made me realize this, you made me do this. And that I genuinely believe that is helping my course of my treatment and my healing.
John Milham (Host) · 26:52
It must, it must be good for you. Like, you know, when people say nice things and feel nice things, that energy must be good for you, I reckon.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 27:00
Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And but conversely to that is that I have felt pressured to do a couple of things and talks that, that I've come away from and gone, that was wrong. I should have asked myself why I was doing this. Why this, why now, why me? I should have asked myself those questions. I mean, because I came away from those thinking that was hard and I didn't get anything from that. And I don't mean if I didn't get anything from that, I doubted others got anything from it. And that was a lesson learned and I was talking to my psychologist about that. And he was saying, well, what's happening in that environment is you are turning a passion and you're moving it into the work quadrant and it's becoming a chore, it's becoming a job, and that's not why you did it. So you need to have the power to say no to that in that situation because it doesn't, I don't think it does anyone any good. And so I'm quite conscious there about focusing on where I think my message has most value, but also where I get the best value back for me from a self-care perspective.
John Milham (Host) · 28:04
Yeah. Wow. That's a great thought, you know, that the value for everybody depends on the alignment to your purpose, right?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 28:14
Maybe. Yeah. And as you know, your personal values as well. And, uh, yeah, if it's not aligned with your personal values and it's going to influence the way you come across, it's going to influence the messaging you give and it's too important for that.
John Milham (Host) · 28:29
Which brings me like a personal values question, right? Because you had privilege, you know, like you enjoyed a position and lived in a privileged area and all of that stuff, right? Regardless of the hard work and good person you are. But when you have gone through this now, and as you say, it's been 14 months or so, and then you looked at what was important to you, did that change everything? Your attitude to what was important in life?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 28:57
Yeah, very much so. I can't gloss over the fact that being in the position we were meant that I could have had the necessary insurances in place, and my employer were very good. So I'm extremely grateful for that. I accept that. But that's a, this is a functional thing. It allowed me to do what I had to do, which was rest, recuperate, stay strong, mind and body. And, and that was so, so important. But it also changed very much where that energy should be placed, not just now, but as I look to the future, that materially, they really, I don't, yeah, sure, comfortable, but I don't want, have strong desires to go and do anything, you know, money-wise or anything like that. It's, it's, it's the value you get from the, from the giving. I think that's the thing. I think I've seen a wealth in giving rather than receiving.
John Milham (Host) · 29:57
It's a beautiful line. Wealth and giving. Beautiful. It's interesting you talk about future, that idea of connecting, you know, like, so your family became very real and very, uh, you know, you're very focused on what has that done to you guys? How is the family now as a part of your world now? Is it changed? Is it different?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 30:17
Yeah, it's, we're going through, it's an interesting time. You know, as I mentioned, the kids have finished school and did exceptionally well. They're, uh, both got into university, but they're deferring a year. And it's an interesting situation where, you know, I'm going through the trials where I'm going through now, and they're about to head off on a plane to go to the other side of the world. And I couldn't be more supportive of them to do that. They've got their lives to live and their dreams to live out. I could be a bit resistant and I could be, oh, don't go because I need you here because I might need you to lift this or help mom or whatever it may be, but I'm really excited for them to start living their lives and fulfilling the dreams that they've got. And, you know, hopefully some of the wisdom we rubbed off on them, they can get with them.
John Milham (Host) · 31:06
That's all you can do, but I love that. So you're really giving the space to them as well.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 31:11
So yeah, they're wonderful kids and my wife's absolutely beautiful. So They're there with me 110%, I know that, but I also know they've got their own lives to lead and I'm by them 110% in that too.
John Milham (Host) · 31:25
So you mentioned clearly you're a different guy from where you were a couple of years ago and going forward in a couple of years, who will you become?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 31:35
I'd love to have that certainty. Let's not talk specific metrics in terms of timeframes, John. It's an ongoing journey. But I don't know because I've seen so much change in me over the last 12 months that is going to happen over the next 12. I don't know what emotions I'm going to have to go through. I don't know, you know, I could get some scan results that'll go bang, you're away. It's clearing up and it's all sweet. That's going to put me on one trajectory. If it goes the other way, I'm going to be a different person. So I've got to face up to the reality that some of this is out of my control. A lot of it's out of my control. But that aside, I think if I can be someone that people say, I remember what Tom said, that resonates with me, or he helped me there, or I heard that and I acted on it and I'm better off for it, whether it's one person, whether it's 100, that'll be enough.
