Chris Futcher-Coles · 45 min
A man who was preyed upon as a child and told he was a sinner quietly channelled 45 years of martial arts into a mission to turn victims into survivors, until a pandemic stripped everything away and forced him to begin again.
Hear this story
Chris Futcher-Coles was eight years old when a neighbour sexually abused him. He didn't understand what was happening at the time, so he buried it. Years later, sitting in a Catholic school classroom, a brother delivered a sermon about the sin of relationships between men. Chris realised the sermon was describing him. He internalised the message that he was a sinner, and his self-worth collapsed. No one at school noticed. No one at home asked. He was alone with it.
Martial arts became his structure. From age nineteen, he trained for forty-five years, finding in that discipline the mentorship and leadership he never had at home. He became a nurse, a medical representative, and eventually built a martial arts school in Sydney that grew from a handful of students to five hundred. But the real turning point came when the Wayside Chapel asked him to run a free self-defence program for women at risk. Working with those women, Chris understood his purpose: to help people move from being victims to becoming survivors.
Then the pandemic shut everything down. In 2020, he lost his entire student base and had to lay off twenty-six staff. It was one of the lowest points of his life. But Chris had learned something over decades of ups and downs: there is always something better just over the hill if you can make it to the top. He rebuilt. He still carries the scar from what happened to him as a child. On good days and bad days, he revisits it. The difference is that now he chooses to grow from it rather than let it destroy him. Your beginning is not your end, he says. That choice is yours.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses abuse & exploitation, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • Blue Knot Foundation (complex trauma): 1300 657 380 · blueknot.org.au • 1800RESPECT (family, domestic & sexual violence): 1800 737 732 · 1800respect.org.au
“I was predated by a pedophile it was a neighbour and at that very young age I honestly didn't really know what was going on.”
“Where it all started is not where it finishes — you are not the outcome of someone else.”
“Your story is different — it's what you do with that and how you look at that and how you equate that.”
The hero, today
Chris was sexually abused as a child, and when a Catholic brother's classroom sermon equated his experience with sin, it crushed his self-worth at a time when he had no support to process what had happened. Martial arts gave Chris a structure and mentorship he didn't have in his family or early education, and he spent 45 years using those skills to help other people. Chris built a life in healthcare and martial arts, but it took meeting his wife Jodie for him to find the stabilizing presence that could slow his destructive patterns and help him see his own worth. The scar from trauma doesn't disappear; Chris says he still revisits it on good days and bad days, but the choice is whether he grows from it or lets it destroy him. Chris realized his purpose to help people who had been made victims when the Wayside Chapel asked him to run a self-defense program for women at risk; that experience taught him he could reach almost anyone, regardless of their background or circumstances. When the pandemic forced him to close his school and lay off 26 staff, Chris was pushed into a trough he thought he might not come back from, but he held onto the lesson learned through a life of ups and downs: there is something better just over the hill if you can make it to the top.
Yes. Chris Futcher-Coles is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Chris was sexually abused as a child, and when a Catholic brother's classroom sermon equated his experience with sin, it crushed his self-worth at a time when he had no support to process what had happened.
Martial arts gave Chris a structure and mentorship he didn't have in his family or early education, and he spent 45 years using those skills to help other people.
Chris built a life in healthcare and martial arts, but it took meeting his wife Jodie for him to find the stabilizing presence that could slow his destructive patterns and help him see his own worth.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 00:07
Welcome to the Kintsugi Heroes podcast, where we share inspirational stories of everyday people going through different challenges and how they overcome them. Please be aware that the story you're about to hear may have moments of deeply felt emotions and personal experiences. If anything you hear has a triggering effect please reach out to someone who can help keep you safe. If you love this conversation, we'd love you to like and share it with your friends so we can continue to share more inspiration and hope to as many people as possible. Now listen up for our next hero story. This conversation is with Chris Foucher-Coles, a lovely man who surprised me by telling me that he was a the second male nurse in Queensland when he joined the nursing branch there. And it came out of the backdrop of many years of, I guess, family challenges and school issues and a lot of low self-worth as a child, something that many of us have experienced. And he continued to better himself and he came out of that. You know, he had things that pulled him along and helped him to get through the challenges of his early years. And what I loved hearing about him is that It just, no matter what he did and what he has done, his mindset and his ability to cope with the challenges has enabled him to take the next step. He's a lover of martial arts. He's, he ran a martial arts school in Sydney and loves helping others, and he continues to support people today who were victims, and he wants to help them to become survivors. It's a really inspirational story, and I'm really grateful to Chris for sharing this with me, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Hello, here we are. It is another episode, and I'm here with Chris Butcher-Coles. How are you doing today, Chris?
