Is this a true story?

Yes. Susan Bloom is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.

What organisation produced this?

Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.

What did Susan Bloom learn from this experience?

If you're caregiving for someone else, you need to take care of yourself sometimes first, because you cannot take care of someone else if you don't take care of yourself first.

What would Susan Bloom want listeners to know?

The Equine Gestalt Coaching program saved her sanity by giving her a place to be vulnerable when everyone around her needed her to be the strong one.

What helped Susan Bloom most along the way?

She was not tired and afraid, she was exhausted and terrified, and it took finding the right support to name the difference.

What would Susan Bloom tell someone going through something similar?

During the hardest holiday seasons, all she could think of was gratitude that her whole family was there together.

What topics does this episode cover?

This conversation includes a small town, a farmer, and staying put, the first symptoms nobody could name, rare disease, wrong answers, mayo clinic, the phone call that changes everything, six weeks chasing a diagnosis that was never there and a hole in his esophagus, a stent that fails.

Finding Strength & Vulnerability through Cancer with Susan Bloom

Kintsugi Studio

Finding Strength & Vulnerability through Cancer with Susan Bloom | Kintsugi Heroes Stories

Overview

Susan Bloom grew up in rural western Kansas, the daughter of a doctor, and married a local farmer knowing she would spend her life there. In 2012, her husband Mike's health began to unravel. What started as what doctors thought was a sinus infection became a five-and-a-half-year medical odyssey: misdiagnosis after misdiagnosis, a rare autoimmune disease called relapsing polychondritis, a hole in his esophagus, a feeding tube, and a heartbreaking search for cancer that doctors never actually found. Through it all, Susan worked full-time, raised three sons, and held her family together.

Then, ten days before her birthday in September 2017, Susan was diagnosed with breast cancer. Stage 1 became Stage 3 within weeks. She was undergoing chemotherapy while managing Mike's hospital visits, his pain, his nutrition, and his fear. She had no space to fall apart because everyone needed her to be strong. The turning point came when she found the Equine Gestalt Coaching program, a practice that uses horses to help people heal emotional wounds. For the first time, she had a place where she could be vulnerable instead of the strong one everyone depended on.

Mike died in June 2018. Susan completed her breast cancer treatment and went on to become a Master Equine Gestaltist. She is now moving to Eastern Kansas to start support groups for caregivers, bringing what she learned in her own darkest seasons to others who are drowning in the weight of keeping someone else alive while their own body is breaking. Her message to anyone in a similar situation is simple: you cannot care for someone else if you do not care for yourself first.

⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses grief & loss, which some listeners may find distressing.

If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • Lifeline (24/7 crisis support): 13 11 14 · lifeline.org.au • GriefLine: 1300 845 745 · griefline.org.au

Chapters

0:00
A small town, a farmer, and staying put
Susan introduces herself from rural Kansas and explains how she met her husband and knew she would spend her life there.
2:47
The first symptoms nobody could name
Mike's asthma worsens, then in 2012 he develops symptoms that multiple doctors misdiagnose as sinus infections and eye problems.
5:45
Rare disease, wrong answers, Mayo Clinic
After months of failed treatments, Mike is diagnosed with relapsing polychondritis, a rare autoimmune disease, and the family travels to Mayo Clinic for answers.
10:30
The phone call that changes everything
While Susan is at a regional meeting, she gets the call that Mike has lung cancer and it has spread, and the local doctor tells her to take him home.
13:15
Six weeks chasing a diagnosis that was never there
Susan and Mike spend weeks traveling between Kansas City and Houston searching for cancer that doctors never actually find, while his body deteriorates.
16:20
A hole in his esophagus, a stent that fails
Mike develops a severe esophageal condition that requires emergency intervention, multiple procedures, and eventually a feeding tube.
19:45
Ten days before her birthday, her own diagnosis
While managing Mike's care, Susan has a mammogram that reveals breast cancer, and within weeks she learns it has spread to her lymph nodes.
23:10
Both of them sick, both needing her to be strong
Susan describes juggling Mike's hospital visits, her own chemotherapy, and holding her family together while malnourished and terrified.
25:45
The plane ride she'll never forget
Mike's heart stops mid-flight to Kansas City, and Susan watches CPR from the cabin as the plane is diverted back to Hays.
27:00
Finding her way back through horses
Susan begins the Equine Gestalt Coaching program, which gives her a safe place to be vulnerable when no one else in town could.
30:45
A message from Mike, years later
During her Master Gestaltist training, a colleague shares a spiritual experience suggesting Mike did not want her trapped in western Kansas.
38:15
What she wants to give back
Susan reflects on the importance of self-care for caregivers and describes her plan to lead support groups in Eastern Kansas.

