Romina Lee · 44 min
For eleven years Romina silently endured a marriage that exploited her disempowerment, and her raw, courageous account of how she finally chose herself is a masterclass in what radical self-love can unlock.
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For eleven years, Romina lived a double life. On the surface, she was a devoted wife and mother in what looked like a stable family. But inside, she was disembodied and silent about a reality that violated everything she believed about herself: her husband had introduced the idea of webcam sex with other people early in their marriage, and she had agreed, despite her gut telling her no. She carried this secret alone, unable to tell her sister, her mother, her closest friends. In time, she met someone online, fell in love, and left her husband in 2017. But that relationship became toxic and collapsed when her partner returned to Egypt during COVID. Depressed and at one point suicidal, Romina hit bottom.
The turning point came quietly. In the last 12 to 18 months, she wrote a program on embodiment and shadow work for other women. In teaching it, she began to forgive herself. She worked with mentors and coaches who showed her a crucial shift: she could stop seeing herself as a victim and step into her own authority as the creator of her life. She realised she had spent over twenty years not loving herself, giving away pieces of who she was to keep others happy. That realisation broke something open.
Now Romina defines herself not by what happened to her or what she did, but by the woman she is becoming: someone learning to love herself deeply and helping other women do the same. Her message to anyone in a similar place is simple. Stop. Take a breath. Ask yourself honestly: is this serving me? Is this who I am? Then trust that intuition, even if others call you woo-woo or weird. You will be okay.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses domestic & family violence and suicide & self-harm prevention, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • 1800RESPECT (family, domestic & sexual violence): 1800 737 732 · 1800respect.org.au • Lifeline (24/7 crisis support): 13 11 14 · lifeline.org.au
“In my gut in my instinct my whole body was a hard no for me.”
“I never really loved myself and so this journey that I've been on in the last 20 years has been so huge and has got me to where I am today.”
“I was suicidal last year and but at the same time I created programs and wrote another a program to help other women.”
The hero, today
Romina lived 11 years in a marriage doing sexual acts on camera that her body rejected from the start, unable to tell anyone because she believed this was what wives had to do to keep their husbands happy. She fell in love with another man while still married and left her husband in 2017, but the relationship that followed became toxic and ended when her partner returned to Egypt during COVID, leaving her depressed and at one point suicidal. The turning point came when Romina wrote a program on embodiment and shadow work for other women; in teaching it, she began to genuinely forgive herself and recognize that she had not been choosing her own life for over 20 years. Romina's advice to women in similar situations is to stop, take a deep breath, and ask honestly: is this what I want, and is this who I am? She emphasizes that trusting your intuition, even when others dismiss it, is the path to choosing yourself. She no longer defines herself by what happened to her or what she did; she defines herself by the woman she is now, someone who is learning to love herself deeply and helping other women do the same.
Yes. Romina Lee is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Romina lived 11 years in a marriage doing sexual acts on camera that her body rejected from the start, unable to tell anyone because she believed this was what wives had to do to keep their husbands happy.
She fell in love with another man while still married and left her husband in 2017, but the relationship that followed became toxic and ended when her partner returned to Egypt during COVID, leaving her depressed and at one point suicidal.
The turning point came when Romina wrote a program on embodiment and shadow work for other women; in teaching it, she began to genuinely forgive herself and recognize that she had not been choosing her own life for over 20 years.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 00:00
Kintsugi Heroes acknowledges funding that was made possible with support from the Community Broadcasting Foundation.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 00:05
Find out more at cbf.org.au. Welcome to the Kintsugi Heroes podcast, where we share inspirational stories of everyday people going through different challenges and how they overcome them. Please be aware that the story you're about to hear may have moments of deeply felt emotions and personal experiences. If anything you hear has a triggering effect, please reach out to someone who can help keep you safe. If you love this conversation, we'd love you to like and share it with your friends so we can continue to share more inspiration and hope to as many people as possible. Now listen up for our next hero story. My next guest is a very brave and vulnerable woman. She tells a story that not many would be willing to share, and it might be difficult for some people to even hear about it. Yet we felt that it was really important that we share this story to bring light to another type of adversity or addiction that people can have and how easy it is to fall into it. So how do they fall into it? Through love. Just like so many of us meeting the person of our dreams, we get swept away off of our feet. We get married and then the happy ever after doesn't really happen after that. Her story is what happened after marriage, and the happy ever after continued, but it changed shape. There was an addiction of sorts, and that's in regards to webcam sex with other people, couples that her husband expected her to join in, and she did to keep her marriage. When I first heard of her story, I was quite shocked, and then I realized it's actually quite Well, I won't say it's common. This is something that many people do partake in and consider normal. And what she brought to light was how easy it was for it to happen in a seemingly normal, functional family. She talked about how it destroyed the marriage and the relationship with herself and the journey she went on to try and heal and the players and the people in that process. Her journey was ultimately one that sought love for herself. And that's where she got to at the very end, after breakups and heartbreaks. It's not an easy journey. It's not an easy story for her to tell. And yet she did it so eloquently, passionately, and with vulnerability. I ask you to listen to this story without judgment, with an open mind, and just have compassion for her. Just like every other guest that we've had on Kintsugi Heroes, Everybody deserves compassion and acceptance. We are all human after all, and that's how we can heal through other people's listening and understanding. So please enjoy this conversation with Romina Lee. Well, here we are. It's another episode of Kintsugi Heroes. I am here with Romina Lee today. How are you going, Romina?