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 02:15
I'm going very well. It's Friday here. I'm feeling very good.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 02:20
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The scar from trauma doesn't disappear; Chris says he still revisits it on good days and bad days, but the choice is whether he grows from it or lets it destroy him.
This conversation includes born in brisbane, fifth of five, the neighbor who predated him, the brother's sermon on sin, from top 10% to bottom 10%, his father shuts down the doctor dream and one of two male nurses in queensland.
That's great to hear. I feel good as well. Fridays are always good days, aren't they?
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 02:24
Yep, they sure are, especially if you've got a few good things planned on the weekend.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 02:28
Well, before we kick off, I just want to thank you for joining me and being willing to share your story. I always like to honor the guests as they come in and just let you know that it's a— it's an honor, a privilege, and I know it's not easy to share your story. It's, it's a gift to the world and to people that listen to you, so thank you for, for being here. And yeah, I appreciate it.
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 02:53
Thank you for asking me. And thank you to Ian as well.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 02:57
You're welcome. Well, this is about you and Chris, so I'm going to hand the mic over to you and figuratively, of course, and ask to take us back to the beginning of your story. Tell us, you know, where were you? Where does it start?
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 03:13
Well, my story really starts right from the beginning. I was born up in Brisbane. I'm a Queensland boy. Born in the mid-'50s, which creates a certain dynamic straight away. Big family, 5 kids, and being the last one of the 5, um, and being the person, the personality I am, I was, um, uh, what you might call a little bit difficult as a child. I was quite sickly. Um, I was born with some medical issues that brought me in the hospital in and out for years and years. And, you know, I guess that sort of gave me some sense of isolation. Went to a public school, which I was great. I was in the top 10% of students in public school. But we had a tendency to have teachers that were very violent. My mother decided to send me to a private school with the hope that the private school would be absolutely different than what it was. And yes, it was different. It was an all-boys school with about 1,400 boys that I had never experienced before. And in that, you know, bullying and, you know, bastardisation, as they call it, and all the rest was fairly prevalent. But with all that said, my story really starts somewhere around about 8 years old. I can't be too specific on the on the age group. I've tried, but I can't. I was predated by a pedophile who was a neighbor. And at that very young age, I, you know, honestly, I didn't really know what was going on. And not that I could see any— couldn't see any harm in it. But it wasn't, you know, painful or any of those sorts of things. And it kind of left my mind. To be honest with you. And when I was at the private school, a Catholic school, they were concerned about relationships, you know, between— this was in my teens, you know, so it had sort of grown through here. There's a lot of bullying at school, you know, did boxing, started all this sort of stuff. But so in the teens, one of the brothers sat down and talked about, you know, the sin of relationships between men and how bad that would be. And through that conversation, I learned that I was a sinner, that what had happened to me, right, made me, you know, that person that they're looking for, if that kind of makes sense. You know, that was a revelation to me. And, and I got to say that, uh, you know my heart sort of dropped and all the confidences that I kind of seemed to have left me quite a bit. I even thought about becoming, you know, I didn't know how to reclaim not being a city, you know, I thought about becoming a priest because that was always on the cards at a Catholic school. And I would have made a terrible priest, I've got to be perfectly honest with you. I'm so glad I didn't go down that path at all. But, you know, at the end of the day, that's sort of the beginning of things. And it stuck in me. My self-worth was reasonably low, you know, and I just didn't know my place in the order of things. And in my sort of family, you didn't talk about anything, let alone emotions. And to say that, you know, I could— that these sort of things happened to me as a kid would have been something just wouldn't ever do. I did finish school, but, you know, as a student, I was the guy looking out the window. I was wanting to be somewhere else, you know. My top 10% went to bottom 10%, uh, pretty quickly. Um, and, uh, I did take up boxing at school. Uh, I did that really as a sort of a self-protection, uh, factor, uh, in the bullying sort of scars. And, you