Jeni Vercoe · 43 min
After 16 years of marriage left her with zero self-esteem, no career, and no sense of self, Jeni Vercoe entered nursing at 40 and rebuilt her identity from the ground up, proving it is never too late to find yourself.
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Jeni Vercoe wanted to be a nurse from childhood but never believed she was smart enough to try. She married at 22, had three sons, and spent 14 years at home managing everything while her ex-husband, a high-ranking police officer, was rarely there. After 16 years of marriage, she had no job, no career, and no sense of who she was beyond being a mother and wife. When the marriage ended, she knew she had to show her boys that you can get knocked down and get back up. She also knew she needed to find herself.
Seeing an ad for an enrolled nursing course in the newspaper changed everything. At 40, with zero work history and zero confidence, Jeni applied and was accepted. She finished the 12-month course with the second-highest mark in New South Wales. Then she decided to go further and applied for university to become a registered nurse, completing a two-year degree while raising teenage sons and watching her father die of cancer just as she graduated. She kept going. She worked in operating theatre, then completed a graduate certificate in anaesthetics and recovery online, all while showing her boys that it was possible to rebuild.
Jeni now works as a nurse in day surgery theatre. Looking back, she says the biggest gift was finding her own strength and learning who she really is. She tells anyone doubting themselves to trust that inner voice and not let anyone steal their joy. Even a tiny flame, she says, can become a roaring fire if you fan it.
“from someone who had zero confidence I had zero identity”
“don't let someone steal your joy that is your joy”
“trust that inner voice”
The hero, today
When Jeni's marriage ended, she had no job and no identity beyond being a mother and wife, but she knew she had to show her boys that you can get knocked down and get back up. Jeni didn't know enrolled nursing existed until she saw the ad in the paper, which shows that the path you want might not look the way you expected it to, and research and asking questions can open doors you didn't know were there. The people around you matter: Jeni's sons and a couple of friends believed in her even when she didn't believe in herself, and that made the difference between trying and giving up. Jeni has deliberately given her own children the encouragement and belief in themselves that she didn't receive growing up, because she saw what the lack of it cost her. When you're making a big decision or stuck on something, time away by yourself, at the water, on a walk, on a holiday alone, can clear your head enough to see what you need to do next.
Yes. Jeni Vercoe is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
When Jeni's marriage ended, she had no job and no identity beyond being a mother and wife, but she knew she had to show her boys that you can get knocked down and get back up.
Jeni didn't know enrolled nursing existed until she saw the ad in the paper, which shows that the path you want might not look the way you expected it to, and research and asking questions can open doors you didn't know were there.
The people around you matter: Jeni's sons and a couple of friends believed in her even when she didn't believe in herself, and that made the difference between trying and giving up.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 00:03
Welcome to the Kintsugi Heroes podcast, where we share inspirational stories of everyday people going through different challenges and how they overcome them. Please be aware that the story you're about to hear may have moments of deeply felt emotions and personal experiences. If anything you hear has a triggering effect, please reach out to someone who can help keep you safe. If you love this conversation, please like and share it with your friends so we can continue to share more inspiration and hope to as many people as possible. Now listen up for our next hero's story. And in this episode, I met with Jenny Vercoe. And what makes Jenny remarkable is that she's just like so many other women who wake up one day after a long marriage of what, 2, 3 decades, and having no self-esteem when the marriage breaks down, and she has no idea how to move on. And it's common, we see it, I've seen it. And I loved the way that she was so resourceful and she just believed in herself, you know. She went out and with honesty and wisdom describes this journey of how she discovered herself again and how she's made an amazing career after the loss of her marriage and having no identity. Anyway, you'll learn all of this once you listen to the episode. This is Jenny Vercoe. Hello, here we are, another episode of Kintsugi Heroes. My guest today is Jenny Vercoe. Jenny, welcome and thank you for joining me.