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Romina's advice to women in similar situations is to stop, take a deep breath, and ask honestly: is this what I want, and is this who I am? She emphasizes that trusting your intuition, even when others dismiss it, is the path to choosing yourself.
This conversation includes introduction and context, the prince in shining armor arrives, the first request on camera, her body says no, but she stays, the man from egypt and telling the children she is leaving.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 03:19
I'm very well, thank you, Evelyn. I was a little bit nervous, excited, all the feels. How are you?
Romina Lee (Guest) · 03:25
I'm great. I, I am really great. I'm great because I'm with you, and I'm always super excited and grateful, and I feel honored when I get to start these conversations with people. So I just want to thank you for being here and being open to sharing your story.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 03:40
Thank you for having me.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 03:42
You're welcome.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 03:43
Well, let's get started.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 03:45
Can you take us back to the beginning, create the context of what was going on in your life before your start, your story began, or the, the challenge of the adversity.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 03:56
Um, okay, so this is going back probably 22 years now, so it was like years 2000. Um, I'd been in a few bad relationships. I'd, um, had a child from another relationship where there was violence, and I obviously went on to meet this amazing man, fell in love He had children of his own, and we then proceeded to get engaged, get married. And to me, it was like the prince in shining armor had come in and rescued me. And here I was on this beautiful journey forever till the end, as life should say, you know, with the good Catholic patriarchal upbringing. This was kind of how and where I was all at way back when. And, um, I was living the dream. And yeah, life was just— couldn't get any better, really. That was where it was all at. 20— this is in 2006 by then. Those first 6 years of courting and all the other stuff that had happened. Yeah. So when I just, um, talk to this experience, I just wanted to say that this is my experience of this journey that I've gone through in the last 15, 17 years. And, um, what happened was we were— we got married in 2006, and I had the fairytale wedding, and everything was just blissful and on cloud nine. And then not long after, a few months into the relationship, there was kind of some conversations around, um, you know, being kind of— it's like a called a fetish or something like that, around the lines of um, camming and going on live cameras with other men and doing other things with other people. So obviously I was blindsided, happily married, whilst I'm a consenting adult at that time in my life. I was like, is this what people do in these marriages? What married people do? Is this what all these other people in life are doing? And I suppose I never questioned it and then thought, well, this is my husband, this is who I have committed to for the rest of my life. These are the things that people must do. So naively, I went along with it, and I started to do things on camera with other people, and/or there were certain websites that we would go on to. And this kind of started in 2006 and continued on through our marriage until I, um, got the courage to leave in 2017, which leads to another part of the story which I'll share as well. But for me, in this time and space and place, I suppose way back then, when I reflect, it was like I went along with it because I thought that was what you had to do. And there's no blame or shame in anyone else. I take full responsibility and reflection of my whole journey. And this is the beauty of this journey that I've been on in the last 20 years. But at that time, it was like we'd married, we've got 3 children, we were growing them up. I couldn't tell anybody what was going on. I couldn't talk to anybody. So For those long time, I held on to this secret that was really painful and also brought around a lot of shame and, um, pain for me. And it was really difficult. And it wasn't until the last few years that I've actually started talking about it to people because what I was doing wasn't in alignment with me. As a woman and as a human. And what I realized in hindsight is that I was obviously a very disempowered potentially, even though I was thinking at the time I was empowered. And what it meant for me was that when I look back now, I never really loved myself. And so this journey that I've been on in the last 20 years has been so huge. And has got me to where I am today. But, um, I'm still obviously healing. There's still things happening along there. This is— I didn't realize I'd get a little bit triggered like I did just then. This is the first time I've spoken about it, um, and I still feel elements of— not dirty, not like that, but slutty, but like, um, there is still shame around it in terms of my naivety and the places and positions that I put myself in through this journey on camera, which then eventually ended up being meeting someone in person, which then led to the next part of my life where I then left my husband for this man, which then led to him leaving me. And then this layers on top of layers of rejection, abandonment, not enoughness— all of these things came up for me in the last 5 years that I've been working through deeply. To the point of I was suicidal last year. And but at the same time, I created programs and wrote another program to help other women and now have my own business as well as working full time. So I feel like I'm jumping all over the place and I'm hoping I'm making sense. But there's so many layers to this journey that I've been on that have led me to where I am now that it's really hard to just pin one point to articulate because there's so much adversity in each and every point to the real depth of me as a human and what I experienced and why I'm very grateful that I'm still here now.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 09:27