know, you sort of With a low self-esteem, I wavered into being a bully, and, uh, that didn't really help me, you know. Um, I wanted to be a doctor. It was something I really wanted to do. Uh, I was very good at school at zoology and, and most of the sciences, um, that were related to animals and things, you know. Um, so I went to my dad when I was about 14 and said, yeah, I'd like to be a doctor. Well, that was kind of the wrong thing to say. My dad was first-generation Australian from an English parent. They were all blue-collar workers. My brothers, basically blue-collar workers. And here I was standing in front of my father wanting to become a doctor. He essentially said, you know, no son of mine will be becoming a doctor. You know, it's going to cost me money. You know, back then, getting a scholarship was quite a hard thing. And I don't think he would have understood what the scholarship factors were and all the rest of those types of things. And I don't think I could have counted on any support of any kind. So I sort of dropped that idea. When I left school, I became a nurse. Now there's a thing, alright? Now this is 1972. I became a nurse in Queensland. Now we did have a couple of male nurses and they came up from Melbourne. But in Queensland, a male going into nursing, well, there was 57 girls in my class and 2 guys. And the other chap, he was gay. I wasn't. And I've got to say, it was an experience that no one should miss. I'm possibly the second male in Queensland to start nursing.. And here I was, a young male in a woman's world. Oof. You know, you'll hear the latter part of my story. But, you know, I've got to say to you that this was an education for me that was valuable right through my lifetime. If I wanted to know what sexist behavior was, if I wanted to know what exclusion was, all right, I was learning it every single day by simply being a male in a female's world. I didn't last, there's no doubts about that. I lasted about a year and a half and I went to the matron and said, well, actually, I got upset one day at one of the senior nurses and I was sent to the matron and it was this particular matron that suggested that I should do nursing. I'll go back a little bit and just say that I went and told my father that I joined nursing I was ripe old age of 17 years of age, and I said, I'm going to become a nurse. And my dad looked at me and he really stumbled in his brain. I could see it going, a nurse? He says, what are you, a pufter? And I thought, wow, okay, no, I wasn't. And I'm in a class of 57 girls, so I don't know if I should break that news to him, but You know, it was quite a revelation in that period of my life. And when I went and saw the matron, she said, Chris, nursing's perhaps not for you, or maybe nursing's not ready for you yet, one or the other. And, uh, suggested I go into operating theaters, uh, which I did. Uh, I went out to a cardiothoracic hospital and worked in operating theaters there. I became a theatre assistant and then eventually I was trained down in Melbourne as an anaesthetic technician. It set me on a bit of a course, to be honest with you. I started to realise some things about myself and, you know, I went into sales because a nice man came to the operating theatre one day and banged on the wall and said, we've heard good things about you, Chris. I'd like you to come and work for our company. Offered me about $8,000 or $10,000 more than I was getting paid, plus a company car. And I said, yeah, um, yeah, I'll do that. So I stepped out of that role and went into medical representing, and, um, I really took that quite serious. My background is anesthetics, um, so I was a trained anesthetic technician by then, but this company wasn't anesthetic, it was surgical. And I did slowly work my way through different and various medical roles, um, over the years. And, uh, I've got to say that that was, uh, quite a powerful thing. All right, now I got married, as you do over that period of time, um, and my wife is a good woman and a nurse as well, which, you know, tends to happen if you're in that trade. And, uh, eventually I had a daughter And I'll kind of reflect back on that one, um, a bit, you know. Um, I honestly was still the self-worth thing, and what happened to me as a child, it affected me. Sorry. So not being a particularly good father, that relationship didn't go well. At the age of 19, I found martial arts, kung fu to be specific, and, uh, I kind of loved it, to be honest with you. My cousin walked in and said, Chris, you're sitting around the house, you're getting fat, you did boxing, you didn't do anything, blah blah blah, um, I'll take you to my kung fu class and see whether you like it or not. And I loved it. And he left after about 3 years, and I continued doing martial arts for 45 years. Essentially, martial arts taught me a structure and a kind of self-esteem that I didn't think that I could get. Sorry, I'm still there. Give me a moment. And when I first started, I don't think I've ever worked that hard in my life. You know, bloody knuckles and, you know, sore backs and bruises and all the rest of those things. But