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 01:52
Thank you for having me.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 01:54
You're welcome. I always want to acknowledge the guests that come on to Kintsugi Heroes because it takes bravery and a bit of gumption to, to come on and know that your story is being recorded, both audio and video. And you know, it's, it's a lot, and I know that, um, not everybody feels comfortable doing this. That's why only a few actually come forward, and yet it's just such a powerful experience, and it really does help people. So I just want to acknowledge you and thank you for being here.
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Jeni has deliberately given her own children the encouragement and belief in themselves that she didn't receive growing up, because she saw what the lack of it cost her.
This conversation includes a dream she thought she'd missed, fourteen years at home, then the marriage ends, the ad in the paper that changed everything, the nurse who told her she was mad, second highest mark in the state, then another river to cross and sixteen years married and no identity left.
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 02:25
Yeah, thank you.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 02:27
You're welcome. Well, this is about you and your story, so how about you take me back to where your story begins and then start the story for me?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 02:39
Um, I suppose I had always wanted to be a nurse. And but never thought— I was never confident about that. I didn't think I was smart enough. I think, oh no, they're very big words. I don't think I could do any of that. And so I never pursued it. Um, it wasn't till I had been a stay-at-home mum for 14 years with my boys, which to me is a great privilege, and I eventually— my marriage broke down and, um separation, divorce, that sort of thing. And I, I did not know— I mean, to me, I thought, oh well, nursing's all in the universities now, forget it, you've missed the boat. And I, I thought, well, I'll keep looking in the paper, I'll see something, something will come up and jump out at me, and it'll be— that's what I'll do. Because I really felt I needed to set a good example to my boys. That I wasn't just going to sit on my backside and do nothing. And I had to show them that, well, you know, okay, you cop a kick, but you got to pick yourself back up. And then one day, looking in the paper, there was an ad for the enrolled nursing course, which I was totally oblivious to that. And, um, I looked at it and I looked at the criteria and I thought Oh, I could do that. I'm sure I could do that. Having absolutely zero self-confidence and zero self-esteem, I thought, yeah, righto. Um, so I applied, got all my paperwork in, and I got accepted. And that terrified me because I thought it was, it was going back to full-time study, full-time work. I hadn't worked for 22 years or something like that. I'd had 14 years at home. I there was— yeah, it was scary. And I actually had some friends that stepped in, and, and they had an, like, an employment type agency, and they just ran me through a few things. And they did, you know, and I said, I've got to do a numeracy and literacy test. I went, I hate maths, what am I going to do? You know, and then, no, Jenna, it'll be fine, you know. And I Surprisingly, I got through that and I actually was accepted, and much to my amazement. And even when I got through the course, I remember going up to one of the lecturers at the graduation and saying, "Who'd have thought I'm here?" And she said, "Well, I knew you would be." And I was like, "Really? I didn't." So, you know, and during that, it was 12 months. During that time, there were lots of tears and tantrums, and that wasn't from the kids, that was from me. That was, you know, what on earth possessed me to think I could do this? I can't do this, this is too hard. You know, it's affecting the kids. You know, it was hard work. It was a big change. It was a big change for them as well, to having Mum around all the time, to all of a sudden get your own food. There's stuff in the freezer. Get your father to order your pizza. You know, it was, yeah, it was hard work. And surprisingly, I remember the first person I told that I was going to go into nursing, that I think I'd been accepted or something. And this was a person who had been a nurse for a long, long time. And her, her reaction surprised me. She, instead of encouragement, I got, 'Oh, are you mad? What on earth are you thinking?' And I was quite shocked because she was the only person in this whole journey that did that. And I thought then, 'Oh, that's a bit— that's a strange thing to say to someone. Like, I'm excited about this. This is a dream that I thought would never eventuate. Um, and yeah, that, that was the reaction. And I kind of thought, well, you don't do that to people, even if you don't agree with what they're doing, or, or you don't think they're even going to