Kintsugi Heroes
Barb Higgins · 57 min
After losing her thirteen-year-old daughter to a misdiagnosed brain tumour, surviving her own brain tumours, and fighting through grief-fuelled substance use, Barb Higgins found an improbable path back to life — guided by dreams, synchronicities, and the birth of her son Jack at age fifty-seven.
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Barb Higgins was living the life she had always worked for: a teacher in her hometown, married to Kenny, with two daughters Gracie and Molly. She had built something that felt solid and safe. In April 2016, when Molly fell ill with headaches and vomiting, doctors dismissed the symptoms as stress. By the time Barb returned from a vacation in Amsterdam, Molly was in an emergency room, unconscious. A brain tumour had ruptured in her brainstem. After a week on life support, Molly died. She was thirteen.
What followed were two years on the living room floor with Gracie, both of them frozen in grief, numbed by medication and alcohol. But seven months after Molly's death, Barb began having repeated dreams about having a baby. Doctors told her she was too old at fifty-three. She didn't listen. While pursuing fertility treatment, an MRI revealed three benign brain tumours in Barb's own head, one of them compressing her carotid artery and likely fatal within another year if left untreated. She had brain surgery and radiation. She grieved. She kept going. On May 7th, 2019, the anniversary of Molly's death, a dance friend of Molly's named Rachel died on life support, and her kidney went to Kenny. Rachel had danced at Molly's funeral. The connections kept multiplying.
In March 2020, at fifty-seven years old, Barb gave birth to Jack on the vernal equinox. His arrival did not erase the loss of Molly. Instead, it allowed Barb to live again. She speaks now of thousands of tiny steps, not one big moment. Of finding someone willing to listen with their eyes and see with their ears. Of accepting what is real, even when it breaks you.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses addiction & recovery and grief & loss, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • SMART Recovery Australia (addiction): smartrecoveryaustralia.com.au • ReachOut: au.reachout.com • Lifeline (24/7 crisis support): 13 11 14 · lifeline.org.au • GriefLine: 1300 845 745 · griefline.org.au
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