within the structure of martial arts, I found a system of leadership. And I never realized, because it kind of put me on a path, that I required sort of like mentorship. I needed someone— they didn't have to be male, but they seemed to be predominantly male. That would help me work myself through a structure. And I learned to be a good student, a great student. I learned to be an average sort of leader. And then I found that leadership was something that I adored, absolutely adored. It became a subject for me, you know. If there was a university course back in those days on communication and leadership, I would have been walking in the door to do it as an aged student. But there wasn't. We had to sort of find our stuff ourselves and find the courses and other bits and pieces. And, you know, that martial arts, I, I did it everywhere. I, you know, I moved to New Zealand for 3 years. I did martial arts over there and I taught over there. And then I came back to Sydney and I had a little school for a little while. And I was still doing a medical job. I was using my skill as an anesthetic technician um, uh, which was good. And working for Australia's only anaesthetic machine manufacturer, um, it was absolutely fantastic. And, and, you know, after a breakup of marriage and all the rest of it, I found a beautiful wife, um, you know, who is Jodie, and we've been together now for 31 years. And, you know, we are, you know, very close and very— and she's been very powerful for me. Again, another nurse. What can I say? But Jodie is, is spectacular and has kept me on the straight and narrow. And look, when I started martial arts here, I didn't know where my life was going to go. I think I still had a lot of confusion as to what I really wanted to do. So about 30-odd years ago now, I started a little martial arts school, right, in Sydney. Just a teeny one, right? And it had about 5 students, and then it kind of grew to 10, and then it got bigger, and, uh, we went to a church hall, and then it got bigger. And then I decided to open up a full-time center in Sanity. I gave up a 6-figure job in 2000 my wife, we had to sit down and have a really long chat about this. But a 6-figure job to open up a full-time martial arts school with my backgrounds that I had, the leadership background and all the rest of it. I designed a martial arts school from the ground up. Our particular style doesn't have a lot of support internationally. So basically what I had to do was to get— do it myself. If that makes sense. From year 2000 to 2012, I built a martial arts school from probably 60 full-time, uh, students to, uh, around about 160 or so, and a very small little premises. Um, we had a lot of kids and we had a lot of parents, and I designed all the leadership programs and all the rest of it. So, you know, if I kind of go back a little bit and say you know, this was good for me, this was powerful for me. Um, but also a lot of the things that I started to learn about myself when I was doing nursing and all the help buttons that I had and all the rest of that, it kind of got me on a different track, not just a martial arts track but also the helping people side. Um, you know, I was a victim to another person. I figured with the skills that I had, that I could actually help other people. And it wasn't just in a martial arts world, it was also outside of that. So I started to do programs, self-defense, personal safety-based programs for women at risk. The first place I walked into, the first shelter I walked into, they threw me out because I was a male and Of course, you know, I wouldn't have the, you know, the sensitivity or the understanding or all the rest of that because I was a male. And, you know, they had no real idea of what my background was, and I certainly wasn't going to tell them where it came from because I still wasn't quite there yet. My story, um, I didn't really want to let that out until very recently, you know, in the last 2 years, to be frank with you. Um, but yeah, as it all turned out, I did have the sensitivity and the understanding, right, of this particular, um, survivor of whatever the crime was, you know. So I started to approach different areas and I started to expand out this idea of helping other people. We kind of got to a point where a few things happened together. Number one, my little martial arts school, I walked out of that and went and got a very big martial arts school. And, you know, I had 160 or something students by then, and they rattled around inside the 700 square meter premises. But within the next period of, let's say, 6 years, all right, also we grew to 500 students. And in those 6 years, Um, I started to form a company called Stay Safe Australia and, and, um, Sydney Self-Defense Center first, and Stay Safe Australia. And our role was to go out to schools, do preventative training, right? I was particularly interested in domestic violence because my family, you know, my father was a gaslighter from way back, and, and, uh, coercive control. It was within that age group You know, it was back in the '50s and, you know, it was everywhere back then. Um, it was