Thanks, Romina. And, um, I, I can only imagine how, I guess, nervous you'd be in sharing this, especially where you are healing those layers of, you know, that are coming up for you. And I've got a few questions, and if I'd like to take you back, if that's okay, because from what you've said, it sounds like you're with your husband for— was it 11 years?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 09:48
Um, we met in 2000 and we got married in 2006, and I left in 2017. Yes, we're married for 11 years. Right.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 09:56
And so you were doing these practices with him for that period of your marriage?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 10:02
Uh, it was on and off. Yeah. So it would be when the children weren't home or when we were It was kind of when we would go to hotels or we had an opportunity to be on our own, it was like, oh, let's go and play, let's go and do this. And so, um, again, whilst I'm consenting and there was no blame at the time, it was just this kind of pattern that we got in. Sometimes it would happen a few times a year, sometimes it wouldn't happen at all. And there'd be different websites that photos would be posted of me with my consent, sometimes without I would get quite anxious about certain things. I would get quite stressed. Sometimes I enjoyed it, like we had a few drinks and then I got in the rhythm. So this is what I'm saying, like about the whole experience. It's not just black and white. There's so many different layers to it. But yes, that's what happened intermittently for those 11 years. Yeah.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 10:53
And right from the start, were you feeling internally that it wasn't in alignment with you, like you felt some level of Hey, this isn't really me, or this is— yeah, talk to me about that and then how you carried that through and the interactions with your husband.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 11:09
So when it all started, it was like, it felt like, oh, this is really strange. Like, this is what married people do. Like I said, I mentioned that a little bit before, and I do have the Catholic upbringing, which is all kind of, you know, the good girl kind of theory scenario. But for me, it was like in my gut, in my instinct, my whole body was a hard no. For me though, it was like, well, I've met this amazing man and he is amazing man. I mean, he's— we are— we don't really speak that often now, but our children— I finally just told our children only this year, which is why now I'm ready to speak about it, why now I'm starting to write a book. But just to give a little bit of context around that, it was very difficult in talking to them. But when I go back and think about it, it was like I was hiding this from my sister, my mother, my best friends, my family, everything. It wasn't just how it felt in my body. It was the fact that I was living this lie. I was keeping this secret from the people I love the most. And if you could talk to anybody who knows me, I am an open book. I am so transparent. I am so honest. So it was like this dark cloud was over me. But every day I was living— not every day, but when these things happened, when he wanted to do it or when we were going to do it together. It was like I would feel this overwhelming sense of dread and, and I'd be like, oh, do we have to do that? Or are we going to do this? Or can we do something else? And so it came to this space and place where it became a norm then. And I would often disconnect and or just go along with it because this is what wives do. This is what good women do. They keep their husbands happy, right? And this is kind of the space and place that I was in. Through this interaction, um, in 2006 is where I met this one man who I then ended up continuing to see on a regular basis with my husband present until we met in person. But we can go to that in a little bit. But I realized in reflection, for me, I was quite disembodied and I was not connecting to my real truth of who and what I was, even though I was very happy. And to know me back then through my whole life as an outsider, you would never have known that this was happening. And so then it got me thinking, you know, like, fuck, what lives do we live actually in real life? Who lives what? Who's doing what? Nobody ever truly knows anybody. And yeah, I just went on this massive kind of, yeah, like spiral in life. And I've always been on a journey of spirituality and healing and questioning. But yeah, this one took me very deep.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 15:37
Talk me through the journey. What happened through that journey up until you leaving?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 15:44