1 of 7

The first symptoms nobody could name

Aveline Clark (Host) · 02:47

Okay, so I was born here. My dad was a doctor here. When I was 8 years old, his partner died suddenly, which left him as the only doctor in the county. I think at that point the county had about 3,000 people in it. I never intended to stay here. I intended to go to college, get a degree, and go off to a city somewhere. And I met a local farmer after going to college for 2 years and being in a really bad relationship and coming home. And I met a local farmer, fell in love, and knew that I would be here the rest of my life because he would not leave. We married, I think I was 22 when we got married. We had 3 boys. And moved around a little bit at first. He had a landlady who died, and so we moved down to my grandparents' farm about 45 miles south of here for about a year when our first son was born. And then we ended up coming back a little quicker than we could or thought we would. And he was asthmatic. And chose to farm wheat, which was his worst— turned out to be his worst allergy. And when I was, I think I was 29 and pregnant with our second child, about 8 months pregnant, I was in Texas with my mom picking up my nephew. And we got a call from my dad. He was in the hospital. He was okay, but he'd had a major asthma attack and stopped breathing. At that point, he did mostly quit harvesting and trying, you know, tried to not be out in the dust, but he was a wheat farmer and he wasn't going to quit doing that. So we went along, had a third child who's quite a bit younger than the other two. And 2012, he started having some symptoms and my dad thought it was a sinus infection. So put him on some antibiotics. Dad was not practicing then because in 2001 he had slipped on the ice, hit his head, spent almost a month in ICU after practicing medicine for 2 and a half days. They flew him to Denver in a blizzard and where he spent almost a month in ICU and 6 or 7 months inpatient rehab because he had a stroke the next morning after surgery. Brain bleed. And then he was, I think they were in Denver for about a year where he did outpatient rehab. And at that point he quit practicing medicine because he never felt like he could think quick enough. So in 2012, like I said, Mike started having some symptoms. Dad thought it was a sinus infection, prescribed him some antibiotics. That was in August. In October, he went to see his healthcare provider. Who also thought he had a sinus infection and prescribed him more antibiotics. And in January, the 1st of January, like, I think it was January 2nd, he went out to the farm and he couldn't see to come home. He thought he had something in his eye. He managed to, I think his vision came back enough that he could see. And he managed to get home. And the next day went to see an eye doctor and they prescribed something and he went to see his healthcare provider and they prescribed more and they just could not figure it out. And at the end of January, he went in to see his provider. His eyes were swollen, his ears were swollen, and his nose was swollen. At that point, his provider said, there's nothing more we can do for you here. You need to go to Hays, which is 90 miles. That's our regional medical center. And I suppose the population of Hays is maybe 20,000, so it's not huge. And they put him in the hospital. Kind of an interesting side note, at that point I didn't have a job, but I was getting ready to apply for the tourism job for the city of Oakley. And as they were were admitting him to the hospital, I'm writing a cover letter and stuff and send it in to apply for the job. I have no idea what the COVID letter said. I was so distracted when I was writing it. We had that day also gone— when they told us we needed to go to Hays, our youngest son was the only one living at home with us at that point, and he was 12 and in the 6th grade. So we went to the school and told him that we were going to Hays, not really sure when we'd be back, not really sure what he needed to do after school because at that point my parents were also spending their winters in Texas to avoid the ice which had caused, caused Dad's accident. We said, we'll call you and let you know what to do. And on the way to Hays called a friend and said, "Would you take him home?" Called the school and says, "This, this is what John needs to do after school." And from that time forward, the poor kid didn't know if we were coming or going. I got the tourism job, which was full-time. We had been to Denver to see a rheumatologist because he had been diagnosed with a really rare autoimmune disease called relapsing polychondritis, which is swelling of the cartilage. So we went to see a rheumatologist in Denver. He put him on some, you know, high-powered meds that they use for those things. But this disease was so rare, they didn't have the new biologicals and those kinds of things weren't, weren't being used for it, mostly because patients would have to pay full price. The insurance wouldn't cover it because it hadn't been researched. And they put him on steroids and that didn't help all that much. We played with the dosage and it was kind of a mess. And then in January, he got his esophagus, his throat got really sore. It was hard for him to swallow, hard for him to eat. And so we