Danny Lloyd · 64 min
A grossly overweight, bullied boy from a tiny Channel Island who became a crystal meth addict found his purpose on the summit of Kilimanjaro, and went on to build a nationally recognised addiction program for some of Australia's most marginalised people.
Hear this story
Danny Lloyd grew up on Guernsey, a small island in the English Channel, as a grossly overweight boy raised by a single mother. He was bullied at school and at rugby, treated as a spectacle rather than a person. His mum raised him with two values only: happiness and the freedom to travel. By 17, he was drinking and using drugs. Arrested multiple times, he faced an ultimatum from his parents: join the army or leave. He chose to leave, working 90 hours a week to save money and fly to Australia at 19.
Back in Guernsey qualifying as a plumber so he could stay in Australia permanently, Danny fell back into old patterns of drinking and drugs. He left behind a partner and her daughter, chasing his dream. A move to Scotland during the financial crisis led him deeper into addiction. When his close friend Sarah was murdered in Kashmir and his relationship collapsed, he was four months away from climbing Mount Kilimanjaro to scatter her ashes. He was living in full meth addiction, a nightmare that began when he tried the drug in Adelaide.
On the summit of Kilimanjaro, with a snapped ACL, Danny looked out over Africa at sunrise and told Sarah he had to leave the pain behind and do something with his life. Back in Alice Springs within weeks, two months clean, he walked into a rehab interview and told them he was going to change the world. They took the risk and hired him. For seven and a half years, he built a nationally recognised meth outreach program from nothing, working 24-hour call-outs, cutting people down from hanging, facing violence and corrupt police. He left on a high to start fresh, and now runs his own nonprofit in Adelaide, turning his own fracture into purpose that reaches people no one else will help.
⚠️ Content advisory: this episode discusses abuse & exploitation and addiction & recovery, which some listeners may find distressing.
If you need support, you're not alone. Help is available: • Blue Knot Foundation (complex trauma): 1300 657 380 · blueknot.org.au • 1800RESPECT (family, domestic & sexual violence): 1800 737 732 · 1800respect.org.au • SMART Recovery Australia (addiction): smartrecoveryaustralia.com.au • ReachOut: au.reachout.com
“These things that you are challenged and given can be used as someone else's survival guide.”
“The ramifications of being grossly overweight and being bullied and also being the butt of all the jokes even with your friends on reflection has caused me a lifetime of issues physically like my body image issues my health anxiety that I have my body dysmorphia.”
“I'm not from no broken home and it doesn't matter what your family do for you when you step out that door into the big bad world you can be taught everything you want you can come from all the love you want and none of the trauma growing up within your family home and guess what life will still catch you on the blind side.”
The hero, today
Danny's addiction began because he was in pain and disconnected from himself, not because he was broken or bad, and addiction is simply self-medication while escaping reality. His mother raised him with only two values: happiness and the freedom to travel, and these values, along with her willingness to give him a hard ultimatum, are what allowed him to eventually get out of addiction. The moment Danny changed his mindset from 'life is happening to me' to 'life is happening for me' was the moment he became the person he is today and began to help others. Mental health and addiction clash in the industry and get treated completely differently; addiction needs the same open conversation and funding that mental health now receives. When people hurt you or attack you, it is a reflection of who they are and what they are going through, not who you are or what you have done.
Yes. Danny Lloyd is a real person who shared their own story in their own words. Kintsugi Heroes is a not-for-profit that shares first-person stories of overcoming adversity, told with the person's consent.
Kintsugi Heroes, a registered Australian not-for-profit. Every story is shared with the hero's own consent and reviewed under Kintsugi Heroes' trauma-informed content standard before it goes public.
Danny's addiction began because he was in pain and disconnected from himself, not because he was broken or bad, and addiction is simply self-medication while escaping reality.
His mother raised him with only two values: happiness and the freedom to travel, and these values, along with her willingness to give him a hard ultimatum, are what allowed him to eventually get out of addiction.
The moment Danny changed his mindset from 'life is happening to me' to 'life is happening for me' was the moment he became the person he is today and began to help others.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 00:07
Welcome to the Kintsugi Heroes Podcast, where we share inspirational stories of everyday people going through different challenges and how they overcome them. Please be aware that the story you're about to hear may have moments of deeply felt emotions and personal experiences. If anything you hear has a triggering effect, please reach out to someone who can help keep you safe. If you love this conversation, we'd love you to like and share it with your friends so we can continue to share more inspiration and hope to as many people as possible. Now listen up for our next hero story. So this conversation is with the charismatic Danny Lloyd, and Danny's story starts where he grew up in Guernsey over in the UK to a single mum He was grossly overweight and went through a number of challenges through the years when he was young, leading to drugs, addiction, drinking, and violence. His story takes us on this journey of self-discovery and exploration into why he did the things he did and what drove him to that, how he, how he could heal, and then found himself, you know, on the other side of the world and in a situation where he not only had healed, but he could actually help others. And I love how he's turned his own challenges into something really positive for people here. He's set up programs for Aboriginal communities in Alice Springs. He continues to support people with mental health and addictions, and he's just a real light. He's got a great story, and, uh, yeah, I know you're going to enjoy this one with Danny Lloyd. Hello, here we are. It is another episode, and I'm here with Danny, Danny, Daniel Lloyd. It is a pleasure and an honor to have you here today, Danny. How you doing?
Danny Lloyd (Guest) · 02:11
I am top of the pops. Thank you very much for asking, Evelyn. It's an absolute pleasure to be here.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 02:17
Thank you. I just want to first of all, you know, honor you for your bravery, courage, and to come here and share your story with me. I know it's not easy, and I always like to thank every person up front for being here and willing to share their story. It takes a level of you know, I guess a bit of grit, bit of guts, and that bravery to go back into the story. So thank you for doing that and being here to help others be inspired.
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Mental health and addiction clash in the industry and get treated completely differently; addiction needs the same open conversation and funding that mental health now receives.
This conversation includes a caged bird on a small island, the rugby field spectacle, private school, rich kids, and the alternative life, drinking, drugs, and one year of arrests, working 90 hours a week to escape and the five-year plumbing apprenticeship and self-sabotage.