make it, or whatever. To me, you don't steal their joy, you know. That, that seemed a bit, a bit harsh. Um, So, yeah, I kind of— I got through that and I then went on to do the community nursing course and got the second highest mark in the course in New South Wales. And then I thought, do I dare? It was kind of like there was like— I was on one side of the river and there were all these other things on the other side of the river that I thought, oh, well, I'd love to do that. But in the middle was this giant stepping stone that said registered nurse. And I thought, the only way I can get over there is I've got to do the registered nurses course, which was university. So there was this big, oh, you know, I don't know if I can do that. I'd be, you know, never ever dreamed that I'd go to uni. And, um, so I put in the application and I got in. I was accepted. And Luckily, with the university that I went to, because I was already an enrolled nurse, they dropped the course to 2 years instead of 3. So I, again, 2 years of a few tantrums and screaming at the computer and crying. And look, I think we all go through that, and I think it's quite all right to have a pity party, yell, scream, kick, whatever, get it out of your system and then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and go, okay, I can do this. I've been doing it. I've got this far. I can keep going. And my boys, I have to say, and they were teenagers at the time, they were fabulous. They really were. And, you know, the couple of friends and that, that that were fantastic. And so as I got to the end of the registered nurses course, um, my father was diagnosed with, uh, cancer, with lung cancer, and it had already, um, gone on to other parts of his body. So right towards the end of it, Dad was dying basically. And I think I just, I knew that when I become a registered nurse, as soon as I tell him I've achieved that, I knew he'd go. And he did, um, about a week later. And, you know, I was dreading telling him, but I knew that's what he was hanging on for. And that's coming up to the anniversary on the 23rd of December. So yeah, it's, um It was a hard— again, a hard thing that I had to keep going and I had to keep pushing. And, you know, there was one subject that all of us were struggling with and we all, you know, I just said, I'll do extra coursework. I don't care what it is. I said, I'll pick it up because I said, I cannot fail this course. I have to keep going. I got through that. I was accepted at the Mater Hospital to do my new grad position. I then did my theatre course, and all these years later, I'm still working operating theatre at a day surgery. And, uh, in that time, a couple of years ago, I did my graduate certificate in anaesthetics and recovery as well, online. God, that was hard. That was, that was hard. Um, more tears and tantrums. I must just be something with me and computers. And my son— I had actually signed up for the Grad Cert, the Diploma, and the Master's, but after— and you could jump out of it anytime you liked, like after each section if you wanted to. And I got to the end of the Grad Cert, and my youngest son said to me, "That's it, no more uni for you." He just said, "You're not doing any more uni, Mum. That's it." He said, I can't take it anymore. And he was at uni at the time too, thank God, because it was the same uni, so he knew all the things, you know, online. Um, yeah, so I thoroughly agreed with him and just said, yeah, no, no more uni for me, not doing that anymore. So here I am coming up to 23 years now, and from someone who had zero confidence. I had zero identity in, in all, you know, when I began. Because I remember a friend saying to me, said, I can see Matthew and Dan's mum, and I can see Glenn's wife. He said, but where's Jenny? And, and I hadn't kind of realized that I had disappeared completely. And of course, when my marriage broke up I was totally lost. I was just no identity, no, no, um, not working, knowing I had to start all over again.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 12:18
Um, thanks, Jen. And I've got a few questions I want to take you back. So first of all, how long were you married for?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 12:26
Uh, 16 years.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 12:28
Right. So tell me, did you have an identity when you got married?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 12:34
Um, apparently, um, a girlfriend said to me when I told her that we split up, she said, oh, she said, now we might see the old Jenny back.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 12:46
Yeah.
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 12:48
And I hadn't even realized that I had just disappeared.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 12:56
So the, the marriage breaking down was the catalyst for you to look inside yourself and say, well, not only do I need to do something for the sake of setting a good example for my kids, but I actually want to do something for me.