had, he had an EGD done. And the doctor came in after the EGD and he said, well, he doesn't have cancer. And I was like, oh, well, that was the farthest thing from my mind, was it the relapsing polychondritis that caused this throat problem? Well, I don't know. So he sent us to Denver to another specialist. And again, they found nothing. Let's see, that was in January and we kind of went on and that got better on its own. And then he started getting anemic. So we went back to the GI doctor and he did another EGD and a colonoscopy to see if he was bleeding somewhere, which is a common reason you get anemic. Everything was fine. And I looked at him and I said, what do we do from here? I said, we've been thinking about going to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester. He said, I think that would be a good idea. So I think it was about a month later. It would have been the end of July that we drove to Rochester, Minnesota. I think it was about a 10-hour drive because we, I worked for 2 days and then we drove in 1 day. And had doctor— he had appointments on Thursday and then he had some on Friday too. And we took 2 days to get home and I took the next Monday off of work and I didn't realize it until Thursday. I was so tired. I basically don't know what happened at work those 2 days, Tuesday and Wednesday, until Thursday. And that's when I thought, well, I'm just emotionally dehydrated. My emotions are shot and I'm emotionally dehydrated. So the two doctors, he saw a hematologist there and he saw a rheumatologist there. I didn't know at the time the rheumatologist was one of a few doctors that specialize in relapsing polychondritis. And he told us of the 7 million patients they had seen at Rochester at Mayo Clinic, They'd had less than, I think, 400 cases of this disease. And he recommended a rheumatologist at KU Med Center that he had worked with. He'd been at Mayo Clinic before, and I think he's the head of rheumatology at KU Med Center, which is in Kansas City, Kansas. And that's where Dad went to school. So we were happy to be half the way to Mayo Clinic to see doctors. And we went to see them, I think it was in September. And then he wanted him to see a pulmonologist because of his lung issues. And we went to see him in October and he looked at the CT that they'd done at Mayo Clinic and the radiologist's report and listened to him. He said, I don't think we need to run another CT. For 6 months, like the radiologist said, I think it would be overkill, which made total sense to us. And we said, okay, you know, came home. I think I stopped for a— we had regional tourism meetings. I think I stopped for a regional tourism meeting on the way home that day, brought him home. The next day I went to another meeting that was about 100 miles away. And he called me, the meeting was done and we were standing outside and he said, I'm okay. I'm at the hospital in the clinic and they're doing all this stuff. And I said, okay. He said, you don't need to rush. So I finished the conversation we're having and I came home. And when I got here, it was just a little after 5 o'clock. So the clinic was closed. So I went around to the hospital and I asked where my husband was. I forget, I kind of grew up in the hospital and the nurses used to all know me. And they don't anymore. And I kind of forget that. Um, and they said, well, who's your husband? And I told him about that time his provider walked around the corner and they said, well, there's Lynn. She'll know. So she's, she said, well, have you seen him? I said, no, I just got here. And she took me into a room and she said, sit down. And she said, he has lung cancer and it's spread. And that's all I heard. She said other stuff, but that's all I heard. He has lung cancer and it's spread. Then she said, so take him home. And I'm like, take him home? Well, yeah, there's nothing we can do for him here. So take him home tonight. Okay. And then the next morning I'd gone to work and before, before we even opened, he called and he said, Lynn called. She wants to fly me to KU Med Center. And he said, I told her that I wasn't flying. I said, okay, have you talked to my dad? Not yet, because dad had seen the report, the chest CT that they did, and he kind of said, they can't diagnose from that. So then he called me back and he said, well, now she wants to send me in an ambulance. And he said, I told her that if I need to go to KU Med Center, you can drive me. I said, okay. So Dad had an appointment with this provider later that morning and he said, have him come and we'll talk. The three of us will talk. She basically told him that if he would not follow her medical advice, he would no longer be her patient. And he said, okay. And left. So what ended up happening is my dad called one of his surgical friends and they did a thoracentesis, which is they drained fluid from around his lungs, a lot of it. And then they set up an appointment with an oncologist at KU Med Center. And we went the next week and got this great oncologist. He was doing— he was in his last few months of his fellowship. And he explained to us the difference between these two lung cancers. And he said, I'd like to have a bronchoscopy done. Can you spend the night? Because he knew where he lives, actually farther west. He grew up farther