Danny Lloyd (Guest) · 02:49
At the end of the day, the way I feel about life is these things that you are challenged and given can be used as someone else's survival guide, you know.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 03:00
Absolutely. Well, let's get started, shall we? This is about you and it's about your story. So Can you take us back to the beginning? Where does your story start?
Danny Lloyd (Guest) · 03:11
My story, I believe, starts in a little island very, very far away from Australia, in the middle of the English Channel, a little island called Guernsey, which was very famous in the Second World War as part of the Channel Islands. Guernsey, Jersey, and Alderney are the main ones. Sark and Herm, little islands there too. And if the sun and, and the summers were longer and, and it was to be warmer, you would think these were Caribbean islands when it's sunny, the crystal waters. Very beautiful place, but a very small, um, place. And when some birds like me need to fly, and when they're put in cages, they tend to behave like animals. So yeah, I would suggest my story probably starts kind of Growing up in the Channel Islands, watching my mum as a single parent do everything that she had to do to make sure that I had every opportunity in life, watching her work sometimes 4, 5, 6 jobs as a single mum. And, you know, that in itself has had its effect on me. Because my mom's my best friend and watching her have to go through all that, a lot of questions come up as a man. Why your father hasn't stuck around, been there, or offered the correct support at least. So I believe it's after 40 years of walking these plains of earth and understanding the journey and the— what I've grown through, I believe it really does begin with that kind of fatherless gap, kind of growing up in an island where I was— I was grossly overweight. Now I would have been 160 kilos at my biggest. You know, my mum had me into rugby. So give you— give you some perspective, I guess, of my size. When I was young, I think we were doing under-12s rugby for Guernsey and the start of the fanfare of the day, which was Guernsey versus Jersey, the two rival islands. And the start of the day is the under-12s and it's under-16s and it's under-21s and it's the main men, right? So there's big crowds and it's full rivalry, you know, Guernsey-Jersey. And we come out to train and warm up and the parents of the opposing side basically started creating a bit of ruckus. Basically what I now know was that they were refusing to let the game start unless my mother had a birth certificate to prove my under-12 age because of their fear of thinking that I was just some sort of freak show for the size of me. Kind of like, you know, I remember when Jonah Lomu kind of burst on the scene in rugby.. And so my mom had to go home. It was just, it was a big spectacle, right? Like, and I'm just stood in the middle of it like, yeah, I mean, I'm getting told every day at school I'm fat and I'm this and I'm that. And now here we are just standing in this whole arena and it's just another example of me right now. So anyway, I was very overweight and obviously, you know, kids are cruel. Things happen. No one means to do it. They're only kids. But you know, even my friends I did have would joke about my size, like, but thinking it's all in jest. And it was. But I can tell you now, the ramifications of being grossly overweight and being bullied and also being the butt of all the jokes, even with your friends, on reflection, has caused me a lifetime of issues physically, like my body image issues, my, my health anxiety that I have, my body dysmorphia, uh, that rules and has ruled my life outside of my addictions. Well, actually, it's an addiction in itself, this body dysmorphia, this focus on, um, what I, what I should look like. And then you compound that obviously with the day and age we live in anyway, where everyone is stuck in this, what should I look like, you know, how should I conform, um, which really didn't help. And then I went to a private school. My mom had worked very hard to give me a good education. She believed in two things in life: a good education and traveling. Those are the two things, the two pillars that she has always instilled in me, um, to be successful in whatever it is you want to do. You know, I was very lucky my mother didn't raise me and push her values on me. And when I say that, I mean this in all due respect, but we grow up and a lot of our parents' values, I believe, are pushed on us. We never actually asked whether we want to be Catholic or Christian or we want to have kids or we don't. We want to buy a house, we don't, or we want to go work in finance when maybe we want to work in, in building, whatever. We're kind of given this identity within reason. With my mom, she basically said there's only two things she ever wanted me to have in life, and that was to be happy and to travel often. Other than that, she said, you make me a grand— grandmother, you don't, that's up to you. All these things are up to you. And after the public school, or during the last few years at the public— at the public school— but by the way, rich kids are real mean, just, just putting out there. We weren't rich. But most of them were very rich children, very spoiled children, very sheltered children who behaved like animals, to be honest. That kind of growing up process for anybody is very tough anyway in this day and age and days gone by. But when you're grossly overweight, you're one of the kids at that school that doesn't have all of the money, you know. But my mum was working real hard, don't worry about that. Like, I didn't want for nothing. But it was just a different, different situation. And then you got no dad, right? And you're in puberty, you're coming into puberty, right? Like, no one's there to show you how to shave, you know, or do those things, just do those man things, right? So there was a lot of compounding things when I look back that were starting to really affect me. I didn't want to go to school sometimes, you know, like I was trying to make up excuses not to go in for different reasons. My mom had a lot of trouble going into the school and dealing with some of the teachers. And she was a big part of the PTA thing because a few of us were being treated very unfairly at that school because we didn't fit in. We weren't jocks, we weren't good at sport. We may not have been highly educated or highly from money, or we weren't benefactors putting money into the school and all that kind of stuff. We were just working class kids. That our mothers or fathers or parents had done everything they could to give us a good education. I started hanging around with a couple of people from outside of the school, and I guess from that point there, I believe, started my, my alternative life, my fake life, putting on the social armor of fake behavior, right? Like trying to fit in and not— and standing out like a sore thumb, you know? Like thinking that the world owed me something, thinking that it was me against the world. And I started hanging around with a lot of people from the public schools in relate— like the paid school I was in, the public school. A couple of— are still my friends this day. But it led me on to meet people that they knew. And from that point, I started trying to attach myself to people I thought were tough. I didn't know how to stick up for myself. My mom and my gran raised me, right? So, I mean, I was 6'4" and 160 kilos, and I was getting bullied by kids that were like, I don't even know, but let's just say they may have been 5' at 12 years old. I wouldn't raise my hand or do anything to anyone because my mother as she always said, I didn't raise a thug. Like, it takes a bigger man to walk away. And it's like, yeah, that's great, but like, it's not helpful when a lot of things are happening. And maybe if I'd have just lifted my hand up and stuck up for myself even just once, people would have just probably left me alone. But that wasn't the journey that I was on, right? And I'm very thankful to this day that I've been through everything that I have been through with my body image, my weight, my addictions, the violence, the things. Like, I haven't come this far to only come this far. Now, now I know everything that's been passed. I