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 13:13
Yes.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 13:14
Yeah. How hard was that?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 13:18
Very hard. When you— when your self-esteem— when you've been made to feel like you are dumb um, and you haven't been encouraged to do anything. And what would you know, kind of thing. Um, you second-guess yourself all the time, and yeah, you just don't have that confidence to, to think that you can do it.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 13:42
So who told you that you weren't good enough?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 13:46
Uh, the implications from the ex were there because he was a very high-ranking police officer. And he had university degrees, he had a law degree and all this kind of thing. And, you know, you're just a little woman at home, um, I'll give you a little bit of money every week and that'll do you kind of thing, um. And yeah, my mum wasn't all that encouraging either. Dad was. Dad was my rock in a quiet way, um. But yeah, I just didn't, didn't have And I think because that, that side of things had come from childhood as well, that not having confidence to, to excel, I suppose, in anything, that, that impacts you right through life until I guess you wake up or that bell goes off in your head and you go, hang on a minute, I can do this.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 14:44
So your upbringing through your upbringing, did you have memories of either your mum or your dad or society around you giving, sending you the message that, well, you're, you're not going to be having a career like a man and you're not good enough? Was that what you heard?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 15:06
Yeah, yeah. And so, you know, and I think when I left high school The majority of us left when we were 15, 16, fourth form, which is now Year 10, um, and we all went to secretarial school. That was it. You're going to be a secretary till you find someone to marry, and then you'll have kids, and you know, that's your role in life. Yeah.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 15:32
How did that make you feel at that point when you were 15, 16? Did you feel like there was something not right about this this pathway, or, you know, was there any messages internally?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 15:44
I was a bit oblivious to it, I think. I think I kind of thought, oh yeah, that's what you do, you know. And I guess because my mum had stayed home since she was pregnant with me, so everyone around me had— all the women in my life had stayed at home, so there really wasn't anything different. To me. Like, you know, now, goodness, they've got all the choices in the world. They can do whatever they want.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 16:14
Yeah. Did you have expectations of what it would feel like to be a wife and a mother?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 16:25
Yeah, um, I guess a little bit rose-colored glasses. In, in a way, you know, the, the tall, dark, handsome husband, and, you know, lovely, you know. And I was, I was in awe of my ex, I have to say. I virtually, you know, unrealistically— and wrong of me to put him on a pedestal, because really you shouldn't do that with anybody, because you, you're setting them up for a fall and you're setting yourself up for disappointment. But yeah, things didn't go the way I thought they were going to go. He was married to the job and I was married to him, so it was kind of like there were two lives. There were the life I had with the boys and we did everything together, and occasionally he popped into the frame. So yeah, it was because he was on call 24/7. So it was that kind of thing.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 17:30
So you were almost a single parent?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 17:33
Yeah, and I think I said that to someone the other day, I've basically been a single parent all my life. So, um, yeah, it's— yeah, and you have to look, I mean, the police force, if you're married to someone who is dedicated to the job. It's the same as any other of those services jobs, any of the military jobs, paramedics, that kind of thing, is that that's their life. You know, doctors even, you know, and I mean, they all miss important occasions and you have to keep the fort going. That's the way it is. You kind of sign up for that. But in all honesty, I mean, I was 21 when I got engaged, 22 when I got married. I, I really had no idea. So my fairy tale dreams of what it was going to be like kind of didn't quite come to the way I thought it would.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 18:33
Was it a very quick realization that it was— the fairy tale wasn't true, or did it take time?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 18:40