west than, than we live in Kansas. So we said, sure. And they did this bronchoscopy and he said, and then come back the next week to get the results. Well, he called before we had left and said, you don't need to come back to get the results. They're negative. For cancer. He said, I'm going to get with the rest of your team and we'll figure out the next steps. So the day we were supposed to go back was my birthday, which is November 18th. So right before the US Thanksgiving. And we spent 6 out of the next 8 weeks going to KU Med Center, which is 350 miles, to try to find cancer. And they never did. And things progressed. I felt like they weren't figuring out the anemia thing because he'd had several blood transfusions. So I found the doctor at MD Anderson in Houston who had the most experience with what they had said it was. We, so we went down there and he did chemo down there for 3 months. Between every trip down there, my parents had a house down there because that's where they stayed in the wintertime. So we didn't have to worry about that. But between every trip, we went to Kansas City to KU Med Center for something. And the throat condition had come back, or esophagus condition, because it was actually right above where his stomach was. And he could not, I mean, he could not get food down and he was in so much pain. And we had an appointment at KU Med Center, and he said, well, I'm just, we're not going to go back there for that. And I said, yes, we are. You're in too much pain. And then I think it was that night that we spent 8 hours in an ER in Houston. I mean, they were trying to figure out what the pain was. We knew what it was, just trying to get some pain meds for him so he could get a little bit of rest. Went to KU Med Center. They put a stent in his esophagus and that worked for about a week and it slipped., and they had him as an add-on EGD, and I had gone out to an outer waiting room, and I thought, you know, I think I should go back to that EGD, the smaller waiting room, and about that time the doctor came out and he looked at me and he said, I need to go get another surgeon. Okay. Then he came and he got me and he put me in a room and he said, he'll be in in a minute.. And a doctor who we had seen in the fall before when they were trying to find cancer in various places and said, well, after this test, what I was going to do is way too much. So we're not going to do anything. Came in and introduced himself. And I said, yes, we've met. Anyway, at that point he had a hole in his esophagus. So the next steps were to do— there's some special kind of a test that they do to see if it was leaking into his his body because it could cause peritonitis. And he said, if that's the case, we're going to have to do surgery tonight. And it wasn't, his heart was blocking that hole. So nothing was getting out. So they didn't need to do surgery. And he was in the hospital for 2 weeks while, and at the end of that, they put a feeding, took the stent that had fallen down into his stomach out and put a feeding tube in. And he was in and out of that surgeon's ER just having EGDs and dilations so many times in the next few years. I mean, we got to know him so well and still they couldn't ever figure it out, you know, what was going on. Then he was supposed to have surgery. They were going to take out part of his esophagus and so that he could eat normally. And he got sick right before he was supposed to have surgery. We'd gone and done all the pre-surgical workup and, and he got sick and they ended up hospitalizing him again, running test after test after test, put him on antibiotics because they didn't know what was going on and messed up his kidney functions. And when they did have a test result that they thought they knew what was going on, they couldn't give him the antibiotics they needed to because his kidney functions weren't wonky. They sent him home. They said, there's nothing more we can do here. They sent him home on some antibiotics. He was in the hospital for almost 3 weeks that time and said, if the tests come back from the Mayo Clinic that it is, so what they had thought it might be was brucellosis, which is a cattle disease. And when I called my dad and told him about that, he said, you know, we talked about that in medical school, but in my years of practicing medicine, I never saw a case of it. And when they did decide that's what it was, they set it up so that we could do IV antibiotics for 7 days at our local, well, not our local hospital, but one that's about 20 miles away. And because his veins were shot, he'd blow his IV almost every day and they'd have to put a new one in. And I thought the antibiotics were going to kill him. He was so gray and so listless and it was, This is gonna be it. And it's the antibiotics. It's not nothing else. He got through that. Where the feeding tube was, didn't really close very well. And so there was a one summer that they moved it 3 or 4 times and he'd have to come home with a wound vac on because the incision that they had made wouldn't close up properly. And, or in September, I went and had my mammogram done. And they called and said— and I'd had it done at someplace new— they said, we need to see your last few mammograms. We're seeing something on here that doesn't look quite right.