difficult in relationships, you know, for a woman, period. Um, so I, I saw a lot of that within my own family. And, um, so I structured a whole program, a series of programs for kids in schools, all right, um, for women at risk in domestic, um, violence, um, for corporate, for people facing harassment and sexual harassment in the corporate sphere, frontline staff dealing with very difficult people. I did this for, um, you know, for that period of time. And, um, in, uh, 2020, we had a thing called a pandemic. Um, I've got to say to you that that was the most destructive period of my life. Before that, we were training 25,000 people a year in our workshops. And the pandemic, boom, gone. Literally, we had no business. I should have bought the premises. You know, I can always look in hindsight because I might have survived it. But to be honest with you, with no students and no income of any kind and bills coming through the roof because we had a massive ways. I really had to sharpen the rules. Sorry for the interruption. This is Ian Westmoreland, the founder of Kintsugi Heroes, and thank you for listening to this story from one of our amazing heroes. Our mission is for these stories to provide hope and inspiration to people experiencing life challenges and to also educate the broader community on how best to provide support. If you've If you'd like to help us to continue to produce more hero stories and cover more adversity themes, we would welcome all donations. These can be made via our website, kintsugiheroes.com.au. The donate function is at the bottom of the homepage. We'd also welcome any feedback. You can email me direct using ian@kintsugiheroes.com.au. Now let's get back back to the story. And I did shut the doors. I let 26 staff go. It was the most disturbing period because there was nothing. Took a couple of odd jobs here and there doing marketing and other bits and pieces. I couldn't even deliver Stay Safe. People were phoning me up saying, you know, what was happening during the pandemic, and, you know, everybody who's at risk is at more risk, and Um, you know, domestic violence was fairly rife, to be honest with you, and not reported. The very first thing that I did when we could was restart Stay Safe again. And, uh, that was the thing that, that I just really wanted to do. I didn't want to do the martial arts school anymore. I, you know, dealing with, um, you know, parents and people and hundreds It's like running a small school, a real school, with the amount of data and information that we had to, to go through on a daily basis, and training and leadership training and everything else. So, um, to start up, um, something— the thing I wanted to start up was the thing that I love most, which is, um, seeing people who've been made victim of become survivors, and then literally watch their lives grow. So there you go. That's kind of the overview of my life. What do you think?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 23:48
I think you're a brave, brave, courageous, um, and truly inspirational guy, Chris.
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 23:57
Wow, thank you.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 24:00
I've got a few questions, if that's okay.
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 24:02
I thought you might.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 24:05
So going back to school, when you had that chat with the, um, chaplain that talked about—
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 24:16
no, the way it happened was we had a class, and it was a class. Yeah, the brother was talking about, yeah, homosexuality and 'And, you know, we don't want all you guys to be doing any of this,' and all the rest, and how big a sin it was, you're going to go to hell. And I'm sitting in the class going, 'Oh no.' You know, it all came into me, if that makes sense, you know.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 24:43
And when you went through that shock, you know, when you internalized all of that, and then that forced the self-worth to plummet, did anybody outside of you— friends, teachers, family— did anyone notice?
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 24:56
No, in the— in my class, there was about, um, back in those days, about 55, 60 kids. No one noticed then. And, um, uh, family, as I said, I was the youngest. The nearest to me was 5 years. Um, they didn't notice much, uh, I gotta tell you. Um, so, you know, they're teenagers by the time, you know, I was 8 years old. They're teenagers, you know. And when I was at school and when this happened, I was a young teen. So they had their own issues, you know, and others. And, um, I did try to approach the person who did this to me, and I knew where he worked and all the rest, so I went there. Um, and, uh, I've got to say to you, I've never seen such a cold person in my life. And he, he shunned me and would not return anything, any calls or anything. So I was kind of left on my own to handle this one. Hmm.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 25:55
What was your hope for that exchange, that communication?