We would live an everyday life, but to the outside, no one would ever know anything was any different. And then there was this one person that we met and he lived in Egypt. I never thought I would actually meet him in person, but we would kind of webcam here and there. Different things would happen. But I actually did form a connection with this person. And then we found out that they'd moved over east. So then my husband organized for us to go for a trip there. And this is around 2015. So this is where I met this other person. In the skin. And it's a little bit embarrassing, but we had like a threesome. And like, these are the kinds of things that I say this giggling, but I— it's not for me. I'm grateful for that experience, but it was the most awkwardest thing I've ever done in my whole life. And I can laugh about it. I laughed about it then and I laugh about it now, and I will never do one again. But the funny thing though, or this is where that journey this whole journey, um, kind of changed at that point, like started to go drastically wrong in terms of I am a one person who connects to one person only. And I could feel even after that interaction with this man, um, that I was starting to get feelings for him. And then it was like I was then from 2015 to 2017, which is where the biggest part of my story is here. I was torn. I was like in two worlds. I would frequently go and visit this man every 3 months at least, and it would be like these games would happen between my ex and this guy, and we would have like dares to do and sexual things and videos and photos and all of these things. And at first I was like, oh, okay, well, I'll just go along with it, you know, like I was before. And then all of a sudden something changed. Not only did I start to fall in love with this other man, I then couldn't sleep with my husband anymore. I then was realizing that this is really wrong. I, I can't keep doing this in my body anymore. I can't keep lying to the people that I love. I was living this double life, working full time still, and I was just— there's a lot of layers of shame and it was just really heavy. And then it started to like turn into an affair with this other guy., and I will tell my husband. I told my husband, I've fallen in love with him. I don't think I can stay with you anymore. And then it just— this was in 2017, and he asked me to stop, and by that time I said, no, I can't stop anymore. So this is kind of how and where it all led. And, um, and then I made the decision to leave my husband in 2017 and be with this other man. It wasn't easy, but I didn't— only told a handful of people the true story and how I'd met this other person, because no one— obviously they couldn't understand where I'd met this other guy because I didn't go out or do anything or any of those things. And nobody knew that I'd known this man since 2006 too. It's like he'd been a part of my marriage even though not always there every day. It was just such a bizarre experience. And then we moved in together and we were together for nearly 4 years, but when COVID hit His, um, visa expired and he had issues and he had to go back to Egypt in 2020, which then led us on this very deep spiral of, um, a very unhealthy relationship that turned really toxic. He ended up cheating on me. I couldn't let go. I became then like this crazy wild woman in terms of the jealousy, the shadows, the toxicity of who and what I became, all my biggest fears. And grief and loss came up, not only from my ex-husband, but also from my now ex-boyfriend. And I got to this space and place where I was just so lonely. Yeah, disempowered and depressed. It was pretty bad last year. It was really bad.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 19:31
I'm sure anybody listening to this has, has kind of been through breakups. There's not many people that haven't. But what you're sharing goes well beyond that. And I just hearing you, I'm feeling the that, you know, gut-wrenching pain. And I've got a couple of questions. When you went to leave your husband, how did you share that with your children?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 19:57
That was so difficult. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done because I still love my ex-husband and I still love my ex-partner no matter what we've been through. And I would never wish any bad upon them ever and anybody. But telling our children was the hardest thing. Um, I spoke to my husband— ex-husband, sorry— and he didn't want to break up, but we were at this point, and I just said, I can't do this anymore, I need to be free. And I did feel this sense of freedom, but he said, whatever. He was so beautiful, you know, like, whatever you need to do, we will do. And so we sat down with them and told them, and it was just devastating. I they were just really upset. And they were all adults, um, and we had a grandson. But I felt like, because we were a blended family, I felt like I'd let them all down again and that I'd give them another layer of trauma, and that it was all my fault. And that I couldn't really tell them the reason why we were really breaking up. And I just really wanted to be honest with them, but I knew at that time it wasn't going to be okay. And even recently, I was still so scared and nervous about when I actually told them the truth about what we did in our marriage and where it led me and how I actually met this new man that I'd brought into their lives. And so, yeah, it was extremely challenging. Lucky for us all, I love them all dearly. Like, uh, we have the 3 children there. My child is from the previous marriage— sorry, um, relationship. So he's 26, and then the stepchildren— but they are my daughters, I call them my daughters— they're 29 and 31. And I have very strong relationships with them all and love them all deeply. And we have a very different family and have had a different life, just all open, really open with everything. And well, clearly this is very open now, but this wasn't back then. But I feel like I've created that safe space for my children to be who and what they all are. And to me, that's the most important thing in life, and especially after what I've been through. So no, when I told them this year the truth, they were quite shocked, um, and I think we still have quite a bit to work through with that. But I'm available for questions, and I'll be as honest as I can and take full responsibility for everything that I did.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 22:46