know what's ahead for the future, and I know that that means I can help a lot of people. Anyway, I was drinking from quite a young age, I'd say from 13, because that was really the thing in Guernsey anyway. It's a tiny island, it's, um, something like 18 kilometers long and it's got like 70,000 people on it. This day and age, it's driven by the financial sector, finance industry. So it's very rich, very divided between who's got what and who hasn't got anything. I felt like I was locked in a cage on that island. Everyone knew everyone's business and you're always waiting for the next person to say something to you about how you were living your life or something. And I don't know, it just didn't sit well with me personally. My mom raised me very free-spirited and I felt very caged in that island. And I guess when somebody's in pain, when somebody, when somebody's suffering and is in pain and is not in communication directly with themselves and is not connected directly to themself. When I explain all this, Evelyn, please understand, like my mother gave me all of the love I ain't from no broken home, right? And that's actually the most important thing to highlight here. I ain't from no broken home. And it doesn't matter what your family do for you. When you step out that door into the big bad world, you can be taught everything you want. You can come from all the love you want and none of the trauma growing up within your family home. And guess what? Life will still catch you on the blind side every time. You don't prepare the path for the child, right? You prepare the child for the path. It doesn't matter what you do when you walk out them doors. It's a cruel, nasty world and it doesn't care what it does to you. It's just about understanding that life is happening for you and not to you, right? The drinking led on to smoking marijuana and then trying ecstasy. And this was all by the time I was 17. So that's affecting your development, your development of your brain, your emotional regulation and everything, right? From there, the experimental stage continued progressing and being more and more aggressive. Started dealing drugs, getting into fights, violence, all of the normal stuff. And I mean, this was on a small level at this point, right? Guernsey is not some sort of London gangster paradise, right? Like, it's, it's got its fair share of different bits and pieces, but it's a small island, you know, like, within reason. Like, it's not like in London where you can go and hurt, maim, or kill someone and not be found. I, uh, from that point got into a lot of trouble. One year I got arrested, oh, I don't know how many times in that year, but I got arrested a lot. I got arrested for drugs, I got arrested for disorderly conduct, whatever. It was all in like a year or so. Like, my poor mum and my stepdad, who I call my dad, but for this purpose, so it doesn't confuse people, he's my stepdad. So they basically pulled me in and said, you know, I was— I reckon I was 18 coming on to 19th birthday, and they basically said, we can't carry on like this. Um, you've got two choices. You either go to the army or police or you go traveling. But that's it. That's your two choices. I look back on that now and understand the closeness I have with my mom, and I can't even imagine how much courage and how scared she would have been of giving me that ultimatum, because that's basically saying you do one of these two things because you're out of this home. Well, I mean, I was already living out of the home, but it was a very finite and final kind of ultimatum that could easily have been read like, oh, you don't want me no more, you know, like it's got too hard. I just said there's no way I'm going in the army. I'm not. Nah, discipline doesn't work with me. I'm too autonomous. So anyway, we, uh, I said I'm going to go traveling then. Fine, I'll go. I'll get out of your hair. I'll get out of the island. I was 19 years old and I ended up working 10 months straight, 90 hours a week, saved up my money, got a visa and got an Australian holiday work visa. And I came here for a year back in 2003 as a boy. And I returned from that a year and a half later, I think it was, as a man who had lost a lot of weight, like 60 kilos, looked completely different. Acted completely different, within reason, but the lost boy was still in there. He just looked a bit better. He looked a little bit more together. And I came back and I had the dream I wanted to move to Australia, so I came back to the island, had to get back into the integration of being in the cage again, which was never good. And I ended up starting my plumbing apprenticeship so I could move to Australia for good, as the dream I went about the next kind of 5 years of my— because it's a 5-year apprenticeship back in the UK, not a 4-year, I think it is here. And just for reference, plumbing apprenticeship in the UK is a City and Guilds qualification, which is internationally recognized, as in you don't need to retrain in it. Just keep that for reference in a minute, that'll make more sense. Anyway, over that 5 years, I fell back into old habits, even though I was getting the dream or trying to get the dream done. It was still what I always do, which was self-sabotage and just destructive behaviors and trying to constantly self-soothe the uncertainty. At this point, bless their cotton socks, while I went away for that year, when I returned, my mom and dad had decided to move to Italy and leave the island. And so as I came back, they were in the process of just, just heading off. It's probably a good idea in many respects. So they ended up starting a new life in Italy. So I was in guernsey on my own. Moving forward from that for a few years, I met my partner at the time, and it was probably the best part, time of my life when I look back on it now, when I was with my partner back then, Cathy, and she had a little daughter, Macy. Yeah, you know when you kind of come across and you look back on your life and you can honestly say that there was one person you truly loved? Like, that was that person. And those few years definitely quelled me and calmed me a bit. And I was obviously a big part of Macy's life for those kind of 4 years-ish that we were together. But the dream was still to move to Australia. And my partner at the time was very much a Guernsey girl, and she had a young, young child whose dad was coming back into her life a little bit. And there was a lot of things happening. And unfortunately, because of my wish to go to Australia, we had to amicably— and we're still very good friends now— part ways. And she said, I don't want to stop you with your dream. So I got the qualification done with the plumbing, and I moved to Edinburgh for a couple of years, to Scotland, right as the GFC, like the global financial crisis, hit. As a newly qualified plumber, And I, uh, I couldn't get a job. 1,000 people were going for, for each job as a plumber. So I went back into my old habits— drinking, drugs, violence, all the rubbish— maintaining and trying to keep my head above water while trying to figure out how I was going to move to Australia full-time with a qualification that meant nothing now in Britain. But well, couldn't get a job. And I was with another partner at the time, which, I don't know, she was an Australian girl which I'd been with for a couple of years when we moved to Edinburgh, and that's how I ended up moving here. But that, that went pretty south, unfortunately, once we moved here a little bit down the line. But anyway, while I was in Edinburgh trying to find a job, like, the— to give you an idea how bad it was there, the cost of a pint of beer was £5.68 and the minimum wage was £5.94. So I mean, there's a lot of disparity there, like, go figure that out. I'm not saying that you need to go drink pints, I'm just giving you an example that if you would like to go and have a pint on a Friday after work, you better hope you're doing all right with your hourly rate. So I ended up getting a job working for UNICEF, ironically, as a fundraiser, street fundraiser, where I had to stand on the streets and stop you with my humor and my personality and talk to you about the campaign that I was running, which was to get the 5 basic vaccinations for children. It was a very hard job to work, you