Ten days before her birthday, her own diagnosis

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 21:23

Okay.

Aveline Clark (Host) · 21:25

So I had probably an ultrasound done and, and then a biopsy done. And 10 days before my birthday that year, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Stage 1. So yeah, we were dealing with that too. I had a lumpectomy the next day. Mike had an EGD in Kansas City, and when we went back for the results, it was the 22nd of December, and I saw the surgeon who said, well, you had it in 4 out of the 40 lymph nodes that we took out, so you've basically gone from stage 1 to stage 3 just that quickly. And she said, you will need to have chemo. It was questionable as to whether I would have to have chemo before that. So we went from there, and I was rather in shock, to Mike's surgeon. And Mike said, I want you to take the feeding tube out. And I thought, you know, that meant he'd go into like an OR. And he said, okay, he says, we'll do it right now. I said, wait a minute, let me leave the room. I don't want to be here for that. And he literally, Mike said, he pulled the tube out. And then we went to see my medical oncologist who was, I think, in a hurry that day because it was the Friday before Christmas. And it was in the afternoon and she was ready to go home. And she was kind of abrupt with, well, here's what we're going to do for your chemo. And it's going to be much more invasive than the rest of it. Then about a month later, after I had the second surgery to take the lymph nodes out, he went in for an EGD and they wouldn't touch him because he had lost so much weight and was malnourished and dehydrated. And so he was on IV nutrition and he took me to most of my chemo appointments. Sometimes we left after those to go to Kansas City because they were in Hays, which is 90 miles, to go to Kansas City for various other appointments. And, and the Tuesday before my last treatment, he was in a lot of pain. So I took him over to the ER and they put him in the hospital. My dad took me to Hays for chemo on Wednesday and he, I went over there afterwards and he seemed fine. A little grumpy, but he seemed fine. The next morning I was getting ready to go over to see my primary care doctor and they called from the hospital and they said, he started having trouble breathing during the night at about 2 or 3 this morning. We put him on BiPAP. That seemed to ease it. About 6 or 7 this morning, we intubated him and we're going to fly him to KU Med Center. And I said, okay. She said, you have about 40 minutes to get over here before the flight crew gets here. So pack a bag and come over. So I did. My youngest son had just finished his junior year in high school. I asked him to drive me over to Colby so I didn't have to leave my Jeep over there. And I go in and I watched for an hour while they tried to stabilize him enough to put him on the airplane. And then the flight crew got there and I watched for another hour as they tried to stabilize him to put him on the airplane. And on the airplane, I don't think we'd even reached cruising altitude when the monitor flatlined. And it's, I swear to you, it's just like it is on TV. And they started CPR, got his heartbeat back once, did it again, got his heartbeat back again, and the pilot said, we are going to land in Hays. We're not going to Kansas City. So they took me, you know, took us off the plane, put us in an ambulance, took us to the hospital, and I was met at the door by the chaplain, and he took me to a private waiting room. Where I called my dad to tell him what was happening. And before, I mean, I hardly even had gotten in touch with him, the doctor came in. You know, at that point I knew, I knew he was gone. There'd been nothing else they could do for him. And we started making phone calls. One of the things that helped me to deal with this, I had found a program called, well, it's Touched by a Horse Equine Gestalt Coaching. And in the fall of 2015, when we'd been down to Houston so many times, I had used up all my vacation and sick time and had two people give me over two weeks of sick leave and had used it all up and had taken time off without pay. And they were going to combine my job with another job.. And I said, no, I don't believe I want to do that. I already have 2 full-time jobs the way it is. Plus I had like 5 horses at the time that I was taking. So in January of 2016, I started the Equine Gestalt Coaching program and it heals emotional stuff so well. I think it put me, it truly put me in the best spot I could be. To deal with losing Mike, to deal with having breast cancer. He died in June of 2018. Then my dad died in June of 2020. And since then, I've become a grandmother twice. So again, I just, I feel like that program saved my sanity, not my life, but saved my sanity. Since then, I've completed that. She has a second thing. So I am now a Master Equine Gestaltist. I've had 4 years of intensive Gestalt training, 2 of them with horses, 2 of them without. And now I'm off to start a new venture in Eastern Kansas where there's more of a population. And I can, I'm hoping to help doctors avoid burnout, help patients better. And some of those things.

Finding her way back through horses

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 27:54

Sorry for the interruption.