That's such a beautiful question. Um, when I've reflected on my journey The Catholic upbringing has been a significant, um, influence, which is really interesting, which I could go on another tangent. But now I spend most of my time dismantling all of that and the patriarchy and unlearning everything, right? Which is beautiful. So now I know where I had to go to get here. But back then, I feel that I was quite, um, I was lacking confidence. I was potentially disempowered. I was— didn't love myself, even though I knew that I loved myself. I was in a violent relationship years ago, and then this man was just my savior, and I wanted the white picket fence and the dog. We had the dog, we had everything. I had committed to my life with this man and said therefore this was what I was going to do no matter what. This is one of the things that obviously kind of kept me there in that space and place. And also, I didn't want for my children to grow up with another broken marriage. Um, I wanted us to be strong, to grow old together. Like, to me, this was the love of my life. How could I ever be alone? I didn't— I was terrified of being alone. How could there ever be a life without a man or without a partner there? And And that was another big thing in terms of me not leaving. And also it was just, I suppose, just not really an option. I didn't think it was an option back then to leave. Once you get married, you stay. Yeah, but that changed because I obviously took the courage and then now I'm very happy on my own. But anyway, that's a whole other story. Sorry for the interruption. This is Ian Westmoreland, the founder of Katsuki Heroes, and thank you for listening to this story from one of our amazing heroes. Our mission is for these stories to provide hope and inspiration to people experiencing life challenges and to also educate the broader community on how best to provide support. If you would like to help us to continue to produce more hero stories and cover more adversity themes, we would welcome all donations. These can be made via our website, kintsugiheroes.com.au. The donate function is at the bottom of the homepage. We'd also welcome any feedback. You can email me direct using ian@kintsugiheroes.com.au. Now let's get back to the story.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 25:23
Yes, Of course. And, and sounds like from what you've said, the ex-boyfriend, Egyptian, he only went back because of what, you know, COVID events and visa situation. So if that hadn't happened, what, you know, have you reflected on what would've happened had the world not entered this, you know, period of the pandemic? Would you still be together?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 25:49
Yeah, no, thank you. There's so many questions there. So many. And so many bing bing moments there.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 25:55
Yeah.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 25:55
So he was having trouble with his visa. He needed to go back. And a month later, pandemic hit. Australia shut down. He was able to stay here for a few more months. That for me was a very pivotal point that I mean, as COVID was for everybody, but us and our relationship spiraled then and spiraled more than ever before. But this is when the whole journey of my last 20 years really began to unfold for me. Had he have not left, we would— had COVID not been a thing, we were going to meet up in, um, Bali every few months. We— I was sponsoring him, we paid the money, the sponsorship went in, you know, we were— this was going to be a short-term thing, 6 to 9 months, he'd be back here with me. Um, and then of course, you know, we'd never hear— obviously with the visa, the immigration, we were told from 6 months to 9 months to 12 months to 18 months to 24 months. Um, he was working 2 jobs over in back home. He was at home with his family. He naturally, um, then started to— the distance was 6 and a half, 7, 6 hours. But him working, me working, trying to keep up to date with our relationship was quite challenging. I feel had he have not gone back and had COVID had not have hit, yes, we would have still been together. Um, the love that we had and the connection that we had, again, was such, um, a deeply profound experience with him. Um, it was a very unique connection, and obviously one that was made through, through my marriage. But some could relate that to a trauma bond potentially, and I have experienced that. But what our connection when we were together was really— we were alive and we just It was just amazing. But the distance became too much and I became a very unhealthy person, which was horrible at the time but beautiful in reflection. And then by accident, I found out last year that he'd been on all these dating apps, and although he hadn't done anything with anybody, he had been talking to other women, which then of course all aligned with the red flags that I've been seeing for 4 or 5 months before. And So that's when I really shifted into the next gear of kind of, no, this is enough now. You know, I was at this point where I was so depressed, my whole family was so stressed and so worried about me, and they didn't even know kind of this big chunk of this story. They couldn't understand why I was so in love with this man and why I couldn't let go of him and all of these things. But in actual fact, by letting go of him meant letting go of my marriage, letting go of certain elements of myself and my persona for the last 20 years. It wasn't just him I was letting go of. And also then I had to own up to the fact of that I hadn't really loved myself and I hadn't been choosing myself, and that I had to take self-responsibility for the choices I've made along the way. And it was huge to do that, but the most empowering thing I've ever, ever done in my life thus far.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 28:56