know, every day in the snow, rain, it didn't matter. You were out there on the streets trying to get people to stop and talk to you and raise money. It was a very hard job. I got spat at and assaulted and a lot of horrible things. But yet again, another part of what forged me, I believe. At the end of that, I ended up getting a job where I worked for a lady, a Texan, a Texan lady and her husband, who was the leading mouth cancer doctor in the whole of Europe. And I helped them with their luxury B&B in St. Andrews, just outside of Edinburgh, which is obviously the very famous golf course. Long story short there, I went in as a laborer. I ended up walking out of there as a property manager for them because the person they'd employed actually was a con artist and had been trying to take all the money. And I, I'm a streetwise person, so I can pick up things pretty quick. And then a few months when I was working there for this bloke who had enlisted me to help him with these projects, It's just things weren't right, nothing seemed right, and I started like trying to look into who he was and found out he was a con artist. So the couple that I worked for, the old wealthy couple, I had to chat with them one night, and obviously it's very violating when you realize that somebody has been doing this to you, and they were very shocked by it. Long story short, we had basically like MI5 or whatever they are come in and do a big sting and set cameras up and He got arrested and all the things. And the reason I tell that point of the story is that basically from there, what happened was I became the property manager and helped them, and they were in my debt forever. And thanks to Bill, who had friends up above high, they helped me fast-track and get my visa, which is where the real story begins of why I'm in front of you today. Because once I did that and I moved over here in 2011 with my Australian partner at the time, I came here and I had achieved a dream, right? And very swiftly, within a matter of days and weeks, I turned it into a nightmare, an absolute nightmare. I was completely culture shocked by this place. I didn't know which way to turn. I didn't know how to connect with the men here. I didn't know how to connect with myself. I was in a relationship, looking back, that really— I don't know what we were even up to in it, but we must have done something because we were there for a few years together. Um, it wasn't an arranged thing, like, we were an actual couple, but I look back, I don't know what that was about. I guess maybe we would— maybe that's how I got here. But I very quickly tried to fit in in this group of people that I met when I first moved here. And they were taking what I thought was crack cocaine because they were smoking it in this glass pipe because crystal meth doesn't exist in the UK, barely. I did the normal Danny pattern and just went along and had to be the guy. And I got involved in trying this drug, which ended up becoming something that I was very adept at taking because I didn't know I had this ADHD thing. And so crystal meth is basically an illegal version of Ritalin, which is what they give people with ADHD. So most people taking crystal meth would show very easily that they're on that drug. I didn't show that at all. It made me calm. Paradoxed my ADHD. I was very good at taking it. The addiction went from every kind of few— every second or third weekend to every other weekend to every weekend. And then when my best— one of my close friends, Sarah Groves, was brutally murdered in Kashmir, I was working away for a large oil company Tara got murdered. My relationship was a joke at that point anyway, looking back at it. I was living a dream that was a nightmare. I wasn't doing plumbing because Australia doesn't recognize plumbing, even though my, my qualification's international. They wanted me to retrain in that, and I'd already spent tens of thousands just getting here. And out of pure stubbornness, because where I'm from in Guernsey, we're called donkeys because we're stubborn. I, um, I just— I was like, no, you're not telling me how to suck eggs. I'm not paying any more money. Like, this is a joke. I've spent tens of thousands of dollars and now you're telling me my internationally recognized qualification, you want me to retrain in all these units you've decided that cost $1,000 each? That's funny, that, eh? So I was working as an asbestos removal guy. That's not a pleasant job. Anyone that does it respect them. It's a, it's a job that has to be done. It's not a job that's very stimulating mentally at all. Partly what drove my addiction, because I was just doing a job that made sense at the time, because my partner at the time's father got me a job in this big blue chip company, and we were traveling all over Australia, and I was earning all the money and doing the mines, working the mines. And I was just working with a lot of men that were very hard men and had no emotional intelligence that I needed for me to connect with at least somebody. And then with Sarah being murdered and me working away a lot and missing home, being homesick and not really sharing it. And the more I got deep into the addiction, the less I would talk to my family at home when they'd call me, my friends when they're home would call me. And then it was day to day, every day. Wake up, smoke meth. Go to do anything, smoke more meth. Continue to be involved in stuff that I shouldn't have been involved in and continue to be a volatile human being, a violent person, a person that was quick to temper, uh, in a loveless relationship at that point. And a little while after that, there's this certain person— I took this young fella in off the street to help him and She ran off with him. Now, I mean, I've already got a lot of confidence issues, as I highlighted earlier with my body image. Uh, that's not the first partner that's cheated on me. So that kind of stuff doesn't help you either with your confidence, because it makes you ask yourself, what's wrong with me? When actually you should just be asking, what's wrong with them? But you don't, you don't have that emotional intelligence. This is why old people have wisdom. Because they're old enough to have lived enough to understand enough of what I don't understand. That was one of them moments, right? That was a fork in the road moment where I literally just looked at this— ah, I won't say that word— but this predicament that I was in. And I was due to go to Africa 4 months later to climb Mount Kilimanjaro to scatter my friend Sarah's ashes. This whole big thing, man, like Sarah got murdered and her family created created the Sarah Grose Foundation, and to launch it, we were to climb Mount Kilimanjaro just like she'd done 2 years previous. We had the same porters, the same guides. It was 30 people from all over the world that knew we were flying in. It was just this whole big thing. 4 months out from that, while everyone's getting trained up and getting all of the, the stuff ready and all of the right climbing gear, I'm addicted to meth. My ex is— or my partner's just ran off with some kid. My life is a complete car crash. I am beyond disconnected to myself or my understanding of why the hell I'm even in Australia. So I called my mom up, as you do, and my gran at different points, and I told them what happened. And I was obviously very emotional. And they did something that I'll never forget. But yet again, they're just— tough love sometimes works, right? And I called mom first and she gave me this hard chat, which is, I don't want to hear this, right? That person that's done that to you, it's there, it's on them. You shouldn't be thinking all these things about you. It's horrible what they've done, whatever. She said, pull yourself together and call me back when you have, and put the phone down. So then I called my gran thinking I'd get a bit more sympathy for that, and she gave me the same chat, like, as in, in relation to saying, why are you feeling sad about this? Like, what she's done is horrific. You shouldn't think anything but this is a good thing that you know now and you move forward. Anyway, I called my mom back and she said, what are you going to do? I said, I don't know. And she said, well, you need to figure something out because you're in Africa in 4 