John Milham (Host) · 32:36
When you make that, 'cause you, you, you know, you've got a course of chemo going through and you've got it. When you move forward, what are you worried about? What concerns you? What, is there any kind of anxiety or are you fairly chill about the options or what?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 32:54
It's interesting because this is a bit of some conversations I'm having at the moment, I mentioned with, with my psychologist at the moment about the frame of mind and enjoying and making the most of the present. Whilst anxiety can be your friend and it can protect you, you can also, if you let it run away with you, it can really cause problems. So an example, it's a silly example, but it gives you an idea of where my head can be at, is that I was told shortly before Christmas that chemotherapy was likely back on the table. I'd been through chemotherapy for 4 months, 5 months in beginning of the year, beginning of 2023, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Absolutely drained, lost a lot of weight, lost all my hair, and felt shit house. And so when I was told I was likely, well, there was a good chance I'd be going back on another course, immediately my mind went back, I've got to go through that again. And so over that next cycle of 12 weeks, over that sort of next period when they were monitoring, in my head it was like, oh no, no, and it drained me and I was running myself down and going, oh shit, I've got all that to deal with. When we actually get to the point where the oncologist is saying, we're going to put you on another round of chemotherapy, he said, but it's a different, it's a different concoction, it's a different cocktail, it won't be as much energy loss, you won't lose your hair, and suddenly it's like, oh, Okay, I can handle that. So I'd used a lot of emotional energy in being anxious about something that I didn't, I couldn't have controlled or was unnecessary. So it's rather a simple analogy, I suppose, or a story, but it highlighted to me about the need to just keep in perspective and yeah, you can be anxious and use it and begin to sort of look ahead and think about how you might react. But don't let that anxiety define exactly who you are and how you are today. You know, you learn from it and, and, uh, yeah, but also don't be naive to it either.
John Milham (Host) · 34:58
No, no. I like the idea of flexible optimism, right? You know, like we know, uh, we know that life can be good or bad and things are out there that might be difficult, but I don't want to let anxiety or anxiousness steal my life now, right? My moment. So it's a tough way to learn, but—
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 35:16
It's a tough way to learn and I've got to face up to the reality. Well, I think I have. The odds are stacked against me. I'm not kidding myself, but I can't change that. That's the cards I've been dealt. A lot of people have been dealt the same cards, right? It's how you react to it and what you can do along the way to help yourself and and look after yourself and look after those around you. And in my case, fulfill a sense of purpose and almost, I feel as though I've almost been given an opportunity to do something positive that I wouldn't have been doing. I'd have been doing 12-hour days driving to and from Western Sydney and coming home and being grumpy. And I'd still be doing that, you know, if I didn't have this diagnosis. It's a very different me sitting here now. And And I like a lot of it.
John Milham (Host) · 36:07
Which goes to say, I was thinking, you know, like almost the opposite of the last question. You know, it seems crazy to ask, what in this whole process are you grateful for? Are you pleased about?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 36:23
There is probably a big part of me that wouldn't mind being doing 12-hour corporate days and being off the money, right? Don't get me wrong. I, you know, I think, uh, it's a given, it's a given, but with a different diagnosis, with no diagnosis, obviously that, that would, uh, right now I'd take that. Okay. But that's not what happened. So, um, the ability that, or rather the, um, the power that the environment around me has given me to actually be able to stand up and share and talk is, is very gratifying. And I think that it's not— it hasn't all come from internally. It's come from people around going, we're behind you on this, we're with you 100% on every aspect of the journey. Sure enough, you know, when I overdo it, my wife will be the first one to rein me back in. All right, I listen. So I know she's got my best interests at heart. But also when there's an opportunity there, she's right there going, give it a crack because this is important. Having that environment around me and having created that And it being created over a period of time has been, you know, what I look back on now. And, and I'm very, very fortunate, I think, to be able to say, and I don't know if everyone, I doubt that, you know, if, if, if my, if I didn't make it one more day, I'm one of those very lucky people that have genuinely loved and genuinely felt loved. And that gives you enormous self-belief. And, um, you know, I think that's quite a sort of a poignant sort of reflection and go, that's what life's about.