For me, what would you say was the pivotal point, in the journey point, I guess, or when you started to come out of the lack of self-love. From what you've said, the, the lack of self-love is probably the thing that's underlying everything, right? So even though there's all of that underneath that, what you were suffering from was this complete lack of self-love and connection to who you were. What was the pivotal point at which you realized, or it all started to come out and then honor yourself through self-love?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 29:29
I think, and I've— when I've felt into this before, at different points in my life I learned how to love myself more deeper, more intimately. But when I reflect now and actually look on it, I did love myself, but not to the point that I have in the last 12 months. I would say the catalyst has really been in the last 12 months to 18 months, potentially the last 6 months the biggest, to be honest, because last year in a vlog, all of this space, I was able to write— I wrote a program based on embodiment work, uh, for other women and for myself. And the crux of it was about the shadow work, the self-love, the devotion, trusting your intuition, all of these different mermaids, right? I wrote all these different archetypes. I launched that this year. Then were the key lessons in my life that allowed me to come home to who and what I am today. And when I started to actually write that program, I started to teach it, embody it, teach and share with other people in the world through expression on social media and all these other things that I'd never ever done before. It built my confidence up to a point where I was like, I I'm a deeply feeling, highly sensitive woman who loves— sorry, who is too much, right? I am more than enough. I am worthy and I am exactly who I am right now. So it was definitely this year, but I gave you that context because that's where I started to write. And as part of my journaling, as part of my working with my mentors and coaches, it wasn't just one kind of thing that happened. It was over a period of time, but it's been the last 6 months where I've honestly just dropped into, um, forgiveness. I've forgiven myself for the things I did. I've forgiven what I call energetically the other men that I've been with. I have released the anger. Released the anger was a big thing. I kept avoiding the anger, which I worked through a lot this year. And bless them, they heard about it and copped it. But the self-love stuff was really the last 6 months if I actually tune in. Because now I, I feel like in my heart I feel content. In my heart I feel like I've come home to who I am. Although I am lonely and I'm back on the dating scene very slowly again, I will never let anyone rock me like that ever again because I am worthy of so much more, and so is everybody else.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 32:20
I've had mentors and coaches for the last few years now because I am also a feminine embodiment coach as well, and I work full time in human services. But for me, the importance of having— I couldn't imagine my life without one because I feel through this journey in particular, I spent quite a bit of space in the victim mentality, which is only natural and normal. But what I've learned from one of my very close, one of my amazing mentors I've worked with closely in the last 18 months is around how to step into your creator and how to not spiritually bypass, but how to be really aware of the choices that we make every day and how that impacts upon us in every way, shape, or form and everyone else around us. So now when I actually look at life and now when I actually am making choices and doing things, I am like, do I want to be in the victim or do I want to be in the creator? I feel everything that's going on here in this victim space and I emotionally sit with it all and I express it, release it, and I sit in that dark, dark place. But then I dive to the other side and realize actually I am the creator of my universe and I get to choose and be who and what I want to every day from waking up and lighting like incense and sitting there with my cup of decaf or cacao and just journaling for an hour. That to me is creating. These are the impacts, I suppose, or long-lasting rituals or different things that have being embodied in myself from having a mentor or a coach, because without them I wouldn't have been able to probably get through and learn these new layers and levels of myself. I wouldn't have been able to potentially meet myself in the darkness that I did. And I have another mentor where I'm part of this group, um, thing each month where we do embodiment practices, and there's a, like, a workshop on a different element, and So, you know, I just am continually on that journey of learning and unlearning for myself because to me, coming home to who I am actually is something that I took for granted. And I think we all take for granted because we're so busy every day doing what we're doing. And I just started questioning whose life am I really living and what is it that Romina actually wants and this is where it all unfolded from, this journey. And even though it's been at times extremely difficult, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way because I really am so grateful of where I sit right now in my life. And just, I'm forever loving more and wanting to shine my light and share my love. And I want other women to get to this place and space for themselves as well.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 35:11
That's so beautiful and really, really important. And I, and I hope that the women listening to this realize that the story is not so much about the kami, the fetish, at all. It's not about that.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 35:24