months' time and I'm worried about where this leads you now. Anyway, I called a friend of mine up that I knew, about as emotionally deep as a puddle, but I called him anyway. And he basically said, he gave me a way out. He basically said, look, I'm up in Alice Springs. Go and get an ABN, come up, live with my family, get yourself together and get ready for Africa. And within 4 days, I just left everything behind for this partner, ex-partner at this point, and walked out of the relationship, left everything, continued to pay the house and everything for months after that because I've always learned something when someone hurts you, just kill them with kindness, man. It's like actually the best way that you can rise above is no matter how much somebody hurts you, understand that hurt people hurt people, and so act accordingly and just be kind and kill them with kindness. So I got my ABN, I jumped on the plane, and I flew out to Alice Springs in the middle of the desert. And I have no idea, from Adelaide, didn't have a clue what any of that was about. And I landed on Indigenous Round Day for the AFL. And Indigenous Round Day for the AFL every year, they actually telephise a game from Alice Springs. And the reason I tell you that is what I was then to go on to do in Alice Springs for the next 7 and a half years, I find it very poignant that I landed on Indigenous Round Day as a white English person who was riddled with addiction. And I landed in Alice Springs and I remember looking around thinking, wow, this was like what I've seen in the Crocodile Dundee films. This is why I actually came out to Australia. Like, I wanted to be in this kind of arena. I landed, I got there, I got my, I got my head down, worked for my friend Trent and lived with his family for free, and they, they helped and, and supported me. And I got myself as clean as I was going to get to go into Africa, as you do in the middle of a meth addiction. And I went to Africa 4 months later, and I, uh, climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, which is no small feat. And I snapped my ACL about a day and a half from the top, but I just, I did it anyway. I just was like, nah, I haven't come this far. Like, my guide William helped me and we just, I made it up there with the leg was blown out. It was a complete nightmare. I ended up getting stretchered down afterwards when we come back down a day later. They stretched me out of there because it was causing problems for everyone else to get down after that. But I did it. I got up there. And I remember when I got up to the top of that mountain, I looked out over the plains of Africa and I got glaciers all around me up top there. You're looking out watching the sunrise over the plains of Africa. And I remember just saying, I've got to leave this here, Sarah. Like, I can't do this anymore, man. A pain in my heart. I can't. I've got to move on. I've got to do something about my life. I've got to do something about what I've gone through and what I could do to help others. And from that day, I reckon, I reckon it was one of those aha moments, like one of them moments in time, right, where like everything just changed. Now, when I say that, right, much like someone trying to lose weight, you don't just lose weight overnight. It's a lifestyle change. It took much time and effort. But I moved back. I come back from Africa. I went down to Adelaide to collect the rest of my things because I just abandoned and left everything after that. Situation that had unfolded. And I put whatever I could, whatever I owned that was left in a 1991 white Holden Nova. And I drove to Alice Springs from Adelaide and the car didn't go very well and it was a struggle, but I got there and within 6 weeks of being there to live and moved there, I said to my mum, I can't do this, this construction stuff anymore. It's doing my head in. I want to help people. And she said, son, if you want to see the change, in this world, you need to be the change. So, you know, you're what, 2 months clean? Go and get a job and help people. So I went and got a job, or I went for an interview in a rehab. People that interviewed me said to me, 2 ladies, I'll never forget one of them is one of my friends and mentors to this day, what are you doing here? Like, there's all these people applying for this job. Why are you applying for it? You're a plumber. I don't get the script. And I was bluntly honest. I said, listen, I'm 2 months clean off meth and I'm going to change the world. Now, I can change the world with you and your organization, or I can find another way of doing it, but I'm going to do it. My conviction will, will not be quelled on doing this. So if you give me the chance, I will change a lot of lives and help this rehabilitation center and the greater side of this business outside of the rehabilitation center and at the same time, I'll change this community. I just need a chance. Now, you can imagine the risk they took, right? Employing a 5-year meth addict and basically a 20-year addict, to be honest, from every substance under the sun, and 2 months clean, and just let him go and start working in a rehab. I mean, think about that. Quantify that. They took some risk on me. I'll tell you now, they must have either seen something in me or they were stupid. I'm going to say they seen something in me because I know the lady that took the risk on me and she ain't stupid. Anyway, from that, I was up against the industry straight off the bat. Back then, lived experience wasn't being appreciated in 2014, right? We were the enemy to the industry, lived experience. It was like a joke. My connection with clients straight away threatened so many of the staff there, it was unbelievable. The way I was treated, the way I was bullied. At that, in, at that place from some of the staff that just felt uneasy, that had been there years, that couldn't connect with clients like me. People started accusing me of being on drugs, taking drugs, using drugs, dealing drugs. I was tested, drug tested, that organization, I can't tell you how many times in my career there, from accusations mostly in-house. And that's okay because the staff that were doing that were just People don't— people hate what they don't understand and fear what they can't conquer, right? So that's okay. Like Winston Churchill said, you got enemies? Good. Means you stood for something, right? If everyone's your friend, you're doing something wrong. And I'm not saying that in a negative way, it's a positive statement. Anyway, I got my head down, I did all my studies off my own back. I wanted some substance to go with the lived experience because people weren't taking me seriously enough. So I got my Cert IVs in community services. I did my diplomas with RMIT University. I did a load of other qualifications off my own back, just, just holistic things, because I believe in holistic approach. I don't fully believe in just, just psychology or just counseling. I'm sorry, there has to be a, a multiple-faceted holistic approach to addiction recovery and finding yourself again. Anyway, within 18 months of being there and working myself to the bone and probably switching my addiction, to be honest, into work, into this mission, into this purpose, you know, like 18 months in, I'd been making a bit of noise around the place, basically saying that the program they had developed for Aboriginal people mainly had changed a lot in relation to the population that were coming through the rehab. There was a lot of other ethnicities a lot more meth use. And I— the CEO got me in one day and basically said, you're making a lot of noise, you got a lot to say, what you got to say? And I said, I'll tell you what I got to say. And I explained to her, I said, you're not moving with the times. You got a lot of meth coming through here. You know, there's this thing that people are saying, this racism in this rehab between the Aboriginal and the other people. It's got nothing to do with race. It's actually the Aboriginal people mainly are drinking and smoking ganja. The other people are on meth. That's why they're clashing, right? Like, they're in groups around their drug of choice. It's got nothing to do with color. Anyway, she says, you think you're so great, I found a small bucket of money from the NTPHN, which is