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 25:59
Didn't know, really. I just wanted to know why, I think, more than anything. You know, I didn't really rationalize before that because it'd gone away. You know, it happens, it goes away, and it didn't come back again until it was in that classroom. So I didn't know quite what I was expecting, but one of the big questions I had, which I think a lot of people who have been, um, you know, made victims of another person, ask, why?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 26:31
Why?
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 26:33
You know, why would you do this? You know, and it's a question I've learned over time from every person I'm working with or lecturing or doing workshops with. Is that why question comes out. Yeah, why would they want to do that to me? You know, why me?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 26:50
Has there been a time on your journey where you felt that you've overcome it? Was there ever a moment that you had that sense of, uh, I'm, I'm healed, or I'm clear of that, my self-worth's back, or you know what I mean? Any of that?
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 27:07
Look, self-worth's a funny thing. It kind of, it's like a roller. It depends on what's happening to you. So for example, the divorce, boom, back down there again. The pandemic, boom, back down there again. And you do have that. And I always say to people that something bad that's happened to you, just relate to it like it's a cut. And every once in a while, you can look at the cut because you've still got a scar. You know, and every once in a while you will revisit that scar, whether it's on a positive point or whether it's going to be on a negative point. And yeah, on the positive days I look at the scar and go, man, and on a negative day I look at the scar and go, oh damn, you know, it's, uh, it just is what it is. And, and I will never say that anyone who's been through something that is life-changing can honestly say that, you know, they can ride above it, sure. But can they actually make it go away, or in their head, or, you know, I'd say I'm really sorry, but I'd say no, it is always going to be there. So, you know, my comment would be, are you going to grow from that, or are you going to let it destroy you? And, uh, I think over my years I've managed to grow from that, and I think that's important.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 28:41
I really love the way you've put that, in that, yeah, you can't ever wipe it clean. It can't disappear. It's part of us. It's part of the journey. You've obviously had a number of interesting things along your journey that have added to your experience, like you like you explained, love, love the, the way that our lives go on like this checkerboard, right? We jump from one square to a different colored square and we go over here and there. Do you look back and say, wow, you know, I look at the check, you know, the steps and the jumps I've made and it's all been a perfect journey to get me to here, which is linked back to my 8-year-old experience?
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 29:23
I can, I can see the thread all the way through. To be perfectly honest with you. Look, you know, one of the greatest things that I can say of my life is that I've helped a lot of people. And, you know, I, I think I started that way. You know, I was kind of like that as a kid. If something fell out of a lady's bag, I would pick it up and say, there you go. And she'd say, thank you. You know, I've always been kind of that person. And I've had an opportunity, even though I've popped from one spot to another and different jobs and different things, I've always had that, that sort of help mentality where I believe that I can make a difference. And, uh, I think that's been the greatest, um, builder for me over the years, is every time that I've done something or turned another page, um, it always seems to be to help people to get from where they are to another place, a better place.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 30:21
It's, uh, wonderful when you've got that ability to sit there and see the thread and be then grateful for all the experiences, even if we remember them with emotion and we cry. And like you say, some days, you know, we look at our scars negatively or in a not so positive mindset, but it's all been for a reason and it's made you who you are today. And that can only be a wonderful thing.
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 30:49
Yeah, I mean, you know, there's— I've had a support structure. I mean, my wife is marvelous, um, and, um, you know, that really is such an important thing. Um, I don't know if I would have been so positive in the last 30-odd years, uh, without her support. Um, you know, I've stumbled a lot, uh, you know, I'll give you an idea, you know, we opened the new martial arts school, I had to sell her car to put a bond down. On the building. And, you know, she said, okay. And, you know, in this day and age, you know, cars like hers are now worth, you know, tens of thousands of dollars. But anyway, put it down as a bond. And, you know, within 4 months or 5 months, we were discussing this the other night, we had a fire in our building. We just set everything up, we put our money into getting other things, and we had a fire in the building. Now, we didn't get burnt, uh, we had water damage and smoke damage, and we had to wait for the building to be rebuilt. So suddenly, from going professional, we were already back to being a, uh, you know, a non-professional school in a school down the road until our stuff got done months and months and stuff later. You know, it is— it's a— it's like this, you know. And we looked at each other and said, did we just make another mistake? I don't know if we've made a mistake. Maybe we made a mistake. But, you know, the students rode it out and so did we. Back again, you know, it's a journey. And the journey, I don't know, I've always been fairly destination-oriented more than anything else, you know. There's some things I want to achieve before I die. And, you know, that kind of proves to me that all of this stuff before I die is the journey. And if that's what it takes to get me where I am, then that's what it took.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 32:51
Yeah. And for those that are listening to the audio, when Chris said, when this stuff happens, he was motioning with his hands showing the waves of the ups and downs, basically the ups and downs of our life.