I think for years for years. I mean, even— I mean, my eldest is now 36, and I remember bringing him home from hospital and putting him in the bassinet and just sitting there staring at him. And Glen just went, "Oh, well, I've got to go to uni now," and off he went. And I'm like, "What if he wakes up? What do I do with him?" I had no idea. Absolutely zero idea. And he, and he was gone. He was out the door, you know. I mean, even during the '94 bushfires, he was off with the bushfires, and I'm left with 3 kids and a, a dog or a cat, and one I had, or both, one of the two. And it was like, and next thing we get a thing to evacuate, and I'm like, hang on, it's so, you know, I had to be very organized. Very, yeah. So a lot of disasters were left to me.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 19:41
Did that give you a sense of fulfillment and confidence in your— increasing confidence that you would— you were actually carrying out a really important role even though you weren't in the workforce, but you were actually, you know, a skilled and increasingly amazing parent?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 20:02
Yeah, I think, I think I could, you know, I felt I could handle stuff. It wasn't, you know, I wasn't one of these people that would just sit down and put my head in my hands and go, oh no, what do I do? I could kind of nut things out. And I think I got a lot of that from Dad because Dad was very that much, that sort of person. I think things changed to be 2 years before we got— we split up. My— oh, I lost my brother, and I lost him to suicide. And it, you know, his engagement had broken up, and, and, you know, it was just a horrible time. And I, I remember thinking then, I'm never going to have my happiness dependent on another person. Sure, they can add to your happiness, but I'm not going to have it dependent on another person. Because look what happened. And I thought, started to think then, what would I do if Glenn left? How would I cope? And I thought, you know, I'd be okay. I would be okay. Sure, you know, I sat there for, for a little while thinking, oh, now what do I do? Because not having a job and being totally dependent on him, um But yeah, you sort of, you know, and you do, you need time to think about it and to process it and nut it out. And yes, have your tears and have your feelings of hopelessness, but if you've got people that'll pick you up a bit, and I had the kids, you know, I hadn't, you know, I had to be strong for them because they'd lost their dad, basically. You know, they'd just, they'd not long lost their uncle who they loved dearly. And then to have their dad walk out the door. So I was dealing with their grief as well, um, you know, but I always kept them connected to their dad. I, you know, stuck his phone numbers on the wall next to the phone and said, ring him anytime you want to ring him, ring him. You want to see him, ring him and tell him you want to see him. So, you know, there was no angst about the kids.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 22:15
Sorry for the interruption.
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 22:17
This is Ian Westmoreland, the founder of Katsuki Heroes, and thank you for listening to this story from one of our amazing heroes.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 22:24
Our mission is for these stories to provide hope and inspiration to people experiencing life challenges and to also educate the broader community on how best to provide support.
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 22:35
If you would like to help us continue to produce more hero stories, and cover more adversity themes, we would welcome all donations. These can be made via our website, kintsugiheroes.com.au.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 22:48
The donate function is at the bottom of the home page.
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 22:51
We'd also welcome any feedback. You can email me direct using ian@kintsugiheroes.com.au. Now let's get back to the story.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 23:07
I'd like to delve into a little bit of the— I guess, is it the imposter syndrome, or is it just the lack of self-confidence that you developed through your adult life and probably from younger years? So how hard was it for you then to make that decision that you were going to apply for that course? When you saw it in the paper?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 23:34
I thought it was— I thought I was very daring. I thought, oh, dare I do this? And I, I sort of— I'm a bit— if, you know, if I go for something and I get it, it's because I'm meant to get it. Like, if, if I'm not meant to get it, well, it won't happen. And so I suppose a part of me thought, oh, you won't get it. Don't be ridiculous. And yet when I did, it was like, oh, now what do I do? You know, it was— this is, this is a totally new world opening up. And, and it was a totally new world. It was— yeah.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 24:13
Did you, did you get— have to give yourself permission or get permission from somebody else to do it? Was that part of the process?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 24:27
No, I, I did it. I think when I told Mum and Dad— I mean, Dad was fine, Dad was always fine. Um, Mum, she was surprised. She didn't think I'd ever do that. She never thought you'd go into nursing, you know, this sort of thing. So I don't know.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 24:47