the Primary Health Care Network of the Northern Territory. Open a meth program then if you think you're so great. I dare you. I've given you— you've got enough money there for you, one other person, that's it. And you can have 2 small cars, Holden Barinas. I'm 6'4" and my outreach car to drive around was a Holden Barina, right? I'm 6'4", I'm covered in tattoos, and I'm— and I start working. And so I open this meth program, right, with this one other fella. It's an outreach program. We work in the community. Think about it like a mobile rehab, right? So we're working with drug-affected people. When you go into rehab and you're working in one and the clients in that rehab, they're not on drugs or they're meant to not be on drugs. Mine were always on drugs. I was going in there and trying to get them off drugs while they were smoking meth or injecting it in front of me. And I'm only clean 18 months. And before that, I was literally in the rehab working for 18 months trying to stay clean, which I did. But being constantly exposed to a lot of things. I basically went about working. I don't even know. It would be a joke to try and figure out and quantify the amount of hours on a weekly basis I was working. But it was my life, like everything about it. Like a parent dedicated to their sick child. That was what I did with these clients. They were my sick children and I would have done anything, moved heaven and hell, earth. I worked with the clients, I worked with their families or anyone that needed to be brought into this, supported through this and understood and educated outside of it. We did that. We went out there and created programs that weren't even being funded. We were going into prisons. We were creating through-care programs. We were going out and educating. The system was not happy with me, like, at the start, and I was pushing back against it as well. Community corrections parole officers, prison officers, no one liked me. And they were right to feel that way within reason because I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder. I don't like authority back then. I didn't realize how hard their jobs were to do. But by the end of this 5 years of doing this program where it became a national success and everything happened, they were flying me up to the parole board to do like education to help the parole board understand meth addiction and addiction in itself. All of the correctional officers, I was doing things everywhere. I don't know. When I look back at it now, Like, we changed legislations. We got written into drug reform policies in Victorian governments because they wanted our program over there. We saved so many people's lives, livelihoods, families, kids. We were out day and night. We were on call 24 hours a day. We were being called out in the middle of the night. I had to cut people down from hanging themselves, try and resuscitate them, keep them alive. Self-harm, mutilation, cutting open their arms and ripping things out of their arms that shouldn't be taken out because of their drug psychosis, getting bricked over the head, violence threatened against me. I had corrupt police that I knew were corrupt, corrupt detective who was starting to follow me and try and make me scared of him, right? Because he— I knew what I knew and I was like, nah, I'm not having this. And even my CEO was saying, you got— this is getting out of control. I'm worried for your safety. They could plant things. I don't care. So you think Nelson Mandela said that stuff? No, he just sat in his prison cell because he knew the greater good that needed to be done. I'm not scared of anyone or anything because where I used to be, nothing can be scarier than that. So right now where I live in this purpose, that's me. Anyway, the long and short of it is the best thing that ever happened to me in my life, outside of obviously having my mom and my family, was meth. And I know that sounds ridiculous, but sometimes the best things that we should do are disguised as the worst. And it gave me my purpose because nobody wants to help meth addicts. Like, the majority of this country and this world are scared of meth and people that use meth, but we're all good with alcoholics. Like, as in, people are quick to easily treat alcoholics and not be scared of them. Alcohol's a volatile drug, right? It's the worst drug on this planet, but we're never going to be told that because it's taxable and we make money off it, right? I believe the best thing that ever happened to me was becoming a meth addict. It gave me a purpose. And when I seen what I managed to do with a small team of people, basically on the books one person, but my CEO Carol Taylor was so amazing at how she maneuvered things that We had a couple of other programs funded that I could basically have staff from, and it was a complete fix-it-as-you-go-along situation. I don't even know how we pulled that off. Like, there's organizations in this country and in this world that should be ashamed of themselves for the resource, financial backing, and staff groups and systems they have in place who are being completely ineffective in helping people. And what we did, literally on a shoestring— there was no shoe, it was just a shoestring. Like, we had nothing and we did everything. We literally changed the way addiction and meth addiction was handled, and we saved a lot of people's lives, of which now some are even working in the industry themselves. These are— there was one gentleman who, who came out on lifetime parole from, from murder charges. Couldn't be fixed, apparently couldn't, couldn't be helped. And we got him out. And me and our team and the rehab and the little organization, tiny little organization in the middle of the desert, helped him to get to a point now where he works for that organization and is one of the best case managers they've got and is a pinup boy for community corrections. Apparently he couldn't be helped. I've worked with gang members. I've worked with highly violent people. I've worked with people that no one wants to be in a room with. And my people, right? Because thugs need hugs. People that are highly violent, people that are disengaged, that don't understand themselves, they need somebody to say, I get you, I see you, I got you. And so from seeing and letting my neurology understand what I could achieve in a couple of years with nothing is why I walked away on the high and left the legacy of that program with the brothers and what they're doing. And moved down to Adelaide, back to ground zero. This is where my addiction started. I moved back down here just over a year ago with one of the staff who's also one of my best friends from the program. And we came here and we opened up our own business a year ago to tackle the same things, but on a very different level, doing it our way. We— I work for a non-government organization, right? I work for an NGO, nonprofit, 30 years it's been around, Systems. It's got like 28 staff. All of the millions of dollars of funding, still massively underfunded service, and a miracle what Carol Taylor did with that, the CEO and one of my biggest mentors. But we're starting from scratch. We've got nothing. We've got no backing. We were living out of food bank 6 months ago, me and Jordan Mockabee. That's my business partner. But we've got the mission, right? We've got the dream. Isn't that all you need? We're sitting in a society that's absolutely obsessed with what we should have, have the money and have this and have that. You know what? I don't have any of that and I'm the happiest I've ever been. I went to Alice Springs, I didn't even know who I was and I left there and I know who I am now. And when I left, they named a building after me and everything. And that's not even why I got into doing this. But when you just turn up and dedicate to the mission, right? To dedicate to life, life moves with providence. When you dedicate to the mission. And when I see what we achieved and what I ended up walking away and having all of these accolades and things, and I thought I was nothing and nobody, and I see that I did that in a few years and now I can do the same but in my own way autonomously because I would be a nightmare to manage. Trust me, I would just be the worst person in the world you wouldn't want to manage because