Aveline Clark (Host) · 27:56

This is Ian Westmoreland, the founder of Kintsugi Heroes, and thank you for listening to this story from one of our amazing heroes.

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 28:03

Our mission is for these stories to provide hope and inspiration to people experiencing life challenges and to also educate the broader community on how best to provide support. If you would like to help us to to produce more hero stories and cover more adversity themes, we would welcome all donations. These can be made via our website, kintsugiheroes.com.au. The donate function is at the bottom of the home page.

Aveline Clark (Host) · 28:30

We'd also welcome any feedback.

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 28:32

You can email me direct using ian@kintsugiheroes.com.au.

Aveline Clark (Host) · 28:39

Now let's get back to the story.

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 28:47

What a detailed and emotional and tumultuous journey that you went on. And all the while, you never really had answers, did you?

Aveline Clark (Host) · 28:56

No.

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 28:57

You just— Mike just had things happening to him, symptoms. And it would have been pretty tough to deal with on top of everything else, holding down a job and then Studying.

Aveline Clark (Host) · 29:08

Yeah. I remember during that time, there were 4 holiday seasons that all I could think of was that I was grateful that my whole family was there, that he was there. And it was all I could do was to just be grateful he was there, especially that last one when he'd had the feeding tube pulled out a couple days before.

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 29:33

How many years was Mike's health journey from the moment he first had issues?

Aveline Clark (Host) · 29:39

I usually say 5 and a half years. If you add the couple months before when they thought he had sinus infections, it would be a little bit more than that. So for the first about 2 years of that, I was working a full-time job and then I was doing the Equine Gestalt program. And we do in-person trainings and I swear everyone I went to, I would say. I didn't know if I was going to be able to make it this time.

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 30:03

Sounds like that program, like you said, it saved your sanity. You know, you just don't know how much that did save you. But because of the connections of our mind, our hearts, our bodies. As you were telling the story and you were on the plane to go off to Kansas City and Mike's there and then he flatlined, my mind flicked back to something you said at the beginning. Which is I knew I'd spend the rest of my life there because he wasn't ever going to leave. And there he was refusing to leave. And that's the thing that came to me as you're telling the story. And it was like I knew what you were going to say because to me it was like he didn't want to leave.

Aveline Clark (Host) · 30:43

So in 2020, when I was in the Master Gestaltist program, we do what we call listening calls. And the gal, it's every day, it's supposed to be 15 to 20 minutes. And the gal I was listening with, she said she was supposed to be listening, not talking. And she said, I don't know if I should say this right now. So the other day I was out in my shop and I felt a presence. She said it was very definitely male. And he said, I did not set her free so she could spend the rest of her life in western Kansas. It's taken me a long time to get this move made, and I had to sell his land to do it.

A message from Mike, years later

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 31:28

What a beautiful gift.

Aveline Clark (Host) · 31:30

Yeah. There were a couple other, and my sons all say, Mom, that's all BS. They're just telling you what you want to hear. I said, okay, you think whatever you want to think.

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 31:44

How did your youngest son cope with that? Because obviously through his teenage years, you guys were in and out of hospitals and medical centers.

Aveline Clark (Host) · 31:53

Yeah, right. Through his formative years, from the time he was 12 till he was 17, his dad died before his senior year in high school. I think it was really hard on him. He started having seizures in May of 2021, and I honestly think that's part of it, that they're emotionally triggered and because it seems like when he gets real high in emotion, his body just seizes up. He says, no, I can't handle it, and seizes up. Um, so much so that I took him to Hawaii to work with a colleague of mine who also does somatic bodywork. And, you know, I think it may have helped. He needs more work, but it was hard on him in this small school where You know, everyone was involved with their own stuff and they really didn't know what was going on. And I know there was a woman, well, she was our veterinarian who died in September of what was his senior year and her oldest daughter, it was her freshman year. And he said, none of my classmates treated me the way they, everyone is treating her. And I had to remind him that his dad died in the middle of the summer. And they were not thinking about that. And he's such a kind soul. He went to this girl that he hardly knew and said, you know, if I can be of any help to you, I would be glad to help.

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 33:15

That's a reflection of, you know, how he's been raised. What a beautiful boy.