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 33:03
It is what it is. And, uh, you know, I'm sure that between now and whatever, you know, I've just had 2 knees replaced together. I'm an idiot. Uh, but, uh, you know, not one, one year and one the next, but together. And, uh, you know, that's got this effect as well. Um, and, uh, now they're pretty good and I can almost feel like I can get back to kicking things again, which would be very nice. If you know what I mean. And it's filling me with more hope that I've got a few more years left in me to do what I do.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 33:39
Wonderful. I've got a couple more questions for you, Chris. At what point did you realize that your purpose was to actually help people stay safe and deal with the situations, you know, that you found yourself in when you were young?
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 33:56
The Wayside Chapel phoned me up. It was one of my very early clients and said, we have some women here, right, who essentially are prostitutes, and they are getting beaten up a lot. And can you come and help them and talk to them? And I said, sure. Absolutely. So we ran a 6-week, 1-hour per night type program, uh, or per week, 1 night, 1 hour per week for 6 weeks for these girls. Fantastic group of people, educated me, all right, in so much, right, of the female condition. Not that, you know, forgetting about what they did, that's what they did for a living, but You know, that was a time that I started to realize that I think I can help people. I think I can help almost anyone who might be at risk and take away any of the mystique of what people do for a living or whether they're rich or whether they're poor or whether they're young or whether they're old. I have the skills to do that. We had a fantastic course, great outcomes.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 35:10
I love it. I love hearing these little moments in the journey, the rich moments that Color the canvas.
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 35:18
Yeah, I'll never forget that program. It was the best program, best, and we did it for free. I didn't even earn a dollar for it, you know.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 35:27
Wow.
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 35:27
So the reality of it is that the, you know, we were doing this, um, uh, because we were asked to do it, if that makes sense.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 35:36
Yeah. Wow. Did you have a period of your journey where you had to go through your own healing? Process? And if so, did you have someone to help facilitate that healing?
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 35:50
Through my life, I found that when I was in a trough, I did stupid things. Um, you know, uh, when I was younger, 20s, uh, you know, drinking, um, you name it, um, fighting, uh, gambling, uh, you name it. When I'm in a trough, stupid things. And that prof followed me, uh, and stupid things followed me for quite a while in my life. And, uh, the most stabilizing force for that was my wife Jodie. So when I started to do something stupid, she would go, hang on a minute, is that something you really need to do? And I guess, you know, this stuff that I was doing turned more into that, right? And that was a stabilizing force. That was the thing that started me realizing how destructive I could actually be upon myself. And, you know, I still do stupid things. I'm male, you know, I still do stupid things. But at the end of the day, that stabilizing force is there. And if I— it really is stupid. I do have someone that will tap me on the shoulder and say, "You're better than this." Thank you, Mia.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 37:16
You're very blessed.
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 37:19
I am, actually. Truly, if anybody asks me anything about what has been a stabilizing force in my life, I will easily say it's my wife.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 37:30
Has there been any point on the journey where you felt that you couldn't get back from the trough?