I have to just be— I've got to be a bird, right? I can't be put in a cage. That was exactly what started this whole situation and started this story that I've been sharing today, is being put in a cage in a small island and feeling caged. I have to fly free, and I have to make sure that everybody that I touch that may feel caged inside their mind with their addiction can be given the keys to fly free as well. That's why this, this mission is bigger than me. This thing I want to do, this thing me and Jordan will do, the public speaking, the addiction, the one-to-one, the group work, whatever it is that we are going to achieve and that we will achieve will only be done because we remain on purpose. We live on purpose. This ain't about money. This ain't about accolades. It never was. That just comes with it when you just remember why you started on this. I got out of addiction because of the way I was raised. I'm gonna say that again. I got out of addiction because of the way I was raised by my mother. I got into addiction because life catches you on the blind side. All of these things that come at you, it's still a beautiful life, right? You can either let life happen for you or to you. The minute that I changed that over and realized was the minute that I ended up becoming the person I am today and the reason that I get opportunities like this to sit in front of people like yourself and Ian and be part of campaigns and do things because my tragedy now can be used so that everyone else can triumph. Sorry for the interruption. This is Ian Westmoreland, the founder of Katsuki Heroes, and thank you for listening to this story from one of our amazing heroes. Our mission is for these stories to provide hope and inspiration to people experiencing life challenges and to also educate the broader community on how best to provide support. If you would like to help us to continue to produce more hero stories and cover more adverse thematic themes, we would welcome all donations. These can be made via our website, kintsugiheroes.com.au. The donate function is at the bottom of the home page. We'd also welcome any feedback. You can email me direct using ian@kintsugiheroes.com.au. Now let's get back to the story.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 50:12
It's 51 minutes in and I haven't felt the need to ask a question. I didn't want to interrupt, didn't need to. You've taken me on a journey of your life and the— through your challenges and adversity eloquently put together all the pieces and the why and the how and the pivot point standing on top of Mount Kilimanjaro. And like you said, the reason you got out of addiction was because of the way you were raised. So you had these values and the strength of your mother. What a woman. To hear you speak with such passion about the changes that you want to make, it's just, it's beautiful. And I bet that there were times through that journey where you could never have imagined what was coming.
Danny Lloyd (Guest) · 50:58
There was times day to day where I didn't even know whether I wanted to be alive. I'll be honest, like I met my now ex-wife at a time that I needed something or someone, and we went through a lot of things that I haven't brought into this story because it's our personal business, right? But there's things that outside of this 7 years, 7 and a half years in Alice Springs and so, so forth that were happening in my personal life, in our personal life, in our own journeys with me, me and Lindsay. That was enough to break you anyway. On top of all the other things I had to deal with professionally at work, the trauma, the stuff I had to see every day. Like, I didn't remember signing up to this when I'm cutting this, this certain client down who's tried to hang himself. His wife, his partner is hysterical. Screaming and there's no ambulance there and I'm getting him down and I'm trying to like resuscitate him and keep bringing him back to life and the ambulance blokes are coming in and they're asking for the exchange of what's going on. And I remember afterwards once it all died down just thinking like, I don't remember any of this in the contract, like I don't remember any of this situation. But there's something strange in me which it's not strange. My mother just must have instilled so much knowledge, strength, and purpose and passion in me because I've seen things that you shouldn't see in so much of my life. And I don't really think I suffer with PTSD. I just accept when it happens that that's life, right? That's what life's given me today to deal with. And I've got to deal with that as it comes. I don't know, I look at other people that have gone through a lot and they have a lot of mental health issues and PTSD, and I just sit there and think to myself, am I even human then? So what's going on with me? Why don't I have— I've seen all this stuff, but this is what I mean anyway. My point at the end was I got out of addiction and I've survived the life I've lived because of the way I was raised. And I don't know what the hell my mom did, but she's some special person, as is my grandmother. You know, my nanny and my papa raised me while mum was out working. And I know it sounds crazy and people think I'm nuts, but I'm going to change this world. Like, I'm literally— if I put this in a nutshell, right? Like, people say, well, what do you mean you change the world? I tell you how I do it. Notice how I say how I'm going to do it. I'm not— this isn't— this isn't some sort of throwaway statement. Like, I will not rest until this is done. Go back 10 years from now, right? And think to yourself for a second about how mental health was looked at back then, right? Wasn't even discussed, like it was taboo, right? Now let's talk about how it's being talked about right now to this day we are sitting on today, right? And how open we are and how many services are being provided and how many things are out there. So why in God's holy name Do we not have the same for addiction? Because it's the same thing. Mental health and addiction in the industry are very well known for literally clashing and working against each other as professions. Trust me, it's a fact. Mental health and addiction clash. Addiction gets no funding. Mental health now gets the funding it deserves. So the mission through Inside Out Coaching and what me and Jordan are going to do and what I'm going to do using my public speaking platform and what I'm going to do in every platform, the podcast show we have, whatever, everything is to make sure that we start having a conversation around addiction openly and freely like we do with mental health. That's the mission. That's the goal. You want to fix addiction? Guess what doesn't work? Thanks to Mr. Nixon, the war on drugs. That doesn't work. You know why it doesn't work? Because you can't war on an inanimate object. So the minute he made that statement, he set a war on the most vulnerable people in society, of which mostly now we accept the fine because of their mental health and help them. But heaven forbid anybody says something about the fact they may be addicted to a substance. This is not about an individual recovery. You want to fix addiction or you want to ease, soothe, and progress forward With addiction, it's about a social recovery, which means we have to change our mindset and perception and judgments and values around addiction like we did about mental health. I don't think that's a lot to ask, and I actually don't think that's actually a very insurmountable task. I think it's easily done with the right platform and the right energy. Now, I don't have a platform yet, but I've got the energy, so I'm halfway there.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 56:00
You are. I'm really inspired by your goal and your mission and the vision, and you will create it. I have no doubt you're going to do that. I just want to make one little link back to something you said at the start of your story. You've acknowledged your mum and you and your nana or your grandma as being pivotal to be— to helping create who you are today. And without them, you wouldn't be this person. And you made the comment right at the start, you know, we are given these values by our parents without asking for them. That's right. And thank goodness you were given yours.