So it wasn't a judgment or like a— she didn't criticize you for it?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 24:52
No, no, no.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 24:54
It was only this one girlfriend who Are you mad?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 24:58
Yeah. I thought, ah, I don't think so, but yeah, maybe I am. I don't know, you know. And funnily enough, even when I went to do my, um, my graduate certificate, one of the doctors that I worked with said to me, what are you doing that for? And I thought, well, I'm one of your anaesthetic nurses, wouldn't that be obvious? And I just want to know more so I can help you more. I don't know. And she said, oh, you should go and do something else totally different, you know. And I, I thought, oh, that's a bit odd. So you will get people, you know, that are going to be naysayers. They're going to be, you know, I call them Captain Bring Down, that they, you know, they're negative about what you want to do. And I don't know whether that is a jealousy on their part or um, they don't think you're up to the task, or I don't know, I don't know what it is, but you just got to ignore it. Because I think if you want it bad enough, then it's your choice. Go and do it. You know, I've said to my boys time and time again, I'll help you as much as I can, but you have to do the hard yards. And I— my boys are extraordinary young men who have gone through their own battles with different things, with injuries and surgeries that, you know, I could have lost either of them at any time. And, um, and now, you know, one's a senior audio technician and the other's a paramedic. So, uh, you know, I think— and, and I, I've never said a negative thing about what they're doing, you know. I said, oh, well, okay. What else can you go and do that will help enhance what you want to do, you know? So I probably drive them nuts because I keep coming up with things for them to do. Like, get better.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 26:57
Where does that come from? Has that come as a result of you doing all of your studies and development of yourself?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 27:06
I think so. And I think not getting the encouragement. I think, well, I'm going to encourage them.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 27:15
Did you ever have a desire or a thought during your marriage that you wanted to do something other than just being a mum and a housewife?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 27:27
No. And that was, you know, I, I suppose that was the shock thing when it did end, that, you know, this, this is what I do. I'm a mum. This is— and, and even like when the boys were teen— well, after um, my marriage had broken up, there were a lot more boys that I had an input into their growing up. Because if they had a fight at home, they'd end up at my place. And I said to the boys, I don't want them sleeping in cars, I don't want them sleeping in parks. You tell them to come here, and I would feed them. And, and they didn't get off scot-free. I would sit them down and say, well, okay, tell me what happened. And sometimes I might say, well, hmm, you might owe your mum an apology on that one, you know. And, and the funny thing was that, um, we were all at one boy's 21st, and I had 3 mums come up to me and thank me for looking after their boys. I had no idea who these women were. I had to call one son over and go, who's that? And he said, oh, so-and-so's mum. Oh, right, okay. I had absolutely no idea, but I just, I wanted them to have a safe haven, you know, that they knew that they could come and they would get food, they would get a bed, and they could stay however long. But I would also say to them, you know, you need to think about what you said because that might have been a bit unfair. So, you know, to me that was a mum, you know, that's, that's a mum thing. Because I suppose going back, I was never allowed to stay at other people's houses. People weren't allowed to come and stay at our house, um, and I didn't have that kind of relationship with my mum. And, you know, Dad was an old-fashioned dad, you know, he went to work, he came home, he had dinner, you know, he mowed the lawn, and, um, and that was about it sort of thing.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 29:22
So how pivotal was, uh, I guess those events leading up to your ex-husband leaving you, including your brother's passing, to, to help you be ready for the next phase of your life? Do you feel that they helped you?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 29:46
Yeah, I think looking back, yeah. At the time, um, I think you're just treading water and you're just trying to keep your head above water and and not drown in the sorrow and the anger and the disbelief and all of that stuff. Um, and I think it's not till you look back and you, you, you think, wow, actually, if that hadn't happened, then that wouldn't have happened. And, and yeah, you can— sometimes it takes a little bit of time before you see the the benefit of what you have actually been through. Absolutely.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 30:25
