Kintsugi Heroes
Alan Stevens · 51 min
After a childhood suicide attempt, two broken marriages, and a business collapse, Alan Stevens found healing not through therapy but by sitting in silence around a campfire with Aboriginal Elders — and then built a community so others could do the same.
At 23, Alan Stevens was put in charge of older men despite growing up alone. He built a life around relationships he didn't trust, shaped by his uncle's words: you have no brains. That belief kept him isolated, convinced that being around people would expose him as wrong. Two marriages collapsed. A business failed. At 48, his second wife asked for a divorce over lunch at a busy cafe in Newcastle, and Alan realised his inability to communicate had cost him another relationship.
At 50, a mate invited him to plant trees at an Aboriginal opening day. A conversation with an elder led to a phone call that changed everything. Alan started camping out bush every Friday, then monthly with dozens of men. He watched them show pure compassion to a 14-year-old with a hip injury. He went through tribal initiation and was reborn as a man, with an empty ledger to write his story differently. He learned that when he stopped chasing relationships and started helping other people find their own answers, connection came to him naturally.
Alan now runs the Campfire Project, where over 500 hours of conversations have happened across four years. Men, women, all ages, all religions, all cultures. Not once has anyone been disrespectful. He created the safe space he never had as a child. Six years after his second wife left, he learned she was happy with someone new. For the first time, he understood what real love meant: wanting someone's joy even when you are not part of it. That realisation cemented everything he had learned about himself.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses suicide & self-harm prevention, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • Lifeline (24/7 crisis support): 13 11 14 · lifeline.org.au
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