John Milham (Host) · 38:00
That's the, that's the, or the real power in life. Has your view of love changed going through this?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 38:07
It's certainly become more, I've got a broader definition of love or rather there are, I've got a broader understanding of the different ways in which love can be shown and received. Obviously through, yeah, intimacy with your partner, through love for your kids, and, you know, that absolutely blood, blood-strong love that's there, to the hugs with your mates, to the laughs, to the crying together because you trust each other to the point you love each other so you can trust each other. There's so many different types And, uh, and I certainly got a better appreciation of that. And you, you, you just see beauty in different things, gratefulness for the sun shining and the, you know, the birds and the— I often do a gratefulness exercise where I just take in what I'm hearing and smelling and seeing and tasting. Um, I'm going, you know what, this is a pretty good place despite all the other shit going on. There's some things to be thankful for. And If I didn't have that around me, I wouldn't have a cat's hell of a chance to survive this diagnosis. I would be going, I need all of this to give me the best shot to keep me around. Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 39:19
What would you advise, you know, maybe 2 or 3 things that you've just absolutely know now that you'll tell your mates if they ask, what do I need to do to get through something like this?
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 39:29
And we're talking about a situation of adversity. They're obviously not themselves. I think the key thing is acknowledging something's not right and acknowledging you're feeling a bit different. And so the important thing there is to actually go, right, okay, I know something's— I know I'm feeling different. Why? And so you can reach out to whomever you need to, speak to your best mate or colleague or whomever it may be, someone you can trust and actually talk to them about that. And open up. And so acknowledgement, certainly building that community around you, and by community, that's in my case, the medical team, but also the emotional and support network that I had was essential. I know in some people it's something that's harder than— it's quite a hard thing to do, but you know, I have seen firsthand how fantastic and how strong and how collaborative the support networks around health, around wellbeing, around mental fitness and the like. It's, it's there. It's just, you don't know it's there because you don't tend to reach out. Once you do, there's some incredible people. Each and every one adds a little bit and you become stronger. And I think that's, that's something that I would, is, is, is reach out and talk. And then the third aspect is not forgetting, not forgetting what is good and what you can control, where you are in. And I mentioned gratefulness before, but I think it goes a bit beyond that. It's realizing what you've learned on that journey to this point in your life, and it defines you to a certain extent, but it doesn't limit you. You know, as I've been talking about in the last hour or so, that being aware and being open and and learning from all your experiences, but taking in the new experiences you're feeling, you can get a greater sense of wellbeing from it. And you can be, you know, in time of adversity, actually feel stronger. You know, when I first started talking with Ian and yourself about the Kintsugi concept, I loved it because I can feel that, you know, the sum of the broken pieces. And You're coming back into real life is, yeah, you can use your experience and use what's around you, but also grow from what you're going through.
John Milham (Host) · 41:53
It's a wonderful place to end, right? The idea that growing from your experiences, even the ones as tough as the ones you're going through. I'd just like to thank you, mate, for your honesty, for your vulnerability, and for your purpose, right? Which is help, you know, which is So generous to put it out there when you are going through stuff. I know it's tough.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 42:14
Yeah, look, it's, it is tough. And, um, yeah, as I mentioned a couple of times and a lot of smiles, I know that, but, uh, I did have to hold myself back a little bit. I could feel a couple of tears coming through then. And, uh, it's, it's a tough, it's a tough, tough journey. And, um, yeah, it is one I really, really wish I never would have to go through, of course. And, and put my loved one in this. Through it as well. And I'm, yeah, I couldn't do any of this without their support. But, uh, you know, I have got, I do value the opportunity I've got and I really appreciate, you know, being able to talk with you and, uh, and the, and the broader community about how that message can be of use.
John Milham (Host) · 42:56
So valuable, mate. You're sharing gold. Um, and it's hard mined, right? It's not easy to get to in that, in, uh, the middle of a cancer diagnosis. So you have my eternal gratefulness and also my prayers for a good recovery, mate. So, you know, continue to show us the way.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 43:14
Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 43:15
And I look forward to, you know, talking about answering that question about who do you think you'll be? I look forward to doing that post-healing.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 43:22
So we'll have that conversation in a few years' time, John. Yeah.
John Milham (Host) · 43:27
Thanks again, Dom. It's been awesome. Cheers, mate.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 43:29
Great stuff. Thank you. We hope you've enjoyed this episode of Katsugi Heroes. Please like and share the show to your friends so we can get this out to even more people. If you have a story you'd like to share with us, please reach out using the contact details below and join us next week for our next Heroes story. Until then, keep being you and remember that we We are all heroes in our own unique way.
John Milham (Host) · 44:02
Only when it's broken, only when it's broken, when it hits you in the middle of the night and the truth burns so bright, only when it's broken.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 44:23
Only when it's broken.
John Milham (Host) · 44:27
Take pride in those cries. It's only for tonight, and then you rise.
Dominic Lynch (Guest) · 44:36
Only when you're broken. Only when you're broken. Only when you're broken. OK.
You don't have to be in crisis to call.
Subscribe
Spotify
Apple