No, it's—
Romina Lee (Guest) · 35:25
that's simply one of the, the ways it was expressed, uh, an output of the disempowered self and then giving up who you are to keep someone happy, keep your marriage together. And that's the thing that women will understand, I think, and can align with when listening to this story.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 35:49
Yeah, it's the parts of us that we give up as women for everyone else around us. And right, for the last few months I've been journaling around this notion of selfishness and I just disagree with it so wholeheartedly. And how we as women, as martyrs and the patriarchy and societal cultural norms— and this is no disrespect to anybody or anything. This is just, again, me and my journey. We're doing what we're doing because of what we've been taught. And there is nothing right or wrong about that. And so I don't come from a place of judgment, but I just know from my own journey I would never, ever, ever have known that I would be sitting here right now and have had these experiences, of which have been really traumatic at times, but have been so beautiful at the same time. Like in this place of disempowerment back then, it was sometimes so exciting and, you know, edgy when I was meeting this other man and doing these things. So it's not all— and that's what I get now to play with all of that, I suppose, and reflect upon my journey. But yeah, what you're saying is 110%. It's like, what part of us are we giving away? Or what part of us are we losing and not owning and honoring for us? And this is what I want for all women, is for them to honor who and what they are genuinely, authentically, because it's so important. We get one life at this time, in this body, in this space.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 37:16
Yeah, that's so powerful, Romina. Really is. And you spent, like you said, was it 20 years? Is that how you kind of define it? Well, the large chunk of those years from meeting your ex-husband, but it's been a long time.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 37:31
I've always been— I've always been on this journey. Like, my first partner when I was 18— like, I'm 47 now— and my first partner, I cycled into, um, a family and domestic violence relationship where I had my first child. So that was my first to be fair. So it's been a very long time. But this, the secret was probably the darkness. This big shadow piece here was probably since 2000. It was 2006. So I would say, yeah, 15, 16 years because I'm still working through it and there's still parts of me that haven't fully healed and they may never heal, but I continually dive to those depths and just keep seeking what's here and learning from it. And owning my shit, to be fair, because only I can own my stuff and I'm fully here to do that. And that's, that's just my journey.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 41:39
There's so many things I'd like to say. I suppose for me the biggest thing is, and and, um, it's about really tuning into your heart and really asking yourself, is this serving me? Is this what I want to be doing? Is this my life? Is this who I am? And really trusting your intuition around that. I feel that we're not taught to trust our intuition again because of all the things that we've already spoke about today. And if we do trust our intuition, we're seen as woo-woo or weird or, you know, something wrong with you. But for me, I just really feel that if a woman can tune in, if that just means stopping, taking a deep breath, and being really honest with herself and asking herself, is this what I want? I would just love for more women to choose themselves first and love themselves more deeply and know that they're going to be okay no matter what happens. It's going to be okay.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 42:35
Thank you, Romina. You had What a beautiful way to finish up. Thank you so much.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 42:39
Thank you, Evelyn. I'm so grateful.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 42:42
I'm grateful for you too, and for sharing your story. It, it's so powerful, really is. And I'm, I hope that you feel better for sharing it too.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 42:51
Yeah, I feel emotional, but I know it's because it's coming out and it's a deeper, the deeper journey is about loving yourself, like you said, and we don't do that enough, and that's important. Yeah, thank you.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 43:04
I, I wish you a wonderful day, and thank you so much, Romina. We hope you've enjoyed this episode of Kintsugi Heroes. Please like and share the show to your friends so we can get this out to even more people. If you have a story you'd like to share with us, please reach out using the contact details below, and join us next week for our next Hero's Story. Until then, keep being you, and remember that we are all heroes in our own unique way.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 13:37
How did you talk with your husband about this? Because if you knew that, oh, this is not me, or I'm not really sure I want to do this, did you talk about it with him? Was it easy to do that in the beginning?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 13:49