Tell me about your kids. How have they talked to you about the mum that they saw as they got older after you started studying, uh, versus the mum up until— was it— you said your youngest was 14?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 30:39
Yeah, the youngest called me a, um, a doormat. Um, he said you know, Mum, you're better than that, you know, because I, you know, like I said, I had no self-esteem. He was quite vocal in his— his encouragement is a different type of encouragement. Don't be a doormat. You can do that. What are you carrying on about? Um, his brother is much more gentle. Oh, whatever you think, Mum, you know, that kind of thing. And now, you know, they'll come up and give me a hug and, and you say thank you for, you know, thank you for your help and, and that kind of thing. So like, I get a pat on the head because they're quite tall boys and I'm not. Yeah, and they like to pat me on the head and I go, don't pat your mother.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 31:41
During— through, through the years since you started your career, your nursing career, have you met other women who were a similar age, still stuck in the disempowered relationship, marriage? Have you seen them? You know, have you talked with them? Uh, has, has there been any kind of ability to transfer your learnings or share with them?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 32:09
Yeah, I've had a couple of instances with talking to, to people, and just in general conversation they'll say, oh yeah, I've got my divorce hearing coming up this week and I don't know what I'm going to do. And, you know, and similar, a similar vein to what I'd been through. And I just said, look, you can do it. And I say, I went into nursing when I was 40. You can do it, really. Or people that'll say, oh, I always wanted to be a nurse, I wish I'd done that. And I go, well, what's stopping you? And they look at you, you know, and I go, what's stopping you? I was a single mum when I was 40, like, hadn't worked, you know, I had been at home for 14 years. Yeah, sure, it's going to be hard, but I mean, even lately we've had some students in at work and one is 55. So she's just starting her nursing career at 55. You know, there's been people I've come across that have had issues with domestic violence and, you know, too scared to leave and that kind of thing because of this very thing. You know, what would I do? How will I cope? I don't have any skill set. I don't, you know. And I just say, you actually do. You know, you'd be surprised. And I see with a lot of the older nurses, I think we have more street smarts. We're not— we see things a bit differently. So we have a lot to give to any career, really, because, yeah, we just have that life experience, I think.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 33:54
Looking back on the journey, Jenny, what's been, I guess, the, the biggest gift for you?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 34:05
Uh, probably myself. Finding me and the strength that I didn't know I had. And even, you know, even things now, you know, I think, well You've been through worse. What are you whinging about? Just get on with it.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 34:26
What, what, um, what helped you get through the tough times? Did you have someone, friends, you know, what was it? Did you have something outside of yourself to help pull you through?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 34:40
Um, I'd say a combination of that, the boys, a couple of friends. I find I can make better decisions sometimes if I just go and spend some time by myself, even just sitting by the water, or if I go away for— I'm renowned for going on holidays on my own, and I have a few girlfriends that go, "Oh, I couldn't do that. How do you do that?" And I go, "Oh, I couldn't stand having anyone with me. They drive me nuts." Um, I don't want to do what they want to do. I want to do what I want to do. And I just find that if there's something bothering me or I've got to make a decision or I'm— there's, you know, I just— if I spend some time away and just sit and think without all the other stuff going on, then yeah, I can usually come to a decision. Or feel better about something, or even feel better about waiting. I've even said to the kids sometimes, you know, they've been troubled about something, I go, go down the beach, go, go for a walk down the beach. And it's just something about that, the fresh air, the water, the— I, I think it just clears your head a bit. And, you know, I said to one the other day, have you thought about meditating? Don't give me that crap. I said, no, no, it's actually very good.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 36:16
You never know, something might happen one day and you might turn around and stop. That's right, that's right. Um, Jenny, I love your story. I love your strength and your tenacity and everything that you've done to create your life when life threw you a lemon and a curveball. And, you know, you picked yourself up and found yourself again, which is such a rewarding thing and just so heartwarming to see.