Aveline Clark (Host) · 33:19

He is. The night I was diagnosed with the breast cancer, he was in the fall play. He did the play every year and Their performances were on Saturday night and Monday night, and I was diagnosed on Friday. So Mike and I just talked about it and said, we, you know, we won't say anything to him until he's through with these performances. And so a couple nights later, I said, so I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And the first thing that came out of his mouth was, so there's a bigger chance I'll have cancer later in life. Which kind of hit me like, well, that was unusual. And then I thought about it a little bit and it was for his age. It was exactly the response he should have had because when kids are 15 to 17, they're in an age of appropriate narcissism where it's all about them. So I was glad for that Gestalt training so that I could kind of take a step back and say, oh, That's right. And then the next thing he said was, Mom, you know, when I tell Grandma I'm going to bed when I'm over at their house, I get in my pickup and I come home and sleep in my own bed. Okay, I'm not sure what I want to do with that either. And, and we talked it over and said, I mean, my parents lived just a few blocks away, so it wasn't like he was too far and said, okay, whatever you need to do.

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 34:52

Did you have other people or anything else that helped you through those 5 years and especially going through your own breast cancer journey?

Aveline Clark (Host) · 35:01

You know, not as I've seen. There was another, a younger woman who was diagnosed with breast cancer after I was, and she and I talked quite a bit and they set up this for— she also had a double mastectomy. And they set up this, well, we'll bring your family meals and this like tree to do that. And I don't know, I've always felt like kind of an outsider here, even though I was born here. So my support was basically my parents, my children, and Mike. And I did have a couple of friends Mike had a couple of times he couldn't take me to chemo, a couple of women that I had gone to high school with and we'd been in Belquire Church since we were teenagers, took me. I had a massage therapist who I started seeing about the time I was diagnosed. She offered to take me if I mean, I hardly knew her. She offered to take me if I needed someone to. And it has amazed me when they have said, well, you're such an inspiration. I'm like, I'm just doing what I have to do to get through this and try to get him through it. And yeah, we had also seen a therapist and I went to see him a couple of times in that. And I remember telling him, I'm not tired and afraid. I'm exhausted and terrified. And one of the things that was hardest for me was to be the strong one because I was being strong for his sister and for my parents and for my children and for him. Until I found the Equine Gestalt program, there was no one that I could go to and be vulnerable and be, you know, not be the strong one because everyone in town would ask me about it. And when my dad was in the hospital, the first time I could go to the grocery store, it would take 3 hours because people would stop me. And I was going to college in Hays. So I would go to the grocery store in Hays because I didn't want to deal with the people here. And it was almost the same with Mike because his, he's really, he's an extrovert. He's really, was a really high extrovert. So if he wasn't related to someone, he knew them and would talk to them. And his mom used to say, well, he'd never met a stranger, which is probably true. So everyone asked about him. And of course, not until I was diagnosed with breast cancer did they ask about me.

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 37:33

It's interesting how people around us are affected and respond in different ways, but it's often they're all in their own little worlds. What I like hearing from your journey is, of course, that you found something that helped you. It gave you sanity, but it probably gave you that emotional healing that you needed. And looking at you today, you, you exude this peace and this gentleness and this, this calm. And obviously there's a lot of gratitude there and you're about to embark on this new journey, which is very exciting for you, probably daunting, but also exciting.

Aveline Clark (Host) · 38:09

It is daunting, very daunting.

Susan Bloom (Guest) · 38:12

Thank you. I've got a final question for you, Susan. For listeners that are listening to this story and who might be going through something similar that you went through and that may relate to part of your story, Is there something that you would like to share with them?

Finding Strength & Vulnerability through Cancer with Susan Bloom

Overview

Chapters

A small town, a farmer, and staying put

The first symptoms nobody could name

Rare disease, wrong answers, Mayo Clinic

The phone call that changes everything

Six weeks chasing a diagnosis that was never there

A hole in his esophagus, a stent that fails

Ten days before her birthday, her own diagnosis

Both of them sick, both needing her to be strong

The plane ride she'll never forget

Finding her way back through horses

A message from Mike, years later

What she wants to give back

In Susan Bloom's words

Susan Bloom, today

Common questions

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What would Susan Bloom tell someone going through something similar?

Transcript

A small town, a farmer, and staying put

Support

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Beyond the Deluge: Broke & Hunter Valley Floods Podcast Launch Event

What topics does this episode cover?

The first symptoms nobody could name

Ten days before her birthday, her own diagnosis

Finding her way back through horses

A message from Mike, years later

What she wants to give back