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 37:38
Oh yeah, I think the pandemic, um, was a cracker for me. Um, we were at the height, we were right there. We, we could not have been better, bigger, more popular. I mean, um, you know, White Ribbon Ambassador, I was kind of everything. That I wanted to be, and I was heading in the direction of everything. And then we, in the first, uh, 6 weeks, we did everything that we were told to do. And, you know, and, um, uh, you know, we, we— people had to wear masks and wash hands, and we did this 4 meters, and we did this and we did that. And, and then, um, eventually, regardless, bang, everything's gone. And then when the ACCC said, we're sending a letter out to your membership collection company or tuition collection company that they have to ask all your members whether they want to stay or go, and 500 turned into 70. And, you know, it was terrible. We couldn't train outside, we couldn't train inside, we couldn't do anything. Literally, I had to kick the doors shut. And, uh, that wasn't my, um, retirement plan. So, you know, we were left with nothing.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 39:00
And yet you're here, you're back.
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 39:02
Yet I'm here with new knees.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 39:03
Yes, new knees and a smile on your face.
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 39:07
Uh, look, you know, one of the things I can say about having a roller coaster life, and particularly a bad beginning, It is basically that, is that you know that there's something better just over the hill. You just got to make it to the top of the hill. And, uh, you know, essentially I've learned that lesson as time has gone on.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 39:30
It's really lovely to hear that because you've obviously been through a lot, you've learned. And I think for me, one of the clear things that I've gotten from this conversation is the acceptance that The scar doesn't disappear. There'll be, you know, ups and downs. It's part of the journey, and it's important to just keep focusing on, you know, and trusting that you will come out of a trough.
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 39:54
Yeah, yeah, I believe so. And, you know, you do need a support structure. Um, the good news is, you know, a lot of the, the, my key students, um, we still talk, we still train. I still do some qigong and, and other very calming and relaxing things. Um, you know, all of these things have conspired to, um, you know, float good to the top, um, and allow yourself to lay back a little on the bad and say, okay, well, these things happen, um, you know, what are you going to do now? Uh, that's kind of the feeling that you have, you know. Um, so I take counsel with people that are around me and see what their thoughts are, uh, their support. And, uh, uh, you know, I'm still looking for a mentor. I, I always will be looking for a mentor. I have currently, probably as I look around, 4 or 5 people around me that I class as being my mentors or people that I look up to. And I find that, that having that mentorship around you kind pulls you up as well. Because people doing good things, or people who are highly successful who are with you and around you, um, they only rub off good stuff, you know. And I think that's sort of my favorite very well too.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 41:16
Beautiful. In summary, you've given us such a beautiful story, Chris, and there's so much to sink in and process and learn from. So thank you for that. I do have a final question. It's, um, okay, it's the hardest one of all. Are you ready?
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 41:35
Of course.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 41:36
No, no.
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 41:37
Okay, fire away.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 41:38
So if there's someone listening to your story who has— can resonate or is going through something similar, or any of— any— can relate to any aspect of the story right now, what would you like to say to them?
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 41:52
Look, where it all started, you know, whether it's good, bad, or ugly, where it all started is not where it finishes. You know, it— you are not the outcome of someone else, you know, whatever they've done to you. If you've become a, a victim to someone else, um, that's their story. Um, your story is different. It's what you do with that. And how you look at that and how you equate that. And as you go along through your life, right, this beginning is either going to destroy you, right, or this beginning, right, will drive you. It's really up to you, you know. So, you know, I'm going to say to you that the beginning of your life, or the thing that, that, um, has brought you to your knees All right, it's not you. You're that powerful thing inside of yourself that can stand back up again, right, and keep walking forward. So your beginning is not your end. It's up to you to make that end.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 43:00
That's beautifully put and really powerful. Thank you, Chris, for sharing today, for coming and spending time with me. I've loved every second of this, and I am really grateful, and I'm sure the listeners will be extremely grateful as well. Thank you very much. Thank you. We hope you've enjoyed this episode of Kintsugi Heroes. Please like and share the show to your friends so we can get this out to even more people. If you have a story you'd like to share with us, please reach out using the contact details below. And join us next week for our next hero's story. Until then, keep being you, and remember that we are all heroes in our own unique way.
Chris Futcher-Coles (Guest) · 43:51
Only when it's broken, only when it's broken, when it hits you in the middle Love at night and the truth burns so bright. Only when it's broken. Only when it's broken. Take pride in those cries. It's only for tonight and then you rise. Only when you're broken. Only when you're broken. Only when you're broken.
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