Danny Lloyd (Guest) · 56:42
That's correct. A lot of people that know me through this until they meet me think that I'm actually not very big. I don't know, but I have it happen all the time. And then they meet me and they're like, you're massive. Like, you don't look very big on the, on the camera. But my point being is I am 6'4", covered in tats. I'm a big boy. I'm about 100 kilos, I think, in weight now. But I've always been the BFG. My gran's always called me the Big Friendly Giant. But, and you know why? Because women raised me, right? So you remember that thing I talked about where I wish someone would have just taught me how to stick up for myself? I'm glad they didn't. Because I've got such a gentle heart. And you know what, like, a lot of people have hurt me and I've always tried to see the best in them no matter how much people have hurt me. And I realized that human beings are just being human. Like, no one's bad, no one's innately bad, no one's trying to hurt anyone on purpose. If you're suffering right now, like if you're going through the storm, right? Two things to remember. Firstly, the storm hasn't come to stay, it's come to pass. But secondly, remember this: if you're going through times battling addiction, or you're in a lot of pain and you're, you're addicted to something— I'm not just talking about drugs and alcohol here, we're addicted to a lot of things that aren't those those tangible things, you know, toxic relationships, negative thought patterns, body image issues, not enoughness, imposter syndrome. So many things. If you're going through this and people are starting or have been very mean or nasty or, or have really hurt you over your life, I want you to understand and say to yourself when you're feeling pain because of others and what they may have done or said to you, It's not about you, it's about them. Like, what they've done to you is a reflection on who they are and what they're going through. It's got nothing to do with who you are. And what they do to you, or what they've done to you, or how they've judged you, or how they've belittled you means you must be doing something right. It means you stood for something. If someone is attacking you or you're feeling very low and invisible to the world, all that you need to do is be visible for you. You just need to be able to meet you, see you. That's it. It's not why the addiction, it's why the pain. So if you are right now going through a storm and you are substituting your life with alcohol, drugs, overeating, undereating, toxic relationships, negative thought patterns, gambling, sex addiction, cigarettes, whatever. Ask yourself what pain you're in, because all you're doing is self-medicating. That's all that addiction is, is it's trying to find a way of you escaping your reality because you were in so much pain. Don't worry about the addiction, it is so easy to get out of. Trust me, don't even go into the whole, it's so hard to get. It's not. You get the right person in front of you, you talk to the right person, and that person can ask you the right questions about what it is you're running from. Why are you in so much pain? And you find that answer. That's where the gold is. That's where it all changes. That's where all of the pain dissipates. But understand, once you find those answers and you leave addiction, it doesn't happen overnight. It's a lifestyle change. I'm only just about getting normal now, and I don't know what normal is because I'm pretty out there, but I'm only just— after putting a lot of time and effort and work in since 2014 of getting off meth, I'm only just about really leveling out. But the journeys every year, it's just been a little bit better and a little bit more fulfilling each time. And there's been ebbs and flows, right? It hasn't just been mountains, it's been valleys. You ain't come this far to only come this far. If you, if you're listening to this today, you're doing something right because you're still here.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 1:01:11
Yeah, what a beautiful way to finish up. And you've answered the questions that I would have asked you anyway, which is, you know, what would you like to say to someone? And you've done it Like, again, without me needing to ask, I just want to thank you for everything that you've shared with me today and the way that you've shown up and just being you and making the world a better place.
Danny Lloyd (Guest) · 1:01:34
It's been a lovely exchange. I've enjoyed the time and I really appreciate the invitation from, from yourself and Ian to be a part of this amazing, amazing project and the podcast. The episodes I've already listened to so far are just amazing. I can't wait for the next one. So just love what you, what you do. And it's amazing when you, you find yourself, how you attract people you deserve in your life. And that's kind of this thing has happened with Ian and then getting to meet you and so many other people that Ian has introduced me to. He's just an amazing man on a mission that inspires me, you know, like looking at Ian and what he's done, achieved, and what he's continuing to go and strive towards. Is why I know I can achieve what I can do. We need leaders, right? Ian's a leader, as are you. And, you know, this world needs leaders right now. And I don't— I'm not talking about the political ones. I'm talking about real people.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 1:02:31
On that note, thank you, my friend. It's been a pleasure, and I look forward to speaking with you soon.
Danny Lloyd (Guest) · 1:02:38
No worries. Thank you very much.
Aveline Clark (Host) · 1:02:45
We hope you've enjoyed this episode of Katsugi Heroes. Please like and share the show to your friends so we can get this out to even more people. If you have a story you'd like to share with us, please reach out using the contact details below. And join us next week for our next heroes story. Until then, keep being you, and remember that we are all heroes in our own unique way.
Danny Lloyd (Guest) · 1:03:11
Way. Only when it's broken, only when it's broken, when it hits you in the middle of the night and the truth burns so bright. Only when it's broken. Only when it's broken. Take pride in those cries. It's only for tonight, and then you rise. Only when you're broken. Only when you're broken. Only when you're broken.
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