Um, we spoke about it on and off over the years, and again, he would have his own version of these events and his story, so I would never want to take that away from him. And he— I've asked him to talk to me and the children, but he won't. So I feel now that I'm going to talk about it because I want to express this and be honest with myself and the world, and hopefully this will help one other person. Maybe we would talk about it intermittently, and he would say, oh, it's just a bit of fun, and, or, you know, there's no harm in it, um, it spices things up. So I kind of figured it was this kink, it was this fetish, and at times I was happy to go along, other times I wasn't. When it got to the point where we were actually going to meet one of the person— people in person and all— there was many times actually he would like, or we would potentially suggest going meeting someone when we'd had a few drinks one night, and I would say yeah, yeah, and go along with it, and then the next day I'd cancel it because I was a hard no and I couldn't. So I'm very grateful for listening to my body there. But there was one person in particular who I had met in 2006, um, he lived in another country, but then he eventually moved to Australia, and that person there was where the story got really different and really changed. And I started to meet him and then fell in love with him. And this was the things that I would talk to my husband about along the way before I met this other person in person, was that for me, I'm a woman that loves one man and one man only. And for me, connection and intimacy is monogamous. And that's just me. That's not everybody's choice, but that is me. I knew that back then, and I know that solidly and hardly now more than ever. And I would express myself in this way to him and I would be concerned. And but, you know, he said, no, we'll be fine. But we played with fire and we all got burnt. So it's okay. It was pretty shitty, but it is what it is.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 22:20
Some must be really challenging I couldn't imagine, and how— what you've been through. And what would you say was the thing that kept you going all those years, continuing to do it even though you knew it was a no inside? Was it the Catholic upbringing? Was it holding on to the fantasy or the expectations? Was it something else?
Romina Lee (Guest) · 32:06
You mentioned there working with mentors. How important has it been for you to have trusted people to rely on and learn from and be guided by to get through this journey?
Romina Lee (Guest) · 38:21
You're a brave woman. What you're doing is very brave. Yeah, but so many, so many people, I think, are very afraid. They can see that and go, oh no, it's just a bit safer if I just stay. Even if they, they've given up themselves, it can be safer just to stay put and Sadly, I believe maybe our parents' generation were in that space and we are changing that. And through people like yourself, we are.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 38:49
Thank you for that. That's beautiful. And I also think the ego, the ego tells us to stay where we are because it's safer to stay where we are. Because by stepping out is very scary. It's chaotic, it's unknown. It's like, where are we going? What are we doing? And I know when I made that decision years ago, I was terrified. And even now, sometimes I'm still terrified. I'm 47, fast approaching 50. I'm single. I have not many things for me other than my beautiful children, grandchildren. But I trust that this is the journey, this is my path. And I just want other women to know that they can live and do what they want. Um, and it's not, you know, disempowering men. It's about them becoming empowered and living their own life. But you don't have to ignore our husbands, children, boyfriends, whatever. We can have it all. I believe we can have it all. And so I'm back on the dating scene, so we'll see what happens. I haven't totally been put off love. Wow.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 39:50
I'm so impressed by everything that you've shared and the journey and the healing. And you're right, it's, it's an ongoing journey. You don't just wake up one day and go, oh, I'm healed now, I'm back together.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 40:01
No, definitely not, definitely not. I put it like a jigsaw puzzle, you know, like the jigsaw, one piece starts to come and then, oh, we're nearly at the middle. I feel like, oh my gosh, we've got one piece left, and then, oh, a few more pieces fall away again. And, or it's like the onion, the layers just keep getting, and I'm like, surely we've met the core of this onion, but we haven't. There's always more. And I am, I am down for all of that. And for years I was trying to also suppress all of that, whereas now, no, I am. Yeah, I am really happy with who and what I am and the woman I am and what other people think of me, say or do is their story and their journey and not mine.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 40:44
And yeah, more power to you. That is a beautiful thing to hear and well done for getting to this place that you're in now and, and empowering women and others to be sovereign and find those, you know, themselves and stay true to who they are.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 41:02
Yes, she's my first mermaid, the mermaid of matriarchy, and her value is all about integrity. And she is the one that I resonate with so much. And that in itself is, yeah, the sovereignty of being a woman and being true to who you are.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 41:20
Yeah, how beautiful. Well, we're going to bring this to an end. Do have one final question for you. And if there's someone listening to this who can relate to any aspect of the story, the disembodiment, the losing the self, going through anything similar that to what you've shared, is there something you'd like to say to them?
Aveline Clark (Host) · 43:40
Only when it's broken, only when it's broken, when it hits you in the middle of the night and the truth Burns so bright only when it's broken, only when it's broken. Take pride in those cries, it's only for tonight, and then you rise. Only when you're broken, only when you Broken.
Romina Lee (Guest) · 44:23
Only when you're broken.
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