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 36:46
It is.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 36:46
A lot of, a lot of women, I think, don't— like, you've seen, especially, yeah, your generation. I see it from my— I think it's probably similar age to my mom. Maybe you're a bit younger than my mom. And they, they were very similar, stuck in these, in these very traditional marriages and didn't know who they were.
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 37:08
And you see it too when a partner passes away. If, if they've— one has relied on the other, they're lost. They're totally lost. They don't know what to do. You know, I saw it with my own mother when my dad passed. Um, she had no idea. And she used to go on about, 'I used to be quite a capable person before your father,' you know. And it wasn't that Dad deliberately took it away from her, it's just that he was used to organising and being an organiser and being a supervisor at work, and he just got on with it. And I think too, when men retire, because they've been in those roles, they retire and then they just take over. Which I know drives a lot of women up the wall. Because they tell me, they go, "Oh, I'm going to kill him if he doesn't." We've even got one nurse who came back to work, she said, "I retired," she said, "but I had to come back to work." She said, "I'll kill him if I stay with him." And we just— I went, "Okay." And she only works, you know, a couple of hours a week, but obviously it's enough. So, Yeah, I think, you know, sometimes people can be quite lost, and it is quite a scary thing to suddenly find yourself on your own, you know. But you have got it, you have got it inside you. You just got to find it, and you got to find what really— my son hates me saying, what's your passion? He says, oh, what a load of rubbish. I said, no, I said, what's something you really, really want to do? He said, I want to be a rock star. Star. He said, that's never going to happen. And I, well, you never know, keep trying, duh. Um, so yeah, I, I think if it's something that you really want to do, you just got to figure out how to do it. Because I think they, they don't— like myself, when I thought I'd missed the boat with nursing, it was this ad in the paper. It changed everything, you know. And, and I, I, I didn't even realize that there was that level of nursing, that there were ENs. There's like, there's AINs, ENs, RNs, you know, you go, go up the ladder. And, and I didn't even realize that. So you may not even realize that what you want to do, there may be another way to get into it than the way that you traditionally thought it was. So, you know, research it, look for it, find out, ask questions.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 39:48
Yep, love it. Um, I was actually going to ask you, Jenny, as my last question, which is if there's anyone listening to this who can resonate with any part of your story and being in that, that space where they just don't believe in themselves, think they're not good enough, maybe they're in a a disempowering relationship, what would you like to say to them?
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 40:13
Trust that inner voice. Don't let someone steal your joy. That is your joy. If they're trying to steal your joy, it's because something's wrong in their heart, or, you know, in their life, or, or there's a jealousy, or there's a something that they've missed out on somewhere along the line, and it's not your fault, you know. That's, that's their stuff. Let them own it and let them deal with it. But you do what you want to do, because I just think everyone's here for a reason. Everyone's got their little part to play, and it's like a big puzzle, and We all sort of fit in somewhere. And you know, you could end up saving someone's life. You could end up speaking to someone that, you know, is down and you stop them doing something that they'll, you know, that would possibly regret later or whatever, you know. And I just think, just listen to that voice inside, really. Because even if it's just a little tiny, tiny, tiny flame, fan the flame, it'll end up a roaring fire. Look out. I come up with ideas all the time and they're like, oh God, she's off again. I think the boss is ready to put a lock on the door.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 41:52
Well, Jenny, I, I think your ideas are great, and what a beautiful strong empowering message to leave our listeners with. Thank you so much. Thank you. Really enjoyed hearing your story, and I love your— the example that you're setting and the way that you brought up your boys and just hearing about where they're at and that's beautiful relationship you have with them and everything that you've done. It's just more power to you. I'm so happy that you found yourself, you know yourself, you love yourself, and you're living your life in the most, you know, I guess, self-loving way.
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 42:25
Yeah, thank you so much for that and having the opportunity to do that, to say that.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 42:31
You're really welcome. It's been a pleasure to have you on, so thanks.
Jeni Vercoe (Guest) · 42:37
Thank you.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 42:39
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